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Back from the Dead?

I feel like most people have abandoned this place! ;m; I guess I did too...(only two people posting in my feed...??)

However....I have graduated~!! Yay! It's over! No more homework!

Until I have to work...

I am still not sure when or where exactly that is, but I will be teaching English in Japan sometime this year!

I don't know how busy that means I will be, but I know I will be significantly lonely! XD I mean, I will finally be able to hang out with my friends more often, but I am betting we will all be too busy to hang out too often...

But that is what the internet is for! ;D

For right now I am just waiting on the email/phone call telling me where I will be placed, and then gonna go through lots of visa paperwork and stuff, while packing and whatever. It's the weekend so I have a lot of waiting to do...XD

Oh yeah! I published a 30 page manga book! If you want one please private message me! I am still working on how to exactly send people stuff (paypal set up and stuff) and I am also going to be putting it on tapastic!

I did a lot this year...but I did not enjoy my year so far....

Up until now (maybe still a little bit) I had severe anxiety about social relationships since around January.

I thought I would talk a little bit about it just in case other people have been through similar things, although I prefer not to get into too much detail.

I had so much anxiety over if my friends actually liked me or not, or that they thought I was annoying etc. etc. that it was paralyzing. I could not sleep, could not eat, could not do my homework, and got angry at my friends a lot.

It was a vicious cycle, too. If I didn't do my homework I could not sleep. If I didn't sleep I would get mad at my friends. If I got mad at my friends I could not eat or sleep.

I feel better now, but I still overthink things sometimes and have that stomach drop feeling with the fast heartbeat as if I just fell down the stairs.

I don't really want to explain why I felt this way, because I prefer not to remember it all...I am still quite confused and irritated about it...but I think it is best to forget. Most of it was based in my poor japanese language ability and a lot of other anxiety that was already built up.

I went to a therapist who helped me with sleeping, but I didn't really get a change in perspective until I started watching Kamen Rider.

My friends make fun of me about how obsessed I am with Kamen Rider, but I can't even begin to explain how much it saved me. I was in a really dark place where even being happy made me hate myself, but when I watched Kamen Rider I learned that all those thoughts are trivial. Sometimes people are annoying, sometimes people do stupid things, that doesn't make them less worthy of a person.

Kamen Rider is a show for kids and fairly cheesy, the themes and such everyone knows, so I feel kind of embarrassed for having that change my perspective. It isn't like I didn't know to treat everyone kindly, to believe in yourself, etc. but I didn't really understand what it meant. I didn't understand the gravity of those words.

If anyone else finds themselves feeling this way, try to change your perspective by watching new things or something. Even kids' shows can be helpful.

Just somethings I learned and try to remember:

-Just because you make mistakes and maybe hurt other people's feelings does not mean you are a bad person. If you know you did and care a lot about it, then that means you are a good person. A good person tries to fix mistakes. A bad person does not care.

Thus, if you feel like a bad person because you sad mean things to somebody, just apologize and try to make it up. Even if you do it over and over again, at least you are trying.

-Don't do something that will make yourself cry! (It is complicated and I don't know how to explain it, but whenever I feel down I remember this...even though I still don't quite understand what it means)

-Any bad decision can be rectified!

-For every bad thought attack it with 10 positive thoughts (it doesn't have to be 10, just think more positive than bad)

-You are born and live to find happiness! If you can't find it, it just means you can't find it at the moment. It is important to find happiness in things. You were not born to suffer.

-Make each decision with the fullness of heart and mind. Mistakes are lessons learned; they're not meant to be regrets.

-Self hate is conceit! (You are not being humble by disliking yourself, you are only hurting yourself)

-There is not one perfect person. Supporting each other and living is a life game.

-Only you can trust yourself and love yourself, you cannot receive love from somebody else if you don't know how to love yourself.

-People are people, they are not good or bad. You cannot make your friends 'do good' you can only be their friend.

Most of these things I still hard for me to remember, but I wonder if I tell them to myself enough, I will become a better person.


I am hoping that if my year was this bad at the beginning maybe it will be great at the end? XD But that kind of thinking is also not good. 'cause there really is no good or bad.

I keep chickening out on posting this post, but I am gonna post it anyway! XD

With the remainder of my free time I hope to draw more stuff, be more active online, play more video games, and WATCH ALL 40 SEASONS OF KAMEN RIDER! MUAHAHAHAHA!!

Seriously, if you have never watched Kamen Rider I suggest starting with either Kamen Rider W or Kamen Rider OOO. They will make your heart bleed with friendship.

Also after writing 60 pages of a manga...I still want to write more manga...;3; Lesse if I will finish anything! XD


Typing in Japanese~


I just got a new laptop because my other laptop's screen turned red and blue...O.o;

It has been almost 5 years since I have had windows on a laptop...oh my god...

I wouldn't say it is particularly wonderful though. It does have its charms. Mainly that I can download programs I want now. It is a lot slower than linux and it isn't as customizable which is a shammmmeee...;3;

But I can type in Japanese now because the keyboard actually works on this one (not that it doesn't work for linux, it was just that my laptop was so beat up certain important connections failed...). It is really funnn

Only thing is I think I set my entire computer to Japanese...oh well, more learning~

In other news....

I seriously need to rant for a moment...

I bought clip studio paint/comic studio/manga studio.............



I literally cried and had a melt down for 3 hours while I was going through the features...

Like I don't know if anybody understands how much this means to me....

I always drew analog or with programs not made for making comics, or super duper crashing with little features free programs.

When I worked on Idolling I used a combination of photoshop elements, paint tool sai, and photoshop 7.0. When I worked on Blind Prototype I used Krita and GIMP. My most recent manga has been with SAI and GIMP. The manga I took to Shueisha I did all by hand.

So the problems that come with this are:
-have to buy or make my own screen tones (expensive or time consuming)
-I have to try so many different brushes to figure out what I need
-I have to draw all my persective lines by hand, all effects by hand
-The main problem is speed lines...drawn by hand...even digitally...
-Drawing individual backgrounds with no short hand
-Doing cross hatching by hand
-Doing panels by hand (meaning crooked lines and lots of clean up)

Literally the only thing that has set me back from drawing comics more often are these tedious things. I draw the characters, thumbnails, etc are all fine, then I get to the phase of needing to make tones, backgrounds, line effects, etc. and I just give up inside.

Clip studio paint allows you to do all of that stuff in just a few clicks...;m;

I cried when I used the cross hatching tool and the speed lines rulers...TT^TT

Shounen Jump is having a manga contest on pixiv from now until january so I am going to try my best and participate in it~

Also with the previous idea for a webcomic I have decided against because I can't really think of any plot past chapter 3..

Instead I have a more interesting idea in store~ But it'll be a secret~

And my third goal is to write a colored webcomic to publish on comico, which my friend kindly introduced me to.

All this stuff...and I still have finals to study for...

I will draw something on clip studio paint soon, but I gotta finish writing my papers and preparing for several finals.

Also my final project for ceramics blew up in the kiln so I am not sure what to do about that...and I was planning on finishing my papers today, but I got sidetracked by wonderful things so yeah...

I look forward to the future~ I haven't been this happy and full of inspiration in so long~

Manga Recommendation!

I have missed so many posts on here! I feel so bad! ;m;

I didn't realize my fall break would be so short last time...I wasn't able to even finish all my homework I had planned...and immediately when I came back from the break my ceramics professor thought it was a good idea to assign us to make 10 7" cylinders, 5 bowls, 5 mugs to make on the wheel in one week. I don't even know how to center my clay...;m;

So that ended being my main stress since fall break and I got free-ish time now~ :D

I have been doing inktober every day. I should post them on here, and I would normally have done that but I usually finished them right before going to bed so I only had time to type little snippets of stuff about them. I like to leave long comments for theO so I will probably post them all when it's over in November or something on here and on DA, but I will talk more on theO! XD

I have two things to say~ First a manga recommendation and second something that I find to be really interesting that I have recently learned about yesterday and today

I recommennddddd...

By Sakisaka Io

External Image

You might recognize the art style if you have read Strobe Edge or Ao Haru Ride. Both by same mangaka.

I had read Strobe Edge which I ended up reading all of and it was fairly well written panel-wise with some interesting fresh kyun moments. She is really good with the kyun moments. However I felt there was so much put into the guy that the girl did not end up with than the actual main protagonists. I didn't understand the feelings of the main character or the guy and although I enjoyed the flow, it didn't make much sense.

Ao Haru Ride was a bit better about this. The characters were more fleshed out, but neither were super likable. They had so many faults that, although they seemed more human, made them harder to support and understand. Thus the manga created a lot of frustrations for me and even though that one had some of the best kyun moments I have ever seen, they story, again was lacking, even though the character development improved.

Thus is makes me incredibly happy to see how much she has improved on fixing the faults in her previous manga. She just keeps getting better and better with story writing~

Omoi Omoware Furi Furare is a story of two couples who complicated feelings. The main character likes somebody who likes somebody else, her best friend likes another person who may or may not like her. It's not really an easily describable romance, so it can't be advertised as a love triangle or anything.

Each character is relatable and fully fleshed out. You can understand the motives and feelings of all characters. I found myself relating to closely to the main character with her responses to similar situations that I have been in being exactly the same.

However compared to her previous works there are not as many kyun moments, but a lot more character development.

I think this is a beauty of a shoujo manga because she sometimes delves into a bit more of the psychology of the characters than normal shoujo do. Dealing with rejection, dealing with a forbidden love, dealing with unrealistic love, etc. Trying to understand the feelings of another person. The love of friendship.

I highly recommend it~ :3


Okay so now onto the interesting that happened.

So I posted a while ago about how I was rejected by the person I really liked. The majority of the year I had been struggling with my feelings about this person because we still maintained contact. I really like him as a friend and I know he appreciates our friendship so I did not want to stop talking to him. It's these sorts of feelings that I really understood in Omoi Omoware Furi Furare. The main character went through the same experience and thought and reacted the exact same way I did! (Definitely an excellent manga).

The best friend of the person I like is currently at my school as an exchange student (and basically my only friend on campus) so we hang out very often and eventually he learned about how I like his best friend and I was rejected (although he apparently already knew about this, being his best friend and all). He had been supporting me a bunch and recommended me to try to talk to him less and try my best to forget about him except for as a friend. Which is incredibly hard. He understands because he has been rejected before.

A few days ago the person I liked asked if he could skype me (this isn't unusual, we mutually ask eachother to skype the other, I never stopped doing this) and the first day I couldn't because of the stupid homework above, so the next day I let him know that I had free time for a little while, and he made me help him with his homework. But then we ended up chatted for a bit about how he wanted to come to America to visit his best friend and other students he knew on campus since it's been a while. He also checked the prices for the flight and realized he could actually do this. But he always says this so I don't believe him at all that he will actually come here.

I told this to his best friend and he agreed that he is definitely just making stuff up. However I told his best friend that I had just skyped with the person I like and realized that the person I like posted about my on his twitter. He said he was wondering who he was talking about. On his twitter he said "I am going to quickly go to America, go see the girl who says 'eh, ah, un' and then come back.' Which that girl is definitely me cause I always say that...also when he skyped me I kept saying that 'cause he asked me to explain to him what a Nation State is in Japanese (way too hard for my Japanese level).

So then that means he actually wants to come to America to see me. O.O SHOCK! So his best friend was suspicious of him because it seemed like he might actually be interested in me, and so he called him to ask why he rejected me. Apparently he didn't know what he was talking about and said 'I never rejected her' and that at the time I thought he rejected me he just wasn't sure what to say.

I reviewed the chat and I realized that I was the one who said nevermind let's not talk about it anymore...;orz That's why it was never brought up again..

Then today his best friend told me more about that phone conversation. Apparently he also asked that if I went to meet him in Japan, would I have any chance and he said 'un, betsuni ii kedo'...which is hard for me to translate into English...But if you watch anime in Japanese you have probably heard this line from tsundere characters a lot. Basically it's like 'yeah, it's wouldn't be a problem or anything'...or 'yeah, sure, maybe'...A 'yes' but avoiding the question.


So much SHOCK

Also according to his best friend he is a major tsundere. I didn't believe they existed so much....or just never liked a tsundere before so I didn't know...O.O

I also talked to the person I like about people who aren't nice and he said that he also isn't very nice because when I was in Japan he kept telling me to go back to America. He apologized for saying that and said he didn't really mean it. Which was confusing for me because I thought that he was actually trying to comfort me. Because he said it at a time when I actually had to go back to America and that was nothing I could do about it. It was like saying 'you belong in America, you should return there for now' sort of thing, not like anything mean.

So I asked his best friend and he said that he was trying to say that he was really sad that I was leaving and didn't want me to leave.


I spent the majority of this year trying to forget about him and avoiding looking at any pictures of him or thinking about it him besides thoughts that a friend should have and odgkmdfgjdnfjkdfn it's all changed now. Now his best friend told me I should not worry and message him every day as much as I can...which now I am too shy to do so...I dunnno what to talk about...too much pressure...;m;

It's probably really juvenile but it makes me very happy, even small things like these like realizations that I wasn't rejected and he might actually like me or at least definitely has interest...;3;

Guhhh...this is so unbelievable turn of events...;orz I dunno how I feel beyond being happy...and I really feel a lot more free because a lot of my favourite things were his favourite things so I tried to ignore them because they reminded me of him and looking at pictures of him and that stuff...ugh..I don't have to be as self conscious...;w;

Still shocked...

Okay I am done with my story! XD

Sorry for posting petty things instead of art related things...>3> Maybe one day I will get much more freetime...;orz

Sorry for inactivity, but here's a meme

Sorry I have been so still have a lot more but I will have fall break soon so I will definitely go back and check on the things I missed...

But as a study breaker...

I saw this meme on tumblr and I wanted to do it real bad...;3;

Maybe I should do it on tumblr, but I have never posted something like this on tumblr and I usually do it on here soooo...whatevs...doin it here

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone? I can't think of anything...

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? My friend who comforted me when I was sad...;3;

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why? Nymphia/Sylveon because pink, fairy-type Eevee = love; Yamirami/Sableye because its soooo cuuuute; Rayquaza because dragons are cool, especially green ones; Male Gardevoir because super powerful, elegant, and I like to think of the male ones as crossdressers and I like crossdressers

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like? Probably apocalyptic and chaotic with sadness and suffering. Similar to today but no first world countries, everything is like medieval era. Why? Because I think my laws would be too strict and I'd work hard to enforce them until everyone is unhappy.

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? I had one recently but I can't remember it right now...;3; But a few weeks ago I had a dream that my friends all tried to kill my best friend friend and I couldn't do anything about it. So when I woke up I messaged her just to make sure she was alive! XD

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend? I have many best friends, but for the previous friend it just how aggressively kind she is. She says she is very shy but she makes me a more outgoing person somehow! XD

😘 talk about your crush or partner No thank you...;;

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? Nah, I just straight up tell them they are being rude.

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) Ambitious, tries to think out of the box, genuine

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it? Bugs. Withholding the screams???

🎁 what never fails to make you happy? New manga chapter. Or when people compliment me by saying that my art looks like my favourite artist (This is the best compliment I have ever received...;w;)

💙 what annoys you about some people? When people are inconsiderate of others

😤 do you get angry easily? Not really, I get more disappointed easily...Like I easily shun others, not so much that I am angry.

🐇 what do you always daydream about? Various manga stories in my head and also how to go about drawing certain pictures.

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? Make the world's most popular religion on which is concerned with the purity of water, make borders and thoughts of nationalism non-existent, make it so that things decay at a slower rate

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

✈️ what is your dream city and why? A city with lots of game centres that is also very safe, clean, and bright with lots of benches.

☕️ talk about your ideal day Being product in writing manga, eating something yummy for dinner and eating something yummy for dessert, then watching either an anime, dorama, or movie and then going to sleep for 12 hours.

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? I'd like to say ambivert, but I have never been able to relate to ambivert traits and only to introvert traits so...introvert.

💧 when was the last time you cried? Last saturday because I told my friend a secret I didn't want to say (so take that first question, only thing I hadn't said as a secret I just told my friend last saturday)

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment Juice=Juice-Dream Road ~Kokoro ga odoridashite~; Angerme - Umaku ienai; Susumu Hirasawa - Forces 2016; Alice Nine - Shining; Kidori Kidori - Outsider

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? A book like Chrollo where I can just copy other people's superpowers~ :3 'cause I enjoy studying and I can't make up my mind on one specific superpower.

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? You can be a manga artist so practice and learn how to write like one. Ignore what people tell you about how to write webcomics or American comics because that doesn't help, it just confuses you.

💚 who are you jealous of and why? People who live in Japan who want to be manga artists. Do they not realize how easy they have it?? ;m;

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why? Intelligence. Can never get enough.

🙊 what are you ashamed of? Liking somebody...just because it makes me distracted from my goals...

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? English, Japanese, a little bit of Chinese and Spanish. I'd like to learn Chinese more and also Korean. I want to be able to have conversations with all my friends and artists that I like

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be? Chihaya from Harvest Moon

☁️ talk about your dream universe. A world that is like shoujo manga where everything is innocent

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? The day is over in like an hour so...

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? Baku, definitely. I love these creatures the most because I like dreams and nightmares.

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike This one guy at my school recently. I thought he was a good guy but guhh...not true at all, he just disgusts me.

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately The above. My friend is dating the above guy despite him being an obvious pervert and I just lost faith in can you be so stupid. Like I understand people can be different but right now he is a depressed alcoholic. Don't date him until he has things together especially if he is your first boyfriend and you are a foreigner...ughh...drama...>3>

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now? Mangaka~ Still mangaka~ I actually wanted to make video games or do the concept art but I thought it was similar to making comics...for some reason...

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? Anything chocolate, anything with cinnamon, macarons, bubble tea

🍑 what are you obsessed with? Apparently Yamazaki Kento, but I don't think so! XD Probably recently, boys clothing...Sometimes I wish I was a boy (with the body of a boy)

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed? I can't eat anything and I get lots of acne

😪 what are you sick of? Americans...specifically party people which are very present on college campuses (I live next to the dorms with the biggest parties on campus...)

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker? Not at all! XD I get an adrenaline boost from dropping something

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have? Just a recent one. I don't believe that, for instance, your family is Japanese, but you grew up in America, I don't believe that you are Japanese. You are American because you grew up in that environment. So if you were to go live in Japan you are just as a much of a foreigner. Same for people who come from other countries to live in America. You aren't American, not unless you learn to understand the American perspective a deeply as possible. It isn't a bad thing, it's just an inevitable obstacle anybody has in trying to assimilate to another country. It's just like those sorts of people shouldn't be able to speak for Japanese if you did not grow up in Japan, or speak for Americans if you did not grow up in America. That's how we create more misundestandings.

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person? Yeah I guess so. I don't really do anything that other people would consider bad.

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? Dancing and rhythm games

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself? Chocolate Disco by Perfume

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it? Shyness. Taking a leap of faith as much as possible.

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored? Noses, faces, people's backs (usually because my back hurts)

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams? Currently? Distance and visa paperwork/no job

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? INFP. Because I'm a dreamer...;3;

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? Yamazaki Kento because he is so gorgeous. Yu Aoi because she is also gorgeous. Lesean Thomas because he is our lord and savior.

🐴 opinion on __? Lines and spaces...sometimes they are hard to find on various keyboards in games and stuff.

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person? Yep, definitely. That is the main word people use to describe me.

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. Umm...Count of Monte Cristo x3...but I can't quote from it right now because time.

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help? Watch an episode of game grumps. It does until the episode ends...XD And then I have to watch the next one. It is seriously an addiction.

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad? Like positive thoughts? Depends on the situation. It's usually some situation to the problem I was having.

🌍 which country do you live in? America

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words Shy, loud, strange

🐵 which quotes changed you? Ughhhh I can't remember...a recent one I was like 'ohmaigawd wow' but I forgot it...

💭 do you keep a diary? I have tried but it always ended up going to weird philosophical places and then I'd stop.

💫 who inspires you? Lesean Thomas, John Ridley, Igarashi Daisuke, Urasawa Naoki, Hagio Moto

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why? Nope, but I like the stories they go with. 'cause I can't think of a single scientific possibility of how they could exist.

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like? My friend once said like a pageboy, which I can totally see. Like kodona with lots of browns and olives, lace, and cats.

🎬 what are some of your favourite films? City of Life and Death, Love&Pop, Love Exposure, Lord of the Rings, Castle in the Sky

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory? When my class gave me a surprise birthday party because I had never had one before...;w;

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why? Sakamoto Shinichi. I want to work as an assistant for himmmm...;3;

Finished with Application :D

The application I keep complaining about on here I finally submitted today〜

And I could be doing homework now but I haven't been able to sleep very much recently (parties next door and the application...) so my body hurts so much...and I keep losing internet on my laptop....I am ready to go to sleep but it is still too early to I thought I would post randomly on here.

So yeah I hVe been really busy with the application, i also had to add an extra class to my schedule becauss I had to change my major and if is a complicated annoying story. I am glad it is resolved, but I don't like taking a morning class even though it is a fun class (intro history class...which shouldn't be fun, but I am good with history).

But through all of this I accidentally forgot about my art projects being due so I can't relax as much,...but luckily the extra history class has no hw next week for some weird reason....we are talking about our research papers and how to write one...bruh, I have done tat in like every class. But most of the students are freshmen so it makes sense.

And so I haven't had time work on my webcomic or other homework, as said above. Now I finally have time but I need to catch up on homeworkkkkk

Maybe I will finally get into a good schedule where I can work on my webcomic...

I actually have a lot written for it, I just need to work on the panel layout more and the dialogue cause I am missing some important info and I need to redraw it all...

It is so weird. I thought me turning in my application would make me super happy and energetic, but I just feel even more exhausted...

Welp tomorrow and over the weekend I will get all my art projects together and maybe work on some other things...