Death By Twilight Fangirls

There was a new rage in Konoha; it was spreading quickly, like a Black Death pandemic. It had reached over from a far end of the world, a world that the

ninja of Konoha had no knowledge of. This virus was contagious, but there was no warning to stay away from bookstands and public places where it could easily

be caught. This new virus, was none other than the Twilight Disease.

"Not another one," Naruto groaned, as he watched a group of girls flock to the bookstore. The new Twilight book had just restocked no more than

5 minutes ago, and there was already a huge lineup of crazy fangirls waiting to get their hands on a brand new copy. And because Naruto was so damn lucky,

Sakura just so happened to be lining up for this new "phenomenon".

"Ohhhhhh," she squealed, "I wonder what will happen to Bella and Edward? I can't wait to find out!"

In fact, Naruto wasn't the only cursed one. Shikamaru, Sasuke, Lee, Neji, Choji, and even Asuma were also watching from afar as the female team members

waited anxiously for the doors to open. Shikamaru facepalmed as Ino came screaming with a copy of, as he liked to put it, "that evil thing they called

'literature'".

"Heeeey Sasuke," Naruto joked, nudging him in the side, "you're losing all your fans to this "Pattison" guy. How does it feel?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Like I care, you idiot. As far as I'm concerned, you should be joining his fanclub. I saw you secretly watching that movie the other

day. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."

As Naruto raised his fist to argue (blush and all), another high pitched squeak came floating through the air. Sakura ran quickly, a lovey-dovey look in her

eyes. She treated that "thing" like a God.

Carefully, Sakura tucked the book under her arm. Her hand was ready for combat. To protect it from other raging fangirls perhaps? Naruto couldn't figure it

out. All he knew was that he was doomed to a lifetime of fairytale romance and superficial vampires.

Before they could leave, Naruto noticed that one girl was missing from the crowd.

"Hey Neji," Naruto whispered, "Where's Hinata? Isn't she here to get a book too?"

Neji shook his head. It was a relief shake, definitely. "No, Hinata doesn't like that sort of thing. She thinks it's... scary I suppose? I don't really care

though. I can only take so much of this."

Everyone else was also listening in. The boys were thrilled... one female not infected. However, the girls were determined to spread the virus as much as

possible. It wasn't easily curable either.

"How can she not like it?!" Ino yelled, nose in the air, "It's the only decent piece of literature in this whole village!"

"I agree!" Sakura nodded.

No one was listening now. In fact, Sasuke and Naruto were already half way across the village. They had waved quickly and escaped as soon as possible. The

toxins would get them too if they weren't careful.

They walked silently side by side. There was nothing to talk about nowadays. Due to the overwhelming response from the book, many of the kunoichi of the

village were requesting time off from missions. Since Tsunade couldn't help but be pulled in as well, she granted most of the girls time. Many missions were

cancelled, since there weren't enough members for each squad. It was chaotic.

Naruto stopped. A group of girls came charging by, practically knocking him to the ground. Sasuke, quick with reflexes, made it just before the mob could

trample him.

"Idiot," Sasuke mumbled, catching him before he could fall. Naruto pushed himself away quickly. There was one thing that didn't change for them in all the

mess, and that was their rivalry.

"Whatever..." Sasuke said, crossing his arms. This was completely ridiculous, in his opinion. This madness had to stop and be contained. It was wrecking

assets for the village, and reputations of the ninja.

Naruto saw a rock under a tree. There appeared to be no fangirls around, so it was a safe zone until it was discovered. Sighing, he sat down and began to

think.

Sasuke smirked, "What's with the screwed up face?" He leaned against the tree.

Naruto ignored him. For minutes they were silent, Naruto changing positions every so often. Then, he slapped his hands together.

"Sasuke! We have to stop this! No one is as manly enough as me to do it, so I'm going to stand up against all those girls and tell them why Twilight
needs to be forgotten! And that we need the ninja back for the missions to continue!"

He snorted. "Good luck with that. You're just going to make a fool of yourself, not like it would make much difference."

Naruto stuck out his tongue. "I have a plan! We have to get all the guys in on it though!"

There was gigantic eye rolling. "Okay then genious; please, share your wisdom."

With that, Naruto quietly whispered the plan into his ear.

The boys all gathered close to the bookstand. Practically everyone was in on the plan. Little did Naruto know that it would go horribly wrong...

The sound of footsteps could be heard across the gravel sidewalks. Girls chatted excitedly, expecting a brand new and amazing announcement on the upcoming

movie New Moon. Arguments about Edward and Jacob could be heard a mile away. It was almost time.

Once all the girls were there, waiting impatiently for the announcement, Naruto got ready. The idea was to get all of the male ninja to stand up and tell the

girls the truth about the horrible disease. Yes, it was going to be perfect. Naruto stood first.

"Listen! This Twilight book is ruining not only your minds but the village's reputation! We need you on our teams in order to do missions! You need to

understand that this disease is spreading quickly, and that it has to be contained! And that Edward Cullen sucks! All of us boys agree with this! Right?!"

There were menacing glares coming from the girls. The aura around them was dark; the air suddenly chilled. Nobody replied as Naruto faced the raging females.

They all had cold feet after discovering the true horror of Twilight fangirls.

"Naruto..." Sakura cried above the rest, cracking her knuckles. He turned to his allies for support as they backed away slowly. He was getting no help from

them.

Naruto chuckled nervously, as he realized the mess he was in. "Uhhh... I was just kidding. Just a joke Sakura-chan!"

He was charged and beaten. It was gruesome, and the men behind cringed as they watched Naruto turn blue and black. Good thing Hinata hadn't been around. It

was a true "death by fangirls."

After that, there was a lesson learned in the Village. It was to never pick a fight with Twilight fans, especially Edward ones.

End