depression. its hurting me again. dear lord, please dont make it hurt as much as last time.

EDIT: 11/04/09. i've wanted to post so many things on here. theres so many things that got me mad since the first time i posted this post [10/24/09]. some happy. some sad. most sad. doctor's apointment tomorrow. current weight: too much in my eyes. current level of self-esteem: not too good.
current mood: as if the world was crashing on me. i got all A's on my report card. but it's costed me so much effort. too much effort. i want school to end. i want to get out of this place. i wish i were pretty, and skinny, and i wish people weren't so mean. but the thing about wishing is that it's all wishful thinking. i'll be lucky if the doctor doesn't tell me tomorrow that i'm killing myself with my eating habbits and lack of excersize. i want to go to swim practice so bad. i wish i didnt have so much homework and i wish it wouldnt keep increasing. but thats the thing with wishing. its all just wishful thinking.

take me back to 8th grade, what were my parents thinking starting me early? i'm not ready. i'll never be ready.

EDIT 2 : at least i dont feel like that all the time *points up* //goes back to homeowrk. SIGH

EDIT 3: oh, oh ,oh, of course you give a flu mist to THE ONE PERSON who hates getting medicine in any other ways but pils and shots, and after he leaves for college, you get the SHOT for the one person who can't stand the sight of needles.
MAKES PERFECT SENSE IN SCIENCE AND CHEMISTRY. doubleyewteaeff to the max. tyvm.

EDIT 4: dad, fuck you. okay? you have no idea what the hell im dealing with right now. stop yelling at me. its totally my damn fault that my room is a mess. that my homework isnt done. doesn't mean you gotta rub it into my face. just stop. you're making things worse. stop pressuring me. i dont wanna do that right now. and guess what? you waste my god damn time every time you yell at me for being stupid. for wasting time on the idiot box. just back off. like mom. get out, lock the doors, throw away your keys and dont retrieve them from the garbage dump until i get everything together.

why don't you try making a door out of fucking styrofoam, tape, and cardboard?
and reading this book trying to scrutinize every word to find some *hidden meaning*.
all i ask is that you stop.

Life: 10/24/09 | Posted By: Lizinator03 | 0 comments