That feeling

I feel that feeling now.
And i will for the next
2 days
i will be considered
and maybe judged
but i'm not afraid
because no matter
what happens
death is the only
thing that's going to stop me
from being with you

How much it hurts

I had a dream
she was smiling
but my chest hurt
so i ripped my heart out
my body went numb
it let me rest and i was
relieved from pain
but not for long because
as i awoke i felt the same
again i wanted to do the same
but this time i struggled because
it was all real this time
my frustration led to anger
it was time to go now
i did the usual stuff
but the anger overcame me
and i screamed at everything
and i was happy
i smiled in my mind
he didn't do anything
i was lucky to be the right one
so now that's what i do
i break the rules and get away
right in front of their faces
and all the pain goes away
happily i walk away

sorry

i'm sorry to those who care, don't care, know me , don't know me and for those that have barely seen this for being the way i am really i have endured a lot of pain and i'm not comfortable with my way of live but hopefully i'll have the ending i'm hoping for anyways i don't know why i'm still here or anywhere it seems like i'm not needed anywhere i go not because of my lack of help in fact i'm good help probably one of the best but the main problem is my attitude i have really went from good to bad not in my choices but in the type of person i am really i know what i'm capable of but i've decided to leave for a while though i really would guess that no one cares

my first nightmare

alright here we go
my first nightmare
age surprisingly 4 no one ever found out about it
i was in the center of a dark room, laying down
i could see everything around it looked like plain space and i could smell that i was in a damp room
so i got up and i could see the door on the distance
so i headed towards it and before i made it something struck me on my back then i fell and woke up

True story or at least real nightmare

silence

silence is something i wish for greatly but i have not
achieved to be left alone by my mind
and i'm planning in the future to do something that would
either destroy me or give me something that i greatly want
an apology to those if i fail end break but that is what
is supposed to happen after one suffers and finishes
though everything will end with me risking everything or a new beginning