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Dreams is that wonderful feeling when you know you're doing something right.
It's when the harshness of reality begins to quiet and your heart sings.
It's that look when you see yourself in the mirror and smile, knowing who you really are.
Dreams is the one thing that drives me, soothes me and keeps me alive.
It's the world I live in, the world of dreams... This wonderful, wonderful world.
This fulfilling world...
This world that is in my heart and thankful soul.

My Different Realities

Deviant art
Manga Bullet
Live journal

Quick Post

Just a quick update being on a computer that doesn't block the site!

I'm doing better and trying to move into an apartment vs. the single room and shared spaces that I'm doing now.

I'm starting to have the confidence to pursue my own personal art work and put myself out there again. I'm posting more on Instagram but I'm currently working on an art YouTube channel to showcase my creative projects and such.

Once it's all up and running I'm sure to link it when I get the chance.

Thank you for everyone that commented and reached out on here and on Facebook, I really appreciate it.

My art class is about to start so I have to get off here, take care everyone!

Positive Update 2017

I'm not even going to mention how long it has been since I've been on this site and updated anything... But yeah..

I'M NOT IN THE SHELTER ANYMORE AND IN MY OWN PLACE! I've been there for over a year now (I moved in April of last year). I would of updated you guys before but the internet connection that I have through Project Home completely blocks this site and other sites that I like to go on. I'm actually at my mom's place writing this and downloading Sonic Mania on the PC since the Stream website which I need to get the game from is blocked as well... SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

I'm not sure who still comes here and check this blog or whatever but I do want to say thank you to all those that supported me over the years. It really means a lot, it's honestly hard to put myself out there as an artist because it's not like it used to be years ago when TheO was hot and happening. Even though I still love to draw, it's not as fun when you're on your own island it seems.

But anyway, yes, I'm doing really well! I'm on Facebook so if you want to add me PM (on FB not here) me first so I know who you are and then send the request (as I like to add only people I personally know not just random people) and we can stay connected. My name is "Kai Moon Oceans" on FB.

Anyway, thank you all so much and sorry if I worried you guys!

Positive Updates

Hey everyone!

Just a general update since it's been a long time since the last. Many moons ago I told you all about me being in the shelter, the great news is that I'm on my way out. I'm hoping that this month will be my last month at HOP (the shelter that I'm in) being that the housing system in my city is slow as fuck.

I've been pretty stressed out about the process since late January (this has been in the works since November, FUCKING NOVEMBER). Trying to get all the papers that I need, hearing back from Project Home (the building I'll be living in) and just ALL THE THINGS. It's just all stressful on top of the day to day routine being at HOP and going to my day program.

Don't get me wrong, I'm super grateful for everything that both places provided for me but wtf, the constant waking up at 6AM and being around a bunch of people nearly 24/7 has been wearing on me badly, BUT I'm glad things will be changing soon.

And as soon as it does, I'll be picking up my art again FULL TIME and starting a new path as an artist which feels pretty good. I have a lot of things planned that I've been wanting to do that I'll be able to dedicate some serious time to now that I'll be living by myself (I have my own room and a shared living room, kitchen and bathroom(s))

But nonetheless, I've gotten my own place and will be moving into it very soon. More than likely, the next time you hear from me, I'll be on my own computer again... :D

Also, another happy update is that I came out as agender/non-binary to facebook a few months ago and my day program two weeks ago! I've gotten nothing but positive support which is awesome! I don't think I officially announced it here (I mean I have no idea who looks at my blog posts on TheO anymore but this is my first blog home sOOOOOOO yeahh) but yeah I identify as non-binary (a fancy way of saying NO gender), and more specifically on the masculine end of things. :P I'm also going through medical transition (I'm taking male hormones) to give myself a more masculine look. I also changed my name (not legally YET) to "Kai Moon Oceans" and I use male pronouns (he/him).

So yes, lots of positive things as of late even though I've been super stressed with fucking everything.

I hope you all been well! Don't be a stranger, take care!

art art art

Hey everyone! Just more little under 10 minute ramblings here.

BTW, I'm still in shelter but things are going really well, a lot of housing related things are coming up for me so I'm very positive that I will have my own place very soon! I've been working my ASS off on this so I'm happy to see a lot of my hard work finally paying off.


For just about as long as I've been posting my art online and been in the anime art community, I've been obsessed with (like many of my artist peers) with success, being popular. In fact, as I stated so many times over the years, my self esteem and confidence in my art has been really low more times than not and I've been trying to elevate that problem with bettering my skills via working harder. Long story short, even though I have bettered my skill over the years through that work, I still (even now) feel, keeping it simple, not that great about "myself as an artist."

And when it comes down to it, I can either, continue thinking and doing the same very thing or decide to change gears. I REALLY REALLY want to change gears, and all the cleansing I've been doing concerning other people's problems, getting my own life together and been looking at my own growth and what I want to do in my life, I want to be the artist I've always been. Not the one that I "wanted to be" or thought I should be, or the artist that other people liked. I just want to be true to myself, and I'm an artist and I do the arts.

None of which has anything to do with how other people perceive or think of me or my work. Which is the very reason for my plight in my purpose in life, which is fucking draining as shit. But with all the healing and piecing myself together that I'm doing, I feel that it's time to truly heal "this" part of my life too. And simply go where the feel good is, and when I just let myself do what it is that I love to do naturally, it feels really fucking good.

Now actually getting into the swing of things of sitting and DOING THE ART, that's another story but you get the point. I got 2 mintues on this computer, talk to you all soon!

Feeling lost as an artist

Just rambling on about art, being an artist and other shizzzz...

Since everything that happened 4 months ago, art is probably one of the hardest yet most desired things I want to put my time and focus on. However, I can't seem to get out of this chronic rut, or this really slow sluggish feeling of it becoming my thing. I pushed it out of my life onto the back burner in hopes that I can rescue my family from their own bullshit, and I paid a heavy price for it because they are still alcoholics with issues that I could never fix.

I'm honestly very resentful to them still in that aspect (and probably more) because drawing and art WAS MY THANG. I loved it and put a lot of time and energy in it, and I know that my path to "success" (which I feel I never achieved on any scale to be honest) was very much forge in struggle and trying to be someone I'm not, but I can't help but to desire that again. To be so ingrained in my art, to improve and to feel like "this is my thing and I'm going to work it even if it kills me," I had serious grit. But now...NNOOWWWW, it's like I'm afraid to hold the damn pencil because I feel so disconnected to it and myself as an artist, and god I'm looking at all these amazing artists and feeling like shit because I haven't drew all that consistently in YEARS. I'm thinking "what if I didn't stop drawing as much, I would be much better" and all this extra stuff that doesn't even matter. It makes me so angry... SO angry, pissed even.

I guess I'm still feeling anger towards myself for not drawing as much as I would of liked, and even though I've been working on it (my art not my anger) for the last year or two seriously, I feel so lost at it. Like seriously, and it hurts like hell. Should I be the kawaii, everything is big eyed and adorable artist, or go towards something more action/adventure/hard core that I've been really wanting to do. OR should I blend the two or do mostly fan art, but what about my niche? I have to be consistent, and what about my old fans from like the Jurassic that loved my Tokyo Mew Mew stuff and the shit is just crazy... So crazy.

I even tried to make a business out of my art and I just couldn't bring myself to do it... Not that my art was an issue or a problem, but I just don't know what I'm doing as an artist. I'm trying to look for a higher purpose with it and I can't find it. I'm not even sure if that's what I want or need, but I feel like I'm not good enough being where I am or doing what I'm doing as far as art. And I'm so angry and hurt over that, I don't know what to do or where to go from here... I honestly don't

I'm sitting here waiting from some magic experience to happen so that I can really "get on the ball" but it never happens and I know that it's not up to anyone else but me, but I'm honestly feeling very down about it. I'm having a tough time feeling that I'm even deserving of being an artist because I pretty much stopped for way longer than I should...