I've made a terrible mess of things between myself and people I care about, and I want everyone to know I feel sick about it. I may have ruined things forever, or for a long time, but even so I'm going to come clean.
To Raina: I'm sorry I hid the relationship we had for so long. I don't believe it was out of shame, but fear that I would be forced to make a choice, a choice for some reason I wasn't prepared to make. I'm sorry I talked about you to Katana when our relationship wasn't going well and I felt the need to vent to someone about my frustration at your anxieties and being unable to help you get past them.
To Katana: I'm sorry that I led you along, even though I didn't do it with purpose or malice. I'm sorry I didn't say from the beginning "I'm flattered, but..." when you told me of your feelings. I'm sorry I betrayed your faith in me, especially when I'd been there for you at a time when you were coming out of one hurt, only to eventually lead you into another.
This may sound lame, but both of you are special to me indifferent ways, and I think that's why I tried to avoid a choice of one or the other. I guess I've proved even at my age, I still have a lot of maturing to do to handle a relationship. Well, I guess this is that maturing, only in the worst way possible.
I don't feel very good about myself these days. I hope this admission can begin some healing in all this. I think it's best I spend some time away from here for now...
