Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real people or events is completely coincidental and unintended. Author's Note: Any copying of this story or parts of this story will be considered plagiarism and will be treated as such.Note: I just edited this and turned it into one long thing instead of breaking it up into pages.

“Hey! Wait up,” the young brunette, Jake, shouted. The 1981 Delorean pulled up alongside the blond on the sidewalk. Jake put his head out the car window and asked with his trademark large and silly grin, “Need a ride Kate?”

“My mother told me not to get rides from strange men,” Kate replied without even glancing at the proffered transport. She continued to walk while Jake mulled over her answer, thus escaping the strange man.

“… Wait a second!!”

Jake’s roommate looked at him. It was not just any look either, it was an incredulous ‘I can’t believe you’re actually that stupid’ look. Jake did not take it well.

“What!?”

“Kate? Seriously?”

“Why not, she’s kind, beautiful, compassionate, caring-”

“Okay, stop. I don’t need to hear this about my sister.” The two boys sat in silence, one brooding and one daydreaming. After a few more minutes of the quiet atmosphere, the brooding one could not help but speak up. “She’s not the romantic type.”

Jake looked over at his friend, startled. “I know that Justin.”

“No. I mean she’s really not the romantic type.”

A Banana Twinkie was plopped down in front of Kate. With the homework she had been near finished with obscured, she had no choice but to look up at the person who had dropped the offending object. There stood Jake, his smile still plastered on his face. The two stared deep into each other’s eyes for a few moments. It would have been incredibly romantic if it weren’t for the clueless nature of one and the stupidity radiating off the other.

Finally, Kate asked, “What’s this for?”

“You didn’t eat lunch today! I thought you might get hungry.”

His goodwill would have been endearing if it weren’t for one little aspect.

“… I’m allergic to bananas.”

Justin looked at his friend and roommate while sighing for perhaps the fiftieth time. “Why am I doing this again?”

“Because you owe me?”

“For what?”

Jake scratched his head in thought for a moment before he came up with the proper answer. “For helping you ace that science test two weeks ago!”

“I already paid you back. You made me take you out to lunch, remember?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

The male version of Kate stared at his friend with much less benevolence than one would expect of a best friend.

“Then,” Jake started, oblivious to Justin’s attempts to obliterate him, “How about ‘cause you like me!” Absentmindedly Justin wondered if any jury could honestly find him guilty for killing the guy sitting on his bed.

Her algebra textbook was destroyed. The pages had brown coffee stains and were completely soaked through. Half of the problems couldn’t even be read. Kate had gotten to her sophomore year of college without once having so much as a tear result from her ownership of school books. So consumed by the spot of imperfection, both literally and figuratively, on her record was Kate that she didn’t even notice Jake apologizing profusely.

“I just thought you might need some coffee!! I’ll pay for it, really I will! I’m so-” Jake was cut off by the abrupt murderous aura surrounding his object of affection.

“Get. Out.”

“Um… Kate?” Jake jumped when he met Kate’s eyes. There was no mercy to be found in her hazel orbs of hate.

“Never come in my room again.”

“You know how I told you that you were going crazy?”

“Yes?”

“I was wrong. You’re insane.”

“C’mon Justin!! Just tell me,” Jake whined at his friend. Justin sighed and rubbed his temples. He didn’t know why he considered Jake a friend, really he didn’t.

“I already told you that she’s not romantic.”

Jake gave his roommate a confident smile, “Yeah, and I told you I knew that! But, every girl likes flowers. Just tell me her favorite type!”

A few death glares courtesy of Justin later, the blond boy finally gave in. After all, what harm could the idiot that was his roommate do with a simple plant?

Kate looked at the fern that was shoved in her face. Although, it wasn’t as if she had much of a choice in the matter. Minutes passed before she finally asked Jake, the owner of the fern, “What’s this?”

“It’s a spider plant!” Jake was nearly beaming with pride. “I know it’s your favorite!” Jake gave the large and silly grin that Kate had come to recognize as trouble.

Kate took a few moments to look deliberately at the plant before looking back to Jake. “That’s not a spider plant.”

“Sure it is,” Jake insisted, pointing at something underneath a leaf, “See? It’s a plant, and I put a lot of spiders in it!”

Kate was positive that when she died, it would be Jake’s fault. In fact, she wanted the cause of death to be on her tombstone in big bold letters as Jake.

“I don’t like spiders.”

“No! How many times to have do I say the word before you understand!?”

“But-” Jake started with the beginnings of a puppy dog look on his face.

“I will not, under any circumstance and no matter how pathetic you look, show you my family albums. No amount of begging will convince me otherwise.”

Jake and Justin had an old western style stare down without the guns, hats, outfits, or the old west. Then Jake got a decisively cunning look on his face. It was a look that Justin instantly decided he didn’t like.

“So you do have old albums in here…”

“Give me your left shoe.”

Jake blinked. Then, he blinked again. Kate was not known to make random requests of a person regarding his footwear; that was Jake’s job. However, Jake was not going to deny any demand of the love of his life. He gave Kate his shoe, his left shoe to be precise. Kate smiled as the brunette handed her the sneaker willingly. Then, the smile never leaving her face, Kate threw the left shoe out the open window. There was a small thunk as the object hit the ground, and many students turned to look upon the shoe with surprise.

A few moments passed before Jake asked, “Why did you just throw my left shoe out of the third story window?”

Kate just stared at him for a moment with that same smile fixed in place. She then continued on her way to class.

“I’m pretty sure this is a criminal offense.”

“Yeah? Well, I call it self defense!”

“I asked you what Kate’s favorite color was!!”

Justin glared at Jake. Jake, however, couldn’t notice this. He was tied up at the moment, bad pun intended. A rope was bound around his midsection and constricted his arms to his sides. His hands and feet were hog tied. A blindfold completed the captive look that Jake was unenthusiastically wearing.

“I’m sure everyone in court will take my side.”

Kate looked upon the giant muddle without any of the shock she might have had in another situation. In fact, Kate had almost expected Jake to try and clean up the mess with a broom. The boy wasn’t very familiar with liquid latex, she was sure.

However, it was sweet.

Kate had been the one to spill the quart bottle of liquid latex.

Then again, she would have to clean both the floor and the broom thanks to Jake’s interference.

Any appreciative feelings Kate may have had left her mind in a hurry at that thought.

The two men were completely and utterly drunk. It was a good thing they were in their room and not some unfamiliar bar.

“Why do you like my sister anyway? Really, I mean.”

Jake looked at Justin, and through his alcohol induced haze, he somehow managed a coherent answer, “I guess I just do. I don’t know. She just feels right, you know?”

Justin might have answered that no, he had no idea what the brunette was talking about if he were still conscious. Jake might have taken offense to his friend’s abrupt ending to their conversation if he hadn’t followed the blonde’s trip to la-la land almost immediately after.

The two were most definitely going to have a terrible hangover the next day.

Jake’s trademark grin was back with a vengeance. Luckily for him, Kate didn’t notice. She was far too busy fussing over the rather large bruise covering the right side of Jake’s face. In his mind, Jake was happy he had tripped over that soda bottle cap. The little blue thing had been lying innocently in the hallway when Jake had started to run over to Kate. If Kate hadn’t known that Jake was tremendously klutzy before, she sure did after the bottle cap incident.

Jake winced as Kate applied a bit of pressure on his cheek. “Ow,” the brunette whined.

Kate looked like she was going to reprimand Jake for a moment, but the moment passed. Jake’s bruise continued to be tended to, much more gently than before.

Jake’s smile was incurable. He was going to have to find that little blue cap later. In Jake’s mind, that thing was like a lucky charm. He winced.

It was the best thing that had happened to him all week.

“Why would I let you cheat off me?”

Jake grinned at Justin, “Because you love me!”

Justin stared for a moment before going back to his English paper. “No. No, I do not.”

“Hey,” Jake cried out, waving his arms for dramatic effect, “I thought you were my best friend!”

“So?” Justin didn’t even look up from his typing.

“That means we have to love each other,” Jake stated as if it were a widely known fact.

“Idiot.”

“I know I am, but what are you?”

“Huh?”

Jake had succeeded in pulling Justin’s attention away from the computer screen.

“You know, I can cook,” Kate said as she looked apprehensively at the equipment Jake had spread on his counter.

“Nope! I’m treating you!” Jake smiled as he laid out the bamboo sushi rolling mat and large, unsuited carving knife.

Kate looked around desperately. Finally, she had an idea, “Where’s my brother?”

Jake looked over at her as he picked up his (Justin’s) knife, “He said that he didn’t want to be around when the ambulance came and then left.”

Kate stared with growing fear at the happy-go-lucky idiot wielding a very dangerous object before her. A mental note went down in her mind to get revenge on her brother for abandoning her.

“You know what?”

Jake looked up again, and came very close to cutting off his finger while doing so. Kate jumped.

“Yes?”

“I’d really rather go out to eat Italian! It’ll be fun!”

Jake grinned and put down the knife, “Alright!”

Kate sighed in relief as Jake noted that he would be able to go out with the girl of his dreams and eat his favorite food at the same time. That made him happy. He decided that the money he spent on buying the bamboo mat thing was well advised.

“Justin?”

“I’m not telling you about Kate the kid.”

Jake glared at his friend. “That’s not what I was going to ask!”

Justin turned the swivel chair around and faced the brunette. To his ears, Jake had sounded oddly serious. Justin sighed, he hoped nothing was terribly wrong. Then, being the idiot’s best friend and all, he would be expected to pick up the proverbial pieces, or literal, depending. He really hoped it wasn’t literal though, Jake had already gotten himself in enough trouble with the school. Justin didn’t need to be dragged into it. And, what was more, he didn’t want his best friend and his sister’s stalker to be thrown out.

“Where did you put the pudding?”

Jake sighed. He didn’t like the rain, and it made him almost pessimistic. Of course, it happened to be raining outside. Well, at least he had brought his umbrella, his blue umbrella with little duckies on it. Then Jake noticed Kate. She seemed to be yelling at something red while trying to strangle the said red thing.

Jake walked closer and noticed the red thing was a broken umbrella. He conveniently remembered something Justin had said about Kate hating the rain. Jake grinned as he thought that perhaps the rain wasn’t the bane of his being.

Like a dashing gentleman in an old romantic film, Jake opened his umbrella above Kate. The grateful look she shot at him made Jake positive that rain wasn’t all bad. Then the mood was killed by the yellow duckies dotted across his umbrella. He was pretty sure Kate was laughing.

It was either that or she was choking.

Jake hoped she was laughing.

It made Jake decide that he liked the rain.

“Could you kindly shut your trap? I’m trying to concentrate.”

“You’re always bugging me when I’m studying,” Justin grinned around his slice of pizza. He was sprawled across their couch with an open box of pizza sitting on the one table in the entire dorm.

Jake glared. “I thought revenge was a fool’s dish.”

“Yes, and I’m your roommate. Obviously I fit the bill.”

Jake glared again, unable to come up with a response to Justin’s unexpected path of logic.

Justin’s grin grew as Jake went back to his history book.

“Mm. Pizza.”

Kate blinked at the box Jake had given her. Said idiot beamed at her. Kate looked at the box, then at Jake, then at the box again, then back at Jake. Her gaze rested on Jake. With an arched eyebrow Kate wordlessly asked Jake why in the world he had given her a box with a red neon flamingo in it.

If anything, Jake’s smile intensified. “Well, I thought that I’d get you something different, since flowers obviously weren’t the answer, and you seemed to like red a lot.”

Kate blinked again, she had been doing that more and more after meeting Jake. “Why a flamingo?”

Jake shrugged at that. “I don’t know. It looked cool.”

Kate rolled her eyes as she walked away. Jake called out in surprise and distress at her action. Little did he know that red had just gone from the color Kate hated above all others to her absolute favorite.

“If you could have any wish in the world what would it be?”

“I don’t know. Three more wishes?”

Jake groaned, “Look, it is bad enough that I have to do this interview project, but please cooperate!”

Justin sighed and rubbed his temples. “Fine, I’d wish for the biggest pizza in the world.”

Jake looked at his friend for a few moments before writing down his answer. While scribbling away, Jake said absentmindedly, “I’m a bad influence on you.”

Jake sighed, sitting dejectedly on his bed. Justin had wished him a happy birthday on the way out, and even made him a dessert pizza, so Jake was grateful about that. But, it really wasn’t any use having all that birthday yummyness with no one to share it with. It made Jake sad. Justin’s cooking was great, and he never made Jake desserts.

The door opened unexpectedly, and Jake made a mental note to lock the door. When he saw who had barged into his dorm with a pretty box all wrapped up in shinny paper the note got blown right out of his mind. Kate grinned as she saw Jake’s surprised expression.

“Can’t leave my favorite birthday boy all alone, now can I?”

Jake’s attitude improved from there, especially when Kate handed him the box she had been holding. A beautiful dragon pendant greeted him as he opened the box. The light caught the green scales and reflected the dragon’s colors around the room. Jake smiled.

“You seemed like the type to like dragons.”

Jake’s smile grew.

Kate noticed the untouched pizza. “Well, let’s get celebrating!”

It was the best birthday he had ever had.

Justin gave his friend the look. Jake shivered. The look was no laughing matter, it had made men greater than him succumb to Justin’s will within seconds. But, Jake had to be strong.

“You’re insane.”

“You’ve said that before.”

“Yes, but I didn’t realize how true it was until now.”

“Oh, come on! It’s just to lighten things up a bit.”

“No.”

“It’s my dorm too.”

“No.”

“Only for a little while!”

“No. We are not putting a life size cardboard cutout of Luke Skywalker next to the couch.”

A loud sound ripped through the silence that had engulfed the classroom. Nearly everyone jumped, including the teacher. Kate shot Jake a look, but it was one made out of curiosity, not anger, so Jake was alright.

“Miss?” Jake had the teacher’s attention. “I think that was the sound they decided on while the fire alarms were being worked on.”

The class emptied in a hurry. After the explosion in the chemistry lab, no one messed with possible fires.

Jake grinned as Kate came up to him. He showed her the tape recorder he had used to make it sound like a foghorn going off. Kate grinned back. They both hadn’t studied for the test.

Jake grinned while waving the four leaf clover in Justin’s face. “I’ve got good luck, I’ve got good luck, I’ve got good luck,” the asylum escapee chanted.

Justin tried to watch TV around the dancing form of his roommate before it became too much for him.

“I don’t care!!!”

Jake stared in shock at his friend for a moment. Then, recovering in a very Jake-like fashion, he stuck out his tongue and said, “You’re just jealous.”

Jake sneezed and groaned as the sneezes continued.

“I told you not to open it,” Kate scolded. The brunette was covered with sneezing powder, and Kate felt very bad for him. Of course, she didn’t let it show. Jake needed to learn not to go opening random containers in her kitchen.

Jake asked around his sneezes, “Why do you have this stuff anyway?”

“For idiots like you.” Jake glared halfheartedly. Kate smiled and continued, “Besides, my brother hates it.”

Jake grinned. He really had found the perfect girl for him.

“Jake?”

“Yes?”

“You’re an idiot.”

If he hadn’t just made Justin his worst enemy, Jake would have made a witty comment. However, making the guy who felt like strangling him mad didn’t seem smart. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jake wondered why they even had itching powder, especially anywhere near the laundry pile.

At the moment though, Jake was just focused on staying alive. Justin’s wrath was not something people generally wanted any part of.

Vaguely, Kate wondered if the sound that she was being forced to listen to was something like a sweet potato hitting the wall. Kate sighed.

For a reason unknown to her, Jake had dragged her off to karaoke. Kate had a feeling her brother was angry though. It seemed like karaoke would be the last place one would generally find Jake given his inability to sing. Kate sighed again.

She had no idea why she put up with the idiot.

“Justin?”

The blond ignored his roommate.

“Justin?”

The ignoring continued.

Jake scratched his head. Then he had an idea.

“Justin, will you marry me?”

That got his attention real fast. Before Justin remembered that he was angry and didn’t want to talk to Jake, he replied, “Wha?”

Jake grinned. “I got you to talk!!” Seeing that Justin continued to stare at him as if he were a Martian that had just declared it liked to eat honey covered pencils, Jake said, “I’m sorry. I can’t marry you, but I’d like us to stay friends.”

Justin tilted his head, an action that made him look somewhat dog-like, while he replied oh so eloquently, “Huh?”

“I don’t know why you’d even ask, seeing as I’m after your sister.”

…

“You’re an idiot.”

All was well.

Their makeshift swords clunked as they crossed. Both Jake and Kate were sweating, but having too much fun to really care. They danced around each other, the couch, and various other furnishings as they dueled with toilet plungers.

Finally Kate had obtained the upper hand. The duel came to an end that reflected her abrupt advantage. The plunging part of the plunger faced Jake.

Jake grinned as Kate laughed and did a mini victory dance. Whatever had been making her sad was obviously long forgotten.

Justin stared at Jake in an incredulous way that rivaled the look he had shot his friend when he first discovered his sister had a new stalker.

“What did you do to your hair?”

Jake grinned and replied, “It’s not permanent.”

“Yes, but why in world would you dye it such an obnoxious red?”

“Red’s Kate’s favorite color and she’s been down lately.”

“So you plan to cheer her up with crazy hair.” It was a statement.

“You understand my logic!”

“No, I don’t.”

Jake grinned as Justin had a fleeting memory of Kate telling him she hated red. He decided he must have been mistaken. Either that or Jake was screwed. Justin almost hoped he was right, before deciding his best friend’s love life came before his personal amusement.

Kate looked at the object that was thrust under her nose. She was honestly used to random things being pushed upon her. That made her a little sad, but she got over it and paid attention to the latest offender. It was a pink balloon that had yet to be inflated.

Kate sighed. Even without looking up, she knew that Jake stood behind her. He was the only one she could think of that would do something so utterly obscure.

“Jake?”

“Yes?”

Kate was right, like she knew she would be. “What’s with the balloon?”

“You’re sad.”

That made Kate look back. Jake was serious, for once, even with a pink balloon in his hand.

“What do you mean?”

Jake glared, he glared, at Kate. “You. Are. Sad.”

Kate stared at him in surprise for a few moments before nodding her head. Jake’s glare disappeared, but he had yet to take up his trademark grin. Then, Jake did something far more Jake-esque than glaring would ever be. He blew up the balloon. As he tied the neck of the pink balloon, Kate noticed his red hair.

She took the balloon from him as if in a daze, and Jake cracked a smile before walking away.

Kate looked down at the balloon.

Jake was walking away.

Kate decided she didn’t like pink.

Jake hadn’t babbled about his sister once all day. Justin was worried.

“Hey, let’s get some pizza!”

Justin tried the happy ‘it’s nothing’ approach.

Jake didn’t respond.

“Jake, you need to get your butt off the couch at some point!”

Justin tried the angry ‘you’re being an annoying emo’ approach.

Jake didn’t respond.

“What’s wrong Jake?”

Justin tried the nice ‘caring friend’ approach.

Jake didn’t respond.

“Are you going to talk to me or are you going to become a retarded emu?”

Justin tried the odd ‘Jake’ approach.

Jake looked up in surprise. The ‘Jake’ approach was successful.

“I don’t think Kate likes me.”

Justin blinked, then glared at his friend.

“Dude, you got her to like red. She adores you. Trust me, I know.”

Jake was babbling about Kate again.

All was well.

Jake looked down. A magazine cutout of a propane tank stared back at him. Jake blinked. It wasn’t often that someone copied his trademark. He looked back to find Kate standing over him.

Jake blinked again.

Kate looked angry.

If her anger was like her brother’s, Jake wasn’t sure he wanted to be there.

In fact, he was pretty sure he wanted to be somewhere else.

“Look,” Kate started, “if you’re angry at me, at least tell me why.”

Jake was almost positive the ‘huh’ look got to his face.

“I’m like that propane tank, I’ll explode under the pressure. Come find me and tell me when you want to.”

With that Kate thrust the cutout into Jake’s hand and walked away.

Jake looked down at the thing before looking at Kate’s retreating back.

He decided in that moment that analogies sucked.

“So go talk to her.”

“But, she’s mad and-”

Jake stopped himself at the glare Justin sent his way.

“If you’re just screwing around with my little sister, I will kill you.”

Jake stared at his friend, more shocked by the notion of being dishonest about Kate than of Justin’s threat. Then, realizing that Justin required an answer before he really did kill him, Jake replied, “No! I’m not! I wouldn’t! No!”

“Then go talk to her.”

“But-”

Justin glared.

There was no room for debate.

Jake sighed.

Kate stared at Jake as he stood in her door.

“Um.”

“May I come in?”

“Of course.”

Kate stepped aside as Jake trod past her toting a crossbow. He looked as if he were on a mission, and Kate was somewhat worried about the angry look on his face.

“I’ll shoot anything or anyone.”

“Huh?”

Jake’s statement threw Kate off balance. She had no idea what in the world Jake might have been going on about, and she said as much.

Jake sighed, explaining, “I don’t want you to explode. I’ll shoot anything that you tell me to.”

Kate raised an eyebrow while thinking something along the lines of ‘leave it to Jake to be so literal’ and tilting her head. Then, she smiled. Jake wasn’t mad at her.

“Shoot off that expression.”

Kate was grinning again.

Jake decided that maybe analogies weren’t so bad.

“Huh?”

Justin smiled at his friend’s surprised expression.

“I said I approve of you having a relationship with Kate.”

“Um.”

“What? You didn’t think you were going to go anywhere without my approval did you?”

Justin shot Jake a dangerous look that said he had better answer in the negative.

“Oh! Of course not! No! Not at all!”

Justin grinned. “Good.”

After a few moments, Jake said, “That wasn’t at all the answer to my question.”

“I’m sorry, what did you ask again?” Justin had honestly forgotten.

“Can I make a bed out of couch cushions?”

“Right. No, you cannot.”

“Come on Justin!!”

Kate knew that someone up there hated her. They just loved to torment her. What other explanation was there for being stuck in the idiot's dorm while said idiot hummed the theme song for Hawaii Five-0?

She was regretting the moment she said that no, it couldn’t be their special song.

Jake had then dragged her out to see its ‘all amazingness’ as he had said. So Kate was stuck as he hummed along with the video on YouTube. He was at least three beats behind the loud YouTube version. It was terrible

Kate had forgotten to point out that they weren’t in a relationship somewhere while trying to block out his off-key voice.

“No.”

Jake grinned.

“I thought not.”

“Huh?”

Justin looked in surprise at Jake.

“This means I can throw a wild party!!!”

“No! I take it back! I take it back! Go ahead and pour vodka on yourself in the kitchen!”

“No takesies backsies!” Jake stuck his tongue out as his ‘best friend’ had his first mental breakdown.

Jake stood waiting for Kate outside her door. He hadn’t knocked, voting to spend time playing with his yo-yo instead. It was a very red yo-yo. Jake smiled.

When Kate finally opened her door to leave, she was greeted with the sight of a very childish looking Jake watching his yo-yo with intense concentration.

“Jake?”

The yo-yo spun out of control.

“No!! I was on the four hundredth and ninety ninth one too!”

“Jake?” When Kate spoke that time she put a bit more force behind her voice.

Jake looked up and remembered his reason for being there.

“I love you.”

Kate blinked.

“Huh?”

“That was blunt, wasn’t it?”

“Very.”

“Yeah.”

...

“This is for you.”

With that, Jake presented his precious, very red yo-yo to Kate.

Kate smiled and took it.

Jake grinned.

“Oh, and about the love thing?”

Jake tilted his head.

“I know.”

“How?”

“Justin told me a few months ago.”

Jake blinked.

“I love you too.”

Jake blinked again.

Kate locked her door and walked down the hall.

Just as Jake was deciding he disliked being blunt, Kate called over her shoulder, “You coming?”

Jake decided bluntness rocked.

Jake laughed at Justin’s joke. After a few moments, Jake said something that had been on his mind for a while, “Guess we’ll be brothers now huh?”

Justin froze.

Jake laughed again as he walked out the door, calling over his shoulder, “See you later, brother!”

Justin decided that the jury definitely wouldn’t find him guilty for killing Jake.

Fiction: 06/09/08 | Posted By: BASH | 3 comments | Personal