When Sound Bites Back:
"It never comes out the way it wants to
the words I never say. Double negative and degnified. Reclaimed spirit drawn back to a new day- for nothing else exhist if not for that. Weak willed, not stubborn. Fingers slip, mouth shut. Can't drink nothing without a cup. Razor sharp, thrown like darts. Hurling fast towards the target. Post marked, not on a letter never sent. There's a lot of 'never's in this case; backed up by man-kinds nelegance. Sliding down, goofing around. Hope no one drowns on 'freaking sound."
R.K.~PinkKitty1 8/7/09 (5:16 A.M.)
since I wrote an actual 'heart-filled' journal entry.
It's not that I don't want to; it's just I don't care anymore. I don't take the time to 'think out' my feelings- that seems worthless to me- as of these current days. And when I look back and read old stuff, I can always find repeating themes (particularly when those journal entries are close in time period); and I usually find that annoying. ...So, I guess I'm just an ass; I guess I'm now a jerk. I used to be an 'angel', and now I couldn't give a f*ck.
But, ...Sometimes, you just gotta let things go- it's about time I made new memories to keep and collect in 'my past'. I'm a Senior now, and when I started to 'learn about myself, for myself' I was about to be a Sophomore- that sh*ts over now- I gotta try in the present.
Now, I'm not saying, "I'll never care again." I'm just saying, "I'm not that old PinkKitty1 anymore...", and I never will be, again.
R.K.~ PinkKitty1 12/2/08 (1:22 A.M.)
Unsure No More.
"When you can't seem to piece things together anymore;
it seems like everyone's an emotional whore.
Trampling on the true meaning of things;
Over eccentric;
completely oblistic.
You take a long walk- about a mile and a half-
and you realize:
Thing's don't have to stay where they are...
You can change your own life,
you can live,
and be,
the one you want to be.
You could quit on all you do now;
and start over again- and again.
You can 'remake' yourself;
a whole new whole,
and smile onto the world once more-
that's a second chance-
right?
Pour your soul out-
RIGHT INFRONT OF A CROWD;
release your inner being!
Let them see what you feel!
Bring forth your dieing wrath;
you deserve a moment in time-
where it's-
"ALL MINE!"
.......
I believe in you,
I want you to believe in me...
Give me another chance;
let me change me!
I love you like...
a righteous person-
A soul with beautiful dignity.
Romance can be wasted;
but that's not what I see here. :)
I see a person,
with a smile on their face- that means nothing-
who wishes to save the world;
along with themselves...
Forgive me,
for, I too am human.
I fail to understand,
and comprehend,
when you needed me-
and I want you to understand;
I'M SORRY.
...I'll try to be there,
right by your 'injured' side;
so to help,
and hold,
you up when you need to cry-
but you just won't let yourself.
Not a moment to denia,
but everything you ever felt;
in this damn humanity.
Let's not blow each other up;
let's not scream in each others ear!
Let's grow into real humans;
and draw out a constant pleasant state.
Let's grow old enough to say,
"I really liked it in the old days."
and smile with tender feelings we share;
not really with each other-
but the things we shared."
R.K.~ 11/6/08 (10:22 P.M.)
The Sunflower's Cry: R.K.~11/2/08 (10:46 P.M.)
"The sunflower seeds,
they dismay,
falling softly,
in the rain.
...Heaven brings forth,
the life you wished for;
near death you will see...
Now's the time to believe.
Don't waist time wishing,
when you can be dishing,
out the love you feel you deserve.
"Give onto others you wish done onto you..."
That is how the wise saying goes-
even though it doesn't go that way.....
Hoping for tomorrow,
is a start,
for living- AGAIN.
Sit up and eat right.
Stand strong,
'til the end of the fight.
Grab hold of your past dignities,
and squish them with all your might.
Living back then will not help you now,
UNLESS you only want to feel like a clown...
"Go away!"
Some will say,
if you don't believe the same way...
Stand strong,
'til the end of the fight...
Remain standing, still, then.
Hope is lying silent in thin (amounts).....
Dream on your own time;
wake up!
-And see what's right.
Amen I say to you,
with a religious might-
some may say.
I'd be a hypocrite if allowed the moment;
in the REAL reality...
Grim,
and tired,
you stay;
while I,
TRY,
and grow older with an odd grace,
and dignity.
I may have failed already,
but,
that'll be okay-
if that's the way for me.
Does this make since?
Any of it?
No.
No it doesn't.
Just crack open a book and learn something.
I may not know the answer to your question,
but I have a clue of the(se) feeling(s) you feel...
"Honesty's the best policy..."
A wise quote may say,
but how about if you feel that way?
...To the way things work out-
time will stop;
and dust will carry you away...
In the wind,
you will spin-
"To the heaven's!"
you may cry."
Personal: R.K.~10/2/08
"...You take everything said,
and everything done,
as a component against you.
You see all, you hear all?
I think not- not I either
know everything... But, though
it seems,
that dreams to be,
will be denied before (they are) lost;
if you continue this way.
Time to grow up and pass on those bitter,
bitter,
things;
and their anxieties...
So personally, please
take flight outta here-
from their bird's nest..."
***
(My) Grudge: R.K.~10/2/08
"Grudges cut away at the relationships!..."
***
The (Video) Game of Life: R.K.~10/7/08
"Animal Crossing is like life, you always are busy with SOMETHING to do, even if it's pointless and have to do it again (and again, and again; TOMORROW)..."
***
ONE (-So Watch What You Say...): R.K.~10/11/08
"What one person says can effect another greatly..."
***
Anymore- Never: R.K.~10/10/08
"It's never too late, in matters of your OWN heart;
it can be too late to start to love someone who doesn't love you (anymore)..."
***
"Enemy Of Yourself": R.K.~10/11/08
"Don't let yourself become your 'enemy' unless you're that desperate for attention..."
***
At Dairy Queen... (With My Mother) MEMORIES (A Wander): R.K.~10/?/08
"Old(er) people lost there minds,
to memories they left behind..."
***
ART Giving: R.K.~10/13/08
"Art is a gift to be given..."
***
STROKE (Of G-Ma's...): R.K.~10/15/08
"I'm sad on the inside,
even if I don't (physically)show it...
(for such a scary thing to happen.....)"
***
(My) Cussing: R.K.~10/15/08
"...Is to relieve stress- threw the mouth!....."
***
HEAVEN('S WISH): R.K.~10/15/08
"If I could have one thing,
it'd be paradise (-for you)..."
***
Prolongment: R.K.~10/15/08
"(Your) Just trying to avoid,
what you must do-
inevitabley..."
***
HEAVEN('S WISH): R.K.~10/15/08
"If I could have one thing, it'd be paradise (-for you)..."