I've made a terrible mess of things between myself and people I care about, and I want everyone to know I feel sick about it. I may have ruined things forever, or for a long time, but even so I'm going to come clean.
To Raina: I'm sorry I hid the relationship we had for so long. I don't believe it was out of shame, but fear that I would be forced to make a choice, a choice for some reason I wasn't prepared to make. I'm sorry I talked about you to Katana when our relationship wasn't going well and I felt the need to vent to someone about my frustration at your anxieties and being unable to help you get past them.
To Katana: I'm sorry that I led you along, even though I didn't do it with purpose or malice. I'm sorry I didn't say from the beginning "I'm flattered, but..." when you told me of your feelings. I'm sorry I betrayed your faith in me, especially when I'd been there for you at a time when you were coming out of one hurt, only to eventually lead you into another.
This may sound lame, but both of you are special to me indifferent ways, and I think that's why I tried to avoid a choice of one or the other. I guess I've proved even at my age, I still have a lot of maturing to do to handle a relationship. Well, I guess this is that maturing, only in the worst way possible.
I don't feel very good about myself these days. I hope this admission can begin some healing in all this. I think it's best I spend some time away from here for now...
While a few of you might know, most probably don't that I have been in a relationship with fellow member Raina for a few years now. I wanted to keep things private, but this might have also had a damaging effect because there have been feelings that I was perhaps ashamed of letting people know. I also don't want anyone to possibly hate Raina because they think I am or should be involved with someone else. She feels there's been some ill feelings toward her that have driven her off the site for the most part.
I should have said something about this a lot sooner to prevent a lot of hurt feelings.
So there's the simple explanation. I don't want to accuse anyone of anything without proof, because that's not how I am. But its past time that the air was cleared.
As Ducky recently pointed out in her comment, I don't want anyone to badmouth anyone else over this since I haven't told the whole story, and I don't want to in order to prevent what would likely be a worse situation.
If you want to badmouth anyone, go ahead and do it to me, because I'm the jerk and coward who let this all go on as long as it has, and I couldn't feel any worse than I already do.
I hope I haven't disappointed any of you. I'm only human, and we all make mistakes, sometimes pretty serious ones.
So I had to go back to the dentist today to get the decay issues taken care of. I thought maybe it was just a couple of teeth, but I guess it was more widespread, because work was done on practically the entire upper row. So I've had my teeth filled in and ground down where needed. I'm slowly getting back to normal; the left side of my upper lip is still puffy from the Novocain.
Season 3, on DVD. Boo-yah.
Speaking of Castle, I saw the Derrick Storm graphic novel from the Season 3 finale in the bookstore. First the Nikki Heat books get published for real, and now this. CASTLE BREAKS THE FOURTH WALL OF REALITY!
I also have a larger litter box for Pond, because she's getting a bit big for the other one, as evidenced this weekend when she missed the mark... >>; The old one will go over to grandma's house, so she has a toilet for the times we take her there.
EDIT: WE ARE MADE OF FAIL
For about a month, the breaker for our kitchen and dining room lights has been busted, and dad has repeatedly failed to take the time to repair it. Well, no one bothered to give a thought about the big freezer in the laundry room, which for some reason is on the same circuit. I guess it was a well-sealed freezer, because it's been off the whole time and we never smelled anything. Unfortunately... >>;
And for a fourth round, tagged by Ace.
1: What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
I don't know. *flung off the bridge*
2: Who's your favorite PERSON?
Real or fictional? Fictional: The Doctor. Real: Oh heck, idk... I'll say my grandma.
3: What was your favorite dress-up/Halloween/cosplay costume?
I dressed up as the Fouth Doctor a lot as a kid, but my favorite would have to be the year I did Sherlock Holmes.
4: What was your favorite TV show as a child?
I watched a lot of TV, but I'll single out The Muppet Show, because Jim Henson rules.
5: What is your current favorite TV show?
I'd normally say Doctor Who, but this time I'll say MythBusters, because I can watch any episode anytime.
6: What is your favorite PIXAR movie?
Looking at the list of Pixar films, I realize I haven't seen most of them. I'll go with Toy Story.
7: Do you think that Jar-Jar Binks ruined everything out of his own sheer stupidity or did he have actual malicious intent?
8: Do you expect the Spanish Inquisition?
Not when their chief weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear. Surprise, fear, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope...
9: What's your favorite flavor of cake? "Pie" is not a cake.
I like lemon cake.
10: What's the coolest piece of nerd swag you own and why does it mean so much to you?
I like my nerd swag, but I don't think there's one piece I love above all else, although I enjoy wearing my Doctor-and-Amy-peeking-through-the-Crack shirt.
11: Who is the greatest villain of all time, from any piece of fiction you've ever enjoyed?
Probably Davros from Doctor Who, because he's the ultimate mad scientist. How can you get any more evil than creating the Daleks, who's sole reason to live is to destroy all other life?
No more tags. I'm done. :V