[I am so so sorry it’s been so long since I posted ack. >.< This isn’t a very good post, I know, but I needed to get something out there. Sorry again, guys. I’ll be better....]
Wow so really lame title that makes me think of an old song called "Earth Angel." Now it's stuck in my head. Cool. >.<
Featured in Post: Ewan, Chandacy, Kiiro, Sneari, Tanner
Time: During.. well, pretty much the last few posts, after Ewie’s last one
I couldn’t wrap my head around what I’d done. It’d been so far-fetched to dive in like that, but what else was I supposed to do?
Emotions never were my strong point, so whether or not I truly was in love with Chandacy, I couldn’t be sure. I mean, yes, I believed that the feelings I had were love or something close to it, but I’d never experienced it before.
By the time I left, after she fell asleep when the moon was high, I was shaking with some strange combination of adrenaline-fueled euphoria and utter anxiety. It wasn’t very pleasant. How I made it back to my own room in one piece, I wasn’t sure.
That night, I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t. I spent the hours of darkness tossing and turning, and when dawn rolled lazily around, I crawled out of bed, exhausted and conflicted. I shrugged on a grey t-shirt from the back of my closet and shimmied out of my jeans to slip on sweatpants. I wasn’t in the mood to appeal to anyone. Not that I ever was.
I suppose the lack of sleep got to me because, before I knew it, I was wandering the halls, meandering about with no particular destination in mind. From the windows along the back of the mansion, I could view the blanket of snow that coated the ground, a pristine and frozen layer of ice. Maybe later I could enjoy it instead of fearing that I would never live through it like I was used to.
Tsk, tsk. Can’t you push aside your pathetic past for a measly day? All you ever do is whine and mope. No wonder everyone’s annoyed by you.
I tried to ignore Nawe as I neared the staircase. He wasn’t worth my time. It took a little too long for me to realize that, but hey, better late than never.
Of course, Nawe was highly amused. Looks like you’ve finally grown some balls, huh? About time. Hey, maybe if you can stand up to a figment of your imagination, you won’t be a pansy! He snickered. That was a joke.
Can it. Two words. Not very powerful, but I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him. At the moment, I was descending the stairs, heading for the kitchen. I’d gotten a schedule down, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit that it was nice. Much better than never knowing where the next meal would be.
Wow, tough guy, aren’t you? Guess I better back off before you hug me to death.
I paused in my descent, gripping the railing hard enough that my knuckles turned white. I don’t have time for you, I snapped, too tired and annoyed to deal with his shit at the moment.
“Ewan?” The voice was soft, but even so, I jumped nearly a foot in the air. For a second, I half feared, half hoped it was Chandacy, but as I turned around, I found myself face to face with a rather fidgety Kiiro. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
I faked a laugh. “Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” The way she stood at the top of the stairs, rocking back and forth on her heels and averting her eyes, made it clear something was on her mind. “Is there something I can help you with?”
She looked down at her shoes, biting her lip, as she tucked her hands into the pockets of her marshmallow-like coat. “Oh, I was just wondering if you...” Her face lit up as she turned it to face me, and with a bound, she landed on the step beside me. “LET’S GO MAKE SNOW ANGELS!”
I paused. “Snow what?”
Blinking, she seemed to try and figure out if I was joking or not. “Haven’t you ever made a snow angel?” I shook my head, and in response, she gasped. “That’s so sad!” Latching onto my wrist, she began towing me, gently, down the stairs. “We are going to change that, okay?”
As I tried not to stumble, I protested with, “But I haven’t had breakfast yet!” You are a child.
“Food can wait! The snow awaits!”
With an iron grip I didn’t see was possible from such a small girl, she dragged me out the door and into the white wonderland. Then, she dove into the snow, taking me with her.
After pretty much faceplanting, I rose, sputtering, as I tried to escape the cold. There was no use; I wasn’t dressed for the occasion, and there was no sense in trying to get warm now.
Snow angels, as it turns out, aren’t spirits of Winter who bring treats to the good kids who don’t steal or beat anyone up. Or maybe I was confusing them with the fat man who reportedly clambered down chimneys in the middle of the night. Either way, I wasn’t associated with the fables or whatever.
No, they weren’t mythical creatures. They were imprints of a body when you essentially flailed your limbs in a circular motion. My tail ruined the shape, but I still found the activity entertaining.
Entertaining and pointless.
I was soaked to the bone after just five minutes, teeth chattering and fingers numb. Kiiro, noticing my distress, sent me back inside.
“Thanks for coming outside with me!” she called, waving. “But go get warm! I don’t want your hands to fall off!” She was oddly cheerful for discussing something so blatantly painful. No matter. I did as she instructed, heading first to the kitchen to fix myself a mug of some delicious elixir called “hot cocoa” and a bowl of cereal, specifically Ghastly-O’s, the sugar-coated sugar flakes with an extra helping of artificially-flavored sugar. Oh, there was a lot of sugar, too.
What can I say? Ever since I discovered that sugar wasn’t considered a delicacy, I indulged in it as much as I could. And my secret stash of sugary cereal, kept a secret by Nyarth, was my primary source of sweet goodness.
I’d poured myself a heaping bowl, filled it with skim milk, and replaced the box in its hiding spot when...
“Sneaking some sugar, yeah?” Dammit. Caught.
Probably looking like a guilty Poochyena, I turned to face my adversary, shoulders hunched. No one can imagine my relief that it wasn’t Dictator Krory but good ol’ Sneari.
I rolled my eyes, picking up my spoon and digging in. Around a mouthful of cereal, I replied with, “It’s not very nice to sneak up on people like that.” She shrugged.
“Eh, it’s my nature, yeah? Can’t really blame me.” Now leaning against the door frame, she eyed me with a strange look.
Hands raised in surrender, she backed into the hall. “Nothing. I was just wondering why you weren’t playing in the snow like a normal person, yeah.”
As she walked away, I shouted, “Because it’s cold, that’s why!” Her laugh echoed into the kitchen, but she didn’t return.
Now wary that Krory would actually catch me, I proceeded to scarf down my breakfast, laying the bowl in the sink after rinsing it out. Heading back to the stairs, I realized how fast my heart was racing.
That was... strange. I hadn’t done anything that was physically exhausting. And I wasn’t particularly excited about anything. The acceleration was random, more or less.
But it wasn’t.
I’d been trying to hide it, play it off like I didn’t care, but the truth was that I was terrified.
What if I’d made a mistake.
My vision went blurry for a few moments, and I leaned against the wall for support, monitoring my breathing.
Whoa there, Ewan. Calm yourself. What’re you worried about, that Chandacy won’t return your feelings? That she’ll hate you for being so blunt? Maybe that you’ve made a fool of yourself?
Unable to fight back, I nodded. Well, yeah. Pretty much.
Nawe: 1; Ewan: 0.
I grimaced. Oh, shut up.
Someone cleared their throat behind me. “Ah, Ewan? You alright? You look kind of terrible.”
Hoping the feeling would subside, I forced myself to straighten, turning to face a bemused Tanner.
I waved him off, biting back the waterfall of emotions that pleaded to break through my composure. “Oh me? Nah, I’m... I’m perfectly fine. Tip-top shape, and all.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You’re a really bad liar.”
I swallowed, forcing a pathetic laugh out. “Oh, Tanner. What are you talking about?”
Somehow, I managed not to break down, but my lip quivering was enough. “I...”
Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t be such a baby.
Tanner took pity on me. “Ah, come on, bud. Let’s talk in your room.” I nodded, already going up the stairs.
Again, time decided to skip around, and we were in my room, Tanner shutting the door behind us. I collapsed onto the mattress, slapping my hands over my eyes and letting out a groan. The bed shifted as Tanner sat beside me.
“So, I’m going to guess it’s either girl trouble or you’re dying.”
A microscopic laugh escaped. “I’m starting to think dying might be easier.”
“I can assure you that it isn’t. Now, why don’t you tell me all about your problems with, I’m assuming her, Chandacy?” he prompted. He was spot on.
I sighed, pushing myself into a sitting position. “I think I may have made a mistake. I was upset and confused and... I... might have said something that could have been taken rather poorly.”
“So, what exactly did you say to her?” Tanner asked, eyebrows raised a centimeter at most. His expression was otherwise stoic.
That was the hard part. “I-I told her... I loved her.”
He paused for a moment. “How did she react?”
“Well, at first she was shocked but then....she seemed happy. And I— and I.....kissed her.” I wasn’t sure how he’d take it, but like a statue, he remained indifferent.
“And.....then what happened?”
Biting my lip, I said, “Well, after the....kiss we were silent for the longest time. But then she started mumbling and crying about how she ‘was a monster’ and all she was ‘going to do was hurt me.’ I told her that was never going to happen but I don’t think she believed me. I just..don’t know what to do.”
He stayed silent, giving me time to reflect on what I’d confessed to. Arceus, what if she didn’t actually feel the same way? What if that whole speech had been a lie to get me off her case? What had I done?
Tanner cleared his throat. “Well, I guess I can safely say you care about Chandacy a lot. And the same goes for her. She’s afraid of hurting you and you told her not to be. I suppose, then, the only thing you can do is just reassure her, for now. Also, maybe all she needs is some space. I don’t know if she’s been through all this before. As of right now, I think that’s all you can do. Try comforting her, as well.”
His advice was solid, but whether or not I could actually follow it was a mystery.
“I would say you should tell her some of this but it looks like you won’t have too since she’s heard mostly everything we have said.” I paled. How could he know that?
Before I could react, Tanner had risen, throwing open the door to reveal a terrified Chandacy.
“I—I uh....I—But—” She seemed flustered, unable to form a coherent sentence. Hoping I was making things easier on her, I decided to speak up.
“Take as much time as you want, Chandacy.” I tried to smile, but it felt fake. Even so, she seemed relieved, and with a simple nod, she was gone. Tanner stared at me for a long while, but I didn’t move.
“‘If you love something, let it go,’” Tanner quipped, nodding in encouragement. “You did the right thing.”
“I sure hope so.”
“Come on, Ewan. Let’s go mingle. We have the day off.” His invitation was tempting, but I wasn’t up to it.
“No thanks,” I answered, perhaps a bit too sharply. “I... I need some time to think. I just... I feel...” My stomach was churning, as was my mind. Physical and mental aching combined. How was I to explain that with mere words?
With luck, I didn’t need to. Tanner smiled, and after clapping me once on the the shoulder, he left me in the darkness.
I laid there for about an hour, mulling over everything that’d transpired.
You’ve starved, you’ve nearly frozen to death, you’ve been shot multiple times, and you were in a fire, but this is what’s got you holed up in your room like a pitiful brat?
I rolled onto my back to stare at the ceiling. Yes. I didn’t have anything to care about back then.
And now you do?
Now I do.
He scoffed. That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard.
Even though he was a part of my subconscious, he couldn’t understand. He couldn’t feel love. He was the spirit of hatred. He was my hatred.
No wonder he always targetted me.
Nausea churned deep in my stomach, a result of way too much stress and probably a poor diet (but Ghastly-O’s claimed they were “part of a nutritious breakfast so...”). I scrambled out of bed and made it to the bathroom just in time.
Okay, I was wrong. This is even more pathetic.
My head was throbbing, so I decided on a warm shower. Mother always said they helped, but she was no doctor. Either way, I wasn’t to doubt her; her wisdom was what helped me survive my first years on my own.
The water was steaming, hot against my skin, but I didn’t try and lower the temperature. Maybe the heat would scald away my fears.
Too soon the water turned to frost, and I was forced to step out. I changed into a pair of cotton shorts, leaving my chest bare, and swaddled myself in as many blankets as I could.
Once my head hit my pillow, I drifted into a dreamless sleep, an ancient lullaby, whose words I had forgotten, dancing through my head.
Two hours later, I awoke, groggy and disoriented. Now that it was afternoon, I figured I was obligated to at least try to socialize. Though I griped to myself as I did so, I donned my typical garb of a blazer and jeans, putting moderate effort into a presentable appearance.
The hallway was empty when I exited my room, and though it was strange, I assumed they were all gathered downstairs, enjoying hot cocoa or exchanging idle chit chat. But when I reached the bottom of the stairs, no one was in the kitchen or the living room. A peek out the window told me they were all playing in the snow, some more than others due to type weaknesses I supposed. I smiled.
You wish you had a life like that.
It’s a little late for wishing on stars.
He made a “Hmph,” sound. True. Too bad you weren’t a normal kid. The you would have gotten to enjoy stupid shit like these people.
Hmm, yeah, really sucks to be me, I responded bitterly.
Before he could respond, a strange but enchanting sound coasted through the mansion. Someone was singing, and it sounded wonderful.
I found myself following the sound, catching the lingering notes of a song I’d never heard. Something about having a “dark side” (Hey, that song’s about me!) or whatever.
Soon enough, I came across a large, open room in the east wing, one I’d never been in. At the other end of the room stood a figure I knew all too well. Chandacy.
She finished singing her melody, and though I was disappointed that the song was over, I still was pleased to have a small smile flutter across my lips.
“Wow.” The word was honestly nothing more than a whisper, but with the acoustics in the room, it sounded like a shout. Chandacy tensed up before turning around ever so slowly.
“Ewan,” she said. Her voice hitched in her throat, but the word was strong. “I... Did you...”
“You’re a lovely singer, Chandacy,” I offered, stepping into the room. She dropped her hands to her sides, stiff.
“Can we talk?”
Her lip quivered. “Ewan, I... I just...”
I was growing desperate, regrettably, and perhaps a bit irritated, more at myself than anything. “I just want to have a few words.”
“You don’t understand!” Filled with power, her words circled me from every direction.
I strode toward her. “But I want to.”
“Leave me alone!”
“Please, Chandacy...” So you’ve resorted to groveling. How fitting.
Unable to speak, she turned on her heel and raced past me, too fast for me to stop her. Instead of admitting defeat, I ran after her, hoping to catch her. I just needed to say what I needed to. Nothing more. It was a simple confession.
She was out the backdoor in no time, and I followed closely behind her. Into the snow she went, ignoring the damage it could cause her. Finally, she paused at the first line of trees in the forest, and while I did try to be gentle, I managed to pin her to the tree, arm around her arms and waist so she couldn’t flee until I was finished.
A bit harsh, maybe, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. She needed to hear it.
“Get off of me,” she ordered, voice surprisingly level.
“Just... let me talk, okay?” I pleaded, still a bit out of breath.
After a moment of struggling, she ceased, tears in the corners of her eyes but nothing else. “Fine.”
“Thank you.” Convinced she wouldn’t run away, I released my hold, running a hand through my hair as I tried to gather my thoughts.
My eyes shut tight. “Chandacy, I know I probably shouldn’t have rushed things last night. I was just... really concerned, and I wasn’t sure how else to express myself. But the thing is, I really care about you, Chandacy, more than you can ever know. And if you don’t feel the same way, I understand; I just want to see you happy.” I opened my eyes. “I’m sorry if I put you on the spot. I just needed you to know that there is no hidden agenda I have. I’m being honest. All I ask is that you do the same for me.”
I licked my lips, staring down at my shoes. “I do love you, Chandacy. I wasn’t sure about it last night, and I know I should have been, but after thinking about it all day, I know it’s true. We haven’t known each other for very long, I know, but... this isn’t going to change. I just need to know the truth.”
She seemed to be in pain, the way her face contorted, but I stayed strong. I would ride this out until the end. I had to.
“I... I’m sorry...” she began, and my heart began to crack. But then her arms were around my neck, and mine around her waist. “I’m sorry I made it so difficult. I just wasn’t sure. I... I’ve been afraid all my life that whoever I get close to will get burned, and you’re the first person not to experience it. Something’s changed recently, and I don’t know what. But what I do know is that I... I do feel the same way.”
Well good. At least you’ll stop moping about your fucking lady problems like a hormonal teenage boy.
Even Nawe couldn’t ruin my mood now.
Her lips found my cheek, then my lips, and the kiss was deeper this time.
I was rather embarrassed to find that I had no idea what I was to do.
Eventually, she pulled away, appearing rather sheepish. “I have something for you then, Ewan. It’s up in my room. Will you come with me?” Her cheeks were flushed.
In my head, Nawe was ecstatic. Awe yeah! Guess who’s gettin’ laid tonight! My face soon matched Chandacy’s in coloring.
Ignoring Nawe, I nodded. “Of course. Of course I will.”
Blah. Sorry about the quality and cheesiness of this >.< I was really cramming this out, and I’ve felt awful all day. Sorry guys. Guess that’s what happens when you have a migraine and decide to stay up past midnight to finish a one-day post deal.
I’m just mentally unstable or something. Gah.
Sigh. Well, I did try... AH I’M REALLY SORRY. I feel bad for not making this the best quality I could, but I suppose it’s decent... Comments are appreciated as usual. :3
OH and if this doesn’t come across as selfish (which it probably will, so sorry about that), would some of you mind terribly including Ewan in your posts with a slightly bigger part than just a passing mention by name? Um... sorry... I... am selfish and incapable of fostering interactions between characters. Sorry guys.
Ugh. Okay, lemme know what you think, please! :3 I’ll try better next time. Love ya’ll. <3