01: Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Jason and I will have been together 2 years next month on the 18th. We always talk out our problems and inspire one another. We have a Prince/Knight relationship. He pampers, takes care of, and protects me like I'm a prince. We have interesting chemistry while also being best friends.
02: Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Living with Jason. Being a part-time housespouse and working at the renaissance faire and/or my own shop/spa while writing.
03: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Personally, they're not for me. I don't like being around people who are high at all. Drunk people are okay sometimes, depending on what kind of drunk they are. I would rather you just do your thing and keep it away from me.
04: Your views on religion.
I think it can bring out the best or the worst in people. If you have something to believe in that keeps you going, great! If you put others down and force religion on people, that's not very cool.
I myself believe in faeries and magic. Say what you want.
05: A time you thought about ending your own life.
Oh dear. Uhm.
I was 10. I told my parents that I was upset about how I look and how people made fun of me. I told them that I wanted to hurt myself. They got into a huge argument and fought over who was to blame for my insecurities. I felt that they were fighting because of me, so I took a lot of pills and cut. Luckily, I threw up and was fine.
06: Write 20 interesting facts about yourself.
...20? holy. alright.
-I used to play guitar and sing fairly well until I stopped both of those for a summer before high school. Now I sing like a dying cat and can't remember how to play guitar at all.
-I whine in my sleep. -w-
-I have a tendency to stare at strangers in public, because I like to wonder about their life.
-I always come up with a compliment for everyone that catches my eye, even if I'm too shy to talk to them.
-I go through phases like I change my clothes.
-I'm very affectionate and clingy. It tends to scare people away.
-I have to cuddle with something when I sleep. Usually it's my and Jason's teddy bear Ollie.
-I'm almost always sore or bruised because I'm anemic.
-My collarbone is a very emotionally sensitive place for me. I very rarely let people see it. It's where I used to cut the deepest. It's also dislocated. My brother punched me in a fist fight with him and shoved it out of place, but that was four years ago and I never got it shoved back into place.
-I'm literally always craving pickles.
-I can't talk to cashiers without crying in the car on the way home.
-I'm a huge history geek.
-Though I plan to transition to a mostly male body, I want to keep my hips and not build much muscle.
-I'm awkward around people, I either talk too much or not enough.
-My entire face goes red the moment I step into a public place.
-I'm really vain.
-I have to constantly be reassured by my boyfriend that he still loves me.
-I can literally worry myself sick, and I have a weak immune system.
-I have a heartbeat fetish...
07: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Taurus. I think some of it does. I'm very stubborn.
08: A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
I'd say right now. I'm done with high school and a wonderful boyfriend and no drama. All that I could ask for now is to be healthier, more social and busier.
09: How you hope your future will be like.
I hope it's full of love and that I will be healthy. I hope that no matter what job I have, that I enjoy it. I hope that I'm still with Jason and my friends all still talk to me lol
10: Discuss your first love and first kiss.
The first guy I ever fell in love with was a guy in the UK named Joe. I thought we had a special connection. He had quite a few connections... He played with my heart for a year. Then he faked his death to get away from me. He ruined me.
My first kiss was with my first real love, Jason. We were at the renfaire, and I was dressed as a pirate. My friends kept saying we should kiss and so we did after I finally got the courage. He was so polite.
11: Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
-It's Time - Imagine Dragons
-Gravitation - Starfighter Comic Soundtrack
-Don't Wake Up - I Am Ghost
-I Get Off - Halestorm
-Bubblegum Bitch - Marina and the Diamonds
-Ho Hey - The Lumineers
-The One That I Want - Grease Soundtrack
-Starfire - Dragonforce
-Dark Horse - Katy Perry
-Growl - EXO
12: Bullet your whole day.
-Laze around in bed
-Go shopping with my mom
-Go with her to get my half brother from my grandparents
-Play with my dog
13: Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
If I don't get to go anywhere else, I want to go to Disney World. *~*
14: Your earliest memory.
I had woken up in the middle of the night and I was wandering around my house. I tripped over a laundry basket, hit my face on a wall. I busted my lip open. My parents heard me crying and called a paramedic to come make sure I was alright.
15: Your favorite blogs.
????? I'm guessing this a tumblr thing lol. I don't have a tumblr.
16: Your views on mainstream music.
It can be really great, or really terrible.
17: Your highs and lows of this past year.
Highs: Graduating high school, keeping a healthy relationship, being generally happy
Lows: Feeling insecure, days that I just lay in bed and cry.
18: Your beliefs.
? Of what? owo Generally, I have a very open mind of everything.
19: Disrespecting your parents.
I'm the good kid. What my parents say, goes. At least as far as they know.
20: How important you think education is.
I think anything after middle school should be based on your interests.
21: One of your favorite shows.
Game of Thrones though I haven't seen much of season 4. >.<
22: How have you changed in the past 2 years?
More confident, more self-respecting and accepting of myself. I've stopped cutting and I'm much more optimistic than I used to be. I see the beauty in more things than I used to. I get really happy over small things now.
23: Name 5 guys/girls who are famous who you find attractive.
-Channing Tatum (don't judge me)
-Whiplasher Bernadotte (I may not listen to Deathstars much anymore, but daaaaamn)
-Kellin Quinn (it's more of "wow pretty boy" than a "aaayyyy sexy" way)
24: Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Crap. I can never choose.
I'm going to go with Moulin Rouge at the moment. It's a musical about a writer in the early 1900's, who is poor but apart of a bohemian revolution. He meets a courtesan and they fall in love, though she's pledged to be with a duke. It's a rather intense movie once you get into it, but it does have quite a bit of humor.
25: Someone who fascinates you and why.
A lot of people fascinate me. Everyone is so diverse and I love observing people.
26: What kind of person attracts you?
Gamer, funny, blue-eyed, best friend material, cuddly, masculine guys with a slightly feminine side, dominant guys, people who are optimistic and can bring me out of my slumps. c:
27: A problem that you have had.
Gender-confusion. I think I've got it figured out. I think.
28: Something that you miss.
Having a definite best friend. (aside from boyfriend). I miss having someone I can call up and be like "hey I'm coming over" like?? I haven't had one since Ashley. I've had best friends, but never that kind of relationship since her. But I don't miss her.
29: Goals for the next 30 days.
Start eating healthy and getting things together.
30: Your highs and lows of this month.
Highs: Seeing my boyfriend, writing.
Lows: Getting my first ticket, feeling insecure all the time. :<
I'm currently sick. >.< I've been sick to my stomach since I got home from Jason's yesterday. I think it's because he spoiled me in candy and sweets ^///^
But at the moment, I'm pretty sure I've vomited so hard that I no longer have internal organs so yay.~
lol so on the way to my boyfriend's house, I got my first ticket. I don't even drive yet. o^o
my landlord was driving me to my boyfriend's town when we got pulled over for not wearing seatbelts. x.x Not very much fun. The cop gave me a hard time because I don't have any ID or anything and I'm 18. >.< I'm working on it dammit. Should be getting my social security card next week (my original one got stolen from my mom's purse a year ago) as well as a state ID. Then I'm going to work on getting a job. owo
Anyway, the ticket is only $10 so it's okay, and I've learned my lesson. Mostly from my boyfriend telling me that he would feel safer if I wore my seatbelt regularly. >.<
But anyway yeah o:
Then we got to my boyfriend's house. He gave me late birthday gifts. n.n some mini candles, candy, a 50 First Dates DVD (I love that movie don't judge me), and a deck of cards. I was really confused about the cards until I opened them and realized that he wrote 52 reasons why he loves me. >////< I think I probably died. So sweet.
We didn't make out all weekend this time. xP just on Wednesday night.
-sexual content warning-
He gave me a hickie on my hip. <3 I can't stop looking at it. It's kind of faded already but god it felt so jagiangak *///* and he did the thing with his hands on me. I got reallyreallyreally close to getting off but it never actually happened for some reason. :< Then we grinded for a bit until I was so ridiculously turned on that I couldn't stand it anymore. So I had a bright idea. "Let's masturbate together." I didn't last very long during that. LOL
But anyway, I learned that I probably can get off from him using his hands, it just takes FOREVER.
Then we talked about sex and I told him that having anything inside me anywhere would make me uncomfortable, and that it scares me. I have a medical condition, so that's one reason. But he basically told me that he was happy with what we've been doing, and that sex wasnt too important in our relationship so yay. c:
-so there's that-
We went to go see 22 Jump Street and How To Train Your Dragon 2! omg~~ they were both REALLY good movies!!
22 Jump Street started out kind of "ehhhhh" but it was so good. Really funny. It lived up to be just as good, if not better than the first movie. :D
HTTYD2 caused me such emotion. Wow. I cried a lot. xD so cute and sad and happy idkfksidlfld
We just chilled out and such until I had to go home. We cuddled a lot. I learned that he actually makes me feel better when I'm really sick by just being in his arms and him rubbing my back and kissing me. I love him so much.
Oh! I cut and dyed my hair. I miss it, but I really like my new hair. It's super asymmetric and now it's dark brown with tints of red and purple lol. I love it. Pictures at the end of the post as usual. c:
I've been feeling really insecure about my body, so I'm done being disgusting. I'm going to start taking better care of myself and eating right. I haven't been taking my iron pills so I'm really bruised up. Especially my legs and pelvis. Ow. But I am going to get healthy. My boyfriend and I made a deal to help eachother keep motivated and on track so yay!
Back to counting calories and such. Might do a detox thing pretty soon, too. Once I stop being sick. >.<
I've been writing a new short story. I SWEAR I'm going to finish it. :3
I've been in a very kawaii, please-pamper-me mood for a while. owo so that's a thing lol but Jason has been making sure I'm happy and taken care of.
Anyway I'm going to end this post because I'm rambling. Feel free to talk to me<3
This is from the day before I cut my hairrrrr.
I feel really bad for not talking to people that I want to talk to. >.<
I always type out a comment on someone's post, but I never have the nerve to actually post it. I get scared that I said too much, or too little or that I ramble off-topic.
It's just that people intimidate me so much. >.< I don't even talk to my irl friends over text or facebook much unless they start the conversation because I'm so intimidated. D: nor do I even talk much about my artwork when I post it. I just post it and just say "yeh.", if anything at all.
I want to talk more, and make new friends, but I'm so awkward and scared of messing up or saying the wrong things. >.<;;
I think this is why I don't have more accounts anywhere. I would like to have a tumblr, or Instagram or snapchat and all these fun things to help me make friends but I'm so bad at socializing. :<
I'm sorry if anyone has ever felt like I was ignoring them. I'm just so crazy awkward. But I'm always open to talking with you.
I've actually been kinda busy lately.
It's weird. o~o
I think I'll start with last Saturday. I went to the boyfriend's early in the morning. ^~^ It didn't take us long to wind up in bed and making out when I got there. o///o
-sexual content warning-
Basically all we did on Saturday was make out and watch movies lol. At first we just grinded against one another, but I didn't get off. :< then he asked if he could try something new-- using his hands. I was unsure if I would be comfortable but I wanted so badly to orgasm. So I told him he could try, and I'd tell him if I didn't like it.
Yeah. I really liked it. >///< It was the first time I was "vocal" during a session. His mom was home so I couldn't be too loud, but I couldn't control myself. It felt amazing, and he kept at it for like 45 minutes until he got tired. But guess who STILL didn't get off? That's right, me.
But then he was turned on, so he asked if I could use my hands on him. After a lot of consideration, I agreed. But he wanted to make it good for me, too. So he included my fetish into it, where I did the thing to him and rested my head on his chest so I could hear his heartbeat. Godddd... that killed me in a good way. Even though I was the one giving, he still remained being dominant by guiding my hand. I still couldn't get off when we grinded afterwards, but his heartbeat is like perfect. It was so fast and pounding, I could feel it against my hand when I rested it on his chest and everything. I had to masturbate (for the last time ever damn.) when I got home just to relieve my tension. I'm squirming just writing about it. >////<
Afterwards, we just cuddled and he asked how it was to hear his heartbeat like that. I was basically speechless, and I asked if maybe he wanted to listen to mine next time he was doing things to me since he was curious. He actually agreed!!! tahlzogzog!! How amazing will it be if he finds himself interested in my fetish as well? *~*
I actually cried after we did all of the things because I felt bad that I couldn't orgasm. There's definitely something wrong with me... (We tried everything, I tried tensing up, untensing, just everything...) But he reassured me that as long as he made me feel good, that it didnt really matter so I was okay.
Anyway, after Saturday, we were innocent until I had to leave on Monday. We just chilled out and played with makeup for a while on Sunday, then we went on a date to see Maleficent.
I liked the movie, but it was WAY different from what you would expect. Not in a good way. After watching it for a while, you kind of know what's going to happen. Some characters are broken... well just one. But otherwise, I liked it. It was super pretty, and all the makeup was on point. o:
Then I had to go home on Monday. I cried a few times during the weekend because I kept feeling insecure and like he deserved better. But he cheered me up everytime and held me when I cried. He actually wrote me a love letter for my birthday that he gave to me so that he could buy gifts later. It's so sweet and I can't stop thinking about it. x///x
Overall a really fun weekend, and I might get to see him more this month after he gets back from a trip in Kentucky.
Every Tuesday, I go hang out with Carli. We call it Musical Tuesday, but we haven't watched a musical yet since she's still unpacking at her new house. So we just derp around and play would you rather.
Wednesday, I don't remember what I did but I think that was the day I went and bought art supplies. c: I got a new sketchbook, a notebook, color pencils, and a watercolor set.
On Thursday, I had to stay at my dad's house all day. We lost power at my house for a while because at like 5am, we had a CRAZY thunderstorm. It sounded like people were throwing baseballs at my house, but it was heavy rain with golf ball sized hail. But jfc. >.< it was crazy.
At my dads, we just drew and hung out and watched Law and Order: SVU. I don't get to see my dad's side of the family much, so it was nice.
Yesterday, I thought I could chill out at home but I actually had to go babysit for Tina.
This morning, I slept in longer than planned so I had to leave Tina's in a rush. x.x I was half asleep and I accidentally left the money she gave me at her house, then when I got outside, I slipped and fell in mud. Which sucked because I've already been in a lot of pain lately, but that made it worse.
Since last Friday, I've had a weird pain in my hip/pelvic region. It started as small pain when I moved it on the right side, but it has spread all the way across to the left side, and it's more frequent. I thought it was because Jason and I overdid it on Saturday, but it started before then, so I have no idea what the deal is. And I've just been aching everywhere. ;-; I think it's probably because of low potassium, and my iron deficiency... I need to get back to taking my pills for that, but I always forget.
I've also been having issues with short term memory. Usually my memory is super good. Like I can remember exact conversations, but lately I can't even remember when I set out my tea to steep. .-.
Oh, I also am starting to graduation money. omg. I got $50 from my grandparents, $25 from my dad on a visa, $25 on a check from another relative, and $100 from my grandmother's cousin. owo I've only spent $30 of it on art supplies and hairdye so far. This is a lot of money to me lol-- and I'm even supposed to have money from Tina for babysitting. It's crazy!
I think I'm gonna buy myself a haircut, makeup, some clothes, probably some supplies to make jewelry and lotion and stuff I want to sell in my shop, maybe some other things. owo we'll see. Carli and I have plans to buy some garters and stockings and sexy things so *~*
I just want to be pampered, which I'm sure that Jason will help me with if I see him again. c: I'm working on starting a diet, and just bettering my appearance and health in general. I've been eating better lately. n.n
Anyway, I think that's all I have to say. I'm gonna chill out today because it's been a bad day. I'll work on writing and RPs hopefully tomorrow. x.x but mentally, I'm fabulous! There's been a good energy between me and the boyfriend and it makes everything seem brighter.
Have a lovely day <3
So I'm really bored lately. There's not much to do. v.v
I'm not able to go see Jason this weekend like planned... my ride has plans so. :< we're waiting until next weekend.
I also might throw a birthday party for myself. owo I haven't had a birthday party in a while. It won't be anything crazy, just a few friends hanging out at the park and eating cake and such. Emka is really determined to make a party happen for me so xD
Anyway. Since I'm so bored. I'm going to remind you that I'm TOTALLY available to do art trades and requests. :B
I'm also thinking-- you guys should totally ask me questions-- no matter how crazy or personal, and I'll answer them on a post. It just seems like a fun and interesting thing to do. c: or if you have any video requests or just anything in general for me to do, I'd be happy to comply.
June is gonna be a new start for me. I'm starting a diet an exercise plan, and going to seriously start looking for a job. So I have to dye my hair a natural color. :< I'm gonna miss my purple but I'm also excited to start a new chapter in life. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but I measure my life in my hair color xD changing my hair in any way helps me to move on in life. I'm not sure why lol.
But yeah. I'm here if you need me~ I'm working on getting my new RP up. c: