So I'm Bird! I'm a violist and dancer who has a passion for books, writing, and art of any kind. Feel free to PM me:D

I'm a member of Mu: A Death Note Fan World created by FullmetalCheese
Please join!

sighhhhhhhh

Can I just give up?
Please?
I need to just crash and break down so badly.

*cough cough*

Been sick for THREE weeks. I'm kinda pissed. It sucks.
Life is still hard and I don't like it. But I suppose that's the way it goes. I strengthened a couple long lost friendships so pretty much two people are getting me through right now. Sigh.
It's hard because the last two years living away from home haven't been too bad, but this year I just want to go back. Never really been this homesick before. I just keep telling myself I gotta finish this year out and then I'm graduated finally and can do whatever.

On a more positive note (pun intended), I gained three violin students and I'm hopefully getting three more. And possibly a viola student too, but I won't get my hopes up. Maybe this will help compensate for the fact that I can't seem to find a job.

well, I guess this could be called an update

For the record, I finished Brave New World in plenty of time before school started, and as I thought I would be, I was deeply changed by the book. Very helpless ending though. Yet it was the perfect ending. I recommend the book. I can almost certainly promise you will hate it, but I think it is important to read.

I have decided that I have obtained the I-Feel-Like-I-Just-Got-Hit-By-A-Truck syndrome. I have found no solid cures yet, though identifying the triggers that set off the attacks and avoiding them are supposedly supposed to help.
identifiable triggers are as follows:

hurting someone you love
someone you love hurting you
being hurt by someone who doesn't give a damn
shutting down
being overwhelmed

I have also found in my personal study that a significant decrease in hugs, logical conversation, and an increase in being alone intensify this condition immensely.

Okay, well, I broke up with Alex last night. Yup, I lose everybody I love and then I go and dump the only one I had left. I am one smart cookie.
Also possibly going to have to find somewhere else to live to go to school. Which sucks. I hope it works out.

I applied for more jobs today. Someone better hire me or a money-starved homicidal violist is going to do some damage in this town.

Okay. I need to go write up my senior project proposal and revise an essay. Or I may just go to sleep. That sounds SO much better.

X0X0X0

Birdie

don't know what to put for the title

One best friend moved 500 miles away. The other... we just fell apart. I'm not sure how long I can keep Alex. School's about to start, and I'm feeling so completely alone.
I just want to cry. But that's all I've been doing all week.
I don't know how long before it's unhealthy that tears don't stop.

Reading Brave New World for AP English. I hate it. And I can back that up. It is such a depressing book. I know it's the point, but I hate the point he is making. Families no longer exist. Marriage no longer exists. There is no such thing as love. People who are different are killed or sent to islands. And everyone constantly takes soma, a drug with no side effects that gets you high for four hours per pill. Though it takes up to twenty years off of a person's life with regular use. But no one even cares about staying alive -they have been conditioned every night of their lives to think that death is heavenly, that they must act a certain way, that they must think a certain way, that they are always happy. What's worse is the main character, the protagonist, is awful. He is the one who sees differently, who wants to change things, but he is so weak and stupid and bumbly that he can't do it. And he's a dick and he's bossy and yet he won't stand up for anything at the right time. Plus he gets oddly prideful and into himself if he gets the chance to speak his mind. It's a stupid book. Even the way it is written, the diction... it's so ugly and harsh. Easy to read considering when it was written, but there is just nothing beautiful about this book.
You can't love characters that are described so realistic and crudely. You can't expect your readers to love them either. And maybe this is his point, I'm sure I'll be blown away by the time I finish this damn book. But it's so stupid.

Hypocritical rant of the day.

Why can't everyone just be happy. Why do we have to make each other miserable? I'm being such a hypocrite because I am extremely unhappy right now, but all these unhappy people aren't making it any easier for me. :'( I'm in the process of losing my two best friends and I get the feeling my boyfriend will be breaking up with me soon, so I'm kind of down. But I'm not mashing it into everyone's faces just because it's killing me.
When you don't have a reason to be sad, you shouldn't be sad. Easier said than done, but it's the truth. It doesn't help anyone else or yourself.
I'm such a hypocrite.
I hate hurting.