I'm so lost in life what am I supposed to do. I screwed up in high school so now I have no scholarships no college will accept me because of my GPA. Idk what to do now I'm thinking about joining the military because they would pay for college and good income, but the thing is I'm scared that I will have to kill some one and I KNOW for a fact I could not do that. So what other option do I have, stay here and move in in with a friend Paige but for that I have to get a job and it is HELLA hard to get a job right now. There is also the fact that if I do that me and my GF are going to be split up and I just dont see it working, because as previously stated I'm a slacker loser thing that no good at any thing, and she is a straight A student who has been excepted in to a good college and who has scholarships. It just does seem right to her cause I know whats going to happen she going to find a guy there who is going to be this great guy and have a future and I'm just going to get left in the dust. It hurts really bad to think about it but I dont want to break up with her, I cant, and I know she doesn't want to but I dont see how its going to work sometimes I dont even understand why she still even want me all I am is a incompetent jack-ass. I hate how everything seems to have turned out when ever I make a big discussion it seem to back fire into my face leave not knowing what the hell to do next. I feel like I'm losings my mind I think HORRIBLE thoughts some times, I want a bad habit so I have a way to get all of these thoughts out but i cant smoke any more, I cant cut any more I cant drink any more i cant burn my felt anymore I can do drugs. I dont know how to get it all out and is messing with my head. I'm so lost in life idk what to do. IDK. Some one help please.
So me and my Neko were talking about whats going to happen to us when we graduate. Well what she said kinda bothered me. She said we might just take a break until we have a chance to get back together again, because going to university and I'm well a failure so I don't quite know were I'm going yet. So basically we are going our separate ways so we wouldn't be able to see each other as mush which sucks. But I don't feel like taking a break will help like it might just make the gap larger I guess idk how to explain it.Its just a bummer you know i mean my line of thought it if we are going to end it anyways why not just end it now. No I'm not saying that I want to I really like her shes amazing. It hurts you know to have the feeling that your with someone that you care about and she cares about you but you have to leave it live standing on a train track with a train full of love barreling towards you and at the last second some one pushes you out of the war and you miss that awesome-ness. At the same time I don't know what else to do I want to stay together but long distance relationships are hard IDK.i know it not something to really worry about right now but I cant help it.Love You Neko.
-Samurai
A lot has changed since my last world me and Moonlight-Unicorn broke up and to say the least it destroyed me, I hated life all that jazz, I even started smoking I don't know how that would help but it didn't i just got into a bad habit. I pick my self up and put my self for the most part back together together with the help of my friends. The was some one there helping me threw all of it though and that some one was Nightmare-Neko, she has been there for me a lot and I thank her for that a lot. She helped me quit smoking and now we are dating, she is my Little Ninja and I'm am so thank full for her. I just recently got my wisdom teeth pulled out that kinda sucked it couldn't really celibate turkey day 
but other than that my mouth is doing better. So thats it.. I think lol
