Included in Post: Chandacy, Ewan, Rai, Glyph,Delin, Xio, Patrick, Shupple, Kiki, Tanner, Haxlia
Mentioned:
Time: Before, during and after her training session with Xio
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Chandacy
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>> “Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope.” <<
It had been three months since I saw the illusion of my sister in the woods. Three months since I ran outside to look for her but found nothing. Three months since Ewan chased me into the forest in the rain and gave me his jacket to wear. Three months since I learned someone cared about me. Three months since I began my training with xio alongside Kiki, Rai and Shupple. Three months of intense blood, sweat and, if I could, tears. Three months of being pushed to the edge and over. Three months of getting the living crap beaten out of me.
It was three months of complete and utter hell but somehow, in those months, I felt better than I had felt in a long time.
I had become stronger. Not as strong as some of the other gijinka’s in the mansion but I was slowly getting there. With all of the training I had endured, I had lost ten pounds of fat and gained at least five pounds of pure muscle. My endurance was at an all time high, my focus was clear and I felt, for lack of a better word, lighter.
My powers had grown. I had mastered all of my moves and even discovered a couple new ones; Incinerate, Inferno and Heat Wave. I didn’t know how to control them, or even use them, yet but I couldn’t wait. I could control my Flame Body to an extent. I still couldn’t touch people but the rain and snow didn’t have as much of an effect on me as it did three months ago.
Aside from the training, everything was still improving.
It seemed that I had met most of the Gijinka’s at the mansion and I was proud to be able to call a few my friend. Among those few were Tanner, Delin , Mist and Ewan. Rai and Shupple were getting there. My attitude had improved, I think, by a mile or so. I wasn’t in my room anymore, in fear of talking to someone. I was pretty sure I didn’t snap at anyone 24/7 anymore.
There was one drawback to everything. I knew it would happen sooner or later, especially after scaring Ewan by saving him in the forest months ago. To others, it probably wouldn’t seem that bad but to me, it seemed like hell.
The withdrawal came.
By using my Will-O-Wisp on others and taking their life, I would get on a special kind of high. It didn’t fade away within hours. It took weeks, sometimes even months, depending on a handful of variables. People would always ask me “Why don’t you just stop killing others? It’s as simple as that.” No, it wasn’t. Using that power, I became an addict in ways. The craving would come back time after time and when it did, I felt powerless. I always succumbed to the addiction.
Between training and sleeping, it had been months since I last...used that power. It had never gotten far enough to where I began to experience the withdrawal. It had to start sometime. In the beginning, I barely felt anything however, that didn’t last very long. It took about a week until my whole body started to hurt and I knew it wasn’t just from training. After that came the strange feeling of optimism and happiness. That lasted for two months and I was, in simple terms, a ray of sunshine to everyone. Then, the moodiness surfaced. Everyone could tell that. One minute I was fine the next I was at their throat.
I wasn’t looking forward to what the next stage was.
There were so many times I thought about just giving in, but there was the voice in the back of my mind that always stopped me. ” That’s the cowards way out. You’re stronger than that!” It wasn’t much, but it did give me a sliver of hope.
I wanted to talk to someone, to confide in the, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. It was just too hard.
I knew it was going to come back and bit me in the ass.
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The morning came quicker than I would have liked when my alarm started to buzz in my ear. I groaned and blindly pressed the snooze button, hoping to get a few more minutes of sleep. When it became obvious that I couldn't go back to sleep, I sighed and roughly threw the sheets off of me. My gaze automatically drifted to the numerous white bags that resided in the corner of my room.
Yesterday, Xio snapped at Shupple, Kiki, Rai and I about too much estrogen and let us do whatever we wanted. When Kiki suggested shopping, none of us objected. The four of us went into town and, by another suggestion from Kiki, decided to get gifts and ornaments for people in the mansion. Automatically, my mind went to Ewan and his room that was so empty. What did he want? Or like?
I then recalled a conversation where he once told me about his interest in photography but could never take it up. After finding a good camera, a bunch of film and some different types of lenses, I went to the ornaments. Again, I thought about Ewan. Was I really the only one that was close to him? It felt like it. I knew that he was new to the mansion but after these months, he was family too. I browsed the ornaments for a good twenty minutes until something caught my eye.
Surrounded by all it’s shiny evolution, there was a Shiny Eevee. Every evolution it had was surrounding it, all shiny as well. It was a large ornament but it was perfect for him. Eventually, Kiki, Rai and Shupple all found what they were looking for so we bought out items and headed back to the mansion.
Back at the mansion, everyone gathered around the tree Nyarth was decorating.. Using Shadow Sneak, Shupple held up all the ornaments we bought and waited as everyone gasped. How sneaky of her. The meeting continued with all the mentors explaining how their trainee’s had improved in certain areas. Then it dissipated and we all went our separate ways.
The buzzing sound of my alarm snapped my out of my thoughts. I didn’t know why, but I was on edge this morning and the alarm wasn’t helping. Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed my alarm and threw it against the wall, watching as it shattered into pieces. I knew I was going to regret that later.
I took my time changing into my tank top and shorts, trying to delay the inevitable reality of another training day with Xio. My dark hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail to avoid distracting me when training. Slipping on my shoes and grabbing a thick jacket, I left my room and began my descent into hell. Just like with my clothes, I took my time walking down the stairs and towards the front door. I wasn’t in the mood to train today but then again, who was?
On my way there, I spotted Ewan in one of the unisex bathrooms, dabbing his wounded chest with a cotton ball. He wasn’t overly defined but there was some obvious definition there, probably from his time in the forest. Mostly, it was flat and smooth but there was still some toned areas visible. It was...satisfying to look at. Attractive. Hell, he was attractive as well.
What. The. Fuck. What am I doing?! I yelled internally, shaking my head vigorously. Nothing like that had ever ran through my brain. It was probably just another symptom of the withdrawal.
Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. Stupid opinion.
“What happened to you? You look horrible.” I said, leaning against the doorway casually, more casually than I felt. Truthfully, I felt the need to rip someone’s head of and tear them apart limb from limb. Ewan, startled by my voice, jumped and twisted around, dropping the cotton ball in the process.
“Oh, uh, hi. I was sparring with Glyph, and—” He began but I cut him off.
“Are you insane? Or do you just have a death wish?” Really, I was concerned but my mood wasn’t going to let him know that.
“Neither! It was just for practice.”
“Hell of a lot of good that did you.”
“I need to work with my Shadow Ball and my Protect. It did help.”
“Whatever,” I said, feigning nonchalance. My gaze drifted down to the scar on his abdomen. “How’d you get that scar?” I asked bluntly. I was in a right state.
“What?”
“It’s a simple question.” He was starting to grate on my nerves more and more as this conversation went on.
“I don’t remember.”
“Well was that so hard?” Before he could get another word in, I whipped around and headed towards the front of the mansion. I delayed more than I meant to and I knew I was probably going to be late. Actually, I didn’t care. Xio would but not me. Reaching the front doors, I slipped on my coat before heading outside.
It wasn’t as cold as I expected it to be but I was still glad I bought my coat along with me. The snow from yesterday had mostly melted but the dark grey cloud that loomed overhead gave me a feeling that more was yet to come. While it didn’t affect me as much, I still hated being outside when it was about to start.
After I took a few steps, I found my training group. Shupple and Kiki were sitting on the sideline while Xio and Rai were sparring. Great, it was a sparring day. Xio was not going to go easy on me, especially since I was late. As I walked up to them, Xio aimed another attacked at Rai.
“Thunder Bolt!” Xio yelled, aiming directly at Rai. Just before his attack hit the ground, Rai successfully jumped out of the way. He was about to make another attack but then he spotted me and smirked.
Oh great.
“You’re late,” Was all he said. Being in my mood, I snorted.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious. Now that we have a firm grasp on the obvious,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Xio’s smirk faded and he glared menacingly at me.
“Well, we have a smart-ass today. Rai, you're done.” Rai, obviously relieved, walked over and took a spot next to Kiki and Shupple. Kiki started to walked towards Xio, knowing she was next but he had other plans.
“Chandacy, since you were late and are bent on being bitchy today, it’s your turn.” It was probably an idiot move but I only shrugged and tossed my jacket aside. I was used to getting my ass kicked my Xio so there was nothing new. It didn’t bug me as much as it should have.
It wasn’t a second after I stepped in front of Xio and took my stance that he yelled his first attack, “Thunder Bolt!” My brain wasn’t processing what he said and before I knew it, a strong bolt of electricity hit me square in the chest, knocking me off of my feet. I landed flat on my back, my chest throbbing.
“Oh, did I hurt you?” Xio taunted. “I would say I’m sorry but I’m not. Thunder Fang!” This time, I managed to roll on the ground and narrowly avoid his attack. I braced my hands on the ground behind me and pushed myself off hard enough to land upright.
“Fire Spin!” I yelled, aiming my attack at him though he dodged it effortlessly.
“Weak,” He muttered. I growled and tried again.
“Shadow Ball!” He dodged it again.
“Weak,”
“Flame Wheel!” Again, he dodged.
“Still weak. Focus, trash! Get your head out of your ass!” He yelled at me, attempting to get me to pay attention.
“I’m trying!” I yelled back. Xio growled but suddenly, when his gaze drifted over my shoulder, he smirked. I had a bad feeling. Before my mind even thought about turning around to see what he was smirking at, he attacked.
“Thunder Bolt.” I was prepared for another wave of pain but I didn’t feel anything. I was only when I heard a short scream did I realize he wasn’t aiming at me. When I turned around, I could help but gasp. Crouching over, clutching a bloody shoulder was Ewan. That’s why he was smirking. I had an overwhelming urge to run over to him and try to help but I thought better of it when I saw Patrick, Glyph, Rai, Delin and Tanner already over there. And my anger flooded that urge. Growling loudly, I turned to Xio, enraged.
“What the fuck did you do that for?! I was your target! You’re fighting me!” I screamed so loud it hurt my throat in the process. Xio shrugged and gave me one of his signature smirks.
“Consider it incentive, trash.” My anger boiled over at that point. In retrospect, I didn’t know why I was so angry but in that moment, I didn’t care.
“Fire Blast!” I shouted. Xio blocked it again and retaliated.
“Giga Impact!” He yelled, racing towards me. I, finally, dodged it at the last second with a swift backflip. I groaned when I landed on my feet, the action sending a wave of pain through my chest. It didn’t register all that much because of my rage.
“Fire Spin!” I screamed and though Xio jumped out of the way, I was getting closer.
“Flame Wheel!” He dodged it again but wasn’t expecting another attack so quickly.
“Shadow Ball!” He barely dodged it this time and I smiled, knowing what I was going to do next.
“Incinerate!” It was a new move I learned and I didn’t even know what it did but when I saw my hands start to glow, I faced the palms away from me and aimed. With sudden force, a beam of pure fire shot out of my hands and hit Xio directly in the shoulder. He didn’t fall over or anything but he did get pushed back and I heard an audible groan. When he looked up, I expected pure rage but instead, he smirked.
“Not bad, trash. I even think you made me bleed.” He sounded...amused? Frankly, I didn’t care.
“Are we done?” I asked sharply. He nodded once and before he could say anything, I turned around and rushed towards the group of men behind me. Fighting my way through them, I found Ewan sitting upright but still grasping his shoulder. I knelt down next to him.
“Hey,” I said softly. I knew not to ask if he was okay. That was stupid. He groaned and tried to give me a smile but it was feeble and weak.
“Hey. Can you answer me something?” Hesitantly, I nodded.
“Why am I always the one to get hit?” He asked. I giggled and there were a few chuckles from the men around us. Standing up, I held out my hand for him to take.
“Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up,” I said, smiling softly. It surprised me that I had gone from enraged at Xio to smiling at Ewan. Withdrawal , probably. Grateful, he took my hand and hoisted himself up. I turned to Delin, who was looking a little worried.
“What you were guys planning on doing?” I asked.
“We were going to go to town for Christmas gifts. The men need to step up the game!” He said, smiling. Fore a second, I pondered how long it was going to take to help Ewan.
“Give me....fifteen minutes. If he’s not back down by then, come to my room. Okay?” Delin nodded. Gratefully, I gave him a smile and led Ewan back into the mansion. There was an awkward silence though neither of us wanted to be the one to break it. I knew it was my fault because of how I acted earlier. When we were about halfway to my room, I couldn't take it anymore.
“Ewan,” I said, not knowing how to word what I wanted to say. “I-I’m sorry. For how I acted earlier. I just....didn’t wake up in a great mood.” By the look he gave me, he knew there was something else but he only nodded and smiled.
“I understand and it’s okay,” Was all he said before we fell into another silence. This one wasn’t awkward though, instead it was comfortable. It lasted all the way until we reached my room. I opened the door and gestured for Ewan to walk him. After closing it behind me, I noticed he was staring all around the room, confused and...impressed.
“It’s so...dark.” He observed. I let out a small laugh while I walked into the bathroom.
“Well, I am a Dark Pokemon, as well as a Ghost.” I was grabbing some bandages, peroxide, and I found a couple of pecha berries I forgot I had. I stuffed all the supplies into my arms and made my way back into my room. Ewan had taken a seat on my bed and was trying to lift his arm, to no avail.
Here,” I said, handing him the berries. “Eat these,” He did as I said and didn’t argue. Taking a seat next to him, I laid the stuff on the bed.
“Can you lift your arm?” I asked, opening up the peroxide. He sighed and shook his head, ashamed.
“Okay, Ewan. Do you care about that shirt a lot?” His eyes met mine and he wore a shocked expression on his face.
“Uh, no. Why?” I sighed, put the bottle on my end table and took off my gloves.
“Look, I need to see your shoulder and since you can’t lift your arm, I’m going to have to cut off your shirt.” Ewan’s mouth fell open so wide, I was pretty sure the flies were coming in. He spluttered, trying to form a coherent sentence. He couldn’t so instead, I spoke up.
“Do you trust me?” I blurted out, not actually meaning to say that. Seemed liked a recurring theme today. He was deathly silent for what felt like an eternity, deep in thought. I bit my lip, anxious for his answer. Finally, he spoke.
“I trust you.” He told me and he smiled warmly. Something in my stomach jerked but I ignored it and reached into my end table for my scissors.
“Stay still,” I instructed and gave a half smile when he actually obeyed me. Slowly, starting from the bottom , I made my way up his shirt, making a large slit. When I reached his wounded shoulder, I was even slower, making sure to not disturb his injury. After doing the same to the other side, the shirt fell off in tatters, leaving him bare chested, again.
Oh, Arceus. I thought seeing him the first time was bad enough. It’s worse the second time around. My mind shouted at me and I fought hard to ignore it. Placing the scissors back on the table and grabbing the peroxide, I applied a generous amount onto a cotton ball and turned to Ewan.
“This is probably going to sting,” I told him, softly applying the cotton ball to his shoulder. He hissed, his face contorting into pain. I felt bad and I was about to pull my hand back when he spoke.
“No, it’s okay. Just... finish it,” He managed to say through clenched teeth. Nodding, I kept applying the cotton to his wound. Eventually, I cleaned it as well as I could without actually touching him. I tossed the ball into the trash in the corner of my room and began to unravel the bandages.
“You still have my jacket,” Ewan said, gesturing with his free arm to the jacket laying on my bed. Silently, I fiddled with the bandages as a small blush crept up on my face.
“Y-Yeah,” I stuttered, slipping my gloves back on and cutting a large amount of cloth.
“Why is it on your bed?” That was the question I had hoped to avoid. Honestly, it was embarrassing to tell him why it was there so I stayed silent most of the time I wrapped his shoulder up. It was only when I tucked the cloth in to make sure it didn’t unravel that I said something.
“This might sound strange but it...helps me sleep. Plus it...smells like you.” I admitted softly, hoping he didn’t hear me but damn it to the universe, he did. He didn’t say anything that would have made me feel stupid, instead, he only said, “It’s not all that strange.” I smiled softly, before I gathered the supplies and placed them back into the bathroom. When I came back, Ewan was looking intently at the bags in the corner of my room.
“What are you looking at?” I gasped, walking in front of him and obstructing his view. He looked at me, confused but...playful.
“What’s in there?” He asked, tilting his head to one side. I giggled and placed my hands on my hips.
“Christmas presents.” I said simply. He cocked one eyebrow and smirked.
“Anyone of those for me?” I tapped my finger against my chin playfully.
“Ah, maybe. You’ll have to wait and find out.” He pouted, his bottom lip protruding outwards.
“Sorry. You’ll just have to wait. Pe patient, if you can.” We both laughed loudly, feeling carefree. Then there was a knock at the door.
“Come in!” I yelled, knowing it was probably the boys. I was proven correct when Delin, Patrick, Rai, Glyph and Tanner were in my doorway, taking in the scene before them. Delin was the first to speak.
“Well, what’s going on here?” He asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, tilting his head in the direction of Ewan’s bare chest. Suddenly, I knew how it must have looked.
“Delin, get your mind out of the gutter. Nothing’s going on,” I said but my face betrayed me with a slight blush.
“Sure sure.” He said, waving his hand. “You ready, Lucas?” He asked. Ewan nodded.
“Can I get a shirt from my room before we go?” He asked, gesturing to his chest. Delin pondered the thought.
“I guess so.” The boys laughed heartily and I shook my head at them. Ewan exited the room and was almost out of sight before he turned around.
“Thank you, Chandacy.” He said, giving me a genuine smile and something in my chest fluttered. “Can I stop by when I come back?” Not trusting my voice, I only nodded and smiled. With a wave of his hand, he was out of sight. I sighed deeply and fell back onto my bed.
What was that? When he smiled, I felt...giddy. My stomach was in knots and my mind was spinning. What did this mean?
Was I...
No, I definitely wasn’t.
Deciding I need a good nap, I curled up on my side and, with Ewan’s jacket in my arms, I feel into a steady sleep.
That didn’t last for long.
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With a jolt, I screamed and shot up in my bed. My breathing was erratic and my body was shaking violently.
Oh, Arceus. The nightmares were back. This must be another symptom of that stupid withdrawal.
Realizing I was shivering violently, I slipped on Ewan’s jacket and curled up into a ball, trying to get warm. No more than a few hours could have passed because there was still light shining into my room. It was faint and I knew it would be dusk soon, but it was still there.
Minutes passed before I realized I wasn’t shaking anymore and taking that as a good sign, I sat up in my bed and threw my legs off to one side. I was thirsty. Barefoot and still in my training clothes, I stood up, walking silently to the closest kitchen. The images were still haunting my mind; the fire, my mother screaming and crying, my father being burned alive, my brother trying to save them, my sister being kidnapped. And it was all my fault. Clenching my eyes shut, I tried to rid the images from my mind.
They wouldn’t leave.
Groaning, I walked into the kitchen only to find myself not alone. Conversing with each other were a Pikachu and a Haxorus, both female. They seemed to be deep in discussion about a passionate subject. I tried to be silent as I walked to the fridge but the noticed me anyway. They both looked curiously at me but it was the Pikachu that spoke first.
“Hi there! I’m Kiiro. I don’t think I’ve met you yet.” She said perkily, bouncing up to me, he ears moving with her. She was a ray of fucking sunshine. I tried my best to smile and remain calm.
“Hey. I’m Chandacy. It’s nice to meet you.” I turned to the other woman, and a rather busty woman at that. Suddenly, I felt very flat chested. “And you are?” I asked, trying to be polite despite my mood.
“I’m Haxlia.” I nodded and went towards the cupboards, searching for something to drink. When I opened up one of the cupboards, I froze.
It was filled to the max with alcohol, seeming to range from less concentrated to the most. What if.... I had spoken to many alcoholics and asked them why they did what they did. It turns out, most of them told me it numbed pain they felt. I never understood, probably because I never tried it.
What did I have to lose?
Nothing. I had nothing to lose.
Without so much as a second thought, I grabbed two of the most concentrated alcohol’s that were available and made a swift exit back to my room. I took a seat on the floor and leaned against my bed as I opened up a bottle. Bringing the bottle close to my nose, I inhaled.
Nothing.
It smelled like nothing. Maybe a hit of a bitterness but nothing more.
Gingerly, I brought the bottle to my lips and took a small sip.
Acid. It felt like acid in my throat and I fought the urge to spit it out. Instead, I swallowed it and instantly coughed. It tasted horrible. Worse than horrible. It tasted atrocious. But, the more it mulled over in my body, the less I....felt. The images were still in my mind but the feeling was gone. Almost. I understood what everyone meant by it numbed their pain.
I didn’t know I drank the whole bottle until there was nothing left.
Why were the pictures still in my mind? Why wouldn’t they just go away? What would make them go away? Anything, anything would be better than these pictures.
Desperately, I grabbed the second bottle and was just about to open it when I hear my door open followed by a gasp. When I looked over I saw Ewan standing in my doorway, clearly shocked at the picture before him.
“Chandacy? What-What?” He demanded. I ignored him and brought the next bottle to my lips, gulping it down as fast as I could. But suddenly, it was gone. Confused, I looked around and saw him taking the bottle to the bathroom and dumping it out.
“What the fuck are you going?” I growled, surprising him with the harshness of my tone. He threw the bottle away and strided back to me, an unreadable expression on his face.
“I could ask you the say thing.” He snapped. I would have taken notice to his harsh voice was it not for my state of depression and anger. Apparently I was the angry drunk, if I was drunk at all. “What were you thinking, drinking that?!” He was almost yelling at that point. Not liked I cared.
I scoffed. “Like you care. For your information, I was trying to rid my mind of my nightmarish images when you can barging in, trying to be a knight in shining armour.” I seethed, giving him a glare.
“But drowning it in alcohol? What---” He never got the chance to finish because it was at that exact moment that I snapped.
“I was trying to numb the withdrawal! I didn’t want to explain myself, especially to you! It seemed like the only option at the time! Do you know how it feels, to be angry all the time? To wonder why you’re alive? To try and live without something you’ve been addicted to for years? To want to die? No, you don't! For the last three months, this is how I’ve felt over and over again! That’s is why! Are you happy now?!” I screamed. Ewan wasn’t expecting my outburst and actually staggered back. He looked astounded and worried. He had no right to. He didn’t know what I was going through. I wanted to be alone.
I wanted my pain to go away.
“Chandacy,” He said, so softly it shocked me. “Why didn’t you tell me? I can help.” He said, pleading.
“No, you don’t understand. You can’t help me. You don’t care.You don’t know what this is about.” I wasn’t prepared for what happened next because it was so...not him.
“I don’t understand? The hell I don't! For years I had to help my sister through withdrawal! Years! and that means nothing?! I had to literally hold Enya back from drowning herself in alcohol! I HAD TO HOLD HER BACK FROM KILLING HERSELF! And that means nothing! I understand more than you think I do! And another thing! I don’t care?! How would you know?! For Arceus sake, I CARE ABOUT YOU! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?! YOU WANT TO DROWN YOURSELF IN ALCOHOL TO NOT FEEL ANYTHING?! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!” By the time he was finished, his face was red and he was breathing deeply. There were so many emotions going through his eyes, I couldn’t make a single one out, save for one.
Sadness.
There were tears briming his eyes, wether from the anger or the sadness I didn’t know. He wiped his eyes angrily before he let them fall. When he saw my face, he froze.
I didn't expect his outburst. I was shocked but more so...
I was scared.
"Chandacy," He breathed, "Oh Arceus, I'm so sorry. I-I..." He trailed off as he started to walk towards me. When he leaned down and tried to comfort me, I couldn't help myself. I flinched away. I barely noticed the flash of sadness and shame flood his features before her burst out of the room, racing away.
I didn't know how long I sat there -minutes, hours, days- before I felt a small drop of liquid fall done my face.
I was crying. I hadn't cried in years and here I was, finally crying. Before long, I couldn't help it and I let them all overflow.
"You never know what you have until it's gone."
That could never be more true.
So I sat there and cried. I cried for my family that I lost. I cried for my sister who I couldn't find. And I cried for the friend I just pushed away.
The friend I knew I had feelings for.
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Fifteen pages, a new record!!!!! I'm sorry it's so....intense. Heh? *Is shot* I love you all.
If I messed up please let me know!
PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!
♥ Bli-Chan
