Included in Post: Chandacy, Ewan, Tanner, Estelle, Lupe, Kiiro, Mist,
Mentioned: Chandacy's sister, Liliana
Time: After Ewan fled from Chandacy’s room to the next day.
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Chandacy
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If someone were to ask me what happened that night, I wouldn’t be able to tell them anything important about what went on. Truth be told, I couldn’t even remember that much about the whole day. It all seemed to blur together in one cohesive image. I would, however, be able to tell them this: He saw me at rock bottom, at the end of my rope and yet, he still came back. After all of my yelling, screaming and pleading, he came back.
He......loved me.
“You have to hit rock bottom before you can change.”
.:THE NEXT MORNING:.
Unlike any other day, I was awoken only when my body couldn’t sleep anymore. I didn’t know what time it was and frankly, I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered to me was the fact that I had woken up from a great dream. If it were my choice, I would fall asleep again and re-experience that dream again. It was the best one I’ve had in a long time. But it ended, like everything else. It was strange, I admit, but it roused something deep inside of me I thought would never rise again.
Love. Or something that felt like it.
The dream began with the events of last night. But it didn’t stop there. After Ewan had rushed out my door in an embarrassed rage,I felt a tear slide down my face. It should have been impossible for me to cry but there I was, crying my eyes out. What felt like minutes must have been hours before Ewan rushing back into my room, breathing heavily.
“Chandacy!” He yelled, bracing the door frame for support. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything that would express my relief so instead, I only peered up at him. “Chandacy, I am so sorry. I was stupid. All I wanted to do was help.”
“I know, Ewan, but—” I didn’t get to finish because he put a finger to my lips to shush me.
“Shh. Let me finish.” I only nodded, allowing him to continue whatever he as going to say.
“Chandacy, you... I know this will sound terribly lame, but it’s the only way I know how to say this.” It’s okay. I tend to like lame. He paused to clear his throat and when he moved to brush a strand of hair out of my face, I flinched.
But nothing happened. There was no cry of pain from him. No indication at all that I had hurt him. There was nothing. How could this be? There were no words for what emotions were flooding through me. Ewan continued on.
“You are amazing. You’re my best friend. But you’re more than that, Chandacy. Best friend doesn’t do you justice. I... I love you, Chandacy.”
I couldn’t speak. He...loved me? It seemed so irrational, so impossible that he could be saying this after only five months. He...he was my best friend, one of the only people I could trust with just about anything I wanted to say. Despite my cold and harsh attitude, he was always there for me.
Did I love him? I couldn’t answer that but I knew I cared for him.
I couldn’t help the small smile that crept over my lips. I didn’t know what was running through his mind but suddenly, he leaned in closer, cupping my cheek in his hand.
“I’m not burning you. Oh, Arceus.” Was the only thing I could say. He took that as initiative and leaned in, so close our breaths mixed together. Then, he did the unthinkable. Ewan leaned in closer and kissed me.
We were both inexperienced but to each other, it didn't matter. When his lips touch mine, I felt...happy. My hands wound themselves into the hair at the base of his neck.
And that was where the dream ended. It was a pity, but I couldn’t dwell on it. All I would get was a headache and unneeded questions running through my mind.
With a long, deep yawn, I sat up in my bed and stretched, my muscles groaning at the sudden movement. In a single fluid movement, I was off of my bed and in front of my closet. I took a quick glance outside to determine the weather. I was saddened when I saw that it was snowing, and pretty hard at that so without a second thought, I changed into my winter clothes and slipped on my jacket as well. It was only a few seconds later that I put on my socks and was out the door.
I had no specific location in mind so I let myself wander aimlessly. There weren’t very many people inside and I assumed they were out playing in the snow. Without warning, a pang of envy ran through me. It were times like this that I wished I could go outside when it wasn’t warm. I’ve never really known what the snow felt like. It was one of the experiences in life I was never going to experience. Like rainfall. Or snowstorms. Or....love.
I shook my head vigorously. Don’t think about that stuff, idiot. You’ll ruin your good mood. My mind yelled at me. Sighing, I knew it was right. This wasn’t the time to ruin my good mood. It was rare enough that I was in a good mood, and I would only hurt myself by trying to ruin it. With another sigh, I stuffed my hands in my pockets and trudged through the abandoned halls. I didn’t know where my feet were taking me until I found myself before Ewan’s door. When I went to knocked, I stopped when I heard a voice beside his emanate from behind the door.
“So, what exactly did you say to her?” The voice asked. I recognized it as Tanner. A sigh came from the door and I assumed that was Ewan.
“I-I told her... I loved her.” I knew it was impossible, but I felt my blood run cold. What? Was it possible that we had the same dream? No, it wasn’t. At least, I thought it wasn’t.
“How did she react?” Tanner asked, curiosity coating his voice.
“Well, at first she was shocked but then....she seemed happy. And I-- and I.....kissed her.” I held my breath, waiting to see what he was going to say next.
“And.....then what happened?” Tanner asked. Ewan took a deep breath before he spoke.
“Well, after the....kiss we were silent for the longest time. But then she started mumbling and crying about how she “was a monster” and all she was “going to do was hurt me.” I told her that was never going to happen but I don’t think she believed me. I just..don’t know what to do.” He murmured to Tanner and she sounded....upset?
A sudden onslaught of images flashed through my mind. I was with Ewan in my room, back where the dream had left off. Our hands were intertwined and we were laying on my bed, curled up next to each other. All was silent and peaceful, until I was the one who broke it.
“Ewan....I-we can’t do this.” I said, pulling away from him. I caught his face long enough to see his bewildered and...pained expression.
“What? Chandacy, what do you mean? What are you talking about?” He asked, clearly concerned and worried. Avoiding his gaze, I could feel some tears well in my eyes. Just once, just once I cried and now I was doing it again. Twice in one day. What next, a third time?
“This....us. It can’t happen...” He was devastated, I could tell by his eyes but his face hid it well.Too well.
“Why?” Was all he asked. I didn’t know if it was the situation or the withdrawal, but I was starting to feel way too emotional again so I just said what was on my mind and on my heart.
“Because...you deserve better. You deserve someone who knows what they feel for you.” I gave up then and cried again for the second time in two hours. “I-I can’t give you that. Do I care for you? Immensely. Probably w-w-way too much. But l-love? I don’t know and I wish I did. Plus, I’m just a monster. I may not look it or act it, but I am. Ewan, I kill p-people. It’s what I’m best at it seems, killing people. I’m trying to change that but it might be a w-w-while. I’m just going to hurt you. That’s all I do; kill people and hurt them. It’s not going to be any different. I wish it was. And I’m afraid of...you leaving me. I’m sorry.”
Everything was silent again afterwards, except for the sound of my small hiccups. Why I was crying again, I didn’t even know. It just..happened. I felt like an idiot in front of Ewan now. Every time he was near, I went hysterical or emotional. He was probably getting tired of it and I didn’t blame him. I would have been the same if the roles were reversed. But soon, the silence became tense.
Ewan was just lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to process everything I just said. He spoke no words, nor did he move, For what felt like an eternity, he was as still as a statue. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them in desperation. I felt....horrible and I didn’t know what to do.
It turned out, I didn’t have to because he finally spoke.
“Chandacy,” He said, so softly I lifted my head from my knees to peer at him. His face was so deadly serious, there was nothing I could say. “Listen to me. That will never. Ever. Happen. I promise you. You’re not a monster, really. I don’t lie to others. Please, trust me. You’re not going to hurt me. And I’m not going to leave you. I never will. I care about you, Chandacy. So much. If it’s love, I guess I can’t tell but I do care a lot about you. And I don’t leave people I care about. I never would. So please, believe me.”
As quickly as the images came to my mind, they flashed away. If I couldn’t breathe before, now was even worse. It seemed like the breath was stuck in my lungs. The realization hit me.
It wasn’t a dream.
It was a memory. The whole incident, the kiss the confession and afterwards was all real. But that meant.....
I could touch people. And that he cared about me. It’s wasn’t just a dream. Oh, Arceus. I was brought back to reality when Tanner spoke up.
“Well, I guess I can safely say you care about Chandacy a lot. And the same goes for her. She’s afraid of hurting you and you told her not to be. I suppose, then, the only thing you can do is just reassure her, for now. Also, maybe all she needs is some space. I don’t know if she’s been through all this before. As of right now, I think that’s all you can do. Try comforting her, as well.” He offered to Ewan as help. There were no words for a few minutes. “I would say you should tell her some of this but it looks like you won’t have too since she’s heard mostly everything we have said.” Uh-oh. Busted.
I couldn’t even take two steps backwards before the door to his room flung open, revealing a very flustered Ewan and a slightly amused Tanner.
“I--I uh....I--But---” I stuttered, not knowing what to say. I was caught in the act of eavesdropping and I had nothing to say. I was glad because Ewan spoke at that exact moment.
“Take as much time as you want, Chandacy.” He said, giving my a soft but sad smile. THe only thing I could do was nod and after that, I ran off. To be honest, I didn’t exactly know why I ran. I just...needed to get away from everything. There were too many memories that hung in the air. Too many coulds and shoulds. Too many ifs and when's. Too many unanswered questions and brooding problems. I had to leave. Long enough to where I could rid my mind of all these thoughts in my brain I couldn’t sort through. There was one thought that was at the forefront though.
Could I.....could I really touch people now? Or was it just that one night? I wish I knew....I wish I could find out....
Was there a way I could find out?
Don’t get your hopes up. My mind told me and maybe it was right, but I didn’t listen to it. Like usual. Maybe I was crazy. Who knew?
I wasn’t paying any attention to where I was going so I wasn’t surprised when I ran into someone. Literally. We crashed together so hard that we both ended up on the ground. I tend to run into people. I hope this isn’t a vice. I rubbed my head as I looked ahead of me, trying to see who I crashed into this time. It was a woman, with lavender hair, purple eyes, a red jewel on her forehead and Espeon ears. She was, dare I say, adorable?
I was the first one on my feet so when I stood over her, I took off my gloves and offered her my bare hand. Now or never. Please, don’t let me hurt her. I bit my lip when she reached for it but when she grabbed it to pull herself up, there was nothing. No burning. No cries of pain. Nothing.
It was a...miracle? The girl brushed herself off before offering my a warm smile.
“I am sorry about that but thank you for helping me. My name is Estelle the Espeon.” The woman said, still smiling. I just touched her and she was smiling. How was that possible?
“Aren't you hurt?” I blurted without a second though. Estelle peered at me, confused.
“Sumimasen? I do not understand. Why would I be hurt?” She asked. Whoops I bit my lip.
“Oh, nothing. Nevermind. I’m Chandacy the Chandelure.” I said with a small smile. She bowed formally and opened her mouth to say something but another, rather loud ,voice cut her off.
“HONEY~ I’M HOME!” The voice yelled. Estelle and I looked over to the owner of the voice, a Lopunny. She seemed very...energetic and.... I couldn’t find the word to describe her. When she saw Estelle, she smiled broadly and took her in her arms, totally disregarding me.
“HEY, SIS! YA MISS ME?!” The Lopunny yelled probably shattering my eardrums in the process.
“I hate to break up this reunion but may I ask, who are you?” I asked the strange woman when she let go of Estelle, her sister? The woman looked at me pointedly, placing her hands on her hips.
“Who am I? Who the hell are you, princess?” She asked. I raised an eyebrow and folded my arms across my chest, giving her the same attitude she was giving me.
“Actually, it’s Chandacy. And you would be?”
“Cold as fuck, thank you very much. It’s freezing titties out there!”
“Lupe, calm down.” Estelle said, giving me a look of apology. “I am sorry. My sister takes some getting used to. She really is a wonderful person.” Lupe rolled her eyes at her sisters comment and hugged her once more. I decided that was my cue to leave so without a word, I silently left the two reuniting siblings to their.....reuniting.
I found myself wandering the mansion again, for the second time today.Most people were probably still outside, enjoying the snow. I may be able to touch people, which I probably still won’t do often, but I knew the elements could still affect me. Being alone gave me time to think but the only thing that my mind could conjure was everything that had happened last night.
Was that my rock bottom? If it wasn’t, I didn’t want to experience what if would feel like. Last night was bad enough. I would hate to experience it all over again. Except I did, everyday, in my mind. The remains of my family still lived inside my mind and I saw them everyday. Every time I closed my eyes, there they were. I missed them, so much but I knew I would never see them again except for in my head.
They were dead.
And it was all my fault.
“Chandacy!” Someone yelled. I groaned when I recognised who it was. The little ray of sunshine, Kiiro. I turned my head and there was was, lounging on a couch.
“Chandacy, bring me out a bubble tea!” She said, smiling like nothing was wrong. Bubble tea? Oh, it was that weird asian drink my parents had made me try as a kid. It tasted horrible to me as a child.
“What the fuck? No. Go get it yourself. I got things to do!” I exclaimed, giving her a glare. I really had nothing to do, it was just an excuse. Her eyes started to tear up and she let out a wail.
“Wahhhhhh! Chandacy!!!!” She cried, rubbing her eyes with her fists. I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. She reminded me of Liliana when she was younger. While the sound grated on my nerves, I secretly smiled.
“Fine, you little ass.” With a heaving sigh, I headed towards the kitchen with heavy feet. I had only made Bubble Tea once and that was for my sister a long time ago. Muttering to myself about the little rainbow called Kiiro, I got out everything I thought I needed. I hoped my memory served me well.
About 45 minutes and a headache later, I was bringing a, hopefully successful, Strawberry Bubble Tea to Kiiro, who reached impatiently for it like a little five year old child. I stood and waited for her reaction. At least, I hoped it wasn’t poisoned or anything.
“I hope you like Strawberry.” I muttered under my breath. She brought the beverage to her lips and took a small sip, which she seemed to mull over in her mouth.
“This is......” She began, pausing for dramatic effect. “Awesome!” She brought the drink back to her lips and chugged the whole thing in a matter of seconds. I rose an eyebrow in confusion.
“It was that good?” I asked, bewildered. I had only made it once before and she downed the whole thing in a matter of seconds? Kiiro nodded happily.
“I loved it! It was amazing!” She exclaimed, her voice bouncing off of the walls. Well ,then.
“That was surprising.” I told her honestly. “I thought it was going to taste horrible.”
“What was going to taste horrible?” A new voice spoke up from behind me. I whipped around, startled at the new voice. A wave of relief washed over me when I realised it was only Mist who spoke and not someone knew. I offered her a small smile.
“This tea I made for Kiiro. I’ve only made it once before so I thought it was going to taste terrible. Apparently not since she downed the whole thing in under a minute.” I explained as she walked over to us. Kiiro bobbed her head rapidly, so fast she was probably going to get a headache anytime now. Mist smiled and giggled softly.
“I guess that means you’re a great barista.” She offered, taking a seat next to Kiiro on the couch. I felt out of place when I realised I was the only one standing.
“Maybe,” I said simply, shrugging. “Who knows?” We all shared a small chuckled at that. There was a feeling of...resentment when I looked at Kiiro. She was so happy, so carefree. I used to be like that, before my world turned to hell. I took a seat next to Mist and joined in on her and Kiiro’s conversation.
Hours passed with the small talk and before I knew it, it was almost mid-afternoon.
“Well, I think I’ll be off now. I have to....finish wrapping presents” I liked, giving them a small wave. Neither Mist nor Kiiro seemed to detect my lie and for that I was grateful. before they could realise I was lying, I was already back to wandering the halls alone.
In the end, I was always alone. It didn’t seem to bother me much anymore though it should have.
You’re the only one who can change that, you know. The voice in my head said to me. Groaning at it’s words, I took a sharp left, only to find myself in the ballroom, a place I had never had any interest if visiting.
“Hello?” I called out, hearing my voice echo all around myself. there was no answer but I did discover that the room had great acoustics.
Perfect for singing. The voice had a point this time. Maybe.... I hadn’t sung in a while and I was getting exciting at the thought of it. It seemed to only be seconds before I chose a karaoke track and was poised to sing.
“For you, Ewan.” And I began to sing.
There's a place that I know Or will you stay Everybody's got a dark side Like a diamond Everybody's got a dark side Don't run away Will you love me? ohh
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
From black dust
It's hard to know
It can become
A few give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
I didn’t really know why I chose that song. Maybe it was because it represented how I felt in that exact moment in time.
“Wow.”
I knew that voice.
Ewan.
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Hey, guys. So, here's another post from Chandacy. I swear I will stop spamming you with.... intense, drama filled posts soon. Maybe. *Shot*
And yes, another cliffhanger. WW and I love them lots. >:D
The song really does represent what she feels like so...yeah. ^.^'
Comments are loved!
<3 Bli-Chan
P.S Does it suck? I feel like it wasn't my best.
