Once upon a time, there was a femme transboy named Kyle. He was very insecure, artistic, imaginative and lived in a very un-magical place called Kansas. Someone he once trusted, an evil, ugly witch cast a spell and manipulated the boy into having a romance with razor blades, fire, and self-destruction, and made him hate every inch of himself.
But this all changed when he met his knight in shining armor, Jason. Jason broke the spell with an enchantment called "love". Jason made Kyle's grey world flush with color. Along with friends of every kind, Jason brought Kyle to a vision of self-love and acceptance for everyone, no matter how different. Kyle became a prince.
But the prince is in distress-- his temptation to destroy himself, his doubts, his inner demons. But he, with the hope of loved ones, battles these off even when it appears he is losing the war. He will always find himself victorious with the wonderful people he grew to love on his side.
The prince finds joy in writing, drawing, acting, costuming, designing fashion, listening to music, making odd crafts and jewelry, and reading/watching things. Sometimes he finds himself among faeries, who he believes and finds his faith and ability to cast magic in. Other times, he appears as a fallen angel, a tragic hero. But most times, he's just a submissive and clumsy cat boy who wishes for affection and cuddles. His anxiety disorder cripples him, takes him away from his desire to be around people, and though he values his alone time, he craves company.
Though his life is not spent in a castle, he continues on and loves life. This is his story of romance, acceptance, and finding the beauty in everything.
I had plans to actually post here and in EA but I've got a lot of things to get done before tomorrow. O: this week is finals week but after Thursday, I'm free for winter break! :D
Anyway, I just wanted to show you guys the first of many videos soon to be on my youtube. :3 I did a drawing tutorial. So if you were ever wondering what I sound like or see how awkward I am, here's your opportunity xD
Comment and let me know what you think! I plan on doing another video next weekend, which I'll also post here of course.
If you have any ideas (such as my views on something or a rant or just some questions for me) for my next video, tell me.~
Iiiiiii'm bored and I realized that maybe you guys don't know a whole lot about me, so I'm gonna do a 50 facts thing. I'm also going to start making video bloggy things so this will help me brainstorm.
1) I'm a huge fan of musicals. My favorites being Rocky Horror Picture Show, Little Shop of Horrors, Moulin Rouge, and Les Miserables.
2) I narrate my life in my head LOL. Not kidding. And I can't turn it off. >.< so every little thing I do in my life, is a mini story.
3) I am ALWAYS craving pickles. Even when I get them, the craving is ever satisfied.
4) I would consider myself a feminist. But not the kind that thinks women are above men, but equal to them.
If every girl deserves to be treated like a princess, then every boy deserves to be treated like a prince.
5) I am reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally shy and I get nervous about EVERYTHING. I'm the kind of person who prepares mentally for 10 minutes just to say "here" for attendance in class.
6) I'm gender/sexuality blind. If I just met you, I wouldn't see you as a girl or a boy or gay or straight. I don't even think about those things unless we talk about them.
7) I'm totally vain. I obsess over my looks a lot. On one hand, I'm glad I do. It means I respect myself enough to take care of myself. On the other, I get insecure easily if I miss one point in my beauty regiment.
8) Speaking of my beauty regiment. Since I'm broke but I have blemish-prone skin, I use a lot of homemade remedies. If you ever want to know how to cheaply or naturally treat a blemish, just ask me!
9) I'm a fashionista. I know what looks good for certain people and what doesn't.
10) I want to be an actor, a writer and a housespouse.
11) I have so many plans for when I get my own place n.n such as dinner parties, the way I'll set things up, and everything.
12) I eat really weird foods. Or I guess what people would consider weird. I like things like pickled green beans, cream of mushroom soup by itself. Just weird things like that.
13) My new year's resolution is to lose weight and start hormone therapy. I'm starting my diet halfway into January and exercise at the beginning of 2014.
14) I don't want to walk across the stage at graduation. Like I really don't. But I'm being forced to by my parents and grandparents.
15) I really want to be an alternative model. But I don't think I could do it. Because I always take bad pictures and I can't pose for anyone ever. But I'm working on it.
16) I also want to be a dancer. I know bellydancing basics but I will never show anyone.
17) I so desperately want to be known as the sweet person who only has nice things to say. But I'm too much of a gossip for it. v.v and I'm kind of rude.
18) I'm so much of a pacifist that I won't even defend myself. If you were to beat the hell out of me, I would either run or just let you. It's probably because I'm afraid to hurt people.
18) I have a HORRIBLE temper. I'll hold it in until I get home. Then I scream, destroy things, cry loudly. You name it.
19) I try so hard not to hate people but then I remember what they did to make me angry with them and I just can't help it.
20) I want to wear dresses and skirts and tights. >.< but I don't have the chance. Not yet anyway.
21) I used to be a really good singer but then I quit choir when I got to high schooler and now I can't sing at all. Even though I enjoy it.
22) I don't like fruity or flowery scents. It's not that I HATE them but I'm burnt out on them.
23) I am adventurously frustrated. Like majorly. I just want to go on a quest or something. Gah!
24) I think it's crazy how I'm almost 18. I'll finally be able to do the things I've been wanting to. Like get on T, get piercings and tattoos. Ohhhh man. I'm nervous but excited.
25) Before I die, I want to write, direct, design and act in my own movie.
26) I have a major fear of dying. Which is ironic considering I used to be suicidal.
27) I also have a phobia of balloons popping. Seriously. Don't pop balloons around me. Unless you want me to scream and cry.
28) Another phobia I have is the sound of metal scraping against metal. -shudders-
29) I'm a cat person. I have four cats. My latest addition is Eerie. We got him on Halloween. He is entirely my cat. I named him Eerie because he's a black cat, and he's what's known as a polydactyl. Meaning he has extra claws on each of his front paws, so he looks like he has thumbs.
30) Even if I were a woman mentally, I wouldn't be able to bear children. I was once upon a time able to be pregnant but things changed. Also I have a disorder down there (?) where if I wanted to have vaginal sex, I would have to go through a long and awful process.
31) Winter is my favorite season. The colder the better. :3
32) I love giving people things unexpectedly. :D
33) I'm mostly gay. I say mostly because curvy, dominate girls are the only girls I could be attracted to. But only when I don't think of the parts that make them female.
34) My best friends are Kyle, Nick, and Tah-Tah. You haven't heard much about Tah-Tah but she's my sassy girl best friend. :3
35) I like to go hang out with my friends a lot, but I'm very fond of alone time as well.
36) I can't write a story at the same time period when I'm into a book. No idea why.
37) I only shave my legs and armpits once a month, if that. :p my body hair is blond, so I don't worry about it so much.
38) I have my masculine moments. Like with fighting and video games and such. I really want to learn archery and fencing and medieval styles of weaponry techniques.
39) I always imagine myself being a healer, archer, prince or a thief when I'm thinking about my ranks in fantasy stuff.
40) I occasionally wear panties.
41) I'm very superstitious.
42) I want to work in a cafe, library/bookstore, or art supply store at the moment.
43) Tea is always my choice of drink. Doesn't matter whether it's hot or cold, or even the kind as long as it's sweet. I don't drink cola at all-- only fruity stuff. And I don't like water.
44) I get panicked over the dumbest of things.
45) I'm not a very good student like I seem. I'm like a C average.
45) I'm kind of tired.
46) I'm running out of facts LOL.
47) I don't talk about myself very often because I never know what to say.
48) I wish you all would talk to me more often. O; and I'm sorry if I don't get back to you quickly. My phone service is derpy.
x.x I'm still actively checking my back room every day and stuff like that. I just don't much have the desire to post anything when I come home and lately I've even been busy on weekends. But I assure you, I'm here.
Not much new here. Hm.
I guess mostly I've been thinking a lot about my future lately.
I'm actually going job hunting. I've yet to get any applications yet though. I'm thinking so far of applying at a deli, an art supply shop/gallery, a vegetarian cafe, and Kmart. I'm trying to avoid fast food for a first job. Not because I think I'm too good for it--- I think you have a lot of patience and quick thinking if you work in fast food! But I feel like I wouldn't be able to handle it at all. I'm rather slow and I don't understand something unless you explain it 826827 times. And I get overwhelmed easily. So I'm thinking a less cluttered work environment. We shall see.
I've been feeling SO ready to be a part-time housespouse. It could be the holiday spirit, but like all I want to do is cook and clean and be a home-maker and take care of Kyle and I's teddy bear (that's the closest thing we'll have to a child). I just want to wear an apron and be cute while having little dinner parties and cuddling with my boyfriend in bed and gamhiangalng. >w<
Speaking of Kyle, I got to see him about two weeks ago. I spent the night. It was great. We watched Wreck It Ralph, Moulin Rogue, and Emperor's New Groove. And we played Devil May Cry together.
Aaaaand we sort of stepped up the intimacy a bit. /)////( not much but definitely a new experience for me.
Basically I was being a brat and I sat on the floor while he was on his bed. He laid facing me, and we were kissing a lot. And like he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me into a kiss. Not roughly but pretty dominate and *///* ugh yes. Not that I would've minded the roughness. o;
Then we were kind of teasing one another playfully and he decided to be evil and he was like "maybe we could play doctor." Bringing my damn fetish into it and even the mention of it turns me on. o_o
And yeah we kissed a lot (I'm learning to remember to breathe!! yay!! LOL) and we couldn't be serious when we tried anything else. But we discovered that I'm pretty comfortable with it so :3
We've been together for a year and four months now and I couldn't be happier.
You guys, I'm changing. For the better. It's weird and something I'm still trying to get used to.
But like I've been more confident with my appearance and my gender and my sexuality. Like I used to be ashamed to be sexual at all. It was taboo and wrong and forbidden. But now, now I'm a nymphomaniac embracing of it. And like I feel beautiful lately when I wear makeup and not so much a female, but feminine. Like a prince. I'm able to wear the things I want and not give a fuck if I look like a girl or a boy or an alien. And I have to say, it's pretty fucking lovely.
Anyway, enough of that. Today I made Oreo balls :D they're basically Oreos crushed into crumbs, mixed with cream cheese, coated with chocolate and drizzled with white chocolate. It's heaven in a ball. my balls are fantastic.
Then I made my *famous* green bean casserole. My family always loves it. And I love making it. I did a great job. And this was all for my mom's side thanksgiving.
I get to make more casserole tomorrow when I go to my dad's :D
I can't wait to go hang out with my dad. It's about the only time I get real dude time. Most of my friends are girls or femme boys and my dude friends, I don't get to spend much time with. Like Kyle, Nick, my brother and my dad are the only ones I really get to nerd out with about video games and anime.
Speaking of nerding out, I'm going to spend the rest of my break rewatch ing Black Butler, and re-reading yaoi webcomics, as well as writing in my own story.
Guys I have a little fanbase for it now. O: I let a bunch of my friends read it and they're all over me to write more LOL. Lucky for them, there is MUCH more to come!
But yes. Life is good. :3
I'll be here if you want me~ or even if you don't~~
You guys... I've been having a pretty freaking fantastic end to October. Like seriously. And it's only going to get better :D
Let's start with Thursday.
I went to my school's evening production of Little Shop of Horrors and wow. They did a REALLY good job with it. The set was nicely put together and really set the mood, the singing was great and on key, and the acting was delightful as well. They did so well that my friend Haley and I almost cried. It was a really fun time. Also, they had a celebrity (?) type person to play the voice of Audrey 2, Karla Burns. She's an alumni from my school and has won several awards and such. I had never heard of her before, but now I see why she's won awards. She's awesome :D
Then after it was over, my friends Haley, Cassidy, Nick, and Li all just hung out in the auditorium being goofy teenagers. And as I was about to leave, Nick was walking me out and my academy principal saw me and was like "dude! you look really nice today. I mean, you look good everyday, but today you look pretty great." And Nick was like, "yeah Kyle, you're gorgeous." And I just died lol.
Nick has been complimenting me a lot lately, telling me how attractive I am and such. It's nice and all but it embarrasses me. Once he even got like four people at our table in English to tell me I was attractive. I just... >.<
Though when Kyle compliments me, I literally feel my face and ears go red. It's not embarrassing when Kyle does it, but it still makes me all /)//w//(
Speaking of Kyle, we've been together for a year and three months now. :D gosh I just love him, a lot~ he's just perfect for me. We're perfect for eachother honestly. It's like we're opposite sides of the same coin. He's optimistic, a dog person, very energetic, and dominant. And I'm more pessimistic (though I'm working on that), a cat person, I'm rather lazy, and we all know I'm submissive. So it's like we're puzzle pieces that fit together wonderfully. n.n
(This next part is about my sexual kinks so feel free to skip it if you don't want to read)
And about a week ago, I told him something I had never told anyone before. It wasnt even something I knew about myself until a few days before. Though now that I think of it, I really should have known my whole life.
Anyway, I told him about me being a cardiophile. That I have a heartbeat fetish. And I told him that one of my fantasies would be listening to his heartbeat while we did... things. >///<
and he was totally okay with it! He thinks it's really cute and romantic. So that's made me feel really good about myself, because I've always thought that it was weird. Maybe it's because I didn't want to think of it as a fetish. Idk. Which is dumb because I'm totally fine with admitting that I'm into some BDSM. LOL
So now I've been feeling more acceptable about being sexual. I'm even able to masturbate more often without feeling guilty.
Anyway enough of that.
So last night was fun as well. I went to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. And it was epic. It's my second time going to an audience participation thing but my first time dressing up for it. And I had a group dressed up for it too :D I was Eddie, Carli was Columbia, Leila was Magenta, and Tony was Brad. We're also going to wear our costumes at school for halloween. :3 I'll post some pictures in a new post.
Then next weekend, I'm going to a meeting for a theatre group I joined. We'll be making short plays about fantasy creatures and whatnot. It's going to be great.
The weekend after that, I'll hopefully go to see Kyle <3
The only thing I'm stressed about is my senior project. But I'm not as stressed out as I was. I'm getting things done! I changed my topic, btw. I'm going to be doing stage makeup on my friends. Basically, I'll do a transition video where I turn them into my version of a Disney Princess, then into a prince or a villain. I'm pretty excited about that. I finally got my autobiography and my resume done as well. :3
Oh and also, I'm working on changing my look. I guess you could say I'm going goth. Or punk-ish. Idk what to call it. I would say more goth because I know more about the goth subculture rather than the punk one. Either way. It's a lot of black. And I love it. It makes me feel confident.
It's a slow process which is good, because I don't want to seem like I'm being a hipster or anything like that.
I had my babybat goth years when I was 13 and I kind of got away from it for a couple of years, trying to be a scene kid (ewh LOL) but I've decided that since I admire it so much, and I feel good in it, why not make it an everyday thing! So yes. c:
Anyway, I hope everyone else has been having fun as well, and I'll be here if anyone wants to talk :D
Here's a current picture of me. This is the look I was wearing on Thursday night. :3