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I'm Shen. Nice to meet you.

Occupation: Computer and Electrical Engineering Student
Work: IEOP teacher (I teach foreigners how to speak english...not good)
I don't know what else you want to know?

If you need help at all, I'd be happy to help. I know a lot about programming and overall how this works, considering I've been here for years and I'm going to school for computer engineering. So, I hope you enjoy your stay and that I don't offend you.

I was weak. Thats why I needed you...needed someone to punish me for my sins...but thats all over now...I know the truth.
-James Sunderland: Silent Hill 2

Weekend from Hell

Yeah, and you know most of it wasn't even that bad! I mean seriously, I was going home for a god damn wedding for a couple I knew in high school. The wedding was great, and I got to talk to a lot of people I hadn't seen in years! I even found out about a reunion happening soon. Hopefully its where I recommended because they have good prices and the best beer.

So I go out drinking and I go to the casino and help my friend win $100. All around it was a good night.

Then Saturday. I find out my cousin was molested by a neighbor who was wanted somewhere else for doing the same thing. The only reason we found out was because she had been cutting herself. It was a shock. And I'm sure my brother still doesn't know. And then we found out that an old family friend broke their femur and had to have surgery to fix it. So that's what happened Saturday and Sunday. Dealing with family and surgery and all those things.

Monday morning right before I leave to go back to Ames, I find out my sister is now engaged. The same women that always told me she was never going to marry is engaged to the guy my father doesn't like most of all the boyfriends she has had.

All I wanted was news that someone wanted to give me an interview for a job and here I get all this instead. It was a roller-coaster, but hopefully it all ends well. Ugh.

Job Hunting

SO HARD IS JOB HUNTING

Computer Engineering degree and now I have to job hunt. I accidentally applied for a job in the UK so that was fun. Hopefully they don't want to offer the position to me or offer an interview unless its some good pay so I can come back to the states four times a year. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring, and the 4th. Yeah I've thought about it.

Continuation

Ready for a long post? Thought so

I have officially graduated with a degree in computer engineering from college. The journey to finding a job starts when I get over my insecurities. See, I really wanted this job at IBM in Ohio. I went through four interviews, got encouraged by one of the interviewers, and really enjoyed the area. I didn't get the job. Ever since I really don't know if its even worth the hassle of trying.

Its a weird insecurity to have, but its there none the less. Its unfortunate.

I know I started this pretty close to the end of middle school, and its actually really funny to look back at my life since then. I do know I found out I have a genetic disorder in my eyes that will make me lose my peripheral vision. I also found out I am a sociopath. I am not a killer though. Its actually really mild. I feel anger, I feel happiness, and I feel grief. I don't feel sadness, I don't feel anxiety. Most of the complex emotions are lost on me.

I don't know if I ever admitted that I am also asexual. I may have to go back and see if I ever said anything around the time I found out. All the way back in the myo days.

What else? I'm not with anyone and that's just fine. I think that the last post was about Charlie dying, so I don't need to update about that. Martha is in the hospice now, and my cousin just graduated high school. I just really think I need to focus on smaller things as I try to make a life. Hopefully I follow thru now that I don't have a emotional compromise.

Scared and Depressed

I'm not really depressed, but I am in a grief state. It seems that this is where I come to when I am having these kinds of issues. I am still scared about where the world will take me. Will I end up in New York City? Back in Omaha? Stay in Ames? Its all up in the air and it terrifies me. On top of that, a makeshift grandmother of mine is in a nursing home and having memory issues. I don't know how much longer she is going to last.

I am also quite bored of being at my parents home and am ready to go to my own home. I really just want to be on my own and do what I want when I want. I have gotten so much freedom from being on my own I just need to be an adult. More later since I am bored and I no longer wish to talk.

College is killer

So now that it has been over a year since I last updated, I think its about time to start again. I am currently in my very last year of college, and it is time for job hunting. Oh the terror.

I really am quite terrified that I won't find a full time job by the end of my schooling. One of the companies I am looking at is all the way in New York. Like in the middle of Manhattan. Its really terrifying that I might be going all the way out there. I will be away from my family and my personal comfort area. I'll be out of the midwest.

I don't know how well I'll handle it. It is a very scary and exciting time for me, and I'll try to keep track of everything here. If I don't, I am more than likely to forget.