After two days I've already managed to fail the 500 word challenge. However that also may depend on the definition of failing. If I continue to write as I do now, I may still reach my goal. The reason I had difficulty in writing is because I stumbled into a few tough days. After that I was busy celebrating my birthday with my housemates, my brother, my boyfriend and a few other friends. The day after was re-cover day (yesterday) and now I'm back again, trying to pick up where I left off.
It's scary to show up and to write. I'm always afraid of disappointing myself and I'm not happy with how negative my writing actually is when I write about my life. It sounds terrible - full of struggles and mental issues. Fortunately I'm in a good environment who supports me whatever I do. That makes it a lot easier but I'm afraid of a never ending struggle 'of always not good enough'. Whatever I do I am always able to find something that can go better, and in my mind, should go better. It's this part that I truly truly want to tackle - not necessarily keeping up with the writing, the drawing, the piano playing, etc. It's the core I want to change.
My parents asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I went ahead and searched for some great books on self-development and several topics I feel I'm terrible at. Saturday the books arrived, right on time for my birthday! The books are "Immunity to change" by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey (link). It's a book that explains why change is tough, what the underlying systems are, providing examples and providing tools to help change. It's written for individuals and organizations. I love the double perspective - how to bring about change within yourself and how to stimulate change in others.The second book is titled "The willpower instinct" and it is written by Kelly McGonigal link. It gives the science behind 'how self-control works, why it matters and what you can do to get more of it'.
The other two books are: "Secrets of a highirng manager turned career coach" by Lisa Quast (link) and "Coaching Questions" by Tony Stoltzfus (link). I'm not very familiar with the working world and I'm super interested in coaching. As I've gone through a lot of mental struggles in my life I've become highly interested in understanding humans - what motivates us and why we act the way we act.
Today I started reading 'Immunity to change' and so far I'm happy with it. I've read only till page 40, but the writing style is very practical and easy to follow. Plus the text is information dense, which is great because I'm not fond of slow-paced and repetitive writing styles. I expected a bit more insight into the 'why change is tough' yet I realize I can't expect a clear answer having only read 40 pages of the 340.
My question for you is, have you ever read these types of books? If yes, which one and what was your experience? Did it help you? Could you even finish reading it? I know I won't be able to finish the book 'Awaken the giant within' from Anthony Robbins'. It has such an exaggerated and repetitive writing style. The truth is I've learned a lot from the first bit - but going deeper I only see repetition after repetition.
There are tons and tons of books out that there cover the topics I'm interested in (personal development, coaching, business, marketing, management) and it's tough to select the books that you think you'd get most out of. Until now I've learned from every book I've had (I have 8 now). I'm extremely curious at how many books I'll own in a year. Will it increase greatly? How much money will I spend? We shall see. I know the books are a great support for me - they're opening up new paths. I love it.
I'll continue to challenge myself and try to either accept who I am now or change into the person I want to be. Or both. I hope my story may help you on your journey. Before I start sounding to cheesy I wish to say two more things before I end this post:
1. I am grateful for every person who reads this, yet I also keep in mind that I'm completely satisfied if nobody does. I'm doing it to improve myself, not to send a message across (ah I hope I'm not sounding too cold-blooded, that's not my intention).
2. Writing helps me express myself. It feels great and it feels messy.
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Word count: 790
