Currently experiencing Introduction difficulties....Will fix soon.
Until then, enjoy the theme song of TDE and the best picture of a chameleon ever found on Google.
(Instead of elevator music, this is here)
- Created By TheDarkEclipse
Reach of Despair
Why is life so damn complicated?
Why does my life always come around at the most perfect time to kick me in the stomach!?
Why can't I feel happy for a sustained amount of time!?
Why does everyone act like life really sucks?
Why is being a teenager so stressful?
Why aren't my sufferings bared? Just to be muffled by nervousness and fear...I can only scream on the inside.
Why am I so emo?
What is the point of this!?
WHAT THE FUCK AM I FIGHTING FOR!!!?
WHY, DAMMIT, WHY!?
I can't understand this...Is this a punishment or some sort of test!?
Spoiled Brat
I am such a spoiled little brat! Srsly! Somehow that's a good thing? I dunno, I appreciate the stuff that I have; I don't like to throw stuff away...I have the potential to be a borderline hoarder! I am really emotionally attached t...Huff!
I feel better, but...Yeah, life is weird.
Today was'nt bad, I got chomped up a bit by my English teacher, but I do not really care. I'll live.
Stress was relieved, but I realized something.
Life is rough.
'Nuff said.
I've gotten a bit lazy...later tonight after I finish this dreaded laundry, I'll try to do some homework. I dunno, I've gotten accustomed to doing HW on Saturdays. I have alot, but I will try to get some done tonight at least.
For now, I want to try to set up the episode I"ve been contemplating, but since my laptop has been a bit trippy, I'll probably do that tomorrow too.
Only one bad thing has come from today:
Vernie Vern...I just can't trust her anymore. Not like I used to at least; we had a long talk about stuff, but she really said some stuff that I took personally.
Screw it, I'll eventually get over it.
As for video-games, I've gotten better but the stress from the damage to pride came through again. I'll probably play something else in a second.
Whatever.
Exhale
I feel better.
Sorry for the colorful language yesterday, I just really could'nt bear it.
I started drawing some "emo" pictures...I just tried to find a place secluded and quiet, then it just faded over time.
Quicker than usual.
I'll live.
Thanks for caring.
P.S: I had no idea they made a second "Trigun"...Pretty cool.
Sadly I can't watch much anime because my website is screwy. I hope it gets better.
ALSO...I'll try to start writing this weekend, but that story...It's been so long since I've even focused on it, I don't know how to redo it.
To Whom It May Concern
*pulls at his skin slightly*
Life is really a trial!
First of all, even though I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude, I cannot lie and say I've been having a good recency 'cuz it's really been treating me like shit.
Before you go deeper into this post, there may be some cussing because I'm kinda upset, but just bear with me...Everyone has their days.
School is a trial, I'm tired as crap from this Spring Forward, I overslept and was still tired and almost late, parents aren't really giving me much trouble its just...Teenage issues, I don't know how to explain it; life is just kicking me in the stomach.
I was really on the verge of cussing someone out int he middle of class or just going on a rampage.
SO to attempt to keep the peace, I got a broken piece of a pinwheel and carried it around afer 2nd period (when I really needed it)...I'd try to distract myself by blowing it, making it spin (those things are so cool) but that only made me lightheaded and more irritable.
I should've taken it to 1st Period but I did'nt have time, I rushed in there with practically a second or two before the bell.
My teachers are really trolling the crap out of me!
My Geometry teacher (like almost all of them) are constantly on my case about stuff that does'nt need to happen. It feels like they're singling me out.
She's fine with everyone else cussing each-other out, singing and screaming and shit, whipping out their phones and stuff in the middle of class, but when it involves me she'll start yelling.
And she's not really a yell-y person, but sshe screamed at me over something that otherwise would'nt have mattered to her if it was someone else.
She even get mad at me 'cuz I was cussing someone out...If someone is cussing at me and nobody is saying anything, especially when I'm having a real fucked up day, what else am I gonna do? It's like an instinct!
Threatening me with a suspension, please!
I got similar response from one of my more favored Subs. Mr. J. (I do that to all of my teachers except for Sgt. A...lol) He was'nt really loud, we had a decent conversation as civilized human beings, which I felt was necessary, but I just can't comprehend the reasoning for some reason.
After this other person who I really had less the patience to deal with today went out of her way just to cuss me out (I know I don't hit girls, but in my head I imagined breaking her jaw!) and for no damn reason...I was just inches from breaking something/someone. I really was'nt in a mood to be fucked with today.
(On top of my sleepyness, I had a nightmare)
Also, I'm through with all of my extra-curricular activites.
Yesterday I forgot my aunt was home and ended up at school 'till 5:00 when I had a 10-minute MT meeting and a 30-minute Anime Club meeting (Which I did'nt tell anyone about.) I was there for 3 hours waiting for my aunt to come...But she was at the house waiting for me to call her. Whoops.
After I got the punishment I was like "pfft, fuck it." I'm done with everything and I'm not holding any regrets, its like I don't even care anymore.
But back to teachers!
I told Mr. J that I'm sick of teachers always singling me out and getting on my case when I react to other people's bullshit. If nobody said a word to me or about me, I would'nt have to react! Thy without sin cast the first stone, dammit! But no, they always wait 'till I say something. Forget the fact that they completely disrespect your classroom, since apparantely y'all suddenly care if a person cusses in your classroom. And I am really sick of that "It's because we expect better of you" bullcrap! I'm really tired of hearing that!
It does'nt matter if someone thinks that I'm a good student...Who cares? Better question, why do you choose to care? Because I don't think many people actually give a damn. I'm just saying, if I was a teacher and if people were screwing around, I would not waste a gram of my energy, I'd just let 'em do whatever and when grades come in I won't even respond to Parent/Teacher conferences.
I'd just give those comments and write "Disrespectful and inconsiderate in class...Does not do work" and stuff. I would do maybe 1 or 2 lectures on the importance of an education if I do have a student who really has it rough or someone can be convinced that clowning around will get you nowhere but down...But other than that, I'd just sit back and report a couple of incidences if so happens.
Back to the "Care" thing.
I just don't understand why teachers give a damn about me. If they hold me to a higher pedestal or whatever they like to call it, why don't you at least cut me some slack and see what I have to deal with! I don't think anyone, no matter how smart or special they are, would be sane or would honestly say that they don't want to strangle the living shit out of someone! And I just think that teachers fail to realize that shit gets in peoples' head and they affect me on a mental level. It increases my insanity, it taunts my rage, and someday I'm afraid that I might burst and break the chains that hold me from doing something that I'd regret. Especially in History class.
I will not lie, I will be truly honest, I have had scenes in my head where I imagine myself choking this guy, throwing him headfirst into a wall, beating the crap out of him, and throwing him down a flight of steps.
That's how much he pisses me off! I don't give a damn if his father is a security officer, you're not above the law you raggedy piece of shit!
And the teacher that says I overreact...I think she's plotting against me because before that class even started, I told her that I was'nt having a good day and I asked her to tell said bastard to fuck off before he gets fucked up and during class she'll just look at me and go "Are you crazy?!"
I fucking hate my school.
And ROTC is really adding onto the stress I have.
I had to write a book report on the history of Kevlar and if I did'nt, I'd have 6:00 detention before school!?
AND I DID'NT EVEN DO ANYTHING!
This is exactly what happened, I can't lie.
We were watching "TAPS" and we were at the scene where Charlie got killed. Someone (not me) asked "Why was'nt he wearing Kevlar?" to which the instructor responded out loud "Kevlar was'nt invented back then."
So ten seconds later I raise my hand and ask "When was Kevlar invented?"
and he goes "That's a stupid question" then goes on one of his little mini-rants and when I try to explain myself he throws that on me.
*Huff*
I really don't have patience for this.
Final point on "caring". I really don't like people that act like they care. I can't stand it when people who you barely know just walk up to you and go "Are you okay?" only when shit hits the fan! WTF?! I take that as an insult. Family...They're obligated to care, they don't have to, but they do it anyways. But I guess that's just implied, not all familes have that, but that care sometimes wears out.
Friends...Their care is different.
Friends that would ask you if something is wrong through thick AND thin! Teachers? I can't trust 'em. They don't have to care and when they do it feels insulting.
But why do we care when we don't have to? I'd understand if you had people you genuinely care about...But really, I just don't understand why people care.
We're all selfish and stupid. People steal, rape, and kill without a shred of remorse in their souls; how are we different? We're all human. We may not all do such serious things, but to pretend like you care when you don't is worse than anything...That's false-hope.
For what people have done to me, family or not...My care for them sometimes is shut off. I still love them, but I don't care about what they do. I won't even waste my energy.
I'm sorry for all the cussing and stuff, I just had to at least try to get this off of my head before I go completely insane.
