Please call me izioy =] i enjoy talking about anything and everything so post comments and i'll do my best to return the favor =].
I love many things and i'm pretty chatty... i'll speak about my life and the boredom that keeps me writing =]! enjoy my page thankyou 
okay so its a little bit sad
because i cant think of anything i really feel like writing
well actually to be honest
the one thing i'd have to actually talk about would be about
my new family the one that i had visited in virginia a few weeks ago
and my already family which was my step brother and sister
who i spent the week with and who i miss because they only stayed for the week
ughh i dont even know what i want to say
i wish they could just stay here forever live with us
and just stay with us in our home rather then their moms
its not because i hate their mom or anything like that but
they're better off with us
and i dont know whats been up with me at all lately
i feel like such a female dog
i keep feeling like i'm acting so selfish and its so strange because i am in an unintentional way and its like i cant stop it yet everyone's hurt by it
so what in the world am i supposed to do? analyze everything i do i dont want to live like that because that isnt living its dying because you have to watch everything they do
ughh i feel so frustrtated inside
like my step-dad says that i'm trapped between becoming an adult and wanting to stay a child
I HATE THIS FEELING
simply because thats just it how are you supposed to pick theres no specific age where someone says "hey be an adult your done being a child"
and its like i never really was like a child, not for long at least
i had the 2 years where all i cared about was myself and no one else
then after that i woke up and was like this life isnt about me this is about everyone and everything that wasnt me! so then i stopped my stupid selfish actions
and now its like am i allowed to be a little selfish or what and i get lectured for anything i do thats selfish, no correction not anything EVERYTHING
the smallest thing the simplest things, accusing my brother of something he really is at fault for, for asking my step sister to get off the computer because i stayed home to be with them and they left me to go on the computer,
for being aggravated that everyone else was trying to take control of my project, for chosing to not finish watching a movie and wanting to go to bed early and having the kids leave my step-father who they're actually there to see(i didnt even notice i was doing that),
for everything i do i'm the worst person in the world now because i dont know what the hell to do at this point
i dont know what i'm supposed to do
i dont know what would help me and please everyone else
i dont know what would help my career start and what i'm going to do with my life
i dont know what i'm supposed to do
everyone thinks that its their job to control me but its not
its like i have no control over anything i do and when i take control i'm wrong
like everything i do is wrong
i guess it is because it hurts everyone else
i guess it is wrong because everyone else isnt pleased
i guess it is wrong because my idea of right is everyone else's idea of wrong
i guess everything i am is wrong so what the hell am i supposed to do
what the hell am i going to do to make everyone else pleased
if what i do affects everyone else then why dont they stop paying attention stop caring stop looking at my face and notice sadness or dislike
just stop and how would i affect something that never notices me? how would it affect something that didnt even know i existed?
they think i'm doing something selfish but i'm not they're making it out to be because they care, so they should just stop because i dont think about myself first off for most things so i hate being told it was selfish
this life isnt mine so i might as well not care, just stop, not do anything, maybe then everyone will be happy because its over its stupid i dont need to do anything when it hurts everyone
well for the third time i'm rewriting this post,okay this post is named after my best friend in the entire world, she told me to shorten this post because i informed her about how it was, 7 paragraphs long,and you know what else she tells me that even if its about her she has the attention span of a fly so i should not make it that long, ughh whatever then
FURRY CHIBI
my bestfriend since fourth grade
one of the most amazing people in my life
the most childish too but in a good way
in the way where she spends her time enjoying being young
enjoying the ability to just be around and have fun
most would think its a silly thing to be as carefree as she is but its not a bad thing at all
its a really good thing because we should be enjoying every moment of our youth and our life simply because we'll never get any part of it back no moment gets recycled simply gets sealed away as a memory so she might as well have good ones
my friend furrychibi is seriously a great person who knows me so well whether she knows how to say it or not
i know i cant go without talking to her for longer then a week or i'll go insane
i mean we made a bet before last year during the month of december i thought that she couldnt go for longer then 3 days without talking to me but it was i who couldnt go for so long without talking to her
i mean she talked to me the last week before break only because i begged shadow prince to beg her to talk to me because i already lost the bet simply because i couldnt handle not talking to her
THIS MORNING
this morning furry chibi had made me realize how much of a good friend she really is to me because without knowing it she always does the best thing for me
i mean she was supposed to give me these peanut m&m's this morning and i was going to be sooooo happy because its my favorite chocolate in the entire world
but since i have a long blood line of diabetes and i have a 90% chance of getting it sadly i havent been checked out in a while and one of the symptoms of diabetes is extreme thirst and well this morning i was waiting for those m&ms
furry chibi comes down that hallway from the cafeteria because she just got her breakfast
she sits down next to me and says "i decided i was not going to be one of the reasons you get diabetes so i'm not going to give you the m&ms instead i brought you cake, i got it from the chinese store"
okay ?HUH? you wont give me m&ms but you'll give me cake??? seriously ?? well
the fact that it came from the chinese store makes it obviously healthy
so i toke it and i was fine with it
and i was still thirsty but furry chibi didnt even know
and she offered me her juice box !
seriously how could i possibly ask for a better friend
furry chibi is the only friend thats been there for me at all moments that i've needed someone at all ALWAYS
whether she knew it or not i could never have a friend as good as her
Forever and Ever Furry Chibi will be the friend that could never be replaced
Hello
well yes amazing hello
i dont really know why but my life it seems so different
i'm not sure what i mean by different
it just is
everything just doesnt look the same
as though i miss everything the way it was
but i love the way it is
i'm really not sure which way it actually is
but somehow at some point soon it'll be perfect
so weird but i have a slight plan
but i dont
i feel so confused
but totally okay with it
my confusion i mean
it's different like i'm looking through this glass just waiting for my dream to become true
for my dream to break the glass and become reality
i really dont know why but my dream
it doesnt seem as far away as it had seemed before like
even though this life keeps getting tougher it just makes it more worththe effort
that sounds weird to make something tough worth the time
like i know that somehow out of all this bad that happen
a whole bunch of good will just shoot out of somewhere
out of the darkest tunnel or the saddest tear
the most beautiful things will grow
i'll just need to find the light to make them shine
i feel silly talking like a lunatic
but to be honest its the most sane i feel
like i'm happy with myself at the moment
even though i think i'm dying because i have this
allergic reaction to something that no ones figured out yet
but the reaction just keeps spreading as the days continue
okay like insanely i have all these bumps on my neck spreading to my face
and shoulders
and then in certain spots on my tummy
and then on my legs and arms
seriously i might die if we dont figure out what it is
but of course no ones freaking out but me
maybe deep in my subconsciense i'm thinking that this disgusting scaley layer of skin that is being created by these bumps will just shed
and i'll be left with something beautifull
but that only happens in dreams
i know i'm not lucky enough to even have that occur to me seriously
but whatever
and well
today i was a little lost in my morning but somehow after i stopped freaking out
everything just shot right around and magically everything became better
i'm happy really
and
soul, well he has a body thats stolen him but
that doesnt make the ability to be friends unavailable
and i dont really know how i'm to approach him
its not like i have no idea who he is
i know so much
but i dont really know anything on how he feels about me so
i suppose only fate could place us together as friends or lovers or nothing
its all up to fate
so i can seriously only hope
so i totally love this totally awsome person
who had refused to inform people of the magical thing called her birthday so with all my love i dedicate today's post for HER
and the fact that on the private happy birthday card/message i sent her it wouldnt allow me to add this totally adorable picture i wanted to send her
yea i totally want to inform the world that today is the day i dedicate my obsession with the anime and manga FRUITS BASKET is for her (even though it has nothing to do with her i'll make it totally all about her in every way possible
so yes to VIRTUAL RUM i dedicate this obsessive love =]
okay so i have dedicated the past three days i say to totally watching all the fruits basket episodes because i've always known the stories always knew the beginning but never owned the first volumes or have read them or seen the first episodes or any so i watched all of the series
which i have to say i really do enjoy the manga over it because
the series is unfinished the manga still goes
introduces you to all the zodiac members and well its sooooooo amazingly great
and i have to say that i do love the series and the way everything was played out but only because it was all new to me since i never really knew how it even started out to be honest i'm glad i watched it seriously its amazing and if virtual rum hasnt already i sujest that she does b/c its an amazing anime totally !
i love FRUITS BASKET & VIRTUAL RUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
is it possible to have the worst timing in the world
to have missed the perfect chance and reinact the chance with out it actually being the right time with out it actually being the right time
ughhhh
i dont know anymore
like i kept searching and looking and finally i give up saying just throw him at me why dontchu
but i really didnt expect this at all
i could look and search and try to find and just wish and wish but nothing would come true
and i was so close to him so right beside him so near him
so in touch with him
i practically kept talking and rambling on to him like an absolute retard
like jez izioy just shut your trap
but he kinda looked at me like in that fairytale way where its like DAM
and i wish that it wasnt just me
but for the most part it normally always is just me
but hes just so
perfect
like yea my edward was so amazing
so my infatuation
but it would've been so impossible to be together
and well
this one this
soul shall we call him
was so perfect
so many perfect traits, like well he's cute in general
but
he likes F.R.I.E.N.D.S and most people either have never watched the show or dont like it
COMEON its amazing and i'm obsessed and so is he
ughhhhh
and movies
as you probably already know since i have an entire blog on it i'm obsessed with movies
he is too and like i could probably talk to him about movies for hours
he plays football which i think is a plus i like football (yea i know i'm a girl)
ahhhh hes just that perfect soul
except thats it he is perfect
and just because he is
for some reason i have to be punished with the sadness of not being able to be with him or able to talk to him
because he already has a someone for himself
and i wish this wasnt so but in all cases it is
which means i'll never have that simple happiness
to have him i only wish i had
well forever i shall wish for soul
only b/c thats how i am i wait patiently and sometimes wait in mourning
and the only thing i have to wonder is that well his friends say that he could do better and to me
well am i good enough to be "doing better"
