Whenever I see my 'Best friends' hanging out with each other, it bothers me.
I know it shouldn't
But I feel like if we really were as close as they say, then why am I almost never invited to these things?
Most of the time I don't even know about them until the next day when pictures are uploaded on fb
and then of course they have other friends. People I used to be friends with, but over the years I just drifted away.
In other news I hung out with 2 people I thought I would never see outside of conventions.
That was a lot of fun~
and I bet my other friends dont care about that
So why do I always get so damn jealous over this type of thing?
Ugh
Like when I call Heather and Amber is with her
Are you kidding me?
I've been best friends with you too for YEARS
and you guys just met each other recently from my birthday party
Now you're hanging out with each other
and I'm home alone
Like usual
Why?
Am I really that terrible of a person?
Fuck.
I just want to know what to do
I want to be 5 years old again
Just so I can cry to my mom
and not have to worry about all of this shit
too much drama
Next everyone is going to be going away to college with each other
Or going across the country
and I'll still be in this stupid town
Because I'm poor
and need a job
So it's job for at least a year, then some shitty cheap college for a couple years
It's going to be terrible.
I guess it is my fault though.
I should have never fucked up my school life.
I should have just fucking WENT everyday
Depressed or not.
If i just WENT I would have graduated with my class, and probably have gotten a scholarship. I'd be in my dream college with my fucking friend.
I'd be well on my way.
But no.
I'm an idiot who likes to ruin everything.
Fuck.
~Riska
