If you have followed up the movie "L Change the World", this is a Journal that was left behind for Near by L. This is my thinking of how L’s heart was, what L was thinking, and what feelings were hidden behind our beloved Lawliet’s genius mind…

The Lost Journal of Lawliet: February 8, 1990

February 8, 1990.
I wonder if I could go to that amusement park, I see it every day outside my window, everyone in the amusement park looks so happy, I will definitely take Mother there, maybe then she can be happy. I went to take a look over there, the park was huge! It looked much smaller from my window, but it was livelier! There were so many people and so many children; I wanted to talk to them. I wanted a friend. I looked around I saw a girl she was all alone like me, she was around my age, she looked scared and looked like she was searching for someone. I went up to her and introduced myself. She said her name was Tabitha,
“I’m lost.” She said worriedly. “I lost my Guardian.”
“Your Guardian?” I asked, I had never heard such a word, until today.
“Yes from the orphanage.” She tried to clear up my confused face. “All of us have one. Today we had a trip to the amusement park, and I lost mine.”
“I can help you find your Guardian; I always help my Mother in finding missing things.” I tried to comfort her.
She looked at me and smiled, for some reason I smiled back, but I felt really good. The two of us walked around the park, she said she had some tickets for some of the rides and invited me to join her in some fun. At first I was so scared on the wheel; I really wished Mr. Bear was there when I needed him. When we were at the top I could see my house, I jumped with excitement and showed my small corner house to Tabitha, but she was looking at something else, she pointed in the opposite direction, my eyes stretched across to a huge mansion,
“That’s my home, Whammy’s.” she smiled.
I eyes grew huge, just by looking at it from a great distance it seemed to be huge, I wondered how huge it really must be, as the wheel lowered I noticed a person beneath, this person was dressed in a very formal attire, I proclaimed,
“Look Tabitha! Your Guardian!
“Yes, Lawliet!” she brightened up.
The two of got off the wheel and ran towards that person. That person was relieved to see Tabitha, and without a thought embraced her, he carried her in his arms,
“Tabitha, I was so worried!”
She got off and walked towards me, she held my hand and took me towards that man,
“This is Lawliet, He is my new friend!”
I stood blinking at the man, who smiled friendlily. I never knew a man could smile like that, till know I have only seen my Mother’s smile.
“Hi there Lawliet, I’m Watari, nice to meet you.”
“Lawliet, how did you know that this person was my Guardian, I never described him.” Tabitha asked me.
For a minute I thought of a way to explain how I had come to my conclusion. I’m not very good with explanations,
“When Tabitha showed me her orphanage from the top of the wheel, I noticed a huge ‘W’ carved on the top, and sir there is the same kind of ‘W’ on your cloths as well as Tabitha’s, when the wheel began to lower I noticed it.”
Mr. Watari looked intensively into my eyes,
“That’s an interesting observation; tell me Lawliet, which school do you go to?”
I told him that I don’t go to school but however Mother teaches me at home.
“So you have come with your Mother?” he asked.
“No.” I replied.
Just then I noticed some pink puffy thing in the corner of the park, I stared at it, Mr. Watari laughed and asked me if I wanted some ‘candy floss’. That was the sweetest thing I have ever tasted! I managed to carry some for Mother.
“That is the least I can do for finding Tabitha for me.” He said.
I waved goodbye to Tabitha and I walked home, I was so happy that I sang a song while the sun set behind me, unfortunately this joy did not last for long. When I reached home I opened to door, what I saw killed my joy in an instant, Mother lay on the floor unconscious and Father was at home, in his arms another woman, this woman had the most mean face and she was laughing at my Mother who lay solemnly on the ground, I ran to her I tried to help her to my room, when Father walked towards me, he picked me up by my shirt and threw me to the floor,
“Where were you brat?” He yelled, and the women seemed to enjoy this.
“Because of you, this woman,” he pointed at my Mother, “created such a big scene!”
I as scared but at that time I was very angry at Father, “Stop hurting my Mother!” I yelled, I guess I took this quality from Mother to fight even when I am afraid.
“What did you say? I can do whatever I want with her, stay away.” His huge hands bashed me next to Mother,
“Mother.” I whispered, my back was hurting and I groaned in pain.
“Lawliet!” Mother’s soft slow voice spoke as she slowly regained consciousness
“I was so worried; Thank God you’re safe now.” Even though she was not fully conscious she hugged me on the floor, I helped her up with whatever strength I had. The two of us limped up to my room shut the door behind us; even though the door was shut we could still hear the mocking laughter that echoed from downstairs.
“Mother who is that lady?” I asked when I laid her on my bed.
“She’s your Father’s boss at his company.” She answered sadly
“Mother are you okay?”
“Yes dear, are you?”
“Yes Mother.” I smiled at her. I remembered the ‘candy floss’ and removed the packet from my pocket. I held it out to her,
“Lawliet, where did you go?” she asked finally.
“To the amusement park.”
I told her every thing, about my new friend and Watari and the orphanage. She seemed to be happy about hearing the fact that I had a new friend.
“I’m sorry Mother; because of me Father hit you.” I cried.
She sat up on the bed and hugged me, “Lawliet for you I can take anything except the thought of losing you.”
That night, I tucked myself next to Mother and Mr. Bear and kissed my sleeping Mother,
“Good night Mother, good night Father, good night Mr. Bear.”

The Lost Journal of Lawliet: January 17, 1990.

January 17, 1990.
Today is the first time I’m writing down my day, mother said it’s a good way to remember the all the memories, she said, one day when I’ll be a man and look back reading, this will bring back tears and joy.
Mother and I went to park today, we did some shopping and she even got me some delicious cake! I thought of asking her about me going to school again but, I remembered that night, that night when Mother tried to ask Father, I wish he wasn’t like that, he scares me. That night he came home banging at the door, he was yelling on the top of his voice and Mother ran downstairs and opened the door before he could wake me and the neighbors. I slowly walked towards the stairs and peeped down, Mr. Bear in my arms. Father fell heavily on the couch; I could smell a strong stench of alcohol coming from his direction. Mother handed him a glass of water, I could see her hand trembling while she handed it to him, and Father took a look and threw the glass on the floor and yelled,
“I come home after a long day and all you have to give is a glass of water!”
I hugged my Mr. Bear more tightly and crouched in fear, but Mother, she was no longer scared, but she quietly wiped the floor and picked up the broken glass pieces from the floor. She walked into the kitchen and walked back in, in her hand there was a file, and she stretched out her hands and held it out to that man on the couch,
“What is this, women?” he barked at her.
“It’s an application form, from the near by school, for Lawliet.” Mother’s soft voice echoed.
“What? That ugly child! That child need not go to school and waste my money! What he needs is a smack across his face for wanting such useless things!” his voice was gruff.
“But he has to go to school; he has to live a normal life!” Mother protested.
I continued to hug Mr. Bear, I said to myself, “I will not cry!” but without my knowledge I did. All of a sudden my breath stopped I heard a noise, I peeped down, my blood ran cold and skin froze, Mother lay on the floor, her cheek red, red from a hard smack, Father stood in front of her and yelled with all his might,
“Never!” he pointed at her his anger was controlling him “never raise your voice in front of me! You understand?”
I sat crouched, sobbing I thought to myself, why did Father change? Why did he have to hit Mother? Suddenly I could hear another bang, Father fell to the floor. He was indeed drunk and couldn't even stand. Mother helped him up and laid him on the couch, she slowly climbed the stairs and her gaze fell on me, she saw me in the dark corner crouched and sobbing. She ran towards me and laid her warm hands on my face,
“Oh Lawliet,” she said, whenever she said that, my pain would go away, “I’m sorry you had to see that.” She smiled and carried me in her arms and took me to my room.
In my room she tucked me in my bed and Mr. Bear with me.
“Mother, are you okay?” I asked worriedly.
“Are you?” she asked me.
“Then my dear, I am too.” She smile and kissed my forehead, “Goodnight Lawliet, remember, I love you.” She closed the door behind her, but I could hear breath from my bed, she stood outside my door sobbing.
Before sleeping I prayed to God, I asked God whether he could bring happiness in my Mother's life, as I said this, my eyes slowly closed.