Dreams is that wonderful feeling when you know you're doing something right.
It's when the harshness of reality begins to quiet and your heart sings.
It's that look when you see yourself in the mirror and smile, knowing who you really are.
Dreams is the one thing that drives me, soothes me and keeps me alive.
It's the world I live in, the world of dreams... This wonderful, wonderful world.
This fulfilling world...
This world that is in my heart and thankful soul.
Another long blog gap but I promise you I’ve been doing well since my last post here! I’m loving myself more, feeling more confident, feeling more like myself and finally getting on track to drawing fulltime again!
After a lot of experience and just living, I’m coming to the conclusion that nothing will make me feel better than drawing. I’ve tried a lot of other things but nothing gives me that special feeling like drawing does and it’s something I want to embrace a lot more. Not to mention all the other smaller bits of what I used to do when I was drawing regularly, like watching (more) anime, fan art, e-cards, collabing with other artists, gift art and all sorts of things. It’s something I don’t want to give up and something I know NOW is something that I truly love to be apart of. It’s who I am after all haha!
Anyway, lots of wonderful things have been happening to me personally including finding $120 dollars on the ground on Friday the 13th of last month! :D And since then I’ve been practicing a lot of self-love with really great results, I even posted a “selfie?” on my Facebook, something I would of never done before haha! :D Yay for confidence!
So yay, lots to be happy about and lots I can’t wait to do and show the world! :D Oh yeah, here is my lastest e-card, WIP and angel ATC that I done.
I hope you all are doing well and thank you so much for the support! I love you all *smooches*
It’s been a while since I posted but I manage to start drawing a bit more lately. This is one of my more recent sketches.
I also came out as agender on the first of May so I felt like I needed to change my fursona to match this new phrase and person I’ve become. It was fun designing him (even though I’m genderless I refer to this fursona as a boy). It actually helped me to draw more and really get on the ball of doing more with my art and my talent, since I haven’t been drawing like I wanted to for years. But yeah, that’s pretty much it…
*Upcoming rant and lots of cussing, you’ve been warned*
Sooooooo, even though I like to keep my posts here on a positive note, I can’t really speak of this issue anywhere else because it involves to two people that I know too well IRL.
So basically, I’m minding my own business, doing my own thing bringing my bowl down from the upstairs when my sister (who has been drinking) blatantly says that my good friend is a POS (piece of shit). The little back story was that my sister helped my good friend (let’s call him Brad) get a job where she works.
So everything is fine and dandy till apparently Brad quits/leaves or whatever without notice. Being that I’m his friend, when my sister complains to me about him I’m like “yeah whatever,” I don’t want to get in the middle of this. That is what YOU GUYS are doing, don’t involve me.
So back to where I was at, so today she finally gets a hold of him and I guess it didn’t go well because apparently she felt the need to tell ME that my GOOD FRIEND is a POS like I can do something about that. It totally pissed me off because one: it’s FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL TO ME, and two: I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
So while I’m getting some extra food, I’m still “yeah, whatever” while she bitches and moans about him. I forgot what exactly what we were saying but when I was leaving the kitchen and she was going on about the whole thing she ends up calling me a POS because I didn’t agree with her view.
WELL BITCH, sorry I can’t be on your boat too because YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT MY GOOD FRIEND. I don’t fucking care about the job shit, to me he’s still my friend and outright telling me that he’s a POS isn’t something I’m going to let slide for the second or third time! So I talked back and we got in an argument.
Where she basically is telling me that I shouldn’t take it personally because it has nothing to do with me and shit like that so I shouldn’t get mad. And that she just want to fucking “express herself” to me. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You’re fucking disrespecting me, talking shit about my friend about a situation that I have nothing to do with as if I can do something about it and/or to expect me to hop to your defense? And when I get offended by that, suddenly: “You shouldn’t take it personally.” On top of being called a POS along with him because I had a different view (before we got into a heated augment)…
This is why I hate alcohol and my family when they drink, they just have this almighty air about them that somehow everything they say and do is right. But what do I expect IT’S DRUNK LOGIC. But moreover, I hate it when someone tells me how to feel (or not to feel) a certain way.
First off, you shouldn’t be telling me anything like that to my face about my friend. All you’re doing is spreading negativity to where it doesn’t need to go. Complain to your friends, fuck, my mom was right there, complain to her. But when I came down and saw her, the first thing she felt the need to say to me is that Brad is a POS. Why say that shit to me knowing I’m his good friend. You clearly wanted me know this “fun fact” out of everyone else at the time. You’re causing fucking drama. What the fuck are you trying to prove saying this shit to me?
Yeah, I took that shit personally and even more so when she called me a POS when I didn’t agree with her. Simply put FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
On top of that, when I tried to explain to her that she was crossing my boundaries, she insisted that I could do the same with her; to tell her that her friends are a POS. Then she try to defend what she was saying by implying that she was only saying what I once told her when me and Brad had a rough patch.
Totally unfucking fair to bring up something that not only has nothing to do with THIS situation, but about a situation where I was pissed off and angry. It just doesn’t make sense… And I doubt I called him a POS.
So at the end of it all I got really pissed off because I have enough shit on my plate as it is and I ended up smashing my bowl or whatever on the floor and leaving the house.
I can’t possibly put into words how sick I am of my sister totally insisting that she knows exactly who I am, what I’m about and thinks she knows everything. That and this fucking double standard shit that when she does whatever it’s fine but if I do it, it’s not.
She needs a reality check. If I ever came up to her and just outright called her friend(s) a POS, it would be a problem. She wouldn’t be like “oh yeah, I totally agree.” No way in hell even if it was true about her friends, which it usually is. She surrounds herself with POS all the time and complains about it, so I guess it takes one to know one.
Plus, don’t fucking tell me how to feel and how I should react. And don’t tell me that I don’t do the fucking same towards you because I’m mink and timid, that really pissed me off. I don’t say those things because I’m timid (which I’m slowly breaking out of), but I’m not a fucking ass hat. I have enough respect to not say offensive things about people you care about, POS or not.
Go fuck yourself, seriously…
Point being, I wish I can kill people and get away with it because I swear that is what I want to do to my family when they drink and just go full retard for no reason. That and I’m noticing that my patience isn’t what it used to be, I get angry, like real angry faster than ever. It doesn’t sit well with me especially since I’m more bullheaded and I’m not willing to just let people say or do whatever they want to me. I fucking stand up for myself, so maybe it’s shocking for them to see me speak my mind and not hop on her boat just cause they have an opinion… I’m not rude about it either, but obviously when I’m not in agreement with my sister or whoever, that somehow has to mean world war 3.
I can’t fucking stand people sometimes… And a hate having genetic ties to people too. I wish I can be alone forever so I don’t have to hear the bitching and bickering sometimes.
But yeah, sorry for the random, out of the blue rant. It took me hours just to calm down enough to write this and I feel a lot better afterwards too. That’s way I would post here so much because I can simply write about whatever and it would help me clear my head.
But yeah I still have to clean up the chicken stew I hyper beamed all over the floor… Fuck…
Wow, yeah it’s been a SUPER long time since my last post and even longer when I did a life update. There are no excuses for that. But I really want to dive into what’s been happening in my life in that time (forgot the sob story about how I didn’t post anything lol)
Long story short, I completely burned myself out with business and just life in December. I was so depressed and just down on myself that I was at rock bottom. All I could think about is how the last 5 years of my life was dedicated to dreams and goals that didn’t really serve me at the end. To add to that, my home environment wasn’t the greatest either. Everything seemed like an uphill battle. However, in that same month I decided to change my life around and start over.
I gave up trying to have a business (besides my angel card one that will stay as a side gig) and all the bullshit I was doing that was keeping me away from real happiness. I buckled down and got serious with infusing my life with positivity, gratefulness, love and just things that made my heart sing. No more trying to work now for some unknown future, but being in the present, working with what I have and being happy in the now.
With that, I started up a new blog called The Golden Mirror (a free cookie for the person that can guess the anime it comes from) to record my feelings and everyday life which was a total life saver! I needed to focus on me, the real me from the inside out than the outside in. I was so focus on my goals and just random bullshit for the title and external stuff that it left me high and dry internally. But since I changed my lifestyle to fulfill my life and soul things have gotten SO MUCH better!
Mom in Surgery
Last month my mom went under surgery to take a mass off her lung. The whole experience was really positive and the mass wasn’t cancerous! The only thing is that she didn’t tell me or my sister about the surgery till a few days before she needed to go in. We were pissed but we were more concerned about our mother’s health naturally.
It was awesome seeing my extended family coming together to help us and just be there since my family seems to be more fragmented over the years. Even after the surgery they have been there of support and I find that really awesome!
No More Business
Like, at all… After all the changes I’ve done, I realized how much trying to have a bigger business was hurting me more than helping me. And quite frankly, I just don’t care anymore. I’m a lot happier now than I ever was in my pursues of it and when I saw all the old business ideas and plans that I had for years, I knew it was time to let it go. So I shredded and threw away all the old business papers and stuff that I had over the years and it felt so good to do that! I just felt this weight lifted off of my shoulders while balling up the papers in my hands and finally saying FUCK YOU!
Now that is out of the way I can finally put my art on top of the list and really get back on that again.
That’s it for now, I just mentioned the tip of the iceberg but the main thing is that I’m a lot happier in life and things are changing for the better through my positive focus! I plan to keep posting here a bit more frequently as well. Till next time!
This is actually the first time I'm posting any video of mine here, then again it didn't match the type of audience the information was for. Anyway, here is my newest video about creativity and self love! We all need to love ourselves more and what we create and I see too often a lot of artists don't. So I decided to address this issue in this video and I hope you enjoy!
Also, I won't give too much away but I'm planning to make the switch to revive The Candy Sanctuary. I think I found my calling with helping other artists achieve the lifestyle and success they want to have, so I'm moving my new services to my Cake blog. I'll let you all in to what I'm up too since I'm finally shifting back into my creative lifestyle.
So for this WIP I felt like drawing how I felt today, which was really radiant and high energy via rounds of EFT! There is nothing much I can say about this but just allow yourself a little bit of positivity even when you're environment isn't as enchanting. These things do past but we have to allow ourselves to move past them as well. So don't get caught up in any bullshit you find yourself in haha.