Dreams is that wonderful feeling when you know you're doing something right.
It's when the harshness of reality begins to quiet and your heart sings.
It's that look when you see yourself in the mirror and smile, knowing who you really are.
Dreams is the one thing that drives me, soothes me and keeps me alive.
It's the world I live in, the world of dreams... This wonderful, wonderful world.
This fulfilling world...
This world that is in my heart and thankful soul.
Wow, yeah it’s been a SUPER long time since my last post and even longer when I did a life update. There are no excuses for that. But I really want to dive into what’s been happening in my life in that time (forgot the sob story about how I didn’t post anything lol)
Long story short, I completely burned myself out with business and just life in December. I was so depressed and just down on myself that I was at rock bottom. All I could think about is how the last 5 years of my life was dedicated to dreams and goals that didn’t really serve me at the end. To add to that, my home environment wasn’t the greatest either. Everything seemed like an uphill battle. However, in that same month I decided to change my life around and start over.
I gave up trying to have a business (besides my angel card one that will stay as a side gig) and all the bullshit I was doing that was keeping me away from real happiness. I buckled down and got serious with infusing my life with positivity, gratefulness, love and just things that made my heart sing. No more trying to work now for some unknown future, but being in the present, working with what I have and being happy in the now.
With that, I started up a new blog called The Golden Mirror (a free cookie for the person that can guess the anime it comes from) to record my feelings and everyday life which was a total life saver! I needed to focus on me, the real me from the inside out than the outside in. I was so focus on my goals and just random bullshit for the title and external stuff that it left me high and dry internally. But since I changed my lifestyle to fulfill my life and soul things have gotten SO MUCH better!
Mom in Surgery
Last month my mom went under surgery to take a mass off her lung. The whole experience was really positive and the mass wasn’t cancerous! The only thing is that she didn’t tell me or my sister about the surgery till a few days before she needed to go in. We were pissed but we were more concerned about our mother’s health naturally.
It was awesome seeing my extended family coming together to help us and just be there since my family seems to be more fragmented over the years. Even after the surgery they have been there of support and I find that really awesome!
No More Business
Like, at all… After all the changes I’ve done, I realized how much trying to have a bigger business was hurting me more than helping me. And quite frankly, I just don’t care anymore. I’m a lot happier now than I ever was in my pursues of it and when I saw all the old business ideas and plans that I had for years, I knew it was time to let it go. So I shredded and threw away all the old business papers and stuff that I had over the years and it felt so good to do that! I just felt this weight lifted off of my shoulders while balling up the papers in my hands and finally saying FUCK YOU!
Now that is out of the way I can finally put my art on top of the list and really get back on that again.
That’s it for now, I just mentioned the tip of the iceberg but the main thing is that I’m a lot happier in life and things are changing for the better through my positive focus! I plan to keep posting here a bit more frequently as well. Till next time!
This is actually the first time I'm posting any video of mine here, then again it didn't match the type of audience the information was for. Anyway, here is my newest video about creativity and self love! We all need to love ourselves more and what we create and I see too often a lot of artists don't. So I decided to address this issue in this video and I hope you enjoy!
Also, I won't give too much away but I'm planning to make the switch to revive The Candy Sanctuary. I think I found my calling with helping other artists achieve the lifestyle and success they want to have, so I'm moving my new services to my Cake blog. I'll let you all in to what I'm up too since I'm finally shifting back into my creative lifestyle.
So for this WIP I felt like drawing how I felt today, which was really radiant and high energy via rounds of EFT! There is nothing much I can say about this but just allow yourself a little bit of positivity even when you're environment isn't as enchanting. These things do past but we have to allow ourselves to move past them as well. So don't get caught up in any bullshit you find yourself in haha.
This is probably my first wip in a very long time. I haven't even updated my art blog with any recent wips in the longest time. Just checked (this world) and it has been 5 whole months, WOW. Even though I drew within that time I never uploaded anything, but that doesn't matter now. I have to do a major wip dump update soon but till then you get this cute little sketch I just did.
I just listened to a webcast about loving yourself and using EFT to help clear away the negativity blocking it. I tried it along with the webcaster and I have to say I feel a lot more loving about myself since I hold a lot of pressure on myself to succeed. I honestly do love myself but I hold certain standards to be able to love myself more, which is not healthy since one should embrace self love no matter what. "Tapping" which is another name for it, helped me see that in a bigger light. Even though I'm currently working on and did a lot to help myself succeed I still beat myself up for not achieving more. As well as avoiding parts of myself/life that I'm either deathly afraid of or have major emotional hang ups *COUGHARTCOUGH*. Knowing all this, at least on a much clearer and deeper level I can begin to heal those parts of myself that I'm afraid to face.
So this picture was a representation of that. Just the embodiment of self love, without the conditions, standards, woulds, coulds and shoulds. Something fun and loving I can do for myself, since I'm still a raging workaholic and feel like art/drawing comes after everything else is done, which is impossible. <:U Or I treat drawing more of a luxury than a complete necessary thing for my personal sanity...
Anyway I hope you enjoy everyone! :D Talk to you all soon!
*peeks through* Man it's been a long time since I've been here. (I stalk on here a lot though lol)
Haha, hey everyone! It's been almost three months since my last post here. That has to be one of my top longest gaps on here ever. I usually don't wait a long time to post since this is a really healing place for me to write out my thoughts. But somehow I never got to really write on here, or post wips and etc etc for sometime...
Of course I know you guys are like WTF, or maybe not, but in any case yeah, I haven't been active here at all lately. Though I still read up on postings and such, I really don't do much here. I'm honestly not sure if I want to put in the effort posting up pictures and such any more. Like how I was in the old days, trying to get back into the swing of things when TheO was hot and happening LOL.
I actually took the time to look at the fan art section (like REALLY dig deep into it) and the demographic has shifted quite a bit in the last few years... Like, a lot. I barely see any of the artists that I'm use to seeing and the newer artists here now are quite young, so the experience shows.
Since I was so curious of the lack of recognizable artists I decided to see the most active/popular art in the last year... There was literally 3 artist's art that I saw only. Artists that have been here for years so at least I know everyone isn't gone, but like WTF. Where did everyone go? Of course they went to college, moved on and etc but I'm really missing the community aspect of it all. I'm wanting to jump back into the fray and a lot of my friends and peers are no where to be found.
Honestly, really seeing this, like actually taking it all in is disheartening. I know everyone hasn't up and left and some people still post in their worlds now and again. But I do want to know what they are up to and if they are alive and kicking at the very least. At the same time I've been seeing the downturn happen slowly, I think now has reality stuck. With that being said, I felt that as an artist, I've outgrown TheO for sometime. But now I'm actually questioning if I have "matured" as an artist. Not in skill, but in spirit.
Granted I haven't been drawing like I used to so I feel that in a sense I'm stuck in a certain phrase. From almost 3 years ago... :| I have grown quite a bit as a person in that amount of time. But in my artistic self and life, I think I denied myself to really "move on" to bigger and better things.
Even though I didn't see it then, I see it now. I haven't "truly" moved on and in that resistance of not changing I stunted my own artistic growth. Which makes me very disappointed in myself, but I'm happy that I am able to see where I've gone wrong so I can change.
So I really have to be in the "now," really accept what's happening and move to another community, path, direction or whatever so I can start growing again. I'm not leaving TheO but I won't be posting art here anymore (beside wips and etc in my world). I'll probably spend that energy in my art blog while I find another art site. Though I looked for a few and I haven't found one that I really like. :/ DA is... Fucking DA and I highly doubt I'll be "active" there besides full blown stalking. I'll probably use it for my crafts if anything, but art wise, no lol.
I really like FA, besides the occasional drama and adult content you can wash up on but what site doesn't these days... I just don't want any kind of nonsense going on around me and a small tight knit group I can grow with.
So yeah, that is one of my many shifting tides in my life. I feel like I'm going through one of those "darkness before dawn" type phrases in my life now... *long sigh*
Let me know how you all are doing if you're still around lol, take care!