Dear Orochimaru.

Dear Orochimaru,

I don't know why you're talking like that. Stop it.

Sincerely, annoyed with your lack of grammar and proper wording,
Sasuke

P.S. I am not holding your damn snakes for you. Hold them yourself.

Dear Photo Album.

Dear Old Photos,

Why do I even still look at you?

Sincerely, stuck only with memories,
Sasuke

Dear Itachi.

Dear Itachi,

I'll accept my payment for giving you a haircut now. I've already taken half of the payment in your pride but I don't feel that it's sufficient to cover your charge.

Sincerely, your friendly neighborhood barber,
Sasuke

Dear Birthday.

Dear Birthday,

I don't know who decided all birthdays have to be celebrated with cake. I don't like sweets and I don't want a fucking cake today. I'll be happy with a basket of tomatoes, even if they have candles stuck in them..

Sincerely, changing the rules of the birthday "cake",
Sasuke

P.S. I'm the birthday boy today. Deal with it.

Dear "Promotion".

Dear Promotion,

Are you like a level-up, or is this yet another system like the one in Konoha?

Sincerely, just got promoted,
Sasuke