Once upon a time, there was a femme transboy named Lukaiel. He was very insecure, artistic, imaginative and lived in a very un-magical place called Kansas. Someone he once trusted, an evil, ugly witch cast a spell and manipulated the boy into having a romance with razor blades, fire, and self-destruction, and made him hate every inch of himself.
But this all changed when he met his knight in shining armor, Jason. Jason broke the spell with an enchantment called "love". Jason made Lukaiel's grey world flush with color. Along with friends of every kind, Jason brought Lukaiel to a vision of self-love and acceptance for everyone, no matter how different. Lukaiel became a prince.
But the prince is in distress-- his temptation to destroy himself, his doubts, his inner demons. But he, with the hope of loved ones, battles these off even when it appears he is losing the war. He will always find himself victorious with the wonderful people he grew to love on his side.
The prince finds joy in writing, drawing, acting, costuming, designing fashion, listening to music, making odd crafts and jewelry, and reading/watching things. Sometimes he finds himself among faeries, who he believes and finds his faith and ability to cast magic in. Other times, he appears as a fallen angel, a tragic hero. But most times, he's just a submissive and clumsy cat boy who wishes for affection and cuddles. His anxiety disorder cripples him, takes him away from his desire to be around people, and though he values his alone time, he craves company.

Though his life is not spent in a castle, he continues on and loves life. This is his story of romance, acceptance, and finding the beauty in everything.

--dA--facebook--YouTube--tumblr--my knight <3--


that is all.

say it ain't so

Incase you were wondering.

-Name: Kyle cx
-Age: 17, 18 in a few months.
-Gender: Femboy/androgynous boy.
-Sexuality: To be technical, I'm demiromantic and pansexual with a strong preference towards men. Basically, I'm gay and I won't date someone unless I have an emotional connection with them first.
-Relationship Status: I've been with my boyfriend Jason for a year and eight months as of today. <3

-TV Shows: Game of Thrones, RuPaul's Drag Race, Friends, What Not To Wear, Say Yes to the Dress, Adventure Time, American Dad
-Movies: Rocky Horror Picture Show, Grease, Moulin Rouge, Les Miserables, Frozen, Mulan, Wreck It Ralph, Corpse Bride. I really like musicals LOL as you can tell.
-Music: Literally I like a bit of everything except country. My all time favorite band is 30 Seconds To Mars.
-Celebrities: Jared Leto *~* Jeffree Star. Why are they the only two I can think of. o_O
-Books: The Fallen series, Beautiful Children, I Am Jay, Stolen, Evernight.
-Video Games: Devil May Cry, God of War, Prince of Persia, Growlanser, Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Sims
-Colors: purple and turquoise c:
-Food: Oreo cheesecake. :Q
-Drink: I don't drink cola drinks. I like fruity soda, hot tea, peace tea, and coffee.

-Height: 5'7. o.e too tall for my liking.
-Weight: I don't even know man. Like 250ish I think.
-Body Type: Tall and curvy. Ugh.
-Skin: Slightly paler than average with pink undertones.
-Hair: Naturally ginger, but I dye my hair often. Right now, it's a light orangey blond.
-Eyes: Light grey-olive. Sometimes they look yellow/gold.
-Piercings: Just my ears... for now.
-Tattoos: none yet.
-Clothing Style: jfc I have so many styles. It changes on my mood. Mostly it's all femboy-oriented though, and stays in the "alternative" category. I go from goth to shy nerd, etc.

Personality?: Shy as hell, quiet, flamboyant, I have social anxiety. owo When I'm comfortable with someone, I talk a lot. I like to think I'm polite. I try to be as sweet and nice to everyone as much as possible. I'm really clumsy and obedient. o.e I'm easily flustered and I don't hide my emotions hardly ever. I'm pretty naive and a little slow. I'm always making really lame jokes.

-Feminism: I'm a feminist.
-Recreational Drug Use: Nope. I'm straight edge. I don't care if other people smoke and such as long as they keep it away from me.
-Equal Marriage Rights: Definitely.

Hobbies?: acting, writing, reading, drawing, makeup, designing costumes, going to renfaires, making crafts.

So yeh. owo if you'd like to know anything more just ask.

so light 'em up up up~

Spring break!!! Finally! I've been pretty on edge at school lately. It's been a long week.

On Monday, my mom and I had a huge argument about my graduation ceremony. Because I don't want to go to it, but everyone else in the world wants me to go. I don't want to go because I'd rather not have my birth name announced in front of everyone while wearing the color that's meant for girls. But I'm being forced to go. So I'm really worried and panicky about that, but I have a month or two to try and come to terms with it. -siiiiiiiiiiiiigh-

Monday night, I got really sick. I think it was a horrible combination of school food and anxiety. I woke up at like 2am and I felt nauseous but I was in denial of throwing up. XD I thought I'd be alright if I went back to sleep. Nope. I woke up 15 minutes later and ran to the bathroom. I was basically violently throwing up all night and day so needless to say, I didn't go to school on Tuesday.

Wednesday I went to school and had a decent day. c: same with Thursday.

Today was the official start of spring break. -forever freaking out because senior project is due next month OH MY GOD- I need to get so much stuff together. >.<

This is the first spring break that I have quite a few plans. I'm babysitting tomorrow night for Tina again. I babysat for her a few hours last night as well. So currently I have $40 :D and after tomorrow night I'll have $60. I don't usually get money so I'm pretty excited.
Then I'm just gonna hang out with Tina for a few hours on Sunday before I leave.
Somewhere between Sunday and Thursday I'm supposed to see my dad to spend some time together and "talk". I'm a little frightened by that. Because my dad knows about my being trans, he watches my deviantArt, and has seen my facebook. But it isn't like he hates me, because we've been talking just fine. I hope that, if it is about my gender, that he's supportive/accepting. That would make my life so much easier.

I'm pretty excited for Thursday. I get to spend the night with Emka, who I haven't seen since like September. She's probably the only friend from middle school I'm still best friend-status with. We don't talk much, but when we do, it's so fun. She's practically the female version of my boyfriend and I think of her as my daughter lol. cx

and sometime I'm supposed to hang out with Carli and Leila and my whole little school group of friends. c:

Then the following weekend, I'm hoping to see Jason. I miss him so much. ;-;

Oh, and yesterday I recieved two awards. My school has these awards that teachers can reward to students for showing different characteristics of a great human being. I had never got any ever until yesterday. One from my special art production and Academy/Seminar teacher, and the other from my theatre teacher. x3 they both said some really nice things about me. So it's really great.

Today I've been working on a lot of artwork which I'm gonna upload here tonight. It's been fun. c:

I want to write but I just can't figure out a good start to my story. x.x so I've been doing a writing challenge thing. I'll probably post it as well.

So yeh, there's life. owo


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I take a lot of selfies I know. LOL but it's my way of feeling confident. -w-

and the cracks begin to show.

Sorry I haven't been so active here. Been focused on school and senior project.

Anyway. I've been feeling better physically, but I still need to see a doctor. I definitely can't deal with that pain every month. But I'm alright for now.

Life has been pretty good lately. Nothing to really complain about. Looking for jobs and such. For now, I'm an occasional babysitter. I'm actually going to babysit tonight. It's just one night this time (I think) so I'll have $20. I need it for senior project. >.<

My classes have been... ugh. Today wasn't the greatest day. I've had three group projects all due for presentation today. One was my scene with Dezi for theatre. We didnt do badly, considering we hadn't practiced much. But I've been feeling pretty anxious all day.

It's because I was in my office assistant block this morning. I tried to deliver some passes, but the people were absent. So I had to return them to the counseling office. When I got there, one of the counselors asked me if it was painful for me to be a proctor, considering how shy I am. I told her that it kind of wracked my nerves a little but I could deal. And she told me that if I needed to, she would write me a transfer to be a library aide. The librarian makes me feel uncomfortable (I came out to her as trans, and she completely rejected the idea) but I am thinking about it. I just have to decide which is worse: being misgendered purposely, or talking to people.
Anyway, I've been having the symptoms of an anxiety attack all day since that discussion. While we were talking, the moment she said the word anxiety, I felt my face get hot and the tears start to form. All day, I've been more jumpy than usual and my heart's been racing. I've also had a pretty bad headache, an feeling nauseous, and hot flashes. I think it was because all this time, I thought I came across as confident, or at least okay with myself and others. You know, "fake it until you make it" but my friends, when I told them, informed me that you can tell I have anxiety from the minute you look at me. .///.

idk, I think I'll be alright once I get distracted into something else.

I still haven't been able to go see Jason lately. :c the last time I saw him was the beginning of January. I hope I can see him next weekend. I miss him, and I crave his touch and presence. He's been an absolutely sweetie as usual. <3

I've been really into bellydancing again, lately. I plan to start practicing regularly and eating right as well. I will achieve a dancer's body, dammit.
I found my inspiration. If you're interested, you should look up DraconisDances on youtube. He is a beautiful bellydancer and my new idol.

I wrote the outline to a new story, from beginning to end not too long ago. I'm excited because I never finish stories. xD

I've been trying to be more social and make friends. But it's not really happening. xD I did talk to someone new yesterday, on facebook. Not sure if he goes to my school anymore, but he's this cute little junior, still kind of in his scene phase lol. But we talked about drag queens and it was nice to meet someone else who watches RuPaul's Drag Race. o:

So I'm open to anyone talking to me here, as well. I'd love to chat with anyone reading this. c: just message or comment.

Anyway, I need to go shower and get ready for babysitting tonight. But as I said, I will be available.

Have a lovely day, everyone. <3


I put effort into how I looked this week, so have some selfies. cx

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life on hold

Meeeeerrrrrr. I haven't been much in the mood for talking about my life lately but I feel like I should, to move on a bit I guess.

Well let's see. Last week was an alright week. Valentine's day was pretty fun as well. I didn't get to spend it with my boyfriend though, but it's okay. We're supposed to see eachother soon, so that'll be really nice.

This weekend I babysat for my ex stepmom, Tina. She's entirely blind and half deaf, but perfectly capable and functional. She's a really lovely person. She's my favorite out of the people my dad has dated since my mom. It was interesting seeing her, considering I haven't seen her in five years or so, actually.
Anyway, I looked after two of her grandchildren that she recently adopted. In total, she has five I believe, a sixth on the way. They're all her child's kids. Which, last time I had talked to the parent of the these kids, he was my stepbrother. But he apparently came out as a transwoman. Her name is Toni. It was kind of weird because I wasn't out as trans either five years ago, and I'm still not out to Tina, because I consider her family still.
But looking after the kids wasn't too bad. I pretty much got paid to hang out while they slept. They were cute.
Also, the 2nd night I was there, Tina came home around 2am and her cab driver had told her that there was several cases of attempted rape around the apartment I was in. So that really freaked me out. Like, that could have been me. They were about two apartments away.

Then we had two more days away from school and that was nice. Went to school yesterday, and I was there for two hours when... I got my period. /: I haven't had a period in like, a year so of course I wasn't prepared for it. Also, I've always had medical problems with that area of my body. I have really heavy flow (so bad that I couldn't even go to school), and I have cramps to the point of not being able to move. Needless to say, I went home at lunch. It wasnt too bad though, until last night. I couldn't sleep and I've been home today because there's no way I could've survived school today. x.x

It's not so bad now, but still pretty bad. And my mom is forcing me to go to school tomorrow no matter what, so I'm kind of fucked if it doesn't get better.

Anyway yeah, there's your updateeee.

Also, I lightened my hair a few days ago. I'm also growing it out until April. Yeh.

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