Before I get to the basis of my reply I would like to thank you for your consideration, the length of this comment surprised me.
Ahem.
When Lent is over I will try to remember to come back to this post and find those websites because that music really helps me.
It hurts to say it, but I'm kinda missing secular music...Is that a bad thing?
I've decided what I want for my Birthday now:
-A crunchyroll accnt.
-A premium accnt for this site.
-A formal suit or vest of my own
-"J Stars Victory Vs"
-Every possible album of The Pillows that can be found!!
While it may seem like that, I wouldn't encourage using the word "depression" to describe my case because it flares up on and off...Something could happen right now and my mood could do a complete 180, whereas depression is over a longer period of time than I have been experiencing it (although whenever you're sad it feels like forever).
But as for the façade part, you're right; I hide a whole lot of stuff and whenever someone looks at me and asks if I'm okay I lie ad say that I am...This is home, this is school, this is practically everywhere...And it tends to get me in a lot of trouble because I really hate lying to people.
The reason I do it is because sometimes it makes me feel like people are being nosy or fake and they really don't care, especially because I get the same watered-down answer that's not even cliché anymore its just a temporary word to make me feel better without anyone actually doing/saying anything that helps.
That's why I stopped talking to my "friends" like that because I would try and spill whatever's on my mind and the conversation gets wrapped up in 3 sentences when all I want to do is vent it all out because I want to feel like someone is listening, but then I think its a sign of weakness because I am sort of "putting my fate in someone else's hands", its a vicious cycle of do-and-do-not.
As for someone to talk to, I try not to do that unless its a last resort, which is normally why I posted practically every day because I used that instead (because I didn't want to get on anyone's nerves or sound like I complained too much, which is what I used to get from my friends) but with a bunch of things piling up on me I really haven't had the time or energy, which seems to make it worse.
Instead I try to just lay down and sleep because usually whenever I'm feeling bad, sleeping for a good 6 or 7 hours will make me feel better over time--it won't vanish the disturbance but knowing that I slept and woke up helps.
I wish I could take a break, I tell ya...And with my grades being as shot as they are, I sort of self-discipline myself to not focus on relaxing out of punishment or a necessary urge to fix the problem, ESPECIALLY if it comes to grades because I'm best known for getting good grades and being known as the smart-aleck.
I don't want to let it big my head up, but I've constantly heard people say to me/about me, "Ask Kyle, he knows damn-near everything." Just yesterday my uncle actually beat me in "Jeopardy!" (we just started playing competitively) and said "He always wins, but I got him this time."
So to see something like this, it really hurts...Hurts my pride, hurts my dignity, hurts my existence...It is a very painful feeling.
Oh, that reminds me, Spring is officially here!
I've been trying to carve time out to go out and practice my soccer or go running; that's why I'm so thrilled about going to my dad's for Spring Break, we were going to do a bunch of stuff that would help build me up as an individual...We were going to start lifting weights, running, he was going to teach me how to cook, looking at colleges and scholarships, just...Father-Son stuff!
But still, this actually makes me feel a lot better, so thank you for your time and consideration...It goes a long way.
Kazamas-Keyblade
Otaku Legend | Posted 03/21/15 | Reply
@:
Before I get to the basis of my reply I would like to thank you for your consideration, the length of this comment surprised me.
Ahem.
When Lent is over I will try to remember to come back to this post and find those websites because that music really helps me.
It hurts to say it, but I'm kinda missing secular music...Is that a bad thing?
I've decided what I want for my Birthday now:
-A crunchyroll accnt.
-A premium accnt for this site.
-A formal suit or vest of my own
-"J Stars Victory Vs"
-Every possible album of The Pillows that can be found!!
While it may seem like that, I wouldn't encourage using the word "depression" to describe my case because it flares up on and off...Something could happen right now and my mood could do a complete 180, whereas depression is over a longer period of time than I have been experiencing it (although whenever you're sad it feels like forever).
But as for the façade part, you're right; I hide a whole lot of stuff and whenever someone looks at me and asks if I'm okay I lie ad say that I am...This is home, this is school, this is practically everywhere...And it tends to get me in a lot of trouble because I really hate lying to people.
The reason I do it is because sometimes it makes me feel like people are being nosy or fake and they really don't care, especially because I get the same watered-down answer that's not even cliché anymore its just a temporary word to make me feel better without anyone actually doing/saying anything that helps.
That's why I stopped talking to my "friends" like that because I would try and spill whatever's on my mind and the conversation gets wrapped up in 3 sentences when all I want to do is vent it all out because I want to feel like someone is listening, but then I think its a sign of weakness because I am sort of "putting my fate in someone else's hands", its a vicious cycle of do-and-do-not.
As for someone to talk to, I try not to do that unless its a last resort, which is normally why I posted practically every day because I used that instead (because I didn't want to get on anyone's nerves or sound like I complained too much, which is what I used to get from my friends) but with a bunch of things piling up on me I really haven't had the time or energy, which seems to make it worse.
Instead I try to just lay down and sleep because usually whenever I'm feeling bad, sleeping for a good 6 or 7 hours will make me feel better over time--it won't vanish the disturbance but knowing that I slept and woke up helps.
I wish I could take a break, I tell ya...And with my grades being as shot as they are, I sort of self-discipline myself to not focus on relaxing out of punishment or a necessary urge to fix the problem, ESPECIALLY if it comes to grades because I'm best known for getting good grades and being known as the smart-aleck.
I don't want to let it big my head up, but I've constantly heard people say to me/about me, "Ask Kyle, he knows damn-near everything." Just yesterday my uncle actually beat me in "Jeopardy!" (we just started playing competitively) and said "He always wins, but I got him this time."
So to see something like this, it really hurts...Hurts my pride, hurts my dignity, hurts my existence...It is a very painful feeling.
Oh, that reminds me, Spring is officially here!
I've been trying to carve time out to go out and practice my soccer or go running; that's why I'm so thrilled about going to my dad's for Spring Break, we were going to do a bunch of stuff that would help build me up as an individual...We were going to start lifting weights, running, he was going to teach me how to cook, looking at colleges and scholarships, just...Father-Son stuff!
But still, this actually makes me feel a lot better, so thank you for your time and consideration...It goes a long way.