I don't fucking get it. Why do I have to be sick ALL THE TIME? This is absolutely ridiculous. Every month I get sick for at least three weeks. I'm more sick than I'm not. Just. WHY. Why do I have to feel miserable EVERY GODDAMN DAY OF MY LIFE. It's literally like I'm not allowed to be happy or have fun or just be okay. I can't do this anymore. I can't just fucking deal with it like everyone says I need to. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I just want to go more than one fucking week without being sick. Is that so much to ask? I guess so because I've done nothing but lay in bed and cry all day because the pain is just fucking unbearable. I can't fucking hear out of one ear. My body feels like I just got the ever living fuck beat out of me. My throat is scratchy and I feel like I'm swallowing razor blades.
GOD I JUST WANT TO CUT. It wouldn't solve anything but at least I would get some kind of relief.
I really just want to scream.
So hello there. -w- I haven't updated in a while because I've been sick and busy with school.
Right now I'm in a lot of pain. I'm sick again. Everything hurts and I've been in a cold sweat and coughing a lot and I'm pretty sure I ...
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oh. my. goodness.
This weekend was absolutely perfect! It was exactly what I needed after a particularly terrible week. It was really rough and stressful but I'm so happy right now, I can't even comprehend that I was ever that miserable. I was battling the urge to cut and just generally hating myself. But now I can't stop smiling. c:
The good times started Friday after school. I had been feeling pretty insecure about my looks lately so I finally got my hair cut and dyed. It's pretty short and it's all a bluish purple. I love it so much! I feel really cute. c:
I'm also excited because the renaissance faire is coming up~ and I got a part in a play in my theatre class :D it's a parody of Hamlet. I play three roles (sort of): hamlet's father's ghost, Philonius (I think that's his name??) and Actor #3, who's all excited about a sword fight lol.
Then yesterday morning, I FINALLY got to my boyfriend's house. He got me started into Assassin's Creed. :3 and we watched cartoons and movies like we always do. This time we watched Movie 43, Liar Liar, Steven Universe, Eclipse (like the Twilight movie), and Gravity Falls. It was a lot of fun. c: we talked and cuddled and laughed.
Buuuuut there was much more happening as well. c; I'm going to talk about some sexual stuff so you can scroll past it if it makes you uncomfortable.
We made out a few different times, but there was one point when everything really changed.
It used to be, our version of making out, that we just kissed a lot. Not really any tongue but that was that. Because I'm kind of terrible at it xD
He gave me my first hickies. o///o under my collarbone. The first time was just a test to see if I'd like it, if he could even do it (he thought he wasn't good at them). And I just loved it so he gave me another and it was... woah. x3 and he pulled away and looked at it and was like "oh my god this is awesome :D" and I agreed omg. We were both so giddy about it cx
Then we got to making out more. And he pulled away and we just talked about our little kinks and such. He told me he really liked grinding, and that he wanted to try it with me. So he got up, turned off his light and got on top of me.
It was apparently his first being on top while doing this, and my first time EVER doing this. So we were grinding (with clothes on). And like I thought he was really attractive before, but the impossible happened and he became like 143773 times more sexy. His expressions, his sounds, everything. Like oh my heavens. And we ended up orgasming at about the same time. (Which is the first time we had ever done anything like that)
It was such a magical experience. Not just because of the sexuality, but we had such chemistry. My heart was pounding and I could feel his racing against my chest. So wonderful. And he was such a sweetie. Being a gentleman, asking me if I liked it and if it was okay and taking care of me. He told me that he loved me and called me beautiful.
Afterwards, we just held eachother and talked about it and went to sleep after watching a movie.
We did it again today before I left and I got to listen to his fast heartbeat after he orgasmed. God he was just... Wow. Perfect.
I've never felt such a connection. I'm really glad we got to experience it together and I'm excited to make more memories with him. I feel like it really added strength and trust and love to our bond. I had no idea it was possible to love someone so much.
All my life, I haven't had the best luck with people I fall for. I've had my heart broken so many times but with him, it's obvious to see why no one else could've worked out with me. Everyone else made me feel bad about myself or neglected me. But he is so handsome and sweet and caring and he reassures me about how much he loves me. I've never had such a good guy for so long.
I'm excited to be his.
I'm home now and I have school tomorrow but even that can't wipe the smile off my face. x3
I keep looking at his love bites and just dying of happiness. They're like little secret marks of ownership and reminders of his love.
I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend as well~~
Stolen from Nikki. c:
You have watched at least 20 Disney movies.
You have watched at least 40 Disney movies. (I'm not entirely sure. o:)
You don’t eat dairy.
You work best at night time.
You take a selfie almost every day.
You laugh at the end of your sentences. (I laugh at everything)
You wink at people.
You hate being tickled.
You want to travel the world in a boat. (lol I'm a hydrophobe. Getting me on a boat is basically impossible.)
You want to travel the world in a hippie wagon. (yessssss)
Your hair is fluffy.
Your hair is sleak.
Your hair is an artificial colour. (just cut and dyed it purple last night~~)
You get takeout at least once per week. (I live so close to a McDonald's. -w-)
You dislike the general public.
You have been caught sleepwalking.
You sleep with a plushie. (not like an anime plushie though. just a few stuffed animals. cx)
You have eaten an entire block of cheese in one sitting. (don't judge me.)
You have eaten a red hot chilli pepper.
You draw hearts on top of your i’s.
You have watched an episode of My Little Pony. (I'm a brony lol)
You have a crush on someone who knows you. (my boyfriend lol)
You keep plants in your room.
You collect music CDs.
You take vitamin supplements.
You read mostly non-fiction.
You go on Tumblr every day without fail.
You have published a YouTube video.
You have a fandom blog.
You have eaten Pocky. (my mom won't buy it for me anymore. xD so I get my fix from my friends.)
You can play the cello.
You can play the harp.
You prefer vampires to zombies.
You prefer zombies to vampires.
You have been described as naive. (I'll admit to it.)
You have been described as suspicious.
You have had a stalker.
You liked going to school.
You have a pear-shaped body. (I have great hips but no ass. wtfffff.)
You have an apple-shaped body.
You have sensitive teeth.
You like your job.
You have a slow internet connection.
Your phone is not a touch phone.
You are the dominant one in the relationship. (LOLno)
You like watercolor painting.
You like playing the drums.
You are scared of loud noises. (I'm very easily startled. -w- thus, my phobia of balloons popping.)
You eat food in your bed.
You are shy but not quiet. (I talk softly most of the time. But I do talk a lot. I talk too much, even.)
You are quiet but not shy.
You plan a lot of parties.
You have an alter ego.
You are good with money.
You are afraid of intimacy.
You normally have dinner after 8pm.
You normally wear high heels.
You have been grounded more than once. (I'm not a bad kid, I just slip up a lot. xD everything I've been grounded for has never been my intention. It's usually for my grades being too low or something.)
You have never seen Shrek.
You have won a trophy.
Your favorite ice cream flavour is mint.
Your favorite ice cream flavour is vanilla.
Your favorite ice cream flavour is strawberry.
You are good at sports.
You have a skin care routine.
You are a D-cup or larger.
You have long legs and arms. (not sure about my arms, but my legs are pretty long.)
You add ketchup to everything.
You have an anime figurine.
You have danced and not cared who saw it.
You want to go into outer space.
You want to rule the world.
You constantly hurt somewhere. (at least the places where I hurt vary. owo)
You are scared of mice.
You are scared of horses. (I like to admire them from afar.)
You are scared of butterflies. (I love butterflies a lot! But I don't like them near me. >.<)
You have one or more moles on your face. (not on my face lol)
You are good with children. (which is weird because I hate them.)
You have learning difficulties.
You drink at least 7 pints of water per day.
You want to be a singer in a band.
You have bought a frame for a special picture.
Your favorite Disney Princess isn’t Belle, Ariel or Rapunzel. (Jasmine, or Mulan, or Merida. c:)
You prefer to watch than participate.
You have dark skin.
You have dated 5 or more people.
You have been told you are a cool person.
You have been told you are a scary person. (people don't really understand how I am. I do everything a little strange.)
You are doing this post because you are bored. (kind of. I'm on a hour-long car ride to go see Jason. <3)
Here's my new look ~