Hello! This is my World...Here is where I will post my thoughts and stuff like that!!! If anything is labled a "Rant" thats what it is me going on and on about somthing I love or hate!!!!

Random Rants

The following are some problems I've had and me just going on and on...
Hopefully at least a little funny!!!

~Enjoy!

Problem:
I go to turn on my computer after class, as always. I open it up and… AGAIN?! WTF!?! Why, how, when?! When did my computer screen get so messy?! Its smudged there’s markings on it like I was touching it with my fingers! When did that happen??? I JUST cleaned it when before I put it away an hour ago! AN HOUR AGO!!! And no one else has been in the room!

Conclusion:
Computer Screen Smudge Gnomes did it.

Problem:
I can be a very forgetful person… I am at constant risk for forgetting my keys and getting locked out of my building/room. I once almost left my room without my shoes on. And I have left the room and had to came back because I’ve forgotten my backpack a couple of times. Today I actually got out side my room before I noticed that I had left my keys inside! “NOOOOOO!” I yelled and whirled around. The door was about to close! Luckily I managed to grab the door handle JUST in the nick of time, and grabbed my keys.

Conclusion:
I check for keys every time I leave my room (I wear them around my neck). I also mentally check the contents of my backpack too. Only if I say “yes” to these questions do I get to leave my room.

Problem:
If you are one of the following people please forgive me, but what is it with people who like telling their life story to people in elevators?! First off, WHY ELEVATORS?! Is it because the listener is trapped within it’s confines, and thus forced to hear your story? Or maybe it’s the relaxing elevator music? Perhaps the décor of the elevator reminds you of your childhood? Could it be that people feel helpless due to the trapped atmosphere of the small space? Second, why me? Is there something about that says “tell life story to in elevator”? I have had this happen on many occasions…

Conclusion:
I should probably start wearing headphones on elevators and lifts.

The End of the World

This my first fan word contest entry... IT was written with the image of two men sitting calmly eating cake with the end of the world visable through the window...
Thank you for viewing!
*bows*

“The world is ending!”
The cry echoes through the old man’s home.
“Oh what now?” he mutters exasperatedly.
Then the door is flung open by his twenty-something neighbor Sam.
“The world,” pronounces Sam dramatically holding one hand on the door while the other points outside, “is ending!”
“Oh?” says the old man, Bill, skeptically.
“’Oh’?! ‘Oh’ he says! Bill,” Sam states as he grabs Bill’s fragile shoulders, “The world is about to end and all you say is ‘oh’!”
Bill just stares at him.
“I am not joking Bill! We’ve got to hide and you’re the one with the basement!”
Then skinny ol’ Bill moves away from Sam and glances out the rickety window frame. What he sees are sparkling metal alien space ships in the distance. Laser beams shooting out, wreckage, smoke; the whole shebang!
“Well, what’d ya know!” cries Bill in a neutral tone.
Sam is aghast at Bill's stoic response.
“What’s wrong with you Bill!?”
“Nothing.”
Sam stares at Bill in shock before finally screaming, “THEN WHY THTE HELL ARE YOU SO CALM!? IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD OUT THERE!!!”
Silence.
Then…
“Sam, do you want some cake?”
Sam’s jaw opens wide. It moves up and down but no sound escapes Sam’s lips. No words can describe his anger, fear, and frustration.
“Because I was just about to have a slice and now you’re here and it’d be plan rude not to offer…” Bill trails off as he walks towards the cream yellow kitchen.
Sam follows behind robotically.
Bill opens the refrigerator and pulls out half a chocolate cake complete with frosting and sprinkles.
Bill turns towards Sam and gives him a serious, concerned glance. Then, with complete sincerity he asks, “Do you want a piece?”
Silence.
Faint screams float in through the slightly ajar window along with a warm summer breeze…
“How can you think of cake at a time like this?!” screams Sam simply beside himself with rage.
“It’s good.”
“What? Death? The end of the world? That’s your idea of ‘good’!?”
“No. Cake.”
“You,” pronounces Sam “must be senile!”
Bill proceeds to cut off two generous slices of the chocolate cake.
“What makes this cake so special anyways?” Mutters Sam.
“It’s chocolate.” Replies Bill as he puts both pieces on plates and nabs two forks from a battered old drawer. He places the cake at the small wooden table in the center of the kitchen.
The men sit.
Bill takes a bite. Chews slowly.
Sam takes a bite.
UFOs fly by the window shooting energy beams. People run screaming from them.
Bill and Sam stare out the window for awhile.
The screaming stops suddenly.
“Good cake.” Mutters Sam.
“Best cake.” Replies Bill.

Memory of an Interview

THIS SHORT STORY IS NOT BASED ON A REAL INTERVIEW!!!
Just a short (and hopefully humorous) story... Please tell me what you think!

I don’t know what set it off. I have no idea why I am remembering this now. It is a pointless memory and has nothing to do with anything. But all of the sudden I am struck with nostalgia. An old interview floats back into my mind…

“Name?” The interviewer.
“Joel Lusk.” Me.
“A pleasure to meet you Joel.”
We shake hands.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you too sir.”
“Take a seat.” He indicates a chair.
I sit. “Thanks.”
The interviewer, “Just call me ‘Larry’,” sits as well.
“So,” says Larry as he looks at my resume, “I see you like working with people.”
“Yep. I’m a people person”
“Good, good.”
“Yee-up, a people person.”
This interview was not getting off to a good start. Larry knew this was my first interview, and I could tell this was his first time interviewing. It was not going to be pretty.
“So Joel…”
A pause as he glances at a paper entitled “Questions to ask during an interview.”
Uh-oh. That’s not a good sign. This interview is not going to get anywhere soon.
“What are three words that would describe you?”
“I am hard working, patient, and…”
Shit! The next thing on my pre rehearsed list was being a people person and I can’t use that now because we already killed that subject, I can even see it laying dead on the ground and smell its flesh as it sits rotting on the floor of Larry’s posh office, and now I can’t say “good speaker” either because of this ridiculously long ass pause… Think! Think!!! I need the money! Think!!!
“And nice.”
Ta-Daaaah!!!!
An incredibly lame finish.
“Ah, nice.”
“Very”
An awkward silence pursues.
We both look at the desk and I am sure we’re thinking the same thing…
I am an idiot.
He’s an idiot.
Neither of us should be here, because we are idiots.
“Any hobbies?” asks Larry trying to cover up his shame.
“I enjoy reading, helping my friend with her music, and swimming.” I reply trying to cover up mine.
“Could you tell me more about what type of books you like?”
What an odd question. We are off the normal interview script now! Onward into the abyss! Onward into the dark unknown! We shall laugh in the face of danger and conquer the shadows of the world until all is in the light!
“I read books like iRobot, 1984, The Invisible Man, Dracula … Books like that. I am a sucker for the ‘classics.’”
“Cool.”
I sigh. I bet he only recognized one title on my list.
“So Joel, why do you want to work here?”
I need the money, I think, but answer, “I believe it will be a great opportunity to help the community by using my people skills.” And earn some much needed cash.
I flash Larry a smile.
He flashes one back.
We share a moment of uselessness.
The silence catches us.
“So…” says Larry.
“Yes..?” I reply hopefully.
Will the quiet end here? Will this be an end to awkwardness beyond measure?
I hope so.
Larry clears his throat.
I lean forward in my chair.
Waiting, waiting.
He grins.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
It’s NEVER a good thing when the interviewer “grins”! Smiling is fine, but grinning! Especially an evil grin like that! Means bad things. It means the interviewer feels threatened by you. It means you’re not good enough. It means they think you’re pathetic scum. It also means I won’t be getting any of that much needed cash from this particular workplace.
I settle back down in my chair disappointed.
“Why should I choose you to fill this position?”
He put a nasty stress on the “you”. I can actually feel his evil thoughts blasting towards my face. It’s like a strong wind carrying a very distasteful odor.
My position is hopeless but I carry on.
I can still try.
Even though the decision has been made and I know I’ll lose. I wonder if this is what it’s like to be ruled by fate…
“I feel that I have the qualifications and drive to do a really good job here,” I say through my teeth as I grin tersely, “and that I will be able to thrive in this work environment. I also hope to add my own abilities to the companies so we can all reach for higher goals.”
Now that’s what I call over embellishing!
Larry pauses not seeming to know how to respond.
Ha! Take that you irksome interviewer!
“I see…” He finally replies.
“So what does this business have to offer me?” I inquire sweetly.
Larry makes a lovely shocked statue. How I want to take this marble carving home! I’d proudly display it and tell everyone “Twas the day I slough the beast that I won this mighty trophy!”
“Um, well…”
Ohhhh!
I’ve done it now! I’ve put Larry on his guard!
And so the interviewee becomes the interviewer!
“We offer good health care plans to full time workers. And dental.”
“Ah I see.”
“I see.”
“I saw it first.”
Now Larry’s really angry.
Have I been mocking him? Parish the thought!
I smile.
He just doesn’t know what to make of that.
“Ummmm…”
“Yeeeeesss...?”
Now I am just being a bit of a jerk…
“Uh I think that is about it…”
He’s actually blushing now.
Oh a tiny pang of guilt.
Larry grins that evil grin of his, all embarrassment gone away.
My guilt too disappears in a rush.
“You can leave now.” The interviewer.
You can droop dead I think but say, “You too!”
We sit there silently evaluating each other for a time.
We grin.
“Goodbye Mr. Lusk.”
“Farewell Mr. Just-call-me-Larry!”
And so ended a very uneventful interview, and my people skills were put to shameful waste…

Where did that come from? What a random memory! I haven’t thought about Larry in forever! Then I remember.
That’s right I saw him shopping just the other day!
He had grown fat and lazy. I felt a shame at seeing his disarray. So disarmed he was in his casual weekend wear. I felt like I was intruding on his private moment as he inspected broccoli in the grocery store. Yet at the same time I knew he would have taken a sick pleasure out of invading my moment over by the other noble vegetables. I turned my back on him and hurried off to make my purchase of milk, bread and a rather nice bag of carrots.

Ups and Downs of Having A big Family (hopefully funny...)

First of all, as those with big families know all too well, its LOUD. There is always someone there talking, singing, eating, typing, being irksome...and various other REALLY wierd things...(For example I once had a relative who would toss hard objects at my head when I wasn't looking. And another that tried to eat my friend...) On the other hand however, you always have somebody to talk to, be it a sister, brother, grandma, aunt, uncle, niece, cousin, 2nd cousin, your great unlce's cousin's half sister's son...etc. There are always people around...This can be good or bad...depends on how you look at it.

Also, YOU KNOW ALOT OF PEOPLE. Half the people you know are family... If you have a large family you probably know alot of them from one place or another. If not you know somebody who knows sombody. Trust me, whether you know it or not if you have a large family, you've been effected by people you have NEVER met before and maybe never will...Agian this can work for or agianst you...Makes you wonder...just how many times has your life been altered by somebody you don't even know exists...

I don't know about your families, but mine only gets together for 2 reasons. Either A.Theres a wedding or B.Someone died. Its harsh, but the sad truth. Weddings aren't just filled with joy and happiness for the newly weds, but also (since you only see these people once in whos Knows how many days, months even years) with saying goodbye to you sickly relatives...Once agian, a sad truth...Sometimes in larger familiese you don't get a chance to say good-bye before they are gone forever and other times you meet a family member for the first time, just to go to their funneral the next month...Its all very sad but at funnerals my family gets to see each other, which doesn't happen often...So in a way its good...I believe this is why the "Family Reunion" was invented...Just some food for thought.

Stories. Thats the best part of having a large family. Telling the stories of things long past. Some funny, some confusing, some upsetting, and others that are really just an inside joke that know one else could possibly understand. They start like "Remember the time when..." or "What about that time..." and they are always,always worth listening to.If you have never listened to a family story, whether your family be big or small, please give it a try next time. Stories are a part of tradition and you may learn something about a close relative you didn't know before or even become closer to one you usually ignore.

In the end families are families. It dosen't really matter the size. Your family could be 100,000,000,000 or 2 people. Your family can even just be your friends. So long as the loves there, you've got yourself a family!

I hope I didn't write too much...All this has been floating around in my head lately...It just boggled itself out in this essay rant hybrid.

-Tsubasachro

Rant of the Rants

This rant is to show you what a rant is...
That means randomness galore...
I usually try to make them funny...Sometimes I actually do...
When that happens I am in shock and faint dead away.
They are informal with bad spelling and sometimes slang...So please forgive me.
I can't spell to save my life and I type really really slooooooow

Oh and I am obsessed with Vampire Hunter D and It'll come up every now and then...

I really can't think of anything cool or fun to say...

DUM DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM

DUM DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM

One day I hope to know what to say at times like these...

So heres a list!!! YAY for lists!!!

Weirdest things that have happened to me...(all thes really happened...scary...)

Almost sacrificed to some demon god...(It was 6-6-06) I was frighted as some stranger pulled me away...Then my friend rescued me!!!

Was attacked by a chicken in a parking lot(It jumped at me from a tree...)

Was chased down a dead end street by a dog and a weird women.

Was served REFRIGERATED ice cream (Do you know how gross that is? It was moldy andmelted and expired and my old crazy lair lady [my aunt] was giving me the death glare to eat it...)

I was sitting at a public computer taking stupid online quizes when out of know where I hear this voice in my ear "Take that one!!!! I want to take that one!!!! Click on it! Click on it!!!!!!" So I did. She took the quiz through me...We're friends now. I call her Girl-Who-Stares-Over-Shoulder.

Was stranded for 4 hours in a rain forest...Miles form a town...During hunting season...In wild boar land...

Did you know that geckos make sounds? Neither did I...The squeek...very loudly they squeek...Then they fall on your head while your sleeping...and hide in you shoes...and all the while they squeek...

Yup. Thats all I can think of. Thats what a Rants like. There'll be good days and bad days...

-Tsubasachro