"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart."
for writing of all kinds. (concrit welcomed. ♥)
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- Created By bellpickle
Entry for the January Fan Challenge @ The Watercooler
To The One That Got Away,
I won't ask where you went off to (even if that's what we're all wondering) because I figure if you haven't told us already, then you probably never planned to. Knowing you, even if I did ask, you would just respond with something like worry about yourself before worrying about me, stupid to avoid answering the question. So I won't ask. Instead I'll just tell you, in my typical motherly fashion, to take care of yourself no matter where you decide to go.
I sure will miss you, though, as embarrassing as it is. It's weird to think about how short a time we got to know each other, isn't it? Only one season passed by and you're already gone, but I still feel like I know you so well. Even though in reality, we hardly know each other at all. But in that short span of time, I got to see the real you underneath that laidback exterior: how protective you are of your friends, your kindness even to strangers, your shyness and insecurities. Do you realize how transparent you are? Not that I mean it as an insult! That's part of what we all love about you.
Her included. Even though she always hides it behind a smile, of everyone here, it's pretty obvious that she misses you the most. I know that's cruel of me to say, but I felt you needed to hear it. I think it's a good kind of pain, as weird as that is to say, because even though it hurts for you two to be parted, that pain also shows how much you both care for each other. I've never been one to miss people much, even people who I'm really close to, so even if you curse me for saying this now... enjoy that feeling of missing someone. It's a lot more precious than you think.
You're really lucky, you know that? So much so that I can't help but feel a little envious. As agonizing as I'm sure it is for you sometimes, it must be nice to love someone that much. So no matter what happens, could you promise me one thing? Wherever you are, hold onto her, okay? No matter how much time or distance separates the two of you, don't you dare let her go. So many people never even get to really fall in love, never even come close to it. I hope you two know how lucky the both of you really are.
She'll probably scold me for even mentioning it, but she wonders about you a lot. We're all doing well here, but what about you? Is that painting you wanted to see still around? Have you figured out what you want to be in life? (If you even need to.) Time waits for no one, after all. Make the best of it, okay?
I'm really glad to have met you, even though it was for such a short time. I'm glad for your subtle kindness, for your warm heart, and for playing baseball with me even though I suck at it. Even though you sometimes come off as loud and a little wild, like the hero of some shounen anime, I know you're a really good friend in the ways that matter most. I'll miss you, you big dope.
Hoping to see you again somewhere, someday...
Bell
Anti-Japanese Stigma in China
This is the paper I was freaking out over yesterday. Figured some of you might be interested, though it's definitely not my best work seeing as how crunched I was while writing it. I didn't even get to re-read it fully before turning it in. *FACEP...random triolet
its imprint never fades
it lingers
in withered yellow shades
its imprint never fades
images clear as cascades
it searches with coarse fingers
its imprint never fades
it lingers.
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I was in a really weird mood today so I decided to just sit down and write something.
Just because I haven't posted here in a while... OVERTURE-VERSE:
For the first time in his life, Jaejoong doesn’t know what to make of this boy.
Certainly he seemed kind enough. A little arrogant sometimes, though, like he had to be composed and in control of everything at all times, but he was nice and was friends with a lot of the other trainees, and even though Jaejoong was a newbie, he hadn’t even made a single attempt to haze him. But there was something about him, and Jaejoong doesn’t know what exactly, that put him on edge. The very first time they met in the dance studio, where the other boy spent so much of his time that he practically lived there, Jaejoong heart started pounding like angry door knocks, as if he were scared of just conversing with this boy. He makes Jaejoong feel so sick that his mind works on auto and he starts rambling about something stupid, like how monkeys actually peel bananas upside-down when neither of them are eating one. And each time it happens, the other boy just smiles awkwardly like he has no idea how else to respond, and it just makes Jaejoong want to vomit even more.
A doctor’s appointment is too much of a strain for his measly budget, so he goes to the nearest free health clinic and waits for hours in a room filled with homeless people to be told that, physically at least, there is nothing wrong with him. A little stressed and a little underweight, but nothing that should cause intermittent queasiness and impaired speech. Jaejoong, realizing that this was a mind issue rather than a body issue, decides that he has two options:
1) Eventually overcome these symptoms with time, steady exposure, and sheer determination no matter how many ridiculous things he blurts or even if he one day passes out on the spot.
2) Avoid him.
At the moment, the latter option looks really, really appealing.
Kim Jaejoong, newest trainee of music industry giant SM Entertainment, met a boy in a strange new city that makes him sweat just at the sight of him, makes him feel as if the whole world is rocking wildly on loose hinges, and he has no idea what to make of it.
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DO THEY EVEN HAVE FREE HEALTH CLINICS IN KOREA???
FINAL response assignment for Beloved
Which doesn't mean that this is the last paper I will have to write for the class (there's still the final 5-7 page paper ;__;), but it's the last that will focus on one specific passage from the text. I'm not sure how plausible some points of my argument are, but hey. I only have one night to read and write this stuff so stfu. >_>;;
The use of first person throughout the chapter on pg. 248-252 clarifies previously unclear characteristics of Beloved. This passage is very significant in understanding Beloved because it explores her inner thoughts and her own self-concept in a way that third person cannot. By utilizing first person, the text accentuates Beloved’s confused sense of identity, and suggests that Beloved’s self-perception is so flexible to the point that, even when she describes herself in her own words, she is still unknowable.
Throughout this chapter, “I” and its possessive forms “my” and “mine” are used to depict how Beloved’s sense of identity is constantly shifting. In regards to Beloved, first person is used only in accordance to whomever she identifies with at that moment in time. When taking the body of the woman thrown off the boat, Beloved’s wording transitions from “I see her face which is mine” to “I have to have my face” to “I am loving my face so much.” (pg. 251) The shift in identity from one body to another is clearly seen as third person is completely dropped from her sentences. This suggests that her identity is shifting in both a physical and metaphorical sense; she is physically switching bodies, but at the same time, she is also switching the people whom she identifies with. Because these people greatly affect her self-concept, Beloved’s identity is impermanent and ever-changing.
Although the use of “we” throughout the first half of the chapter seems to imply a connection between Beloved and her greater community, it actually is another word used to establish Beloved’s self-concept. When describing the other prisoners on the boat, Beloved states: “They are not crouching now we are they are floating on the water.” (pg. 250) Beloved’s “we” are the prisoners alive on the boat, whereas “they” are the dead prisoners being thrown off the boat. By clearly distinguishing between “we” and “they,” Beloved sets up a group of “others” to compare her current identity to. The people included in and excluded from the group “we” is entirely determined by and interlinked with Beloved’s current identity.
Furthermore, “we” becomes just as impermanent of an identity as Beloved’s individual identity “I.” Once Beloved switches to the body of the woman in the water, there is a noticeable and sudden absence of the word “we” and a greater abundance of the word “I.” Because Beloved switched bodies once more, the prior definition of “we,” the other prisoners onboard the ship along with Beloved, no longer applies. “We” is not relevant to Beloved’s new identity, and so she abandons the word, completely dropping it from her vocabulary. This allows her to focus entirely upon her new self, her new “I.”
However, at the end of the chapter, Beloved’s shifting identities do close in on one person: Sethe. Beloved refers to Sethe as having “the face I lost” and “my face,” (pg. 252) suggesting that Beloved ultimately identifies most with Sethe. Like with every person whose identity she has assumed prior to this scene, Beloved equates herself with her assumed identity, never forming her own sense of self.
First person is typically used to explore a character’s identity, but here it instead is used to explore Beloved’s lack of identity. The chapter culminates with Beloved associating herself to Sethe more than any of the others she’s inhabited, but this association in itself is not enough to create a whole identity. Even when equating herself with Sethe in the end, her self-concept remains muddled and unsure. Like a doppelganger, Beloved constantly assumes the identity of others, never revealing her true form.
I PROMISE I'LL POST SOMETHING MORE FUNNER WHEN I GET THE CHANCE TO. :(((
Though I do think that my conclusions are getting better. :DD
*off to do reading~*
