then I dedcided to leave, I didn't want to hang out much, and make him think that I wanted to be with him. I needed to stop thinking about him. It wasn't right. I hate people, why do I care to be with him? There was something funny of him I think it's his gorilla nose. I sat back down on the couch where I went to sleep. I watched everyone as they got up, and see what they where doing. Jimmy went to the kitchen and was waiting for a breakfast from Rick. Through all I've seen, I couldn't help but to feel really sad right now. I've seen so many people seem so happy, and close friends. They aren't afraid to be themselves. How could someone such as Rick be so confortable in his skin, he's always helping his friends, having a cocky attitude. It made no sense. I hated him at this moment, to be so kind and loved by his friends. I mean face it, I meant nothing to my friends, thet would be just as well off without me. I let out a small sigh and contiued to sit there as everyone finshes getting up. Shortly after everyone got up, Jimmy, Rick, and Sebastain came into the room with a huge breakfast for the three of them. Rick and Jimmy sat on the couch across from me, much to my disapointment. Then Sebastain sat down next to me, he had his normal really happy look on his face, like nothing could ever bring him down. He looked at me with a warm, friendly smile offering me some of his food. I shook my head and tried to ignore him. Knowing what evil he had in store for me, I wouldn't let that smile get the best of me, I knew he wasn't as kind as he wanted me to think he was. I sighed again and watched Rick who was constantly talkig with Jimmy, who didn't seem to want to shut up. It was new conversation after the other. I missed the silence I once lived in, when I was on tour bus with Sarah and Jack. I looked at the calender on my phone and kept coounting the days til this month would be over. What a great day that will be, though I had this feeling that this month will always stay in me, like I couldn't block it out like I wanted to. So manythings just wont be forgotten. I sighed again, and I couldn't help but to notice after I did Rick looked at me. I guess I was bothering him, so I decided to go. Besides it would be nice to have some a lone time. Rick looked at me and asked if I was ok. I just shurgged my shoulders, shocked someone would even ask. I hated this, he seems to get me. I didn't want to be read by a stranger. But I guess what Jack is always telling me is true, I wear my emtions on my sleeves. I contuied on my way to my bedroom, not speaking to Rick at all. I could hear Sebastains voice right behind me saying that I needed to cheer up. As I torned around to look at him, he gave me a big huge, squeezing me tight. I was shocked at his embrace, but hated him more for it and pushed him away. "I'm fine" I shouted at him, and left the room. What was he thinking? He's trying to hard now for me to think he's nice. As if a hug would work. I have to admit he'd be a good actor. If of curse I wasn't going to have him locked away in jail for being a killer. I just needed honest proof. The thought of him going to jail made me feel a little better inside know how the "Gopher Monkeys" would fail without a bassist. I could only asume Jimmy was to stupid to be able to play bass. But I guess unlike me, they have other friends who could fill in if they where to lose a member. I looked at the clock on my phone and saw that only a hour and a half had past since I got up. I guess it's going to be another long day. Sarah and Jakc went out to get breakfast, so I guess I wont see them til later cause I doubt any of them wanted to be here, that was just away to leave. Jerks not taking me with them. I went into my dark room and sat down on my bed. It wasn't very comfy. The blankets on it was still all nice and neat since I didn't sleep in here last night. I looked around at the emptiness of the room. I didn't have much of my things here, cause I didn't want anyone to get a hold of my belongings. I couldn't wait to leave New York City, I hated it here so bad. The bust streets make it in possible to go driving, and the cold wheather was killer. I went over to the window and opend it to feel the breeze, it was cold but it felt good. I watched all the cars going down the streets, and on the side walk there was a person here or there. Sometimes it was a family walking together, seeming happy to be with them, or a couple holding hands. I wanted to flip thos people off, but I chose not to, for whatever reason. I went back to my bed and laid down on it. I left the window open, letting the cold air in, it didn't take anytime before the room got really cold, making me shiver some. And I was to lazy to go and close it.
"Ah.." I was flattered to know someone liked our band a lot, and that it would upset someone to know their brother was with me. I wondered if they were close. I wonderd why everyone seems to have a stupid brother. I hated Jimmy more at this second. I have always wanted one. But whatever. Doesn't matter.
"Tell him I said, "he's not missing much"". Jimmy laughed and nodded in agreement. "How rude!" I thought. But needless to say, I didn't care.
"He said, "probably not/ I hear you're a big jerk anyways"." I shrugged my shoulders, cause I was just a jerk. Rick laughed at that.
"Jason..He was always rude." He said. Then he got a blank look on his face and added "And tall."
"I doubt he's all that tall. You're just short." I teased him, while I finished my last can of beer. I was wanting more, but I decided to not get anymore.
"Last time I knew he was 6"9!" Rick said. That was tall! I can only image how big he must be.
"Rhat's a big guy, eh?" I said shocked, at how tall he was.
"Just tall" Rick said. "Soo..we should do something or talk more" Rick had a bored look on his face.
"Can't we sit in silence? That's always fun." I asked him, missing the way it was with me and the rest of my band, all quiet and drinking or something. One day of this is driving me crazy. And still through all of my hate of this all, Rick is all over my mind. I didn't get it. How bothersome.
"That's so boring!" Jimmy said with a whiney tone to his voice
"Whatever. You guys do what you want." I told them, hoping they would leave me alone, or maybe get the idea I didn't want to do anything with them. I was hoping they would go to bed, so then I could get some sleep. But it didn't seem as if they weere going to.
"So, Tom, what was highschool like for you?" Rick asked me. I didn't know what to answer. "Nothing speical, a waste of time one could say." I answerd coldly. "Did you meet Sarah there?" Jimmy asked me all happy sounding. "I don't have to answer any of this, you know." I said and looked away. The truth is, Sarah and I have known eachother since way before highschool. I didn't want to mention anything abour Sarah from highschool. I hate how that even though she was the most talented in our class, on top of all the grades, and all, insted of being admired, she was hated, and treated bad, just like I was. I guess thats partly how we became so close. Jimmy had a disapointed look on his ugly face when I didn't tell him. But he didn't seem to let my coldness bring him down, and chatted away with Rick. They talked about there childhood more of high school, and all there friends. It was weird to see people like them, how they where so close, and had all theese friends I didn't get it, why are some people so lucky to have all the friends in the world, and others where hated and could never be loved by anyone. Still I didn't even care. I had all I needed, and wanted. I could go anywhere in the world I wanted to be, and everywhere I was, Sarah will always be by my side. As I got lost in my thoughts I started to drift into sleep. Next thing I know I was waking up, with a blanket over me, empty beer can in my hand, and a pain in my stomac from being so hungry. I looked up while yawning. I didn't see anyone else. I guess they are all in bed. I looked at the clock and saw it was about 7:00am. It was a little late to be getting up, normally I tried to be up no later then six. Oh, well I guess. I wondered who put the blanket on me. Was it Sarah, it was rather cold last night. I sat up and strecthed my arms over me head. My back hurt from laying on the couch. I slowly made my way to the kitchen, and got a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and a cold beer to drink. I sat on the couch and ate, I could hear people getting up, and starting there day. I wonder how awful today would be, seeing yesterday just dragged on and on. I wonder where that funny liltle kid, Sebastian was. I still needed to find out more infomation about him, without him knowing I was up to anything. I thought I'd go about learning about him a diferrernt way, I'd go through Rick, asking normal things about him. Plus, it gave me more time to be with Rick, I wanted to know more about him. I could see Rick comeing down stairs, and head for the kitchen. Perfect time to go talk to him. I went in the kitchen and put my empty bowl on the shelf. Still hungry, but now it's time to find out about Sebastain. "Morning" He said with a smile on his face. He was in the middle of cutting some vegetables, for a omllete he was going to be making. With the amount of food he had out, I could only asume he was fixing food for him and his friends. "Morning" I said with a yawn. "How'd you sleep?" He asked me. It was srange for him to be so kind, asking how I was an all. He doesn't know me, should he even care? "Not really." I answerd trying to bring myself to ask more about this kid, but I couldn't find the words to do it, or the want to talk anymore. I just wanted to watch Rick with his cooking. I watched him for a little bit,
And rather hungry. I could hear my stomach yelling at me. I decided to drink a couple of cases of beer help fill in the empty space in my stomach. I got up and left into our, as we call it, "The Flameable Room". We called it that because it was filled with nothing but alcohol. I got me a six-pack of beer, and a bottle of vodka for Sarah. I sat back down next to her and handed it her the bottle.. She didn't thank me, she just popped it open and started to drink it. I drank some of my beer and it helped fill me up some. I could guess in the next half hour that it would all be gone, and I'd be full. I didn't know what else to do with the night besides drink it away. Jimmy and Rick sat down on the other couch next to us. I couldn't help but think to myself, "Yeah sure. Jimmy's just a excuse to be near Sarah, isn't he? Hmm, pathetic." When they sat down, Sarah just rolled her eyes. She hated immature people like them. I couldn't blame her really. And the one thing worse than an immature person, was someone always so hyper, like Jimmy. I hated everythig about him. I sighed and sunk down in my seat. I continued to drink my beer, and Jimmy and Rick were talking about this and that. Lots of stories from their highschool years. Sarah and Jack left shortly after those two came. Totally ruined my night. Sounds like they had lots of friends in highschool with the names they kept mentioning.
"I think highschool is like the best part of life!" Jimmy said with a grin on his face. I had to disagree.
"Pfffft. As if." I said rolling my eyes. Highschool wasn't a fun point in my life. I hated it and I hated everyone in it. And they hated me.
"You speak!" Rick said sarcastically. "How can you say that? All the time spent hanging out with friends, food fights, staying up late partying!" I sighed and rolled my eyes.
"Because it wasn't like that for me. Besides, I hate parties. Too many people."
"How can you not like to party?" he asked me, looking so confused.
"It's not my thing." I answerd as a laid down on the couch. I was getting to feel sick from being so hungry. But I didn't want to go eat, so I just kept drinking, hoping to fill up. I started to feel a little tired. But I wasn't going to go to sleep until everyone was in bed. I didn't want anyone to sneak into my room and kill me. And the thing is, they probably will too. At least Sebastian. Stupid little monster. "So..you were all popular, huh?" I asked them, starting to fill a little buzz from the alchoal I've been drinking.
"Yeah, we were friends with most of the students at our school" Rick answerd me.
"Ah.." I couldn't help but think back when me and Sarah where in high school. No one liked us. We were made fun of, mocked, and hated. The thought angered me a little. I think Rick could tell by the look on my face when he asked me, "What was wrong?". I didn't get it. He doesn't know me, so what would he care? I shook my head. Jimmy had started to text someone a lot. I didn't know who it was, nor did I care.
We all sat there for a couple more hours, they talked back and forth a lot. I didn't say anything else. I just listened. After my first six cans weere gone, I went and got another pack of beer, and drank more. I didn't want to drink much more and get drunk right now. I didn't want to deal with another hangover in the morning. I keep getting drunk anymore. But that was when I was happiest.
"You still alive?" Rick asked me. I looked at him. That comment amused me. I just nodded. And drank more.
"Are you going to share that.?" Jimmy asked me, staring intently at my can.
"Hmm yeah....no." I answered. "Besides aren't you too young to drink?" I answered. Of course I didn't care, but this will be fun.
"Uh..no? Maybe?" Jimmy said.
"Unless you are over 23, you cannot drink alchohol around me. Those are my rules" I told him.
"But you'll let Sara drink and she's 22!" Rick pointed out. I wondered how he knew her age. He didn't like our band at all. I heard him say that in the past.
"How do you know her age?" I asked.
"One of Jimmy's brothers loves your band, and I heard a lot about you guys while growing up. He sadly got into the whole "emo" fad to. It sickens me!" He said with a rude tone at the end of his sentence.
"Yeah, he's all mad at me now, cause I'm bragging to him that I'm hanging out with you, Tom." Jimmy told me. "Hanging out?" I thought. We're just in the same room. By unfoutunate luck.
He answered. I didn’t know if he was just saying that because that’s what I was just doing, or if he really did like it.
“Fine, you can stay. Just stay quiet.” I told him. I went back to trying to relax, closed my
eyes and tried to ignore everything around me. But the feel of someone else being near just ruined it. Next thing I knew it felt like something had just touched my arm. "Maybe a bug?"I thought. Yuck. Then it happened again. I sat up quickly, only to find there was no bug, but instead Sebastian was sitting there poking, me over and over. I didn’t know what he wanted. I just wish he would leave me alone. “What!?” I said raising my voice some.
“I just poke; I couldn’t talk so why not poke?” He responded with a playful smile on his face.
“Let me rephrase that then. No bothering me. Don’t do anything. Just lay and relax. And if that’s not good enough, go back inside and bother your blonde friend.” I didn’t know his name; I think it was Jimmy or something like that. Then I got to thinking "Why don’t I just go back in?" He won’t leave me alone. Not that easily. He didn’t seem to be bothered by the things I said or did. An unnatural kindness. Strange, but interesting. I haven’t ever seen a human being act like him. So admirable. He got me to think maybe I should change the kind a person I am. Then I relazied that was crazy and as I could see him start to say something I just got up and left. I shouldn’t hang around him anyways. Stupid kids.
I went back inside and saw nothing had really changed. Everyone was still just hanging out. Some getting to know each other, some were eating. Sarah and Jack were in the back of the room watching everyone carefully and quietly conversing with each other. I could assume mocking the other idiots. I wanted to join, but I don’t feel welcomed when Jack is around. I thought about going to go drink for a while. I could see Sarah motioned her hand for me to go over there, much to my surprise. I wanted to be with just her. As I walked over there, I was careful to make sure Sebastian didn't see me. I think he was still outside. But I wasn’t sure. I sat down next to Sarah.
“Weere you smoking again?” She rudely asked me. She was always on my case of that. I didn’t really want to hear it again.
“I did for a few. I’ll try and quit.” That just upset her, because she knows I don’t quit things that I liked. She always tells me I drink way too much, but I didn’t care. I like my alcohol. And smoking is something I’ve done for a long time now.
“You know you won’t. You never do.” I just shrugged my shoulders; there really was nothing left to say now. Maybe she was right. I don’t know. But still, it’s a thing I like to do, and why quit what makes you happy? I saw that Jimmy had already got into the video games we had bought to keep everyone entertained. He and the man with the Mohawk were playing a racing game we had. It was pretty fun; it was a combat game with insane speeds and lots of explosions and guns. Something I love a lot: cars and guns. I should play it later when everyone else is in bed or out maybe eating. I looked over to see Rick sit down next to them with some candy in his hands. Great, now I won’t be able to talk to him. Why did I even care? I guess I’m just bored. There isn’t anything to do here. I saw an empty couch and went and sat on it. For the first time in my life, I was in luck. It was right there where I could easily watch Rick. He was now playing against the blue haired guy. I needed to find a nick name for him. Oh learn his real name, but that was too personal. Ugly-face. Awesome! He is now Ugly-Face. I could see Jimmy start to walk over to me. He had a big grin on his face, and he sat down next to me.
“Wanna play with?” He asked, while he still was chewing his candy.
“No. What would make you think that?” I asked him. I guess he noticed me watching Rick. “Well, you keep staring at the TV screen.” He said with lots of happiness in his voice. Why is he so jolly? "Jerk.." I thought to myself.
“Oh. I just watch. I don’t interact.”
“Aww that’s boring!” He said loudly “Play with us! Come on!”
“I’ think I'll pass.” I told him coldly. I looked away from him and away from Rick. I needed to get less attention on the fact I was staring over there so they wouldn't ask me to play again. “Don’t bother. He’s a jerk!” I could hear Rick say. Hearing his voice made me almost smile. But I didn’t let that show. I just hid my face on the couch. I guess the one person I really wanted to know didn’t like me already, so I just will let it go. No big deal. Jimmy shrugged his shoulders and sat back down with Rick, and an unhappy Ugly-Face, who has lost every race he’s played today. Sucker. I could see that Rick kept kind of checking Sarah out every time she went by. Luckily for me, he wouldn’t even stand a chance with her. I knew I didn’t but if I couldn’t have her, why should a stupid “Gopher Monkey”? Though, even with Rick being courious about her, I felt he wasn't a threat or anything when Sarah didn't even look nor talk to him
“I think it was John, What an idiot.” We both insulted the Gopher Monkeys a little more, regardless of Rick, a member of the band still being there.
“Hey, I’m in that band!” He said.
“And?” Sara asked, and walked away. Probably to go talk to Jack.
"That was rude.” He said.
“We tend to be that way.” I told him, just to inform him it won’t be the last time this happens. Who knows, maybe if we're rude enough, they will leave. At that second though the thought of Rick leaving saddened me. I’ll just ignore that.
“However, she was really hot, huh?” He asked with a grin on his face. I couldn’t help but to blush a little, since I have liked her for quite some time now.
“No!” I quickly answered.
“Yeah, sure...” He said in a sarcastic tone. I couldn’t tell him he was joking or being honest. “So, is she single?" He asked.
“Yeah, she is. But she wouldn’t go for a guy like you." I told him, in a defensive tone. “What makes you say that?” He asked.
“Well for starters, she's like me; she doesn't like anyone Second, you're in the “Gopher Monkeys”. I said, being very blunt and rude.
“You like her, don’t you?" He asked with a teasing sound in his voice.
“No, I don’t!” I, again, answered quickly.
“I think ya do! You're awfully defensive over this to NOT like her.” He said. “Trust me; I know what I’m talking about.” I couldn’t care less what he had to say. I know my feelings and that’s that. He doesn’t need to know. I would never tell him.
“Why do you even ask”? I was curious.
“Oh, I was just asking?” He said. "Freak", I thought. Why ask things when it’s none of your business? Or if you don't need to know. Though, I myself was wondering more of what he was like. I just kind a rolled my eyes and started to walk away. As I walked away from Rick, I noticed two guys sitting on the couch on the other end of the room. They both looked very angry, with the meanest looks on their faces. I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how everyone viewed me and my band. Also, they both looked dirty, with one of them in a green torn jacket with dirty spots on it, blue jeans that had holes and looked like paint all over it. The other one had a black beanie hat, and a blue and brown sweater on with holes all through the top of it, and pants also with holes in it. I wondered why they looked so angry, but I decided it was best not to get to know them. I figured they were from the “Mischief Makers”. Then I heard the one without a hat say “What are you looking at?” He had an angry tone in his voice, sounding like he was threatening me. I didn’t see him as a threat. “Want me to go over there and pound you?” I heard the other say.
“I was just walking.” I told them and contuied on my way. I decided to go outside and smoke for a while. That’s always a good way to kill time. I sat outside with my cigarettes enjoying the cool air. I love the feel in October; the air feels more calming to me. I found it hard to relax with the busy streets and traffic. That was one reason I hated New York City; is it was so busy. I want someplace more quiet. I didn’t like being in big crowds or anything. But still, the cool air on my skin felt nice. While I was sitting out there smoking, I couldn’t help but to start to think of Rick. I didn’t know what it was about him that made me always notice him, or why I can’t seem to get him off my mind. Maybe it’s just cause he was the only person I’ve talked to in a while that wasn’t some annoying fan of the band, or Sarah. I dunno. But I hope I forget about him soon enough.
After finishing my pack of cigarettes I laid down on the grass and started to feel a little more relaxed, not thinking about all these other people I didn’t want to deal with. I closed my eyes for just a few seconds till I could feel the presences of someone over me. I opened my eyes and un-expectedly there was Sebastian, standing over me, staring. He had a huge smile on his adorable face.
“Whatcha doing?" He asked me with complete innocence in his voice. For a split second it almost had me fooled, until I remember the brownies and cookies. "Nice act!" I thought. Must have been trained for this kind of thing. Was he a hired killer to get me? Who besides Sarah’s sister would do this? Great! Something else for me to be stuck on. I’ll have to watch everyone carefully to make sure they don’t seem to be up to anything.
“Trying to get away from people like you, and relax for a little while.” I told him wishing that he would get the hint that I didn’t like him. But he just sat there; he wouldn’t move. "Bothersome..." I thought. “Can I help you?” I asked him.
“No, I just enjoy being outside and looking at the nice sky!”