Name: Nikki
Age: 27
DOB: Nov. 24 1986
Height: 5ft roughly - What? I'm short
Believe in Love at First Sight: No.
Relationship Status: Single / Don't care
Here lately, I've come to discover, it doesn't matter whether I get married or not. It doesn't even matter if I stay single. Thing is, I may or may not be ready for it. What's important is being content with what you have.
I have a lot of favorite anime, but a few of them include: Code Geass, Trigun, Fullmetal Alchemist and Fairy Tail.
Favorite music: rock / hard rock / heavy metal, pop - I like things that people have said doesn't fit me.
My all time favorite band is the old Guns N' Roses. The new one sucked. End of story.

Dying of Stress Would Be a Bad Thing

I realized, I had one of the few rare Saturdays off that I manage to get. You know what I spent the day doing? I was stressing myself and worrying myself to death just like I wind up doing a lot of the time. Except I wore myself out, and I gave myself a headache. It's pretty sad when the same people have to remind me day in and day out that they love me just to keep me sane. If I'm not careful, I'm going to die of stress. I don't need to do this to myself. I think after this post, I may post some in the RP thing I do, and listen to music, but that's it. I need to destress and calm myself down.

lol What's funny is, even superheroes wind up stressing themselves out. Sometimes, I feel like I'm kind of like Reed Richards from The Fantastic Four. Now, I'm nowhere near as intelligent, and I didn't attend MIT, but man... even in school I nearly killed myself with worry. In fact, that was the reason I almost quit school. If it hadn't have been for my dad, I would've quit school. It was that bad.

The Punch in the Face You Need to Believe in Yourself

You know, sometimes, after I look at all the negatives, I begin to see the positives. I often let my own weakness defeat me. Why? Because I'm too afraid to stand on my own two feet and accept myself. I used to get told all the time by a dear friend the very same thing Kamina said to Simon in "Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann". He used to say to me, "Don't believe in yourself, believe in the me who believes in you." If only I remembered those words more often, I wouldn't wind up so down all the time. Sometimes it takes a punch in my face to get me going again. I'm a lot like Simon. How will I get through all my problems? By reminding myself to have courage. I have courage enough to face them, now I need courage to get back up again.

The next time I feel this way, I'll see Kamina reaching in and punching me.

I Don't Understand...

Why must I suffer all the time? I have so much paranoia and I'm so emotional all the time that I can't be like everyone else. Why? Why do I suffer? I don't understand. I put myself and everyone I know through so much crap, that I'm sure something's going to give soon. Either I will break, or they will break, or they've already broken. Whatever happens or has happened, I feel so powerless to stop it. I lost one friend because of my stupidty. I feel as though The Devil must love putting me through misery. I hate all this misery, and I want to stop, but I'm spiraling out of control. I need to fix myself, but I'm failing to do so.

If I could dig a grave and bury myself inside it, I would. Then, it wouldn't matter.

My Screwed Up Mind

Where do I begin? *sigh* I work in retail and I absolutely hate it. I have been working on getting out of retail, but so far, I've been unsuccessful. See, I have felt like I screwed up high school and college. I have been told though it isn't true. See, I did graduate from college. I have a degree. The problem is, making use of my degree. If I can learn these programs I've been given by a job placement service, maybe I can get into an office job. Starting off is the hardest thing in the world. Often, I think I screwed up my experiences in high school and college, not only with sticking with a career path I wanted, but with not being too social. My social skills are very lacking, and I'm a very shy girl with a lot of emotional issues. I live at home with my parents because I can't afford to move out. I've never lived on my own, and I don't like going places or doing things by myself.

I have a lot of conflicts within my own mind. If you see a lot posted here, and it seems like, "What the...?" Just know, my mind is the most screwed up, messed up place you've probably ever been. I'm working on improving myself, but it may take me a very long time to do it. I go to my friends with my issues because I have no where else to turn. I'm going to try not to go to them with my worries quite as much, and try to solve some of my own issues, but this is something I'm learning. My only thing is that I ask people to be patient with me. I have always had to be dependent on others so I don't know really how to depend on myself.

I thank my friends for all the advice and help they've tried giving me so far. If I seem slow to learn, I'm sorry. I do try, I really do. I just get lost along the way.

I am trying.