Okay, so this is still not so great. Don't really have much to work with with this story. Because it's not my original characters. I prefer to write about my original characters. I think I do better that way. Anyways, this is a revision. It's decent, but compared to what it used to be. When the story was, I don't know, third grade writing level, I think it's an improvement. I just have trouble editing something that has such a cliché story line. Definitely an improvement though. Though, I will also admit, this is not my best story. This is definitely not my best writing abilities either. Like I said, I prefer to write about my own characters and my own experience. Still, I figured I might as well do something with this story. I wrote it to be read. So, I need to put it where people can read it. And with my last moment of rambling over, I present to you the revised MOTSJ.