I don't expect anyone to really care so much about this, but I need to get something off of my chest.
The reason i've been crazy lately is because Verny Vern said something very terrible to me that screwed me up all week and school was piling onto my rage, it was just a matter of time before I snapped.
I know I was holding out on it, but to show how profound my despair was, I'll say it:
I was finally feeling good about myself and then I came to her one day and we talked about the assignment for English9. The poem & the essay. (I've done the poem, I'm doing the essay this weekend, I don't care if its too early.) Then once again she made a reference to an essay I did a very long time ago...It was a small error, and she remembers it more than I do, and I don't see why she's holding ontot he negative stuff.
Then she still kept going on about stuff that she wishes I was, then she called me "unsociable" once again. Then I snapped; I stood up to her, I told her that I had friends, then she said the thing that I can barely forgive. "You probably made those people up!" then I was about to go upstairs and show her my friends' phone numbers and then she just brushed me off and was basically saying "To hell with it." and just dismissed me in the most ignorant and downright malicious way possible.
I held onto that for almost a week, but it feels like 3 weeks. I carried all of that crap to school with me and I was just going crazy beyond previous measure.
Today I was beyond all of my broken limits. This girl was acting hurt over something that blew up in her face (Everybody's acting so hurt by the smallest things when they don't realize the stuff they do. I'm realizing that lately.)
LSS she tried to get me into an argument with someone else by putting words in my mouth over a conversation that dind't even involve her. So I ignored her and told the truth to the subject of the conversation then she just went into Bitch Mode and started harping calling me a smart-ass and acting all hurt and shit. Then it got out of control, then everyone jumped on me trying to disperse the whole thing when I didn't even do anything, one thing I detest severly.
That combined with stuff from the bitch in 1st period B-Day, the three fights I almost got into this week, and all the recent crap just boiled me over. My anger took over, it was kinda severe. Then after the class was over, I had talked to my teacher and had an emotional meltdown and I just could'nt take it anymore.
Whenever that happens, usually I feel dead inside and then I freeze internally. I just don't understand why the weight of the whole world suddenly fell on my shoulders; suddenly everyone pays attention to me...But they make all these false negativities out of me...Acting like I always hurt someone when its their fault.
I'll grow tangent for a moment, girls, chill out with your temper and stuff. People always tell me that if a girl messes with you, just drop it. I don't care if its a cat, dog, chameleon (They love me so they would'nt hurt me.), whatever...Nobody is going to run me over and I'll take it sitting down; I don't care if I know I'm gonna lose, I'll go down fighting. Truly, I don't think that I should stop until it comes to blows, 'cuz that would look bad in any way possible. Still.
Everyone acts like I'm so evil, but yesterday, they treat me like shit. I don't get it anymore.
Screw them all, I feel better and tommorow's Friday.
The point I'm trying to make is that...I need to make amends to the people I've hurt...The things I've done. And I've been trying to do that since that incident. Before that, I should probably cool down before I accidentally snap again. I can be like that sometimes.
To that end, I want everybody who reads this to name something that I've done to them. Whether it be a comment I made that they didn't like, it doesn't have to be something blatant, it can be the most subtle act of jackassness I've made, I don't care...Please, step up and leave a comment and I'll do whatever I can to make amends.
Enjoy the rest of your days.