THIS IS WHERE I TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE AVERAGE IN MY LIFE. OR RANDOM THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT I THINK SHOULD BE HERE. ENJOY YOUR STAY.
- Created By Tsutsumi24
On Hiatus: Sincere apologies.
For those who are subscribed to me and read these, I regret to inform you all that I will be on hiatus for a while. Things aren't too swell right now. We finally got internet at the new house, yes, but a lot of other things have been going on as well.
With us still not fully settled in yet, there's a lot of stress, and sure as luck would have it...not long after moving in, we had to say our goodbyes to a dear family member. I know that many don't consider pets as family, but there are also a fair amount of people who do. We are some of those who consider them to be family. Our nine year old German Shepherd, Sasha, had to be put down because her Degenerative Myelopathy had progressed so much that she wasn't able to properly walk anymore, and was so numb that she didn't know she needed to urinate, so she was holding it in, thus causing kidney problems. A day before we took her to get euthanized, she looked at us with sad, tired eyes as if she were trying her best to tell us she didn't want to struggle anymore and was ready...so we took her in the next day. My mother, stepfather and myself were all there when it happened, and I need to clarify...I thought it was hard to lose a pet when you didn't get the chance to say goodbye, but it is far more difficult when you're right there saying goodbye to them, and you see the moment they leave this world in their eyes.
Sasha was one of my best friends, and at present, I am still thoroughly heartbroken that she is no longer with us in the physical world. I know she's no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful, but the selfish side of me wishes she were still here.
On top of that, I've also just recently gotten into a new relationship, and I mean COMPLETELY new...and I find myself already second guessing it, for reasons I won't mention...I can only hope I'm over thinking.
I'm far beyond stressed out right now, so please bear with my absence. I know I keep saying I'll announce the winners to the contest, but while I'm in such a spot, I don't feel like I would put enough time and thought into my decisions, and I want to be completely alert for it. So please be patient.
Again, my most sincere apologies...I will get back to things the moment everything is completely cleared up and I'm thinking straight again.
~A~
So long, precious darling. I'll see you on the other side.
Gomennasai, but...
I won't be posting her for a little, or at least if I do, I'm not going to be my usual chipper self...
Currently, I am actually in the process of trying to stop crying. I'm in mourning right now for the loss of a beloved pet...and I don't know how else to cope with it.
It's an empty feeling, and it kind of hurts a ton...
I'm not used to this kind of thing, and when a vet tells you, "He's in bad shape but if we give him this we may have hope as long as he makes it through the night."....well, the minute the pet passes, everything just comes crashing down. That hope you had is gone, and your heart plummets into your stomach, and I know that now because I felt it happen the minute I stepped out of my room and saw my mother cradling his lifeless body...
I'm truthfully destroyed by this right now...
He wasn't JUST a pet to me, he was like a little brother, and I love him very very much, so seeing him lifeless...I don't even want to believe it. How still he is. How blank his stare has become. How he isn't breathing.
I want to believe he'll be back and perfectly fine when I wake up later today. That he was just taking a really long, creepy nap. And, that he's just messing with us.
How am I supposed to walk into this house and look in the direction of the area he used to be sitting, waiting for me with one of his toys? How am I supposed to feel when I knock on the door, and he's not going off as if there's some intruder? What am I supposed to think of the silence? The absence of his presence?
Thus, my friends, I will be feeling this way for quite some time. Eight years doesn't just go away, and I'm certainly never going to forget the impact he had on my life.
I just wish I could have said goodbye.
End
