Post 15, and no I'm not suffering from any more illness nor has said illness caused me to blow a gasket; every so often I like to challenge myself to review something that's out of my comfort zone in the hopes of finding something that might surprise me but sadly not in this review as you will find out.
Barbie to most people is a fashion doll designed for little girls but in an attempt to stay relevant in the 00s, a number of CGI films were made to try and promote the character in a better light to try and stop her fading popularity and appeal, the results are generally from mediocre to terrible, this film, Barbie and the Three Musketeers is on the terrible scale.
Barbie is Corinne, a country girl who wants to be a Musketeer, so in the hopes of becoming said Musketeer she travels to Paris with a letter for the Musketeer captain but her initial impressions only lands her a job as a maid along with three other girls wanting to be Musketeers as well. During an incident involving a chandelier which showcases some of the girls talents for fighting, an elder maid named Helen decides to train them in secret.
After another incident, this time involving the Prince, everyone decides to go out into the streets to investigate but during an altercation in a dark alley, Corinne works out that the attacker holds a Ruby left at the scenes of the previous incidents, putting this all together she finds out that there is a plot to assassinate the Prince. (Or overthrow, age rating and all) So the Musketeers disguise themselves and enter the Royal Ball where they stop the evil plans of Philippe. Upon winning the battle the girls become the Royal Musketeers while Corinne ends up with the Prince.
First off, I approve of using Tim Curry as the voice of the villain but the script is so bloody awful that it looks awkward, also I tend to forget that a lot of former anime voiceovers tend to get used in these films but again the script they get is so awful I feel sorry for them.
If Barbie was trying to showcase the idea of women being strong and independent then this is not the best example, the characters borrow far too many tropes from the catalogue of girls cartoons, so alot of their strengths are hidden amongst coincidences, dumb luck, right place at the right time and the constant irritating notion that all males are morons.
The fight scenes are abysmal, you mean to tell me that you can beat trained soldiers with a sling shot, ribbons, a pair of fans and one sword? It also has a mascot character which of course is always annoying, to make it worst this is pretty much the dynamic for most of Barbie's films. Barbie wants to be great, by some coincidence she ends up exactly where she wants to be, she makes friends instantly without even trying, the villain tries to stop her for some really convoluted reasons, Barbie then saves the day by either doing a ripoff Disney Princess Transformation or finding a convenient plot point that may as well be "press button to win", Barbie then ends up with the male lead, male lead comes across as really stupid or oblivious, there's often an annoying mascot character and I've pretty much saved all you viewers from several more reviews of this franchise.
From an observational standpoint I've never seen the color pink as a very intelligent color; in franchises that rely on color coding such as pop idol shows, magical girl shows or any series that relies on a traditional princess as an important character tend to have the same type of female character, they all wear pink and they tend to follow the same personality; optimistic, happy go lucky and full of energy but not necessarily intelligent, sometimes portraying ditziness as a "cute" and "quirky" trait that makes her popular with the other characters, it's not just cartoons but video games and anime have the same problem but why do I hate this and tolerate say Precure?
Well Precure use other colors to make up it's team of characters more effectively and are backed up with differing personalities that can play off the lead in pink. Barbie on the other hand has three friends who might as well be Barbie as a brunette, red head or African American who only wear different colors to tell her apart from Barbie herself, it also doesn't work in her favor that Barbie has done 100 different jobs and careers so looking at all four characters is like another Barbie from another dimension with slightly different quirks but may as well be the same. Also they are taking a well known novel, gender flipping it and just made it stereotypically girly, they couldn't just be the three Musketeers, to look at the actual three Musketeers, Athos is a divorcee who is also a drunk, Aramis is a womanizer, Porthos is one morality point away from being a thief; D'Artagnan is the original blueprint for the fool hardy reckless hero much in the same way the Scarlet Pimpernel is the original blueprint for pretty much every superhero comic so portraying him is easy, but the other characters come with faults that make them anti heroes in the eyes of the cardinal trying to overthrow the King; Barbie does away with these faults and instead you get four D'Artagnans which means you don't give the audience a choice of diverse characters you just pick from a palette swap of Barbie and I think the target audience for this deserve a lot more credit than what the film gives them.
And yeah the whole men are morons thing? Cut it out.
To conclude, this franchise is too outdated to be relevant in the social media age and considering how easily offended the internet gets from stupid things, I'm actually surprised that Mattel can still sell Barbie dolls.
Post 14 and if things are slowing down it's because I'm ill; a mixture of an eye infection and a cold is keeping me from doing long computer sessions but it should be a bit more normal come end of the week, for now lets look at some cartoons to watch while sick, bare in mind these are more based on personal opinion than my usual top ten posts so I may miss a few obvious ones but these are my favorite cartoons to watch while ill.
Honorable Mentions
Classic Scooby Doo: Something obviously predictable can be quite refreshing and the older the Scooby Doo episode the better.
Mike, Lu & Og: A cartoon cartoon show very rarely talked about, a well rounded island adventure that's simple to enjoy.
The Mr Men Show: Because nothing is funnier than Mr Tickle with an Irish accent, there are many more accents from all over the British Isles to enjoy.
10. Kong: The Animated Series
Many candidates were considered such as the Zeta Project and 90s Spiderman but I went with Kong for bringing originality to an otherwise basic plot about King Kong.
9. Strawberry Shortcake 2003 Version
While it is a show with an obvious audience demograph, the 2003 version is at least endearing and makes for relaxed watching during the no mans hours of the early mornings or the school hours.
8. Stickin' Around
Basic art is also much easier on a sick person and you can't get any simpler than Stickin' Around. Not talked about often these days, Stickin' Around's appeal is that it's aware of it's own lack of art and backs it up with well written stories and gags.
7. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic
Very much like the Strawberry Shortcake example it's endearing but in My Little Pony's case it also backs up it's charm with good writing, the original series can be good as well.
6. Eek! The Cat
I wouldn't mind talking about this show at some point, Eek! The Cat is about a cat who always seems to get hurt helping out people, sort of a Garfield with empathy.
5. 2 Stupid Dogs
The adventures of Big Dog and Little Dog as they try and work out the world around them, needless to say it got away with alot of adult jokes but it was fun enough to watch and very memorable.
4. The Fruitties
One of the first reviews I ever did on one of the strangest cartoons I've ever watched and I only ever watched this when I was ill. Basic premise of this Spanish Cartoon is talking fruit and lots of bizarre songs. Still humming the Roly Song to this day, I watched this when I was 7-8, I'm now 30, talk about leaving an impression.
3. Tom & Jerry
Other MGM shorts as well as Disney's short cartoons catalogue and Warner Bros Looney Tunes work just as well but I'm going with Tom & Jerry because visual slapstick is more effective than a dialogued one and that's what Tom & Jerry do best and with most shorts lasting 5 minutes on average its much easier to digest while bed ridden.
2. Hilltop Hospital
Okay you've probably never heard of this one, this is a British claymation cartoon about the running of a hospital using anthropomorphic animals as doctors, while it's generally aimed at younger kids it fits the bill for the most ideal show to watch while ill, mainly because your more likely to watch these cartoons while you are sick from school rather than work, mainly because being sick as an adult you'd rather be asleep and what better way to reassure a child about their illness than showcasing similar illnesses in a cartoon in a calm and soothing manner, it makes the illness in question easier to deal with.
1. Ned's Newt
Out of all the times I've been forced into watching early morning cartoons due to horrid nights of sleep, Ned's Newt was the most enjoyable. It's about a boy who buys a newt that initially doesn't do anything but then grows six foot and gains speech by eating too much Zippo for Newt, what follows is madcap adventures and it was awesome, almost made going to school bearable.
Bonus: Other than the Fruitties which I've already reviewed I'll be more than happy to review anything on this list by request, just comment as normal.
Post number 13 and we come back to today with MIGHTY MAGISWORDS!!!!!!! Yes more shouting titles.
Mighty Magiswords began as a web cartoon for Cartoon Network that became green lit as a full fledged series under two months ago, our leads are brother and sister team Prohyas and Vambre Warrior (Yes that's their real surnames) as they collect various Magiswords to complete quests that keep themselves from going broke and mainly because they want to use said Magiswords in their quests. Prohyas can be best described as "manly" (his words) but caring and nurturing like a mother especially around his Magiswords, he's also a music lover, playing the Accordian Magisword (Voice Actor an actual Accordian Player) he's also a big lover of Dolphins.
Vambre on the other hand is more action orientated, she hates pants and hates any suggestion of wearing them, she seems to have random conversations with her brain and for some unknown reason has a British accent. The gimmick of this cartoon is that Magiswords can be anything you set your mind to from Zombie Pumpkin Heads to Dolphins, from Tomatoes to Accordians anything can become a sword.
To best describe the action in Mighty Magiswords, it's bonkers!
Jokes come in thick and fast and there's barely enough time to pause and absorb the scene before the next one starts, it's a common problem with recent Cartoon Network shows, particularly gag comedies such as Uncle Grandpa, Teen Titans Go and new Powerpuff Girls share the same problem but while those shows tend to suffer from it, Mighty Magiswords benefits from it as it suits the setting and the jokes and gags tend to land on cue which is not easy to pull off but it's a testament to the writing that they can pull this off.
Every episode I've watched, I've enjoyed so I wish the series great success as Cartoon Network's newest family member.
Post Number 12 and we look at the rousing world of punk rock and skater boys as we dive into late 90s Nicktoon Rocket Power.
Rocket Power is about a group of kids who indulge in extreme sports everything from Skateboarding, Snowboarding and Surfing to Ice Hockey, Roller Blading and BMXing.
Our team of extreme sports characters are Otto, Regina, Sam and Maurice; Otto is the reckless leader, Regina is the tomboy female, Maurice is the nerdy non athletic friend while Sam is the idiot friend. Together they compete in various sporting competitions while learning about the importance of friendship all set in a fictional take on a Californian Beach Town.
At the height of the 90s, Skater Punk was all the rage, Tony Hawk was at the peak of his popularity, Avril Lavigne wasn't a sellout and skate parks were the most popular places in the world, I to was part of that movement but like the era itself, it's very much a product of its time not helped by Klasky Csupo's animation style being heavily 90s.
Now looking back, yeah it's dated but it was okay, it was entertaining and it kept Nicktoons fresh but how is this any different to Rated A for Awesome? In basic terms they are the same right down to the cast consisting of three males and one girl, the lead and the girl being related and the other two being an idiot and a geek, but the biggest difference is timing, Rocket Power came out at the right time and absorbed alot of the current trends that were still in full swing. Rated A for Awesome came out at a time where the current trends they were trying to absorb were already waning so they looked pandering in comparison.
It's possible for these sorts of cartoons to work they just need the right timing, there are so many cartoons who did that who are now dated but at the time they were cult classics. Overall Rocket Power is okay, it's dated and the concept has been reused in other shows but this one had the balance to make it work.
Post number 11 takes us back to anime as we look at not one but two Yu-Gi-Oh films.
Pyramid of Light
Okay, okay since this is Yu-Gi-Oh, any special or movie is going to boil down to defeat the bad guy in a card game, there's not much else to say on plot on this film or the other one. Pyramid of Light's villain is Anubis, an Egyptian god who seeks revenge on the Pharaoh for his imprisonment so his plan is to implant a card in the deck of Pegasus, Duel Monsters Creator designed to combat the Egyptian God Cards so when sore loser Seto Kaiba comes to collect this card he will use it against Yugi, but said card steals the souls of his friends leaving Atemu to duel Kaiba and eventually Anubis who takes over the battle, Yugi then uses the actual card Pegasus created to fight the Egyptian God Cards to defeat Anubis.
This film is cheesy, but that's only because 4Kids is so over the top with it's voice acting, everything else has been done to death before, Seto Kaiba vs Yugi? This has happened several times already and it's tiresome, it also barely gives any substance to the villain apart from look like an imposing figure so overall this is pretty bad and it's far too long of a film for what is essentially an extended anime episode.
Bonds Beyond Time
Again it's another defeat the villain in a card game but this time it features the leads of all three of the current Yu-Gi-Oh series at time of release. The villain this time is the unoriginally named Paradox who's causing havoc across time by stealing cards and trying to eliminate the game of duel monsters by killing the original creator thereby erasing the future. There are so many plot holes in this so lets list them.
1. I'm pretty sure Pegasus would train successors or at the very least foresaw something like this happening so he could at least keep his company going long after retirement or the possibility of another incident like with the Millenium Eye being stolen which so nearly killed him.
2. It's implied that there was meant to be more to Paradox's mission if Yusei's nightmare was anything to go by, may have given the villain more credit.
3. Judai doesn't recognize Yugi in person despite meeting him at the start of the GX series even though both he and Yusei have at least heard of him or know of him by reputation.
4. This is Yusei's story more than the others.
5. Yusei could've won that duel on his own, there's enough bull**** going on in the actual duel to pull off that kind of stunt.
6. Since when could Yusei time travel?
7. Since all Paradox's cards were stolen shouldn't Yugi have worried about what happened to Joey and Kaiba when Blue Eyes and Red Eyes were summoned by him?
You can tell this film was a rush job and a quick cash in, again I state that Yusei could've duelled Paradox on his own, having Judai and Yugi alongside him was basically fan bait. Also Paradox is one of those hypocritical villains. He wants Duel Monsters destroyed for good but is using Duel Monsters to accomplish that, much like a certain Pokemon villain team.
To the movie's credit it sets the right tone but it's still executed poorly much like the rest of the film.
Final Verdict: Yu-Gi-Oh doesn't hold up well in film format as the concept of the story in most episodes is character A duelling character B and having a slightly bigger earth shattering duel fit into such a small time frame doesn't make the film any bigger compared to the series. Pyramid of Light is cheesy with a tired plot that's been done a thousand times already while Bonds Beyond Time is a hack job littered with plot holes and too short of a feature to make the great big duel between Paradox and the Protagonists effective.
So overall both films are crap.
