This morning, I woke up in a perfectly fine mood. I wasn't tired, or in pain or anything. I was just okay.
Then I went to go get dressed, and I went into the bathroom with my clothes in hand. But the moment that I looked in the mirror, I just got pissed. I don't even know why. I slammed my hand against the mirror and I just snapped. I started throwing things and trying to find something to hurt myself with... I just really wanted to die.
When I couldn't find anything, I kept whispering things to myself about how much I hated myself... Then I found a hairtie and put it on my wrist. I kept snapping it as I got dressed.
And then after that, I was just depressed all day...
There's not even anything wrong, guys... o_O I'm okay with where I am in life about everything. I got my grades up, I haven't talked to Matt, and everything.. I just, I don't even know. I guess I just snapped.
I mean, I feel fine now, but it was just a horrible day...
Oh, and just a little debate question. This was brought up by Charles and Cheyann today.
Okay, say that your best friend is being hated unreasonably by one of your friends. Would you defend your friend, or not get involved and keep being friends with that person?
Personally, I would defend my friend.
You see, there's this couple at school named Jacy and Billy. They keep talking about Cheyann and she told Charles. She ended up crying over it, because they've turned alot of her friends against her. Then Jacy walked by and right after Cheyann explained to him about that, and said some negative things about her, he said, "She's so pretty!"
Isn't that, like really wrong?
Your BEST FRIEND is hurt by your not-so-close friend, and then you say something positive about that person?
I could understand if you don't want to be involved, but don't sit there and talk uplifting about them, right in front of your friend who's crying because she hurt her feelings...
Anyway, if you have a request/art trade for me, ask me. P: 'Cause I'm gonna have lots of free time at my mom's since I don't have a phone anymore. x'D
'Kay. (: So I need more things to draw. I'm on an art-block and we all know how much I need to improve. xD
Here are my rules for Art Trades:
-I will only draw your own Original Characters and Fan Characters. No Canon characters from Animes and such. <<
-I can draw both females and males... But I prefer drawing males. So your female better be worth it. xD
-I won't draw animals/furries. However, I will draw Nekos, etc...
-If your character-design is too bland, I might spice them up. xD
-Be specific. And include a picture if you can.
-I will draw Demons, Angels, etc...
-I'll decide what I want you to draw for me by looking at your art. :3 Or I might just have you suprise me. :3
Okay, so PM me or comment about it. c:
You can request me. HELL, I don't care at this point. x'DDD
Tommorow, I'll post after school.
I wanna dedicate tonight to writing for Ashley, plus my dad wants to have a talk with me and my brother and my grandmother tonight. I also have to go to bed early since it's a school night.
So it's a busy night.
By the way guys, I'm alright. I feel okay. I'm not down or anything, just... Stressed, you know?
I still don't know about my computer situation... But I'll have my computer until he leaves. There's time, because he still has to make sure he has things settled down in Wisconsin. Job, House, Girlfriend, etc,..
I'll talk it over with my mom after my dad tells her. 'Cause she doesn't know about it yet.
So... Things are changing and I don't have any power over it. I'm failing almost all of my classes, and honestly-- I don't give a fuck. Not right now. There's too much shit.
My dad's going to be leaving town-- for good this time. Yeah. He's moving to Wisconsin.
Well, he's hasn't got a job, wife, or life here. He finally had enough when Tina, his ex-wife and best friend, finally got tired of waiting for him to come around, so she got a boyfriend. My dad got pissed since he doesn't want anyone other than himself happy, so they hate eachother now.
OH. And I'm not allowed to have ANY contact with Tina anymore. ISNT THAT FUCKING GREAT.
So, he called me last night-- I WAS ACTUALLY HAVING A GOOD DAY FOR ONCE-- And told me that I'm getting my phone shut off soon. I asked why, and he said because Tina's not paying for our's anymore.
My phone situation is cool though-- My mom's gonna buy me a new one and put me on her plan THANK GOD.
So yeah. My dad's basically disowning me and possibly my brother sometime before August. Who knows. He's not going to keep contact-- He's not buying a cell or get my email-- and he's not even going to claim that he has a daughter. His exact words were, "I'm leaving everything that makes me unhappy."
So it's cool. We talked about it. I'm allowed to scream and cry at him as much as I want. But I won't.
As far as my computer situation goes, I think my mother will allow me to have internet when that time comes. Maybe. Hopefully.
You know. I do hate my dad. But that doesn't mean I'm happy he's leaving. He's going to just pick up and leave and yeah. You have to care to hate someone, and I suppose I will miss him. But in this case; "It was nice knowing you."
So whenever he leaves, I'll consider myself father-less. After all, He's daughter-less, right? Maybe I'll even call my step-dad my dad, who knows. All I know is, Once he's gone, HE'S GONE. I won't allow him back. He chose his own happiness over me so who gives a fuck.
"Why stay here where I have nothing, when I could go to Wisconsin and get a job, friends and a girlfriend?" Yeah. That's what he said, so whatever.
I'm done with him.
So now that Tina's gone, that's another person kicked out of my life. FUCK. I barely have anyone to talk to as it is...
I want my best friend back.
I want my lover back.
I want my happiness back.