Once upon a time, there was a femme transboy named Kyle. He was very insecure, artistic, imaginative and lived in a very un-magical place called Kansas. Someone he once trusted, an evil, ugly witch cast a spell and manipulated the boy into having a romance with razor blades, fire, and self-destruction, and made him hate every inch of himself.
But this all changed when he met his knight in shining armor, Jason. Jason broke the spell with an enchantment called "love". Jason made Kyle's grey world flush with color. Along with friends of every kind, Jason brought Kyle to a vision of self-love and acceptance for everyone, no matter how different. Kyle became a prince.
But the prince is in distress-- his temptation to destroy himself, his doubts, his inner demons. But he, with the hope of loved ones, battles these off even when it appears he is losing the war. He will always find himself victorious with the wonderful people he grew to love on his side.
The prince finds joy in writing, drawing, acting, costuming, designing fashion, listening to music, making odd crafts and jewelry, and reading/watching things. Sometimes he finds himself among faeries, who he believes and finds his faith and ability to cast magic in. Other times, he appears as a fallen angel, a tragic hero. But most times, he's just a submissive and clumsy cat boy who wishes for affection and cuddles. His anxiety disorder cripples him, takes him away from his desire to be around people, and though he values his alone time, he craves company.

Though his life is not spent in a castle, he continues on and loves life. This is his story of romance, acceptance, and finding the beauty in everything.

--dA--facebook--YouTube--tumblr--my knight <3--

A Musical End to My October

You guys... I've been having a pretty freaking fantastic end to October. Like seriously. And it's only going to get better :D
Let's start with Thursday.

I went to my school's evening production of Little Shop of Horrors and wow. They did a REALLY good job with it. The set was nicely put together and really set the mood, the singing was great and on key, and the acting was delightful as well. They did so well that my friend Haley and I almost cried. It was a really fun time. Also, they had a celebrity (?) type person to play the voice of Audrey 2, Karla Burns. She's an alumni from my school and has won several awards and such. I had never heard of her before, but now I see why she's won awards. She's awesome :D
Then after it was over, my friends Haley, Cassidy, Nick, and Li all just hung out in the auditorium being goofy teenagers. And as I was about to leave, Nick was walking me out and my academy principal saw me and was like "dude! you look really nice today. I mean, you look good everyday, but today you look pretty great." And Nick was like, "yeah Kyle, you're gorgeous." And I just died lol.

Nick has been complimenting me a lot lately, telling me how attractive I am and such. It's nice and all but it embarrasses me. Once he even got like four people at our table in English to tell me I was attractive. I just... >.<
Though when Kyle compliments me, I literally feel my face and ears go red. It's not embarrassing when Kyle does it, but it still makes me all /)//w//(

Speaking of Kyle, we've been together for a year and three months now. :D gosh I just love him, a lot~ he's just perfect for me. We're perfect for eachother honestly. It's like we're opposite sides of the same coin. He's optimistic, a dog person, very energetic, and dominant. And I'm more pessimistic (though I'm working on that), a cat person, I'm rather lazy, and we all know I'm submissive. So it's like we're puzzle pieces that fit together wonderfully. n.n
(This next part is about my sexual kinks so feel free to skip it if you don't want to read)
And about a week ago, I told him something I had never told anyone before. It wasnt even something I knew about myself until a few days before. Though now that I think of it, I really should have known my whole life.
Anyway, I told him about me being a cardiophile. That I have a heartbeat fetish. And I told him that one of my fantasies would be listening to his heartbeat while we did... things. >///<
and he was totally okay with it! He thinks it's really cute and romantic. So that's made me feel really good about myself, because I've always thought that it was weird. Maybe it's because I didn't want to think of it as a fetish. Idk. Which is dumb because I'm totally fine with admitting that I'm into some BDSM. LOL
So now I've been feeling more acceptable about being sexual. I'm even able to masturbate more often without feeling guilty.

Anyway enough of that.
So last night was fun as well. I went to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. And it was epic. It's my second time going to an audience participation thing but my first time dressing up for it. And I had a group dressed up for it too :D I was Eddie, Carli was Columbia, Leila was Magenta, and Tony was Brad. We're also going to wear our costumes at school for halloween. :3 I'll post some pictures in a new post.

Then next weekend, I'm going to a meeting for a theatre group I joined. We'll be making short plays about fantasy creatures and whatnot. It's going to be great.
The weekend after that, I'll hopefully go to see Kyle <3

The only thing I'm stressed about is my senior project. But I'm not as stressed out as I was. I'm getting things done! I changed my topic, btw. I'm going to be doing stage makeup on my friends. Basically, I'll do a transition video where I turn them into my version of a Disney Princess, then into a prince or a villain. I'm pretty excited about that. I finally got my autobiography and my resume done as well. :3

Oh and also, I'm working on changing my look. I guess you could say I'm going goth. Or punk-ish. Idk what to call it. I would say more goth because I know more about the goth subculture rather than the punk one. Either way. It's a lot of black. And I love it. It makes me feel confident.
It's a slow process which is good, because I don't want to seem like I'm being a hipster or anything like that.
I had my babybat goth years when I was 13 and I kind of got away from it for a couple of years, trying to be a scene kid (ewh LOL) but I've decided that since I admire it so much, and I feel good in it, why not make it an everyday thing! So yes. c:

Anyway, I hope everyone else has been having fun as well, and I'll be here if anyone wants to talk :D

-Kyle cx

Here's a current picture of me. This is the look I was wearing on Thursday night. :3

External Image

Boldly Bored.

Since I'm bored, I did another thing. :U

I am a cuddler.
•I am a morning person.
•I am an only child.
I am currently in my pajamas.
•I am currently pregnant.
•I am left handed.
I am a little shy around the opposite gender I'm a LOT shy around everyone lol.
I bite my nails.
I can be paranoid at times.
•I enjoy country music.
I enjoy smoothies.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
•I have a car.
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
•I have a hidden talent.
I have a pet.
I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl. but not this time!
•I have all my grandparents.
•I have been to another country.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
•I have or had broken a bone.
I have caller I.D. on my phone. I have a cell phone LOL
•I have bathed someone.
I have changed a diaper.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
•I have had major/minor surgery.
•I have killed another person.
•I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have mood swings.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have ideas... just unsure of how exactly I'll get there.
I have rejected someone before. oh girls... I know you want to bear my children but alas, I am gay.~
I like the taste of blood. call me freaky. I can't explain it.
•I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop.
•I own 100 CDs or more.
•I own and use a library card.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
•I sleep a lot during the day.
•I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
•I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
•I am wearing socks.
•I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
•I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I have/had:
•Finished college.
•Smoked cigarettes.
•Ridden every ride at an amusement park.
•Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a concert.
Helped someone.
•Spun turn tables.
Watched four movies in one night.
Been broken up with. and he even faked his own death to get away with me. then came back into my life to fuck everything up.
•Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
•Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die. I've seen people get hit by cars and all sorts of things. /:
Been to a funeral.
•[B[Burned yourself.
•Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
•Spent over $200 in one day.
•Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
•Written a 10 page letter.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved. my friend committed suicide and I was in a weird place in life. It took me a year to fully realize he was even gone.
Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do. ugh all the time.
•Stolen books from the library.
Been in a mental hospital. a few times, actually.
•Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
•Fired a gun.
Been in a school play. I played a guy named Ira, a cool slacker dude lol.
•Been fired from a job.
•Taken a lie detector test.
•Swam with dolphins.
Attempted suicide. seven times.
Written poetry. I suck at it, btw.
Read more than 20 books a year.
•Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Used a colouring book over age 12.
•Had surgery.
•Had stitches.
•Taken a taxi.
Had more than 5 online conversations going at once.
•Had a hamster.
Dyed your hair. every few months~
Had something pierced. don't get excited, just my ears. I want angelbites though.
Gotten straight A’s. back in middle school.
Your parents sent you to a shrink. twice, actually. the first was to help me "find god" the second was to help me get through my parents' divorce. The third time was of my own doing.
Been handcuffed. my ex-bestfriend and I were a zombie cop and dead prisoner once for halloween. I was the cop. But you know, I'm easily dominated. Lol.

My hair is naturally the color:
•Light brown
•Medium brown
•Dark brown
•Blonde
•Black
•Dirty blonde
•Strawberry blonde
•Multicoloured
My hair color isn't even on here so ginger

My eyes are:
•Brown
•Blue
Green
•Hazel
•Light brown
•A combination of things
•Ice Blue
•Grey

People sometimes label me as:
•Slut
Girly
Ugly
Nerd
Other
Yes all four of those. LOL

Some of my biggest fears are:
•Spiders/other insects
Dying
Doctor/Dentist appointments
Hospitals
Needles especially needles. x.x
•Disease
Being alone in the dark unless it's a familiar place.
Heights
Small spaces
Oceans/large bodies of water
•Holes
•Large animals
•Small animals
•Open spaces
•Lightning
People

I have:
•A friend with benefits
•A laptop in my room
A television in my room
•Good grades
•My own car
•Married parents

7 Deadly Sins thing.

I've had this saved in my phone for a while but I totally forgot who I stole it from! D:

Pride:
[ ] You carry a mirror everywhere.
[ ] You carry beauty supplies everywhere.
[ ] You put others down.
[ ] You flaunt or brag about yourself.
[ ] The only topic that interests you is you.
[ ] You don't listen to others problems.
[ ] You wear booty shorts.
[x] You wear makeup. (Occasionally, but more than you would think.)
[x] You enjoy attention. (Only from people I know though. Like when one of my friends compliments me on my outfit and they all join in lol)
[ ] You like to do things YOUR way and YOUR way only.
Result: 2

Envy:
[x] You feel negative about your body image. (being trans*, chubby, and like I have a gross face definitely doesn't help my self-confidence.)
[x] You don't have a lot of money. (We really don't. >.< I'm always the broke bitch.)
[/] You don't have good grades. (They aren't terrible, but they need to be better.)
[x] You're insecure. (lol yeah)
[x] Your living conditions aren't the best. (I get angry a lot here and I'm not treated well often times.)
[x] You cry a lot. (I really do. But I'm working on changing that. And I have yet to cry at school this year so hey! :D)
[x] You are bullied. (Erryday.)
[/] You've never been in a real relationship or have been in a bad one. (I've been in a FEW bad relationships.)
[x] You don't attract all the girls/boys. (girls always fall for me. but guys, not so much.)
[x] You think everyone else has better things. (Because they do lol)
Results: 8. Damn.

Gluttony:
[x] You eat a lot. (I gotta stop. >.<)
[x] You always get more than what you need. (Only when we eat out at a buffet or something. I like to get my money's worth.)
[ ] You always have snacks around your house.
[ ] You drink a lot. (Alcohol or?)
[ ] You always have a granola bar or something in your purse.
[ ] You hide food.
[x] You binge-eat.
[x] You are normally warm. (It sucks. o.e I get overheated easily, and I cant stand being hot. But you know what? It's finally cold outside so fuck yeah.)
[ ] You can crack a lot of your bones.
[ ] You often say, "I'm starving...."
Results: 4

Lust:
[ ] You are very sexually active. (lolno)
[x] You have had three or more girlfriends or boyfriends.
[ ] You wear matching underwear.
[x] You wear a lot of makeup. (Sometimes cx)
[x] You have fetishes. (eheheh. I have my main ones which are mostly about me being a submissive masochist (bdsm). But I do have small ones like when someone moans and breathing fast. I also kind of get turned on when my heart skips a beat. o.o)
[x] You have looked up porn. (Accidentally. I don't like porn really. I think it's a joke and I wouldn't be able to take it seriously. Maybe I just haven't found what I like though.)
[x] You are a fan of Yaoi or Yuri. (My life is yaoi LOL)
[x] You have "fantasized". (LOL okay so once upon a time, I was at my ex-bestfriend's house. This was back in like 7th grade. I fell asleep while she was still awake. Aaaaand I had a wet dream. So I guess that I had moaned in my sleep, and she woke up before it got too serious. But still. That was way embarrassing.)
Results: 6

Wrath:
[ ] You have not had a real relationship.
[ ] You go to anger management classes or used to.
[ ] You have to take special pills.
[ ] You are aggressive.
[x] You hate someone. (There are three people in this world that I wish a fiery death upon.)
[x] You have hurt someone - physically or mentally. (If I ever hurt someone physically, it was probably an accident due to me being clumsy. I hurt my ex-best friend mentally. I regret it. But the bitch hurt me more than I could have ever hurt her so she deserved it.)
[x] You back-talk people. (My parents and a few of my friends lmao)
[x] You have gotten detention before. (For being tardy lol)
[ ] You get into fights - verbal or physical.
[ ] You are strong. (I'm the weakest ever.)
Results: 4

Greed:
[ ] You often buy things.
[x] You [often] WANT instead of NEED.
[ ] You have expensive things. (lol I don't like to spend more than I should on things. The only expensive thing I own is my iPhone.)
[ ] You put yourself before others.
[x] You can tend to be a little rude. (I try not to be. But I'm very judgmental and bitchy.)
[ ] You don't try to save money.
[ ] You own more than two cars.
[ ] You own more than two credit cards.
[ ] You always have to look the best.
Results: 2

Sloth:
[x] You don't do gym in school or don't try in gym. (lol I had gym freshman year and I just sat against the wall and drew. I somehow managed to pass the class though so hey)
[x] You don't have the best grades.
[x] You procrastinate. (senior project >.< omg)
[ ] You go to bed at ten p.m. (I try to do so, but it never happens because I over think before I sleep. So it's usually 11-12 before I'm asleep.)
[x] You often take naps. (Even though I always feel weird after them.)
[ ] You fall asleep in classes.
[x] You're often called lazy.
[x] You don't participate in class. (>.< too shy)
[x] You do the minimum amount of work. (Why do more than you have to?)
[x] You seldom go to church. (Pff I haven't been to a church since the beginning of the year. And that's only because I had to go with my friend.)
Results: 8

lolol I'm envy (which I saw coming) and sloth. Fun times.

Adventures

Well guys, guess who's not going to school today because he's had some bad luck lately? >.< Man, I haven't updated this in a while. Like really given you an update in forever. So I shall do so now. :3 a lot has happened recently. ...

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Broken Ties.

Fucking Ashley.

You ruined me.

You left me when I needed you the most. You left me when all I needed was your support. Your approval. All I wanted to know was that you were proud of me. That you loved me and cared about me. That all those years of close friendship meant as much to you as they did to me. You were a part of me. We were so close. I felt your pain as you felt mine.

I was the only one ever there for you. When Nick broke your heart, I was the one who listened to you cry for hours on end. I was the one who listened when you were mad at your mom. I was the one who tried his hardest to cheer you up. I was always there. Always. I looked up to you. I respected you. I stood up to you. But above all, I loved you like you were my sister.

But you left.

You told me that I was too much for you to handle. That I needed to recover from my anxiety entirely to be your friend. That I needed to give you space.

And I tried my very hardest. But you still left. You told me that I just had too many issues for you and you fled my life. But little did you know, you left me with more issues than I ever had before.

You've been gone for a while now. We haven't talked since last November. I lost my "best friend" sometime after Halloween.

The first couple of months were brutal. Because when you left, you inflicted the deepest wounds I ever carved into my skin.

And at first, I tried to win you back. I started going to the worst therapist in town, because that's all my family could afford and I gave you your space. I stopped talking to you altogether. I stopped trying.

But as time passed, I stopped caring, also. I didn't even as much as give you a second look. You were a stranger to me.

I wish I still didn't care but I do. Because now I hate you. I hate you with all my heart. I hate you with every ounce of my being. I can't even look at you anymore. I have to fight down the urge to confront you everyday. The urge to walk up to you and tell you about all the pain you've caused me.

Because you've destroyed me. My anxiety is sky-high. I have trust issues and abandonment issues and I get so worked up over the smallest of things and I can't relax.

You've made me so insecure.

I get so scared that Kyle will leave me if I so much as make even one mistake. I'm so afraid that I'm too much for him to handle, or not enough. I'm terrified because I know that he could do better if he wanted to.
I know he won't leave me anytime soon but I'm so scared that I hold him back in life from being happier.

I'm afraid of everything.

And it's all because of you.

You're not a human being. You're a monster. A cold-hearted, mean-spirited destructive monster. Because no fellow human would ever, no matter how much of a low-life they are, would destroy another person this much.

And now I know how much better off I am without you. But I'm still cleaning up the mess you made.

In case anyone was wondering what happened between me and Ashley. I also needed an outlet for my anger. And no, we will never be friends again. Ever.

-Kyle.