Lost, and on Hiatus

Two days ago, I lost my mother. Cancer was too much. Chemo wasn't enough. I understand I haven't done much as far as drawing or photography lately, but I HAD planned to start up again...and now I'm planning to just...take a break from trying to be creative with a pen/pencil or camera. I don't even have much inspiration to write my fanfictions right now. I will be in a period of mourning. Please be understanding. Thank you in advance.

Brief Update: My heart hurts.

I'm here with my mom. She's dying. It's slow, and I'm upset, but I'm trying to stay strong. This is true heartbreak.

Another Hiatus

Yeah, I know. Nobody reads these anymore. No one really cares about what's happening in my life these days, but I'm going to post it anyway because maybe it'll help me feel better.

So, yes, I have an amazing relationship, I love my boyfriend's kids and am exceedingly happy to be a part of their lives...but some darker things have been happening. Last year, around the end of August, my mom had a radical hysterectomy to remove a cancerous mass in her cervix. However, this is now the third time the cancer itself has come back. She already did radiation therapy, and is now in chemotherapy, but it isn't looking great. She's gone from being a healthy 135 lbs, to now being 100 lbs. She is starting to look very near to skin and bone. Today is the first time I've seen photos of her since she had first started radiation and chemo, and when I saw how she looked, my heart broke.

My mom is my #1 best friend, and knowing that there's a chance I might lose her terrifies me. I love my mom very much.

Because of this situation, I'm going to be taking yet another hiatus from art. I don't have the inspiration to draw, let alone think straight. Things are too much right now. Again, I'm sure no one actually gives a rats ass about any of this, no one really looks at my art anymore either, helps to get it out a little bit instead of holding it in until I explode.


Sort of Back (?)

Well, my fellow TheO goers...

This is my first update in a looooong time, and honestly, I'm a thousand times happier than I've ever been.

The biggest news and change that I can report is this: I've moved out of Utah to live with the love of my life, and start out fresh. I stopped looking for love, and love happened to find me. He's smart, he's sweet, he's loyal...he treats me like a queen. He loves cats, just like me, he's 3 years older than me (approximately--he says 2 and a half), he's tall, he's handsome...and he has two kids.

Many might see that last part as a down side, but me? I see it as a wonderful opportunity. I'm lucky enough to have someone who is willing to allow me to be a part of such a wonderful gift. I lost my babies. But this amazing man, whose talent and kindness know no bounds, is allowing me to be a part of the biggest part of his life. And I couldn't be more grateful for such an honor.

I no longer speak with the majority of the people I used to. These are people who claimed to be friends, but they've since shown me their true colors, and I've happily washed my hands of the fake ones. The one I used to refer to as Yuki is one of those people. Though he played a huge part in my life for a long time, and thanks to him, I now have found the path I was supposed to take all along (and it didn't include him remaining as part of my life), and am with someone who is truly in love with me just as much as I am with them. For that, I am thankful to him. But I see no reason to keep in touch, just as I now know I don't need the one who used to claim to be my "best friend." It's okay to let people go when they don't play a positive role in your life...even if it means losing people you loved in the process.

I did also witness the split up between my mother and stepfather, but that's okay,
too. They are just in different places of their lives, and I know they'll both be okay, and that I still have their love and support, just as they have mine. It's been a rough time, but it's also been wonderful in so many ways.

I still draw, I just haven't really had the time to update my art portfolio on here yet. I promise that once I do have time, I will.

I'm also going to do my best to update more often here, since I'm in a better place of mind now. :3


On Hiatus: Sincere apologies.

For those who are subscribed to me and read these, I regret to inform you all that I will be on hiatus for a while. Things aren't too swell right now. We finally got internet at the new house, yes, but a lot of other things have been going on as well.

With us still not fully settled in yet, there's a lot of stress, and sure as luck would have it...not long after moving in, we had to say our goodbyes to a dear family member. I know that many don't consider pets as family, but there are also a fair amount of people who do. We are some of those who consider them to be family. Our nine year old German Shepherd, Sasha, had to be put down because her Degenerative Myelopathy had progressed so much that she wasn't able to properly walk anymore, and was so numb that she didn't know she needed to urinate, so she was holding it in, thus causing kidney problems. A day before we took her to get euthanized, she looked at us with sad, tired eyes as if she were trying her best to tell us she didn't want to struggle anymore and was we took her in the next day. My mother, stepfather and myself were all there when it happened, and I need to clarify...I thought it was hard to lose a pet when you didn't get the chance to say goodbye, but it is far more difficult when you're right there saying goodbye to them, and you see the moment they leave this world in their eyes.

Sasha was one of my best friends, and at present, I am still thoroughly heartbroken that she is no longer with us in the physical world. I know she's no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful, but the selfish side of me wishes she were still here.

On top of that, I've also just recently gotten into a new relationship, and I mean COMPLETELY new...and I find myself already second guessing it, for reasons I won't mention...I can only hope I'm over thinking.

I'm far beyond stressed out right now, so please bear with my absence. I know I keep saying I'll announce the winners to the contest, but while I'm in such a spot, I don't feel like I would put enough time and thought into my decisions, and I want to be completely alert for it. So please be patient.

Again, my most sincere apologies...I will get back to things the moment everything is completely cleared up and I'm thinking straight again.


So long, precious darling. I'll see you on the other side.