January 17, 1990.
Today is the first time I’m writing down my day, mother said it’s a good way to remember the all the memories, she said, one day when I’ll be a man and look back reading, this will bring back tears and joy.
Mother and I went to park today, we did some shopping and she even got me some delicious cake! I thought of asking her about me going to school again but, I remembered that night, that night when Mother tried to ask Father, I wish he wasn’t like that, he scares me. That night he came home banging at the door, he was yelling on the top of his voice and Mother ran downstairs and opened the door before he could wake me and the neighbors. I slowly walked towards the stairs and peeped down, Mr. Bear in my arms. Father fell heavily on the couch; I could smell a strong stench of alcohol coming from his direction. Mother handed him a glass of water, I could see her hand trembling while she handed it to him, and Father took a look and threw the glass on the floor and yelled,
“I come home after a long day and all you have to give is a glass of water!”
I hugged my Mr. Bear more tightly and crouched in fear, but Mother, she was no longer scared, but she quietly wiped the floor and picked up the broken glass pieces from the floor. She walked into the kitchen and walked back in, in her hand there was a file, and she stretched out her hands and held it out to that man on the couch,
“What is this, women?” he barked at her.
“It’s an application form, from the near by school, for Lawliet.” Mother’s soft voice echoed.
“What? That ugly child! That child need not go to school and waste my money! What he needs is a smack across his face for wanting such useless things!” his voice was gruff.
“But he has to go to school; he has to live a normal life!” Mother protested.
I continued to hug Mr. Bear, I said to myself, “I will not cry!” but without my knowledge I did. All of a sudden my breath stopped I heard a noise, I peeped down, my blood ran cold and skin froze, Mother lay on the floor, her cheek red, red from a hard smack, Father stood in front of her and yelled with all his might,
“Never!” he pointed at her his anger was controlling him “never raise your voice in front of me! You understand?”
I sat crouched, sobbing I thought to myself, why did Father change? Why did he have to hit Mother? Suddenly I could hear another bang, Father fell to the floor. He was indeed drunk and couldn't even stand. Mother helped him up and laid him on the couch, she slowly climbed the stairs and her gaze fell on me, she saw me in the dark corner crouched and sobbing. She ran towards me and laid her warm hands on my face,
“Oh Lawliet,” she said, whenever she said that, my pain would go away, “I’m sorry you had to see that.” She smiled and carried me in her arms and took me to my room.
In my room she tucked me in my bed and Mr. Bear with me.
“Mother, are you okay?” I asked worriedly.
“Are you?” she asked me.
“Then my dear, I am too.” She smile and kissed my forehead, “Goodnight Lawliet, remember, I love you.” She closed the door behind her, but I could hear breath from my bed, she stood outside my door sobbing.
Before sleeping I prayed to God, I asked God whether he could bring happiness in my Mother's life, as I said this, my eyes slowly closed.
The Lost Journal of Lawliet: January 17, 1990.
January 17, 1990.