^^ that's okay, I love critical foes! And yes, I am aware I need to describe the crucial points more, but this is only the intro of a story I will later do!^^ thanks so much!
You know you do a really excellent job at describing the scene and the moment of things. It's really cool and helpful to get the reader in the same emotion and state of mind as the character. However, even though this is a good trait it also makes it difficult to know what is going on around the character.
You speak of the council...but we dont know what, who, or why they are important. You right from your characters state of mind, which in turn, you are trying to make us assume to much of what he is thinking and why it is important.
I really love your writing! It is just spectacular! i think it would be helpful if you experimented with different tones.
I know i know, I am no expert and this is probably just some fast story you made up but...i am a critical foe.
sparklingwave
Title: Senior Otaku+ | Posted 11/02/09 | Reply
@AvariceTears:
^^ that's okay, I love critical foes! And yes, I am aware I need to describe the crucial points more, but this is only the intro of a story I will later do!^^ thanks so much!
~^^sparkles~
AvariceTears
Title: Otakuite++ | Posted 11/02/09 | Reply
You know you do a really excellent job at describing the scene and the moment of things. It's really cool and helpful to get the reader in the same emotion and state of mind as the character. However, even though this is a good trait it also makes it difficult to know what is going on around the character.
You speak of the council...but we dont know what, who, or why they are important. You right from your characters state of mind, which in turn, you are trying to make us assume to much of what he is thinking and why it is important.
I really love your writing! It is just spectacular! i think it would be helpful if you experimented with different tones.
I know i know, I am no expert and this is probably just some fast story you made up but...i am a critical foe.
-Avarice-