Lukaiel. 21. INFP and a Taurus.
Femboy/androgyne. He/Him.
A pale prince. Taken by the knight of my heart.
Eccentric and anxious. Empath. Healer.
Fantasy/erotica writer. Artist. The biggest history geek.
Self-proclaimed fashionista and self-taught makeup artist. Aspiring model.
Absolutely nerdy in any way possible. Lover of the dark and spooky but also the cute and adorable. ~

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crybaby, crybaby~

i know, i know, i need to remember that theO is still a thing regularly jfc...

wellllll, i'm still living with em~ although her fiance is now her ex, and he moved out a bit ago. ahaa;; it's been awkward bc he still has a lot of stuff here and keeps needing to come over and get it. but otherwise, the living situation is still great. we may move into a bigger, nicer place in a couple months if we can afford and feel the need to.

my mental health has not been so great, but i think it's just my meds acting up and not working for me anymore. :< i've been disgustingly insecure and jealous, which is causing rifts in my relationship with jason... but we're gonna be okay. i actually have an appointment with my meds consultant soon, so i'll talk to her about this. aaaaand i'm gonna come out to her as trans and ask about hormones and resources, bc dysphoria is also kicking my ass more than usual.

oh! i got a job finally!! it's for a clothing store in the mall marketed towards older women. i don't have many hours at all right now, but i definitely think i like the job. my coworkers are awesome, and it doesn't seem too hard on me at least for now. but it is a seasonal job, so hopefully they'll consider keeping me after the season. i may also have another job in the mall with a teen accessory store, so that would be great.

there's not much else to say ahah, so i'll cut this off here.

have a happy september!

-Kai

getting it together

hey guys, it's been a while, once again;;

i recently moved out of my house! right now i'm living with emka and her fiance in their apartment.
long story short: after my mom passed away, the house with my stepdad and half brother became a living hell. they refused to help me keep the place clean, keeping food for me, and the stress got to be too much for me.
so i'm with friends now, and it's honestly already been so much better than the house. they always make sure i'm taken care of, and i feel so comfortable.
i'm currently looking for a job still. it's really hard, but i'm trying my best. but the plan is to make some money, then get my health back on track. get to a doctor finally, back on my meds and hopefully on some new ones. start hormones. my roomies are very supportive of me, and it's amazing. i feel like i've become about a million times more gay since living here lolol.

i also had my first table at an artist alley at a local con with emka about a week or two ago! we made good money considering the circumstances of us not being totally prepared. it was also my first con that i'd been to for an entire weekend. i made a few really cool new friends, and we're already planning to do another table for naka-kon next year. i'm honestly so excited!!
we'll be going to neb-con in november as well :D but just for fun.

anyways, there's your update! i swear i'll try to be more active~

-Kai <3

curious

does anyone here still RP anymore? i'd love to start a new world up...

-Kai

here!!

long time, no theotaku... heh.

well.. i can't lie, life has been really hard.

about a month ago, my mom passed away from cancer. it was really sudden.. she basically had given up on treatment and also decided that she wasn't going to take her insulin anymore for her diabetes. we thought that she had at least half a year left. but she was worse than we thought.
i had called her ambulance because she was in so much pain, and that was the last time i saw her.
we had the funeral and everything, so we've been trying to move on. but honestly it doesn't feel like she's really gone. even now. i keep finding myself wandering to her room to tell her about things but then i remember...

after her passing, i've been the one to take on her responsibilities in the household. and on top of my own issues, this is hard. trying to keep the house clean when all my stepdad and half brother want to do is destroy it. trying to find a job. i've had to postpone college. everything is stressful. and i'm trying the best i can, but...
i've also been struggling really bad with my body image and dysphoria. worse than its ever been. i want to talk with my meds consultant about maybe starting gender therapy or something but i feel like it'd cause problems with my family so i'm refraining.

um... my 21st birthday is coming up! and it's going to be great. my squad is having fun planning it and i'm excited. i honestly can't believe i've made it this far in life haha.
the Not So Distant Future Life Plan is to move out next year, close to my boyfriend's town with him. so i can start school, he can finish school. then after that's done, we can both move to my city to stay. i'm not looking forward to living in such a small town but it's only for a year or two. and it's only about an hour and a half away from where i currently live so i'll survive.

i guess that's all i've got going on right now, so i'll end this post. i hope everyone is doing well. i still love you all very much okay? i haven't forgotten this place and it's lovely otaku peeps <3

-Kai

am alive

whoops i keep forgetting to upload and update on this site.
i'll try to get better at that!!
but it's hard when not much is happening;; heh.

so i'll actually be starting school in august rather than when i was supposed to start last month. lollll... so rn i've been looking for a part time job in the meantime.

this year is going to be quite eventful!! i'm going to naka con in march, renfaire in april, DISNEY!!! sometime for jason and i's anniversary, and em's wedding in august. and who knows what else.

anyway yeah, i just wanted to pop back in to remind you all that i'm still alive and still here. <3

-Kai