Once upon a time, there was a femme transboy named Lukaiel. He was very insecure, artistic, imaginative and lived in a very un-magical place called Kansas. Someone he once trusted, an evil, ugly witch cast a spell and manipulated the boy into having a romance with razor blades, fire, and self-destruction, and made him hate every inch of himself.
But this all changed when he met his knight in shining armor, Jason. Jason broke the spell with an enchantment called "love". Jason made Lukaiel's grey world flush with color. Along with friends of every kind, Jason brought Lukaiel to a vision of self-love and acceptance for everyone, no matter how different. Lukaiel became a prince.
But the prince is in distress-- his temptation to destroy himself, his doubts, his inner demons. But he, with the hope of loved ones, battles these off even when it appears he is losing the war. He will always find himself victorious with the wonderful people he grew to love on his side.
The prince finds joy in writing, drawing, acting, costuming, designing fashion, listening to music, making odd crafts and jewelry, and reading/watching things. Sometimes he finds himself among faeries, who he believes and finds his faith and ability to cast magic in. Other times, he appears as a fallen angel, a tragic hero. But most times, he's just a submissive and clumsy cat boy who wishes for affection and cuddles. His anxiety disorder cripples him, takes him away from his desire to be around people, and though he values his alone time, he craves company.

Though his life is not spent in a castle, he continues on and loves life. This is his story of romance, acceptance, and finding the beauty in everything.

--dA--facebook--YouTube--tumblr--my knight <3--

make me your aphrodite~

So today was my birthday. :D I am officially 18.
Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes. c: I really appreciated them!!

My day started with me flipping out because of a surprise my mom did for me. It was 7am, I was sound asleep and my foot hit something and I heard a loud POP!!!
My mom had put like 12 balloons in my room and I accidentally popped the one on my bed in my asleep. I thought it was like a bomb or gunshot omfg. It scared the hell out of me. xD I have a severe phobia of balloons popping (or sudden loud noises in general, I'm really easily startled) so I was shaking against a pillow for a while. But now I just laugh because it was pretty funny when I think about it.
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After that, I just chilled out, played Prince of Persia and drew all day until I finally got off my ass and got dressed. I wore cat ears all day lol. cx
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My mom came home and we went to go get the cake we ordered. It was really simple, but cute.
Then we went to my grandparents' to celebrate. They bought me a Cinderella birthday card that lights up and sings x3 and gave me $30.
A rather simple but nice way to spend my birthday. n.n no complaints.

My boyfriend has been really sweet, planning surprises for when I see him again and writing me long messages and taking personal pictures for me. >///< I took some of -those- pictures for him today as well.

--sexuality warning here--

But what sucks is thaaaaat... I've been really horny a lot lately. Like wow, it's constant. So I thought I could take care of that problem myself like I usually do. Nope. I mean, I finish, but it just isn't satisfying. :< So I thought I would try some new techniques aaaaand... They don't even get me off. They feel fantastic but I never get to the point. So I decided to read up, and it would seem that since I've only used one way to satisfy myself, my mind no longer sees these other techniques as orgasmic. -.- so I've basically ruined myself. Which is just fabulous. So now I'm just stopping masturbation altogether to see if I can resensitive myself. But my hormones are raging. ;~; so I'm in a constant state of arousal and just craving some kind of rough and kinky sexual activity and I can't do anything about it until I see my boyfriend. And I had to explain to him that there's a chance I ruined this for me so I might not climax when I'm with him. He was really understanding. x///x

--end rant--

In other news, I'm supposed to go see a play with my dad, brother and dad's friend with benefits on Saturday. Which I'm really excited about. :D my boyfriend was supposed to come to it as well but he has no ride. :< so that kind of bums me out but I'm trying really hard to stay optimistic.
I've gotten to the point where I crave seeing him, and it feels like my heart is literally aching for him. All I want is to see him, but may is a busy month because of graduation and his driver's Ed and all that. We're planning to see eachother next weekend. I really hope so. >w<

Also, I graduate on Monday. Whaaaaat. It's crazy and doesn't really feel real. o____O

God I feel really whiny and clingy lately. -w- I keep making unnecessary noises to get attention from people. Usually I just do them as reactions but I'm going through something I guess.
Speaking of being whiny, I guess I whine/whimper in my sleep? I've heard it from my mom and brother and boyfriend. I guess it's better than talking or walking or eating. I just hope it's kind of cute in some way I guess. xD

Oh~ and if you can't tell by the pictures up there, I redyed my purple! c: I'm keeping it for graduation and when I go to see my boyfriend again. I'm in love with it. It makes me feel cute.

Anyway, I'm probably going to sleep now. Tomorrow I'll work on getting my new RP world up considering I think I have it all together. owo so have a lovely weekend fellow otakus <3


rest and de-stress

This is gonna be a short post because I'm incredibly sleepy. I've been babysitting tonight since 7, and although the kids were asleep before I even got here, I always get really sleepy early at Tina's house.

Anyway, Friday was my last day of high school! I can't believe how much stress is just lifted off my shoulders. I graduate on the 18th and then I become a legal adult on the 15th. c: I'm pretty excited.
Next month begins my plans to get fit as well as getting a job and such.

But as the intent of this post, since I now have like 61963977388x more free time, I'm actually going to start role playing again. xD so starting tomorrow, I'll get back into posting regularly in my worlds and I've been thinking of a new Roleplay world as well. We shall see considering I haven't gotten much feedback on anything here in a while aside from Nikki. c: (girl you know I appreciate you~) (kind of feel like she's the only one who reads this xD)

I'll elaborate more on what's happening as of late when I'm not dead. cx

Have a lovely day/night<3




So I only have two days of high school left. Just the days of finals. c: This fact of course brought upon me the thinking of my future.
I always thought that I would never in my life go to college. But these past days I've been thinking of maybe going sometime in the next five years. Here's my plan so far:
Planning on getting a decent job-- could or could not be career-related, while seeing if I can do volunteer work or something with theaters. While also getting my shop together to maybe be in business by 2016. Then planning to see about going into some kind of cosmology/massage school in a year or two. I'll be working on writing while all of this is happening too.
My ultimate plan is to be a renaissance festival performer and fiction writer while also maintaining my little shop. But I'd also be really happy doing fashion/costume stuff for others rather than just for my own activities. But we'll see where this all goes.
Now to figure a non art-related back up plan. Just in case.
I'm thinking my backup plan will deal with my shop, because my shop is going to contain artwork, jewelry, soaps/candles/other wonderfully smelly things, palm and tarot readings (once i learn), magic items and other little crafts I make. Basically the typical renaissance vendor shop. But I've been thinking of opening a spa/salon to go with my shop. That's why I'm thinking about studying massage therapy. Because I really like making people look and feel good. c:

I'm also thinking of setting up a portfolio for modeling once I get some nice pictures taken of me. c: that's kind of a far away dream of mine, to be a model.

Yesterday was Jason's birthday. c: I've yet to buy him anything, but I kind of know what I'm going to get for him this weekend.
I'm turning 18 in 8 days, and graduating in 11 days. It's getting pretty real. omg.
People keep asking me what I want for both those things and I don't know. xD people usually forget my birthday so I never have to think of these things.
I know that my dad is taking my boyfriend, brother and I to a theatre. :D I'm so excited.
Jason has a list of things I've hinted at. c; LOL as well as some more innocent things so heyyy.
I'm thinking of maybe getting a lip piercing but my mom won't let me. But I doubt she'll HATE me if I do.

I have to dye my hair sometime soon. :< a natural color so I can try to get a job. I'm probably gonna do black with blonde bangs but we'll see.

I've been filled with insecurity lately about my looks, but not my gender so that's pretty good. I think honestly I just need a weekend with my boyfriend. He's like my own personal getaway. c:

I've been working on getting myself into the workout/diet mode. I'm planning on starting that next month. Because with all these events happening this month, I'm gonna want to celebrate. With cake. cx
But I've found a few workout things I don't mind doing. That's my problem: I HATE working out. I don't like sweating. xD but jumping rope is fun, and stairclimbs are easy enough. I need to do squats. I just really want a nice ass okay.
I just need motivation. I've been trying to think of all the cute things I can have when I finally get skinny. n.n clothes, and hip piercings. Which would look hot as hell when I bellydance. cx

so there's your update. c: I hope everyone is having a lovely week. ~

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I'm still in my goth phase. xD but as summer approaches, I'm going into kawaiidesulolita mode.


corpse bride but actually not


I'm feeling much better than I have been. I am absolutely stress-free now!

I presented my senior project last week. I had an anxiety attack while presenting but I persevered. We were supposed to speak for 8-12 minutes and have a few minutes for questions. I talked through my whole PowerPoint for... 3 and 1/2 minutes. xDDD so the judges just asked me questions for the rest of my time and I tried my hardest to elaborate.
But despite how terribly I did, I passed!! I got a D+, 68%. I'm cool with that. B)

Then on Friday night, we did our one-act. Hahaha. It wasn't bad for being really awful. lol. People forgot their lines and cues and it was all bad. But we improv'd through it, so we made up for it. People laughed, so it wasn't a loss.

I babysat for Tina last night, which was easy. The kids were well-behaved which was really nice. I didn't really want to babysit this weekend but I can't say no to people. And I could use $20 so there's that. It was really funny though. Tina came home at about 2am, drunk from doing karaoke all night. And as you know, she's entirely blind. Well she got all disoriented trying to get into her bedroom and was struggling before she just gave up for a moment. She turned to me and was like: "... Am I in my bedroom, or outside of it right now? I am so confused." lol cx she's so cute.
I helped her put together her outfit for the night, and I have to say that I did a really great job. I put her in a strapless red and black flowery Asian-y printed dress, black sandals, a black shawl (it stormed a lot last night so) and painted her nails a sparkly red and had her wear red lipstick.
I would love to do that for people regularly-- help them choose outfits and do their makeup and hair, etc. I could see myself doing that for a living someday.

Jason had his best friend staying over last night and I was babysitting and since we're complete dumbasses, started texting about sexual things we'd like to do with eachother. We both got rather, ahem, excited, and neither of us could even do a thing. o///e so we suffered through it.
But we talked about BDSM things and yeah. Needless to say, I have yet another reason to be excited to see him again. Hopefully that time comes soon.

I've been in a morbid but inspiring mood lately. I've been drawing a lot and watching quite a bit of Tim Burton films and wearing a hell of a lot of black. On Thursday, I wore my new skirt and a black button up, so it looked like a dress. I looked like I was oh mourning but I think I liked it. I want to buy more skirts, actually. Shorter ones. And tights and stockings. Oh the possibilities~ I feel very cute and almost attractive. I felt very confident for the most part, and I felt confident in my gender identity for once.

I haven't submitted art here for a whole. Just dA. So if you would like to see it, you'll have to go to my dA profile. http://APrinceInDistress/

Anyway, I have about 10 days left of school. Graduating next month as well as turning 18. Damn.~

I hope everyone has a lovely week<3


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drama queen

I don't fucking get it. Why do I have to be sick ALL THE TIME? This is absolutely ridiculous. Every month I get sick for at least three weeks. I'm more sick than I'm not. Just. WHY. Why do I have to feel miserable EVERY GODDAMN DAY OF MY LIFE. It's literally like I'm not allowed to be happy or have fun or just be okay. I can't do this anymore. I can't just fucking deal with it like everyone says I need to. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I just want to go more than one fucking week without being sick. Is that so much to ask? I guess so because I've done nothing but lay in bed and cry all day because the pain is just fucking unbearable. I can't fucking hear out of one ear. My body feels like I just got the ever living fuck beat out of me. My throat is scratchy and I feel like I'm swallowing razor blades.

GOD I JUST WANT TO CUT. It wouldn't solve anything but at least I would get some kind of relief.

I really just want to scream.