Wilkommen zu deizer verruckten zeit! As the title suggests, this is just a collection of stories I've written. Some will be fan fiction, some will be original stories. I may even include poetry. Please do not take my works and claim them as your own!! I doubt you would want to, but in the event you do, I will not hesitate to call upon the powers of the Karyu to bring ultimate judgement upon you!

Safe In My Arms

So I have to resort to that jutsu to beat him, Deidara thought. He was locked in a fierce battle with Uchiha Itachi's younger brother, Sasuke. He hated the Uchiha clan. Those eyes, regarding him coldly, showing pure disdain toward his art. "Now I will turn myself into a true work of art, un! I will take you out with my most beautiful piece yet, Uchiha Sasuke! Art is a bang, un!" he yelled.

The blonde ripped off his shirt and began unstitching the mouth on his chest. He then stuffed the mouth with clay. His mind, however, had already left the battlefield...

"Deidara," called a voice. "Huh? Who's calling me? You sound familiar. Do I know you, un?" asked the clay master. "Baka!" taunted the voice. "You've forgotten me so easily? I guess all those explosions killed some of your brain cells." The blonde looked around, but he only saw darkness. "I can't see you, un! Show yourself! Quit playing games with me, un!" Deidara yelled into the darkness.

Suddenly a bright light flashed. The clay artist was momentarily blinded. My body must have exploded, he thought. The familiar voice began to chuckle, quietly at first, then growing louder. At the same time, Deidara's sight slowly returned. He took notice of his surroundings. Everything was white and foggy. He was even wearing a long, white nightgown.

"Okay, voice," Deidara said. "Where am I, un?" A small figure began to appear from the fog. It was dressed in the same type of nightgown, but its hair was shaggy and read. Suddenly, Deidara's face lit up with recognition. "Danna!" he yelled happily, running to the puppet master and grasping him in a tight hug. Sasori returned the hug and said, "You're safe in my arms. And we can stay this way for eternity."

The Fourth Commandment

Thou shall not leave thy artwork lying around the hideout, strategically placed or otherwise. Also, thou shall not detonate said artwork inside the hideout at any time for any reason.

It was a rare Saturday morning for the Akatsuki. “Rare” meaning that no one had awakened to Pein standing over them, grinning like a madman and saying something about a mission. Everyone was relaxing in some way or another. Everyone except Deidara, that is. The skinny blond clay artist was running around the base, frantically searching for his works of art.

Deidara burst into Sasori’s room, unannounced. The puppet man had been hard at work on his favorite puppet, Hiruko. His back was to the door. As soon as the blond burst into the room, screws and a screwdriver went flying. “Danna! Sasori no Danna! I can’t find them! I can’t find them anywhere, un!” Sasori, without looking at him, growled, “Can’t find what, brat?” Deidara began to sweat. Obviously, his danna was not in the best of moods today. “M-my, um…My c-c-clay b-bombs, un,” he answered. Sasori turned around, glaring at his partner. “I do not have time to play ‘amateur hour’ with you today, Deidara-baka. I finally have a day to myself,” he said, through gritted teeth. Sasori began stalking toward the blond. “You see, those bombs you call ‘art’ are not worth my precious time. I am making true art, something that will last forever. Now get out of my room, or I’ll turn YOU into a work of art!” The redhead slammed his door in Deidara’s face. Deidara stood, stunned that his partner would be so crazy as to believe that art wasn’t a bang.

Suddenly, Tobi came running down the hall. The masked boy practically ran over Deidara, hastily calling over his shoulder, “Tobi is sorry, Sempai! Tobi must hide from Zetsu-san!” Deidara got up from the floor and began his search again. “I know they’re around here somewhere, un!” he muttered to himself. He began to run through the base frantically. The clay master ran by the bathroom, and froze mid-run. “Hehe! I know where I left one of them, un!” Deidara put his ear to the door and heard muffled cursing. “Oh, Hidan is in there, un. Perfect! This is called ‘payback,’ you overly-zealous Jashinist, un!” Deidara put the first two fingers of his right hand near his lips and whispered, “Katsu!” He ran like crazy, not wanting to be around when Hidan finally realized what had happened. Suddenly, an explosion went off in the bathroom, and Hidan began yelling every obscene word in history.

Deidara burst into a fit of laughter. “Payback is such fun, un!” Just then, Tobi came around the corner. “Why is Sempai laughing?” he asked. Deidara simply shook his head. “Well, then did Sempai find what he is looking for?” Tobi asked. Deidara looked up at the masked nuisance. “No, Tobi. I didn’t find my bombs. Well, except for that one ‘strategically placed’ bomb in the bathroom.” Tobi sat down beside the blond and thought. “Tobi has an idea!” he exclaimed finally. Deidara just stared. “Tobi thinks that Sempai should yell, ‘Katsu!’ as loud as he can. Then Sempai will find all of his bombs!” Deidara thought for a minute. “You’re right. Now, come with me, Tobi, un! You don’t want to be in the base when the bombs go off, un.”

Deidara and Tobi stood in front of the Akatsuki base. The blond man put the two fingers to his lips again, this time closing his eyes and concentrating. Suddenly, he yelled at the top of his lungs, “KAAAATSUUUU!!!” All of the bombs exploded at once, leaving the base in ruins. Tobi began jumping up and down, clapping his hands, and shouting, “Sempai found his bombs! Sempai found his bombs!” Suddenly, the rest of the Akatsuki yelled angrily, “DEEEIIIDAAARAAAAA!!!!” The blond began to sweat again and uttered a single word. “Oops!”