I've worked hard and invested so much time in these words. They are me. The me I would never let anyone see. These words have helped me get through the darkest pits of Hell and come back with only the slightest remnant of injury.
With that said please enjoy what you find
I have been gone for a long time. i dont know if i'll be checking back in alot but i hope i will
sry i've been away.
bye.
If only I could bleed
Just enough
To pass out
If only I could drag this razor
Hard enough
To open the door
If only I could stop these tears
Long enough
To lay still
If only you could lay with me
Maybe I wouldn't cry so long
If only I could hold you close
Maybe I wouldn’t shake so hard
If only I could clasp your hand
Maybe mine would relinquish this blade
If only
If only
If only
If only this mattered
The tears
The scars
If only it mattered
In the slightest bit
Of a million things I’m unsure of
One thing I know
Is that
This
Will
Mean
Nothing
I didn’t expect
To be thinking of this
I never guessed
I’d ever want this
I’m not even sure
If that’s the truth
I’m not even sure
I really care
Does this feel right?
Does it feel ok?
Ask me tomorrow
When I know whether or not
This was a mistake
I’m not drunk
Or high
Not at all
But it feels somehow
My judgment is compromised
Is it your words
So sweet and sincere
That have put these thoughts
Into my young head
Thoughts I’ve had
But never explored
If I test them
Will I want only more
I don’t know
If I want this or not
Will I be damned
For forbidden love
More likely lust
Even more damning
I don’t know
If I even care
I don’t know
I just don’t know
Sure or not
I’m way to deep
To back out now
I lay down
Not quite dead, but neither alive
I cry out
A single breath, but no sound
My body contracts
Against my will, quaking shaking
The tears stream down
I’m too young for this pain
Time passes by
Seconds pass, eons wasted
Every tear shed a plea
Every tear shed a prayer
That this isn’t all there is
But my mind however
Sharp as ever
Reminds me
This is all that will ever be
I cower from these thoughts
That continually haunts my heart
Impossible to get away
When I’m never let alone
I flee into the dark
Into unconscious thought
Bet even then I can’t escape
My dreams have turned against me
I used to dream of better times
Of things yet to come
Now my dreams are consumed only by
What has already passed?
Finally I understand
The anguish of waking
If it were up to me
Never would I wake
This is by far less painful
Than walking in the sun
A burning reminder
Of beautiful memories
Memories that kill
Memories that still feel alive
I pray this isn’t wishful thinking
That this is more than false hope
But deep inside I can’t shake the feeling
I’ve lost what I hold dear
