Welcome, friends! This is basically my life update world, where I pour all the crap going on in my life at the moment. I don't expect people to give this place much attention, to be honest. Well, make yourself at home, anyway!
- Created By TyphlosionTrainer
I'm Gonna Do It!!
I've been thinking about this for a while, and as anxious as it makes me, I can't live this way forever. I'm going to have my Mom help me apply for a job. One cannot hope to move forward if they do not push for progress! And, even though this directly challenges my social anxiety, and I don't believe I'm strong enough to handle it at this moment, I have to do something. My Mom, with her bad back, is in so much pain these days. I can't stand to see her that way. I have to pick up my own slack, because nobody is going to do it for me. Now, there's just the matter of getting Mom alone, so I can discuss it with her ^^;
(I'm not comfortable discussing these things with my dad/in his presence.)
Dazed and Confused
My birthday is in 9 days. I'm going to be 18, and I'm so scared I can hardly stand it. What am I going to do? I've hardly even began to prepare myself for the responsibilities that will no doubt be thrust upon me. And, knowing my dad, there will be many - and no mercy. He doesn't understand my fear. I'm sure he was nervous about becoming an adult, but it's different for me. I don't know how to do anything. I can't go out and buy things and talk to people and that sort of thing. I can't. I've tried. Driving, getting a job, having to convey what I need to other people, it's all too scary. As pathetic as that sounds, it's my reality. I can't just get over it. This isn't something you just get over. This isn't something you can just say, "Well, I'm going to have to do it anyway, so might as well!" It's legitimate crippling fear. Just the thought of it makes me hysterical, gives me the sickest feeling in my stomach, makes me want to cry. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how I'm going to get there. I don't know what I need to do to find out. I'm completely clueless. I'm completely hopeless. I can't carry on this way, but this is all I know how to be. Am I doomed to fail?
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