Hi everyone. I know it's been a while, but I thought I should do another update to let everyone know how I'm doing. I'm sorry to say that things aren't going very well for me. My grandpa is in the hospital, and he seems to be on the verge of death. What happened was this past Saturday, my grandpa had a fall while trying to get out of bed and suffered a very severe head injury. Since then, he's been bleeding into his brain, and ironically the doctors can't do anything to try and correct the problem because the put my grandpa on this medication that prevents them from operating for seventy-two hours. So at this point, my grandpa's condition is pretty much terminal, and even if he were somehow to pull though he'd probably be a vegetable at best.
What's weird about this whole thing is that I've been very calm about it. I mean it's not like I haven't been genuinely upset, but so far I haven't once broken down in tears. In fact today I've been pretty cheerful. I guess part of the reason for my state of mind is because I've pretty much been expecting this to happen sooner or later. My grandpa's health has pretty much been slowly deteriorating for at least the past year. He's been in and out of the hospital more and more since this past spring at least. I noticed the same thing with my other grandpa not long before he finally passed away. The fact is the human body can only take so much. Sooner or later we all break down.
I guess the other reason behind my current mental state is because this whole thing doesn't really seem real to me on a certain level. My life has been proceeding like none of this is actually happening. Yet I know that all this is happening because as I write this post, my grandma at the hospital on a death vigil with some of my other relatives from my mom's side of the family. Even so, everything for me has been business as usual. In fact tonight I finally put up my Christmas decorations.
So in a nutshell, I'm not exactly having a good week, at least not underneath the surface. I guess my biggest problem is that I don't know exactly how I should feel right now… or rather, I'm not really sure if it's right for me to be feeling the way I feel right now. My grandpa's in a hospital bed slowly dying, and I'm actually feeling more or less okay. I also keep wondering about how all of this is going to affect my Christmas, which really is kind of petty. Actually, one thing that's really bothering me is that my grandpa could very well linger on for days, perhaps even weeks… and if he were to die on Christmas… well, that would pretty much just poison the holiday for at least half my family.
That's pretty much all there is to report at the moment. I hope everyone else is having a much better holiday season than I seem to be having.
