Senior Otaku | Posted 02/12/09 | Reply
It's getting good. Please write more..I beg of you.
Grand Otaku | Posted 11/01/08 | Reply
Hi there! I just finished reading both parts:
Here's my thoughts -
I like, it seems to have a good sense of mystery and thrill. But I'm having a little trouble understanding it. I think that part of the reason is your wording is a little hard for me to understand. (i.e "almost arrived at the end of her energy..." While I know that means your character is running out of energy, it is a little hard to read. Maybe just a couple conjunctions are needed here and there to help ease the flow a little bit. (but that's just my opinion on that)
But, one last thing. You don't have to put different signs for different characters thoughts. If you just say, "blahblahblah.." thought Itachi... Or, the reader 9 times out of 10, will figure out who's thinking what.
But, good job, it's sounds like an exciting story! I can't wait to read more! ^_^
Senior Otaku | Posted 11/01/08 | Reply
Interesting with great visualization...I like it..
Hot and Cold (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 11/01/08 | Reply
I like the description within the story. It is turning out really well so far. Keep up the awesome work ^^
The Amazing Moga (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/31/08 | Reply
It's very descriptive! Nice job!^^
Otaku Eternal | Posted 10/31/08 | Reply
Very descriptive. Very nice job. ^u^
Oh wow nice descriptions.X3
Makes this easier to visulise.X3
Oh and Hai means 'yes' or 'ok' not hello.X3