A story of my life

I prayed, wished that I would fall asleep. But even if I tried, the light thumping of my heart and the gentle music in the background was the only thing keeping me from breaking down. The thought was there. I wanted to carve the pain into my hand. But I knew I couldn’t. I made a promise I would, nor could, ever give up. If I had some paper and a pencil…no…I promised to try my best and sleep. My eyes burned from the faint throb of sleep, but no matter how much I wanted to, my head was overrun with too many thoughts. You know, I wish I didn’t exist. That way I wouldn’t fear hurting someone, nor have the fear of death. Yeah, I’m afraid of death, big time. As long as I live in the end though, I can take all the physical pain. I noticed I had blood on my sleeve. I must have scratches myself. It was dry, so I knew trying to clean it off wouldn’t work. Thump. My cat ran right into my door then jumped in the air like the door jumped off the wall and hit her. I laughed a little and smiled. What a little cat can do for someone who’s depressed. I didn’t feel too bad anymore. Still, I had a strong urge to stay up. So, even though I had promised, I sat up and watched my kitten while I thought. I picked up a notebook next to me and wrote this story. As I did I looked at my cat through the corner of my eye. She jumped up on the bed next to me and curled up beside me, right next to my rough drawings. It was getting cold, so I pulled my blanket over my legs and the body of my kitten, and then finished writing. I looked over at my clock. 3:09. it was really early in the morning now. My eyes were thick and heavy with sleep now, so I pulled the blankets up and over my chest holding them over my mouth, after I turned off the lights. Yeah, I think I was drained enough. I fell asleep next to my faithful pet, wondering how I would turn out in the morning.

To read this Book

Go to the last page to read the first chapter, please. ^^

Chapter seven (final)

Zakuei swam quickly through the water. He had to find the pearl that could turn him human forever!!
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Zakuei gave Azaru one last, desperate departure kiss before whispering to him and swimming away in the sea. Azaru returned into his home, patiently awaiting his one and only friend, his love, Zakuei.

Zakuei started to swim deep, retreating to some place he could find his way back, and he slept there a night. In the morning, he tried swimming some more, but then…something rung a bell in his old memory. Something about a pearl. A very important pearl…
“Wait!” He stopped in his tracks. “I remember!!” He swam quickly, searching for some oysters.
“Where is it? Where is it??” He muttered to himself, picking up an oyster and opening it; No pearl there. He foraged through the deep, picking up oyster after oyster, so when he saw a pure white oyster and opened it, he smiled widely from almost ear to ear at what he found. He’d found the pink pearl.
He quickly swam back as fast as he could, holding the oyster close and tight in his hands. By nightfall, he was home again. He crawled up on the shore and opened up the oyster again, taking the pearl into his hand. He watched as his scaled shed, his tail split into legs, the skin color awakening and the bones re-growing. He was a human again.
He stood up and walked to the door of Azaru’s house before knocking lightly on his door. Azaru snapped awake from his doze that had been tapping his senses and stood up to answer the door. “Zakuei?” He quickly opened the door to a smiling, thoroughly soaked, crying Zakuei. At that moment, Azaru’s face said it all.

“I missed you’
“I’m happy you’re back”
“Don’t cry”
“Zakuei”
“I love you”
Azaru held the boy tight to him in an embrace, while Zakuei hugged him tightly, sobbing.
All Azaru could do was cry, sob, and quickly mutter Zakuei’s name while holding him close. Each tear symbolized love that would never end; that would always exist; that could never be torn down.
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“Azaru, I love you.”
That was the final whisper of Zakuei before his departure.
“Zakuei, I love you.”
Was the final sob Azaru finally emitted as his sweet answer.

Chapter Six

A black veil of night surrounded the sky. The round moon resembling a hole to lighten the darkness. Little stars also helped brighten the nearly pitch-black sky. The atmosphere was light, yet, at the same time it was tense.
Zakuei’s eyes gently fluttered open and gazed at Azaru’s sleeping face. The auburn hair decorating him was strewn over the pillow and his own face. The tan skin complemented it beautifully, the tender, tan skin. He blushed at himself due to his already light arousal.
Zakuei coughed gently as he sat up while reaching blindly for something to cover himself with. His throat felt so dry it hurt. So he stood up, quickly put on a pair of boxers and wandered into the kitchen.
A clatter of a glass immediately woke Azaru, who jumped up quickly and shoved on a pair of boxers to investigate. To his dismay, he found Zakuei bent over on the floor, holding his throat and gasping for air. Azaru panicked and pulled Zakuei into his lap.
“Zakuei?! ZAKUEI!!” He shouted, pulling the gasping Zakuei up more properly into his lap with panicked eyes. Zakuei started tearing up because of the pain, giving silent screams. His own body forced itself into mermaid form, gills erupting from his neck again, and his nose slowly flattened to what it looked as before.
Panicking, Azaru quickly picked up Zakuei and rushed outside to the water, and jumped in with him. He held Zakuei close to him, eyes tight with fear for him. Zakuei’s gills quickly filled with water, and his skin moistened. Slowly, as Azaru held the limp boy in his arms, he started to recover.
Zakuei took in long, deep breaths until he noticed Azaru would drown if he
*
stayed underwater much longer. ‘Azaru!’ He made Azaru surface and poked his face out of the water, not his gills, to see Azaru gasp and gulp in air. “A-ah!” He gave a look of shock to Zakuei. “Zakuei! You’re o-okay!!” tears welled up as he saw Zakuei nod gently. Zakuei embraced him to comfort him, yet still kept his gills in the water. ‘No more things like this.’ Was what he thought as Azaru sobbed Zakuei’s name, until the sun began to softly lighten the horizon. Then it became a soft shiver due to the cold.
Zakuei leaned up to kiss the distraught Azaru before whispering to him. “I’ll have to stay in the water for now…” He grimaced. “But…I’m going to figure something out! For you…” Azaru’s tears streamed down his already wet face. “O-okay…” His voice was so sad. Zakuei hated that, and so he would stop it soon. “I will…always return to you…please…wait, and don’t forget me…” Zakuei gave another kiss to the other crying boy.

Was this the end?
Was this the final, forbidden kiss?
He hoped not.

That day, he departed.
That day, he searched.

He realized how in love he really was.

Chapter five

“I’m okay with it,” Zakuei’s smile covered his lips. The pain was immense and there in his smile. “It’s just part of life, right?”

What was this? Azaru ached to make the pained smile disappear from Zakuei’s face. He’d been alone; But he was almost sure Zakuei had it a lot worse. That smile told him so. ‘But how can I help him?’ The question that haunted him ever since he saw pain, emotional pain, clear across Zakuei’s face.
“Hey…I just realized…you haven’t told me your name…yet you know mine.” Azaru raised his eyebrows and looked up at Zakuei. Zakuei was wearing a slightly shocked expression again, so Azaru thought he must have forgotten too.
“I’m Z-zakuei…” Zakuei blushed gently, the look of shock switching with something more of a nervous smile. ‘Zakuei…’ He thought. “Zakuei…it sounds peaceful…” Azaru said it before he could even think. “Oh! I-I mean! Uhm…” He blushed in return to the other’s colored cheeks. Zakuei blinked a couple times and sipped his drink. “It means nothing special to me…”
Azaru grimaced and stood up quickly. “Stop! Don’t say that!…” Azaru gasped and covered his mouth. ‘oh…’ Zakuei was shocked, the sudden outburst had scared him.
“A-Azaru…?”
“Z-…Zakuei…”
Azaru slowly walked over to Zakuei and stood there in front of him for a moment. Azaru found something strange in himself again, and it was strong. In the end, he couldn’t resist it.

He kissed Zakuei.

Zakuei’s eyes widened, the warm feeling was strong, passionate, and honest. Like orbs of dew, mermaid tears, fell from his closing eyes.

He kissed Azaru.
*
Azaru kissed Zakuei.
Zakuei kissed Azaru.

Was this okay?
Was it possible for a Mermaid to love a man?
Was it even possible for a man to love a man?

Zakuei was laying in the strong arms of Azaru. Azaru was in surprise at what he’d done to him, and what the other had returned. Small marks decorated Zakuei’s neck, as well as a couple for Azaru.

Their clothes lay scattered, forgotten, across the floor; The sun shone through the window, and yet, Zakuei still slept soundly. Azaru was tired but he was awake. He couldn’t help but inhale the scent clinging to Zakuei’s hair, patiently waiting for sleep to overcome him.
It wasn’t long before the rhythmic heart beat, and the soft breath of Zakuei lulled him into the first peaceful sleep he’d had in years.