EDIT: I also decided that with this post, a theme change was in order. =P What do you guys think?
EDIT 2: Please note, I don't want to seem selfish in saying what I did in my post. However, I just really want to get that feeling of complete, pure enjoyment back that I seem to have lost lately. I do love drawing for others, but I feel like I've been steeping myself into shallow wants lately, and I just want to get out of that by taking some time for myself.
Also, my card was accepted! >.< But I don't think it's totally shown up in the system yet because the date is totally off LOL.
Hello everyone~ I'm not even 100% sure if my card is gonna get accepted LOL but I submitted one for the challenge because Kelsey inspired me with some of her beautiful submissions. <3
I'm very excited to see if it gets accepted or not! It was accepted! >.<
On the other hand...well, I had a really serious talk with my dad yesterday about my art and my whole situation with not having enough time for it, and I've kinda come to the realization that...well.
I've kinda lost something very important.
And I really need to get it back.
So after I finish these things on my to-do list(which is probably 2 more things?), I am completely changing my thought process on how to go about art.
I really hate to admit it, but my thoughts have been so shallow in the back of my mind somewhere. I always tell myself that I'm drawing for myself and myself only even when it's an art trade with someone else, but I can never shake the fact that deep down I also draw now because I want that feedback and huge popular response someday that some of my favorite artists get .
And after telling my dad all of these things, he was really shocked, because now he understands why I stress so much when I don't have time for art. It's probably for the wrong reasons.
As soon as it turns into a competition for shooting to be popular like someone else, you've lost something REALLY important. And I've really gotta stop caring about things like that, because when it turns into a competition, it's not just a hobby I love anymore. Comparing yourself to others takes away that aspect.
Yes, I do want to improve for myself and myself only. That I can say with confidence. But I know there's a HUGE part of me that also wants me to get better so I could have a taste of that immense popularity, and I have to eliminate that thought process because it's affecting me and my art.
I will admit that I'm kinda stuck in the wrong place right now because I've lost this really important aspect: just loving my art for the sake of loving it and nothing else.
My dad says the best solution would be to just cut off all connections to the online world to stop this from happening anymore, but I have friends on here that I care about, and I do want to share my work with them. However, I want to appreciate the comments/faves/whatever I get, rather than take them for granted in the back of my mind and work mostly for them and the possibility of becoming popular.
I love drawing for others, but it's not good for me if it comes at my own expense. So I just have to balance out my time spent drawing for others and myself more.
I know many of you have told me this time and time again: focus on your own art and don't overwork yourself. I've listened to you all say it to me countless times, but I don't think I ever truly grasped the meaning of your words. I always would say that it was for myself, but really I think I care too much about other people to worry about what I'm doing for myself alone. However, after some thinking and the talk with my dad, I understand it now, I really do.
So. It's 2012. It's time for a whole new aragorn1014.
It's time for me to focus on myself and get my true love for art back.
So get ready everyone, things are about to be different.
*sigh* It has become REALLY easy for me to get depressed as of late. I have no clue why...but it's probably a number of things that have been bothering me lately.
Thank you all for the comments on my last post~ I'll probably get to replying to them today or this weekend. ^^ It was interesting to read your comments!
But yeah...the new e-card/wallpaper collaborative feature? It's making me have a bit of a moment.
I feel so selfish OTL.
Anyway, although I have a number of things on my to-do list that I need to complete, I think I REALLY need a hiatus of sorts. I keep getting depressed at everything...which is really terrible because I'm trying to get out of this "comparing to everyone else" mindset.
In any case, I'm doing my best.>.< School has been BEYOND overwhelming lately, so I don't know. But agh..I've been having issues with my art again and comparing it to everyone else's...so I REALLY need to get out of that haha.
I hope you all are doing well~ don't worry, I'll still be around on theOtaku ^^ It's not REALLY a hiatus, but for me I guess it kind of is. I just really want to improve. *sigh*
Take care everyone~
About Kingdom Hearts that keeps bringing me back to it? xD
I don't know what it is...there's just so many wonderful things about it that keep me wanting to return to it again and again haha. It's had such an important impact on my life, and I can say that confidently even though it's just a videogame series to some people.
Is there a videogame series that means a lot to you?
I'd love to hear about some of the things that you all cherish that you feel that maybe a lot of people around you may not. I have a lot I could say about Kingdom Hearts, but I'll leave that for another day haha.
Now excuse me as I use this new-found inspiration to create some art =)
Year of the Dragon!<33 My grandfather's year =)
I hope you all are having a wonderful time with whatever it is you're doing. I've made several decisions about what to do with the rest of my time in college, and I'm feeling pretty confident about where I'm going(or at least, I'm trying to be). Of course, there will always be things one is unsure about, but the least one can do is do his/her best with whatever happens right?
I'm working on my art trade half with FUNimation right now, so here's to hoping it goes well >.< I'll be trying something I've never done before so I'll do my best!
Thank you to everyone who commented on my most recent pic above ^^ I really appreciate your kind words and the depth of you guys' comments! I'm REALLY busy this weekend actually, so it'll be hard for me to go around for comments, but I will try to get to them throughout the week! >.<
I guess on a final note, I've been considering doing a cover of a song and posting it up on Youtube for you all to see? I know the mp3 file for the voice meme last time was a bit of a hassle, so I want to apologize ^^; but I'm really considering doing a cover maybe(since I owe one to Hoshi-chan on DA anyway). I finally have some decent recording equipment that I'm actually kind of eager to use. What do you all think?
I hope you all are having a fabulous weekend so far! Best of luck to you all on your upcoming endeavors!<33 Take care!
I am ALREADY stressed.
Like overwhelmingly stressed.
Especially since I'm getting into the blunt of the journalism courses(in other words, getting a taste of what journalism really is about), I'm very concerned that I'm not meant to be in this field of study at all; but then again, this is only the beginning, so perhaps I shouldn't have any expectations or assumptions.
Problem being, I feel so out-of-rhythm with the rest of the people I'm taking my courses with, because every person I've heard introductions from and talked to personally has had experience in journalism whereas I know absolutely nothing about it. I mean, that's why I'm here to learn of course, but I'm just...well, I hate to admit it, but I'm really frightened.
I'm only 18 and I still have many more years to find out what I want to do for the rest of my life, but the stress brought on by questions such as "describe yourself in one paragraph and say what you would be able to offer to a broadcasting company" is overwhelming. I don't know how to answer any sort of questions about myself, and it's really frustrating. I don't know what kind of job I would even WANT in journalism, much less what job I want for myself at ALL.
And I think that's normal, to an extent. I'm sure a majority of students that have just entered the university like me probably don't know EXACTLY what they want to be just yet, or perhaps they THINK they do, when they don't. And I just keep thinking to myself, if I am aware of this, then why do I keep questioning my insecurity over the subject?
Well, I'd like to say that I'm only human, but really I have no idea.
I really have no idea about a lot of things. haha
I wonder, can any of you confidently describe yourself and your qualities to someone if asked? I have such a difficult time with saying anything with absolute confidence.
Sorry for all of the more "deep" posts as of late. I have a lot to think about >.< I AM enjoying my classes for the most part though, so that's something positive that has come out of this first week back in college.
But on another note, I'm very happy we were able to complete the Challenge Slam! I wasn't able to contribute to it, but because of it, there are many new challenges I wish to enter! Also, if you have not seen my latest pic, I'd love it if you could check it out. I have been really busy, so I'll get to replying to comments as soon as possible. Thank you guys for being patient with me, and take care!