Friday Off

Today I don't have school because teachers have a big PLC meeting thing. My mom doesn't know it, but I am going over to my boyfriend's house for a sleepover. She thinks I'm going to my best friend's house. I'm really nervous. Not only am I lying to her, but I have to meet his grandparents. I am not really a people person at all. Especially when I have to get to know them on a more personal level. I have a bad phobia of meeting people. A really bad phobia. My anxiety is sky rocketing! I just got put on medicine last week for my anxiety, because it has gotten to be so bad. I hope that it works (I'm on Prozac) because I don't want to be put on a heavier medicine for it...my doctor said valium and I was like "no thanks" haha. Anyways, I'm really freaking nervous and my mind is going crazy! D:. I know I should probably wait until my medicine is more effective, but it kind of works out perfectly this weekend. I am seriously sick to my stomach. It doesn't help that last night I puked, and I am not entirely sure why. I usually have a strong stomach and the last time that I threw up was when I ate Chili at Wendy's a month or 2 ago. I threw up cheese this time x_x. But only a little. I had gotten up every 2-3 hours because I felt so sick. D:. Bleh. Now my nerves aaah. They are driving me up the wall. :(.

Song :3

My boyfriend wrote me a song <3 And he has it on youtube. I'm going to put a link in this so you all can see! So sweet!
Things are going well for me. Especially that he's in my life. We've been on and off for 3 years, and each time it hasn't lasted for very long. He went to prom with me when I was a freshman and now he's going to prom with me now that I'm a junior (in April). There's a dance this weekend, our winter formal. It used to be called Winter Carnival lol. They changed it to something stupid last year, though. I'm really excited. It's going to be me, him, Kaylee (bff), our friends Madi and her date, and Kenzie. We are going to dance like there's no tomorrow! WOOHOO! :D. It's been so cold out here that our pipes froze and we haven't had water for 3 days, but it's finally back on and so I'm dying my hair (again). We've been flushing our toilet with water we bought from Walmart! haha. This shits crazy!

Anyways, here's the link :)

Amazing weekend!

Well to be quite honest, my weekend started off pretty crappy. My boyfriend (Brandon)and I had plans to hang out Friday after I got off of school at 11:30. It was an early dismissal. He ended up staying up all night and fell asleep at 10 am and missed our plans. I was so hurt, but I ended up forgiving him and made up. :P. Friday we spent the evening at my house hanging out with my mom and our family friend Kaitlyn. I took him to our friend's house where he was staying for the weekend. Then the next morning I picked him up early and we hung around town for a while then ended up at my house again. Friday night he and I were talking and ended up making a bet that my mom wouldn't ever let him sleep over. My mom has always been against having any guy sleep over unless they are family. I told him she would no way in hell ever let him sleep over, but he thought otherwise. Well, Saturday, we tried getting a hold of our friend where he was staying and we couldn't get a hold of them. My mom by then had already passed out so it was me and my mom's best friend, Kaitlyn, me and Brandon all hanging out and we tried to figure out what we should do. He ended up sleeping over. My mom got up at 2ish am and like shrugged it off. She let him. How messed up is that? I wouldn't have ever guessed. It's not like we slept in my room or anything. We were on the couch, but there was a cusion thingy between us. He held my hand as I fell asleep (at 4 in the morning) and it was sweet. I had really bad anxiety, because I was scared about my mom and how she felt about it, but we weren't doing anything wrong and so it turned out okay. Then we spent all day today together. It was just an amazing weekend. Filled with such happiness <3 lol :)

Sick Today

Yesterday I started getting a cold and was miserable all throughout school, so today I decided I needed to stay home. I was going to fall back asleep but for the last 20 minutes I've been tossing and turning. T_T.

I woke up this morning to tell my mom I didn't feel well enough to go to school and I checked my messages and my boyfriend sent me a really cute message telling me he hasn't slept yet and will probably be sleeping all day and not to worry <3. Because he knows I have anxiety and I overthink everything. How sweet<3.

My bestfriend messaged me to ask if I was going to school and I told her no, and she said "Okay"....okay? She didn't even tell me to get better or anything.. Like she's been a very crappy friend lately and I don't know what her problem is. It's like she finds a "new best friend" and pushes me to the side like I'm a pile of dirt. *rolls eyes* Bleh.

My Status from Saturday/Yesterday!

My status that I found inspiring and wanted to share with you:

"Sometimes I wonder why I am the way I am, but then I just have to realize that I don't want to be sitting in the background with everyone else. That's no fun at all! And when people ridicule the crazy things that I do, I sometimes get discouraged. I just get back up, though. Because if I want to be the person who stands out, the person who I am, I can't just sit around and wait for something to happen. I have to put myself out there and just be ME! And I gotta tell you, I LOVE being me! I am happy in my own skin (most of the time :P) and I am not worried what other people will think! Why should I be? The people who don't accept me, the people who ridicule me, they don't matter. Not one bit, because eventually I'll find people who do accept me and do love me for who I am and not for being like everyone else, a carbon copy. As a matter of fact, I do have people in my life who do accept me. I'm not alone in this, even though sometimes I do feel that way, I have a ton of friends and family who love me for who I am. I think this is how life should be lived, you only have one life to live so why not live it? Why not shine? Why not have fun and be you?"

I just want everyone to know that you shouldn't feel ashamed of being yourself at all. Ever. If people don't like it then they can just deal with it, because it's not worth your hassle to please the cold-hearted and the close-minded people. There will always be "haters" and there will always be people who just don't like you, and you may or may not ever know why. I know some of you already know some of this or all of it, but there are people out there who just need encouragement where they don't get anywhere else, and I'm one of those people. I don't have many people to encourage me. I have a best friend who is there when I need to blow off some steam and tell my secrets too, but she never has much to say. I don't hate her or resent her for it. A lot of stuff I've been through, I feel like I've been through it mostly alone and it's made me the person who I am today. The most support I have gotten in a really long time is from my boyfriend, Brandon. He is so supportive and so helpful that I can't even explain. He tells me things, just simple little things, like "good job" or "i know you can do it", ect. No one has ever really supported me that much, not even my family, quite honestly. I don't want anyone to ever go through anything like that or go through anything alone. So I may be some stranger but I'm here if you need to talk. Don't let people ever get you down because of who you are though. Like I said, eventual you'll find someone who does care and someone who will love you for who you are.