Welcome to Ranmarama!
- Created By nirvana donut
i probably should stop titling my posts "new post"
after all, the name becomes pretty invalid after another post is made.
went to the library today. WHY DO I BUY CDS?!?!?! they have so many there, i can just check them out and burn my own copies. BAHAHAHAHA.
(I buy the albums i REALLY REALLY like though)
but i'd like to say it isn't.
i mean, what am i jealous of?
it really upsets me that my ex boyfriend still exists. i feel like he should just fall off the face of the earth, he's a complete jerk anyway. it would be a blessing to everyone (except him).
spring semester started today. i don't want to run into that asshole. at all. i'm scared to walk past the computer lab. i'm honestly terrified to eat in the cafeteria, i don't want him to be there. i don't want him to say hi to me, and pretend to be nice. he isn't nice. he broke my heart and left me out to dry. i don't want to be friendly, and i don't want to look pathetic. i don't want to show my pain, weakness, any negative emotions.
i am concerned that i will not be able to conceal these emotions. when i think about him saying hello to me (and of course expecting a response) my stomach gets really tight, and i feel goosebumps form on my arms.
i don't want to see him tomorrow. i'm getting sick from the thought.
what does that have to do with jealousy you ask? i told my friend how i felt, and she says that it is jealousy. she is very intelligent, and really understands relationships well, but i do not feel that she is correct.
i'm not upset that he's found new friends. really, i am not. good for him. i'm finding new friends too. it makes me feel upset when i think about him inevitably talking to girls (but i think that is natural). i guess that is still jealousy... but i think it's a healthy amount.
i don't know what to do... i feel like maybe i should approach him about it, but i KNOW him (i did date the dude for four years). i would spill out my guts and emotions to him, and you know what he'd do? he'd shrug. say, "yeah, sorry you're upset"
no you're not. you're not sorry. and i don't expect you to be anymore. i don't expect anything from you. that being said, i never ever want to see you again. it would make everything so much easier.
i don't know why i am sharing this. sometimes its good to write about inner demons. lol.
i really like listening to them.
i am interested in making one, but i am not sure if i will get any questions (only because i really don't know anyone)
sooooooooo... if anybody has any questions for me, i think it would be fun to make a voice meme.
DISCLAIMER: i have a LOWWWW voice. way too low for a girl. lol. :-p
if/when i get ten questions, i will make it.
QUESTIONS (so far)
Why'd you choose your name?
i realize that the last time i posted was at the very beginning of fall semester.
now fall semester is over.
well... you see... the love of my life dumped me. i swear, i felt like it came out of nowhere.
looking back, i now believe that there had been signs for about a year now. i guess that i just WANTED things to work out so badly that i ignored these signs that things were not working out.
after two months of accepting the blow... i think i MIGHT be over it. lol.
it would have been easier if i had close female friends, but the fact is that i do not. i'm a loner, and i always have been.
i have many distant friends, ones you might go to a movie with every month or so, or perhaps contact via email, but i do not really have any friends who i feel comfortable talking to.
i'd much rather write things down. so i have been.
and... now, school is out for... oh, about a week more (lol).
i am taking stats in the spring and i am NOT looking forward to it. :-p
i've read all of the comics i'd been meaning to read (but just didn't have to time) and i've watched a bit of tv (a little goes a LONG way)
so... now i've returned to the internet.
i think that i may still log in (at least once a week or so) during semester.
during the fall, i took three intensive writing courses and one easy class (lol). i spent my time writing.
i'm thinking i should have some internet free time this semester. we shall see.
Happy New Year!