I don't often rant aloud.
I'm relatively quiet, so I guess I rant on paper.
This is where I collect those poems and essays I've written.
I hope you enjoy your glance inside my mind.
- Created By SinsofMidnight
I Need a BREAK!
Hello all!
I have a new project to work on, as all of you who read MaCheriexx's fancomic, "Guardian Angel".
That's right, folks, I've taken on cleaning all of the pages for her. Which means I have about thirty pages to clean, so I won't have much time to make anything else, especially with school coming up quickly for me (I have to go back in EIGHT days!).
I just figured I'd give you all a heads up on that. ^^
If you have any wallie requests you'd like, PM me! They'll be the first things I make when I'm back!
I'll check in regularly; I just won't be submitting!
Wish me luck!
~Sins~
New Love
I created this the day I wrote this essay. I just haven't posted it yet.
7/15/09
Do you know what I hate most?
The blushing blossom of a new love as it unfurls its petals. The way you never tire of looking at him across the room. The way you can’t talk to him without blushing. The butterflies that flutter in your stomach. The way you can’t approach him without being so nervous you feel like puking.
The glow of a new love is more like a flame than anything else. It eats away at you until all that’s left is the pain of rejection or the pain of an abandoned love.
I hate it when those feelings start again.
I have an unruly habit of picking the most unattainable men possible. I’ve never experienced the sweet side of love, the tender expressions of trust and affection. All I’ve seen is its cruelty and anger.
So tell me, why am I still such a hopeless romantic?
I know better, but when my jaded heart feels the blossoming of such affection, my soul sores with the hope that this time he won’t hurt me. Not like the others. But I’ve been wrong every time. I’m running out of hope.
I"m Going on a Working Vacation!
...No, I am not on vacation from working... don't I wish...
I'll be gone 'til about Monday... but feel free to drop me a line through PMs or in the guest book!
Not that I'm vain enough to believe any of you will read this or feel the need to drop me a line, but hey, my new motto is be prepared!
Poem, Poem, Who's Got a LOT of Poems?
I'm lazy: this is my day off and I don't feel like posting 14 poems seperately.
So here goes a bunch of poems!
An Ode to Irreverence:
You were always the one
who’d turn to me
with a ready smile or a joke,
some inappropriate comment
or biological factoid,
just to make me giggle.
You never put me down
nor did you avoid me
for our differences in faith.
instead, you engaged me
in theological debate.
No one won, but no one lost;
we stood on the same solid ground,
exactly where we started
but never the same.
You are more real to me than
legions of angels.
To me, you are one,
a blessing sent by my God
to keep me on my toes
and smiling like a fool.
What I’ll miss most when you’re gone
is your voice and wry humor,
your irreverent attitude and smile.
But memories, o so precious,
are ever near to remind me
of that which I miss
and what I hope to see again someday.
So the best of wishes go with you;
don’t forget to write.
I hope every dream comes true for you.
Are my emotions ever so clichéd
that I choose trite words and phrases
to echo the same well-wishes of the others?
Let me try once more before I surrender
to my inability to express the words
that are on the tip of my tongue.
I wish you the very best
and I wish you nothing less.
I hope you find love and
somewhere to belong.
I hope you live for today
and never put things off for
the tomorrow that may never come.
I hope you never forget
the love of friends and family
or the memories you made with them.
I know I’ll never forget you.
You hold a special place in my heart
and you will for all of eternity.
Loneliness:
Can you see me?
Can you find me?
Am I even here at all?
Please speak to me
let me know I’m
not invisible to you
No one else can see me
I’m just a ghost
that only you perceive
I am so lonely on my own,
so desperate for a touch,
a hug, a friend
Just stay with me a while
All I’ve ever know is loneliness
loneliness
Can you see me?
Can you find me?
Am I even here at all?
Please speak to me
let me know I’m
not invisible to you
I’m drowning here alone
in all the troubles of
the others I’ve known
Please save me from my
lonely fate and offer
me your hand
Just stay with me a while
All I’ve ever know is loneliness
loneliness
For Me:
Smile for me, angel.
Your smile lights up the room,
makes me want to smile, too.
Sing for me, angel.
Please break the silence
with some cheery song,
makes me want to sing along.
Love for me, angel.
Extend your heart to those
near and dear to you,
makes me love you even more.
You Still Do That to Me:
I feel the blush bloom on my cheeks
and know my face is red.
You still do that to me.
Your smiles still stop my heart,
Your style still makes me smile,
Your touch still makes my heart race,
Your laugh still makes me want to kiss you:
You still do that to me.
Watching you now
still makes it hard to breathe.
Even though you don’t love me,
you still do that to me.
My heart still misses
the warmth of your hugs,
the light of your smile,
the sound of your voice.
I don’t love you anymore, but
you sill do that to me.
It used to bother me,
my one-sided love,
my stupid obsession.
It made me self-conscious:
you still do that to me.
It used to be my marring scar
that you weren’t mine to hold.
Now I know better but sometimes,
you still do that to me.
My heart was always
weak against you,
your charm,
your smile,
your attitude;
I’m getting past it.
I used to feel faint
whenever you were near.
Sometimes, you still do that to me.
I Miss You:
I miss
sharing your bed,
kissing you and saying “chu”,
the way you snuggle while you sleep.
I miss
the smell of your hair,
how you look soaked to the bone,
your recklessness.
I miss
your giddy giggle,
how you IM me from across the room,
how you hiccup if you laugh too long.
I miss
your tendency to pick up accents,
your random blurting,
your obsessions.
I miss
your hugs,
your singing,
your precence.
I miss
the sunshine of your smile,
your impishness,
your playfulness.
I miss you, angel,
I miss you.
My heart aches from
us being apart.
I love you, angel,
I love you.
You’ll own my heart
for eternity.
I miss you, angel,
and I love you.
Fantasy Man:
Soft whispers in my ear,
Telling me that you are near.
I reach out to touch you,
knowing I shouldn’t.
Who is he,
I ask myself again.
Is he the one I’ll marry?
Or just my fantasy?
Fantasy man,
Come if you can.
Heal me and
take me as your own.
Please bring me home.
I’ve Been Hurt Before:
Your eyes declare your dark intent,
your sensual assault on my senses.
I step away from your pillaging
of my lips,
of my body,
of my soul.
Hold onto me, but don’t touch.
I’ve been hurt before.
I’d let you kiss me,
hug me,
hold me,
tie me down,
love me,
but someone took my heart
just to break it
over and over again.
I can’t help but want you,
but I can’t deal with having you.
I can’t let myself be hurt like that again,
no matter how much I crave you.
My heart races in your embrace,
your cradling arms.
I let you kiss me once but I hide my face,
scared I’ll let you do whatever you wish
if I let you kiss me again.
Your hand in my hair
is gentle and comforting.
Your tenderness makes
me want to believe
you might be worth the pain.
I give you a kiss and let it go where it will.
I’ll let you do what you wish,
but be gentle with me:
I’ve been hurt before.
Beauty:
I don’t understand
the words of others.
I’ve heard them yell
“You’re ugly!”
What is beauty?
What is not?
Isn’t beauty in
the eyes of the beholder?
So why mar their souls
with ugly words
when they are truly
more beautiful than you?
Everyone is beautiful
in some small way,
whether it’s the color of their eyes
or the shape of their face.
So shouldn’t everyone
see what I see?
I don’t understand
why they don’t.
24 Colors:
The key to unlock the mind
is to think like an artist:
revel in the kaleidoscope of wonders,
take them unto yourself,
and share them with the world.
But our colors can’t mix!
So pick a shade,
one for every soul that touched your life.
Pearl White and Silver,
Forest and Frog,
Ocean Depths and Brick Wall,
Scarlet and Crimson,
Shell Pink and Sepia,
Darkest Night and Palest Moon,
Lavender and Plum,
Baby Blue and Tsunami,
Mocha and Fawn,
Dandelion and Orange Peel,
Baby’s Breath and Sunset Purple,
Red Rose and Tabasco.
Twenty-four colors
for vibrant lives
that made me exactly who I am.
Twenty-four rich blessings
I’d love to share with the world.
Twenty-four vibrant colors
on the canvas of my life.
What’s Past is Passed:
Every now and them
we wish we were children,
so naive and carefree,
enjoying each day to the fullest.
But everyone knows
you can’t go back.
Nothing will take you back.
Jaded hearts never
become innocent again.
But that’s why we’re told.
It doesn’t matter how old you are,
you don’t have to be burdened
by bitterness and troubles.
Remember to act just like a child:
dance in the rain,
play in the snow,
sprawl in the grass,
hold on for dear life.
Don't Leave Me:
I love you.
You’re my best friend,
the one who understands me,
my angel,
my sister,
my partner in crime.
Don’t you dare leave me alone!
What would I do
in a world without you?
I don’t know if I could survive
if you left me now.
I’d cry and cry and cry
to no avail because
I’m not a phoenix:
my tears won’t raise the dead,
no matter how much I want them to.
Phoenix Tears:
Phoenix tears can heal any wound:
bring back the dead,
heal cancers,
mend broken hearts,
a faster fix than folding
one thousand paper cranes.
Oh that I were a fiery phoenix!
I’d heal the wounds of the world!
I’d cry over every dead best friend,
every lost lover,
every unborn child;
I’d shed a tear for each of them,
bring them back to their families,
and soar into the sky
to watch over every life.
Shades of Sadness:
Shades of sadness
mar my day.
I’m never really happy,
only less sad.
Sometimes it’s like
a dark blue haze
has settle before my eyes
and weighed down
my shoulders with the burden.
Sometimes it’s like
a sky blue daze
disrupting my gaze.
It’s on days like those I’m happiest,
because I’ve seen the worst
as I patiently await a day
when no shades of sadness
darken my gaze.
Drain Me:
I can’t move from here,
gravity is holding me tight
as they drain the life from me
out of spite.
Such a pretty design
carved out for my blood:
angel wings,
extending from my torso.
Such an exquisite way to die,
creating such beauty
out of such pain.
The last inch of hope
I clung to
is surrendered to you.
Such an exquisite way to die:
In the arms of the one
you loved best in life.
So... yeah... done for now... I migh fix this eventually, but I'm currently too lazy...
Rescue Me
Open
your mind,
Open
your heart.
Let me in.
Close
your mouth,
Close
your eyes.
Let my fragrance
Settle sweetly on your lips.
Listen
to my words.
Listen
to my siren’s song.
Come
crash against the rocks.
Come
rescue me.
I needed rescuing, though I’m not sure what from.
